Love Hurts (8 page)

I extended my arm so she could use it as a pillow then pulled her close to me, keeping her warm with my body heat. “Are you cold?”

She buried her face in my chest. “I’m perfect.”

I suddenly wasn’t tired anymore. All I wanted to do was stare at her. The beauty of the world didn’t catch my attention. Nothing else mattered. I just stared at her while she slept, knowing she was the most precious thing in the world.

7

Cortland

I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Monnique was constantly on my mind, but I couldn’t just go back to her. Something was holding me back. I wanted her to fight for me even though I wanted my space at the same time. It made no sense. I had no idea what I was doing.

I ignored her for the next few days. Well, I didn’t ignore her because she wasn’t rea
ching out to me. She claimed she loved me but she was so calm all the time. I hooked up with her then gave her no guarantee we would get back together. That made me an asshole, in my opinion. But it didn’t seem like she cared.

After I hit the gym after work, I went home and showered. Whenever I was in the mood, I thought about Monnique. Anytime my dick got hard, I thought about her mouth sealed around it. And even when I wasn’t hard, I’d think about it and then I would spring to life. I was totally obsessed with her and it wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I love someone who loved me in the same way? That treated me fairly? Someone that didn’t hurt me? I have no fucking idea.

After I ordered take-out, I sat on the couch and watched the game. Now that I’d been single, on and off, for a while, I realized how much I took my time with Monnique for granted. I assumed she would always be there, and as soon as she wasn’t, I realized how depressing my life was. I didn’t like watching a game alone. I didn’t like having to order extra food just to get free delivery. I hated being alone. Before she came along, I was perfectly fine being by myself. But now it was just unbearable.

She texted me at nine.
Hey, I’m sorry to bother you and I don’t mean to be out of line, but I have a work dinner tomorrow and I’d love for you to be my date. I don’t have any other guy friends. But if you don’t want to, I completely understand. It’ll probably be boring anyway.

Anything with Monnique could never be boring.
I shouldn’t go. I was getting in too deep with her. I should be moving on but instead I was falling in love with her all over again. I needed to cut her off and be firm about it.
I’d love to go with you.
Why the hell did I just say that? It was like my brain was at war with every other piece of my body, particularly my heart.

Really?

This is where I should say no. Cortland, say no.
Definitely
. Whatever. Forget it.

Thanks. I really don’t want to go alone.

Why?

I just don’t.

I didn’t press her. It was hard to tell how she felt over texting. When she and I were together, we hardly texted. Since we were always together, we never had long conversations through messaging.
What time?

8. And it’s black tie.

Fancy.

I’m picking up my dress later. Let me know if you need help picking something out.

Monnique used to pick out clothes for me. It made my life a million times easier. She was a natural at it. I didn’t even need to try anything on and everything fit perfect.
I’ll just wear one of my suits.

Can I be picky and mak
e one suggestion?

I’ll do anything for you
. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me? Pull your head out of your ass, man.
Since it’s your dinner
. I hoped that would mask my desperation and obsession.

Can you wear a dark blue tie?

Yeah. Is your dress blue?

Yeah.

I can do that.

Cool.

I leaned back in my chair and watched the TV. I didn’t even care about the game or the score. I had a hundred dollar bet with Ryan but that didn’t seem interesting anymore either. Now I wondered how the party would go. I hoped I wouldn’t get carried away and do something I couldn’t take back.

I did my hair three times because it had to be absolutely perfect. Why? I had no idea. I just wanted to look nice for her. I kept wondering how she would look. Blue was a nice color on her. Well, all colors were nice on her. The dark skin accentuated everything. She even looked good in black. I kept thinking about those brown eyes. I shivered just thinking about them.

When I arrived at her apar
tment, I knew I shouldn’t be there. This was a bad idea. My heart kept going back and forth. I wanted to be with her again but I was too scared. I was never scared of anything, but Monnique burned me bad. I was constantly paranoid my obsession with her would be the death of me.

She opened the door without me knocking. “I figured you’d stand out there for awhile if I didn’t open the door.” She gave me a playful look and walked back inside.

I didn’t even hear what she said. I was staring at her.
Fuck.

Her dark blue dress had thin straps that crossed in the back. They were thin and almost unnoticeable. Her sculpted and round shoulders looked defined and toned. The dark skin underneath highlighted the color just right. The gown was made of silk, or something similar to it. It hugged her body like tape and reached down to her feet. Her feet were hidden under her dress, but I spotted black pumps. My mouth went dry at the sight of her. She looked….fucking hot.

I should run while I had the chance.

“Do you mind holding my keys?”

Huh? My mouth was still open. “What?”

“I don’t want to carry a purse so can you hold my keys?” She didn’t seem to notice my look of wonderment.

“Oh. Sure.” I took them from her and placed them in my pocket, right next to my raging hard-on.

She shut the door behind her then watched me lock the door. “You look really handsome, Cortland.” Her
sweet and feminine voice glided across my skin and into my ear.

“You look….unbelievable.” There were no words to describe just how gorgeous she was. I could pull up every synonym for beautiful in the dictionary but it still wouldn’t do it justice.

“Thank you.” Her hair was pulled back, to show off her shoulders and back. A few loose strands framed her face, and she tucked a piece away. A slight redness was on her cheeks. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” I walked beside her until we reached my car outside. Like always, I opened the door for her and helped her inside. A piece of her dress was over the car frame so I grabbed it and tucked it in, touching her ankle. Just that got me excited.

