Love Finds You in Last Chance, California (32 page)

Justin stomped from the house not caring that the scowl on his face reflected the tumult inside his chest. His conversation with Alex left a taste like bitter ashes on his tongue. Her decision to invite
that woman
to the ranch when Alex knew what a threat she was to Toby ignited fierce anger and protectiveness. Maybe he’d best leave this place, and the sooner the better.

His hand drifted to the spot on his opposite wrist where Alex’s soft touch had sent a stab of longing through him. He’d almost turned and implored her to change her mind—almost, but not quite. He’d not beg favors of anyone—and especially not of Alex Travers.

How could the woman have gotten under his skin so thoroughly in such a short amount of time? He’d been married to Molly for nearly three years and never once felt the desire and longing that smote him now. And not only because Alex was a beautiful woman. No. It was so much more than that. Her independent spirit, intelligence, kindness to his son, and yes, even her desire to help the very dance hall girl who threatened his future—all these things made her more attractive in his eyes.

She was a wonderful woman—and he’d hurt her. By keeping Ben’s secret for so long, Justin knew he’d been an unwitting participant in the pain she’d felt over the past weeks. He stood with his face toward a large oak tree, leaned his head against its rough bark, and groaned. Why did trouble seem to follow him wherever he landed? Why couldn’t God make a way for him, the way He seemed to do for others in need?

He remembered Alex’s words just moments ago—she’d been trying to trust God, to rest in Him. Could he do that? Did his childhood faith still exist, or had he strangled the life out of it over the years?

If he chose to hang onto his anger and bitterness, what effect would it have on Toby? More than anything, he wanted to be the example to his son that his father had been to him. Pa had lived his faith every day. Not in words so much as in actions. A harsh, judgmental word never passed the man’s lips toward another human being, no matter how deserving. His generosity and willingness to help others had earned him the respect and love of his family and the community around him.

Justin closed his eyes and his shoulders slumped. “God, help me, please. I don’t know what else to ask, except that You help me. Have mercy on me. Help me out of the hole I’ve dug. I have no one to blame for my poor choices but myself. Forgive me for blaming You. Give me wisdom and strength to fight Alex’s battles, as well.”

Justin straightened his shoulders and stepped away from the tree as a deep sense of peace swept over his spirit. For the first time in years he felt a connection to God and knew himself loved and forgiven. “Thank You, Lord—so very much,” he whispered. “Help me make good choices from now on.”

Somehow he’d have to let Alex know he’d support her, whatever she decided about Christy Grey. He still didn’t like it, but he’d trust God with the outcome. Besides, if the woman had broken ribs, she wasn’t too apt to scoop Toby up and run off with him. His feeling of triumph at the thought quickly turned to shame. “Forgive me, Lord.” He raised his eyes to the heavens and shook his head. “Guess I’ve got a lot to learn.” It would probably be one of the toughest things he’d ever attempt, but he’d find the strength to pray for Christy and leave the rest in God’s hands.

Alex sat at her desk, her head in her hands, fighting tears. She hated to cry—it seemed like such a sign of weakness. All her life she’d striven to maintain tight control over her emotions—to be strong and make Papa proud.

Justin said her father saw her as a daughter to protect, not as a business partner. She could view that as something that stung—another slight from the man who’d raised her in his footsteps—or accept the freedom that came with the knowledge of his deep love for his daughter.

“
You don’t have to prove yourself to be accepted, Alex.”
The sweet, quiet voice inside her heart spoke. It wasn’t her own voice, she knew. Genuine tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over, making their way unchecked to her chin and dripping onto the papers on the desk.

“
Trust Me—come just as you are—you are My beloved
.” A deep well of love opened within, almost flooding her in its intensity. “Yes, Lord. Yes. I’ve missed You so much. Thank You for loving me, for accepting me.” She bowed her head and sobs tore from her throat.

Her father had loved her, too. Her need to be perfect and make him proud had been her need alone—never his. He’d always demonstrated his love for her—in the multitude of times he took her with him when it must not have been convenient. His pride in her had been apparent, and she’d never suffered a harsh or unkind word. Why had she driven herself to please someone who didn’t demand it? Was she trying to take her mother’s place in his life? Give him back something he’d lost and be the son she imagined he’d wanted?

She raised her head and reached for the Bible lying on the corner of the table. Reverently she opened the leather book and carefully withdrew the folded missive inside. Her eyes traveled down the page to his final words.
Know that I love you, Alex, and I’m glad you’re my daughter. You’re better than any son the good Lord could’ve seen fit to give me.

“Oh, Papa…forgive me. And heavenly Father, please forgive me as well.” She placed the letter back in the Bible and closed it, suddenly sure of what she needed to do.

A subdued atmosphere blanketed the supper table, with Toby carrying most of the conversation. Although Alex had won a reluctant victory on the matter of Christy Grey, Martha still smarted from what she considered Alex’s ill-advised decision and remained terse throughout the meal. Poor Uncle Joe sat with bewilderment blazoned across his face and escaped from the table as soon as he could. He had been easier to sway; he might be crusty on the outside, but he was a lump of downy feathers inside.