When we arrived at the hotel, there was valet parking. Even though I had to pay for it, it made my life easier. I handed over the car and the money and escorted Monnique inside. I didn’t put my arm around her or touch her. She didn’t touch me.

“This is fancy,” I said.

“It’s an award ceremony and a benefit to raise money for patients in the hospital, mainly the ICU.”

“Very cool,” I said. I stared at her face while we walked, hypnotized.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“Sure. No problem.” I’d prefer it if she asked me instead of someone else she worked with. If I found out she went out with some other guy, even if it was
just friendly, I’d be hurt. I knew that was hypocritical, but it was the truth.

When we walked inside the conference room, chandeliers lit the ceiling. Tables with flowered centerpieces and white
tablecloths were in the center of the room. A full bar was to the side, and everyone was mingling in their suits and gowns. “Wow. They really went all out.”

“We’re an all-profit hospital,” she explained.

“Meaning?”

“We’re in the business of making money.”

“At least they give back.”

“They already give the highest wages of any other hospital in the city, and that’s saying a lot.”

I nodded. “I’m not surprised you beat out the competition and got a job so quickly.”

“Actually, it wasn’t that easy. I had a special friend pull some strings.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

“Scarlet. Well, technically Sean.”

Oh. I had no idea. “I’m glad he helped you.”

“They didn’t look at my application until Sean called. Of course, since he’s a Preston
, he was the best reference I could have. And I desperately needed a job at the time.”

I didn’t like thinking about
her time at the magazine. I chose to block it out. “Do you like it here?”

“Yeah. I have no complaints.”

We moved further across the floor and eyed all the people. I noticed the bar against the wall. It looked like everything was included in the evening. “Would you like a drink?”

Monnique thought for a moment. I wasn’t sure what there was to think about. It was just a drink. “Yeah, sure. Wine
, please.”

“Sure thing.” I left her side then got in line at the bar. A few men were in front of me so I patiently waited. I wanted to turn around and stare at Monnique to pass the time but I didn’t want her to catc
h me. I looked over my shoulder briefly and saw she wasn’t looking. She was talking to someone.

He looked a little older than her, but he towered over her with his height. He was smiling while he spoke to her, but staring at her hard like she was a film on screen. I’d watched myself look at her like that a thousand times. I knew exactly what he was thinking. And that made me jealous.

As I moved further up the line, I kept watching. Monnique didn’t touch him, but he continued to step closer to her, invading her personal space. When I finally got the drinks, I marched back to her.

“It’s just a dinner,” the suit said. “Come on. We have a lot of laughs at work. I assure you, I’m even better company when I’m not doing rounds on patients and ordering lab work.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. But I knew I shouldn’t do anything. Monnique was single and was allowed to do whatever she wanted. I’d gone on a few dates and I couldn’t stop her from doing the same thing. I was the one going back and forth in my decision to take her back. Despite what she did to me, she didn’t deserve that.

The suit came closer to her, and she slightly stepped back. “I’ll give you a night you’ll never forget.”

Judging by her closed off arms and her slightly turned head, I knew she wanted him to back off. But she wasn’t telling hom for some reason. Maybe he was her boss? Or maybe I was just imagining all of this because I was jealous as fuck. This guy was good-looking and determined. It was clear he’d made a move on her before. I wanted her all to myself.

“Hey, baby.” I handed her a drink then put my arm around her waist.

Monnique would probably be mad by the behavior. I had no right to interfere and she probably regretted inviting me. But the jealousy became too much.

But that didn’t happen. She gave me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. Warmth radiated in her eyes as my hand cupped her side. She held the drink and stared at me in surprise.

I stared down her friend. “I’m Cortland.” I didn’t extend my hand to shake his because it was around her waist, claiming her.

“Oh.” He nodded slowly. “I’m Dr. Erikson.”

Anyone who introduced themselves by their title was automatically a douchebag. “You two work together?” I was trying to claim her but not be too threatening and insulting at the same time. Monnique did work with this person after all.

“Yes,” he said. “She’s one of my best nurses.”

“I can believe that.” My hand squeezed her.

“Well, enjoy you
r evening.” He nodded his head then stepped away.

Monnique
and I stood together in silence. I sipped my drink while she held hers. My hand didn’t move from her side. I liked it there.

“Thank you for saving me,” she said.

“I thought you’d be mad at me…”

“No.” She looked me straight in the eye. “The only man I want is you.”

I held her gaze while I repeated the words over and over. They melted into my brain, and the feeling of love and happiness squeezed my heart. I wanted to be the only man she loved. The only man she wanted.

I was at a loss of words. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and wanted her forever but I couldn’t. Instead I drank my wine then averted my gaze. But my hand didn’t leave her waist. “Is that why you didn’t want to come alone?”

She nodded. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant or conceited, but being a single girl is difficult. At least now they’ll see me with someone and back off.”

“You’ve never showed any interest in them? That doctor seemed okay.”

Her eyes darkened in sadness. “I’m not going to force myself to date other men if I’m not ready. I already know who I want. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want me back.”

I looked at her again. I didn’t know how long it would take me to make up my mind about our…relationship. “When will that change?”

“When you’re in a relationship with someone new. When there’s absolutely no chance for me.”

I liked that response. I still had time. The last thing I wanted was for her to sleep around while I tried to understand what I wanted. I was an asshole for thinking this, but I didn’t want anyone else between her legs but me. Just me. “That doesn’t seem likely,” I said honestly. After all the failed attempts I had, it didn’t seem like I’d find anyone I cared about. But I shouldn’t have said that. It was wrong to give her false hope.