As Martha boiled water on the kitchen stove for the dishes, Alex stacked the plates in the dining room.

Justin reached for a mug then turned his intense brown eyes her direction and smiled. “Reckon I’ll stay and help. Besides, I’ve got something to say and I won’t sleep until I say it.”

Her hand stilled over the plate she’d started to place on its mate. “I’d hate to keep you from sleeping.” After the prayer she’d prayed, she knew she should’ve given a more gracious response, but her old stubborn streak was difficult to squelch.

A slow grin started at his finely chiseled lips and made its way up to his dark eyes. “Uh-huh. Figured that much.”

She stopped and planted her hands on her hips. “What are you so smug about? I thought we were mad at each other.”

He tipped his head to the side and his eyes narrowed. “Ah, now the truth comes out. And here I thought it was just me.”

A rush of blood swamped her cheeks and she ducked her head. “Yes, well…”

A genuine chuckle erupted from his parted lips. “You know, you’re beautiful when you’re embarrassed. Or angry. Or happy.”

Alex’s hands flew to her face. “Is
that
what you wanted to say before you could go to sleep?”

It was Justin’s turn to redden. “Nope, I didn’t plan on that, but I’m glad I finally got it out.” His smiling face sobered. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. What you said about making your peace with God? It hit home. I’ve needed to do that for years. Whatever you decide about Miss Grey is fine with me. I’ll not stand in your way.”

Her eyes widened and she sank down into the nearest chair. “You mean that? You won’t be angry and leave the ranch?”

“Yes, I mean it, and no, I won’t quit or be angry. I’m sorry I made you think that. I’d like to be…friends…if you think we can manage?” He stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his trousers and stood ramrod-straight.

“Friends?” Her voice sounded odd even to herself. He wanted to be only a friend—after he’d said she was beautiful? Disappointment washed over her and she struggled to keep it out of her voice. “Friends would be nice. Thank you for taking the time to speak to me about Miss Grey. I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow.”

Justin nodded and took a step back from the table. “I’ll be going now. Joe’s reading to Toby in the parlor, and I need to put him to bed.”

Alex rose and extended a hand, just touching the edge of his sleeve. “One more thing?”

He glanced down at her hand then raised his eyes to hers. “Anything.”

“The church is having a picnic lunch down in the meadow after church this Sunday. Would you care to come?” She sensed the hesitation in his eyes and rushed on. “As part of our ranch family, of course. Most of the wranglers try to come if they’re not on duty.”

He pursed his lips and nodded. “Sure. Toby would like that. Will Martha and Joe be there?”

“Yes. Uncle Joe will make Martha comfortable in the wagon. She doesn’t go to town often, but you couldn’t keep her away from the combination of church and a social.” Alex gave a small grimace. “I’m not much on the social part and would just as soon head home, but it means a lot to Martha.”

His entire face transformed with a warm light. “Good for you.” He pushed in his chair. “Guess I’d best go rescue Joe from Toby.”

Alex swung off her horse in front of the doctor’s office and wrapped the reins around the hitching rail. She shook herself free from the tantalizing thoughts of Justin’s smile and the words he’d spoken the night before. Other men had told her they thought her beautiful, but their words didn’t play havoc with her heart the way Justin’s had done.
Friends.
She sighed. Why did that word disappoint her? Hadn’t they made excellent progress lately?

She rapped on the doctor’s door and pulled it open, slipping inside. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim light, but when they did, she spotted Doc Stevens hunkered over his desk and scribbling at high speed in a journal of some sort. “Doc?”

He jumped as though shot and his eyeglasses fell off the tip of his nose and hit the tabletop with a clatter. “Miss Travers. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I’m sorry, Doc. I knocked, but I guess it wasn’t loud enough.”

“No, no—not your fault. I’m still catching up on my rest and not as attentive as I should be. What can I do for you?” He picked up his eyeglasses and perched them higher on the bridge of his nose.

“I wanted to see how Miss Grey is doing. And talk to you about her care.” Alex slipped into the chair propped against the nearby wall.

“Yes, I see.” He rubbed his chin and gazed with unseeing eyes at the top of Alex’s head. “Care, you say?”

“Yes. When she’s well enough to leave, I wondered if she has a place to go. Has she spoken of it?”

“No. I’ve had her on steady doses of laudanum since she arrived, and she’s not said much at all. Seems to be aware of where she is but has no desire to speak.” He leaned back in his chair and sighed. “I’m not too worried about her organs anymore. Seems she’s just badly bruised and has a couple of broken ribs. Could’ve been much worse.”

“Does she know who hurt her? Have they caught him?”

He shook his head and wisps of hair brushed his collar. “Sheriff came and asked her some questions, but she was none too helpful. Ralph checks on her often, but he’s not brought word of an arrest.”