Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country Family\Small-Town Midwife\Protecting the Widow's Heart (11 page)

“You had a seizure, Michael. But it's okay. You're okay.” The seizure slackened so she removed the cloth from his mouth. “I'm here, Michael.”

Finally he began to rouse, eyelids flickering until at last, he opened his eyes and peered up at her. Cassie checked his pupils and his pulse before she heaved a sigh of relief. He was okay for now. But what about in the future? The seizures were getting longer and more intense. Where was God's love for this poor boy?

“Relax now. Sleep if you want. You're okay,” she repeated over and over.

A few moments later Michael drifted to sleep. Cassie took his vitals several times more, watching as slowly—too slowly—they returned to normal.

“Everything okay?” Rick whispered.

“For now. Can you stay with him for a few minutes? I have to call his doctor.”

“Sure. Should I move him to the bed?”

“No. Leave him here for now. I don't want to disturb him.”

When Rick held out his hand to help her up she took it, glad to rely on his strength. She didn't expect it when he pulled her into his arms and drew her close.

“Cassie. Take a breath. Lean on me.”

Lean on him? Dare she allow herself that luxury? But it felt right to lean her head on his shoulder, to let him smooth his hands over her shoulders and ease the stress there.

“Michael's going to be fine.” Rick's voice held such confidence, such peace that Cassie couldn't argue. It was enough to smell the musky spice of his aftershave, to relax her guard, if only for a minute, and let someone else take over. “God's in control.”

“How can you be so sure?” she whispered. It felt so right to rest in Rick's arms.

“Because I trust Him and because I know He cares for Michael far more than any human ever could.” Rick stroked her back and shoulders as he spoke, soothing her.

Suddenly Cassie realized that she was too close to this man, too needy, too dependent. When she was in his arms, she wanted things she couldn't have. She was afraid to trust him. She eased out of his embrace, the loss of his arms around her like a physical pain. “I need to go.”

“I know.” Before he let his arms drop away, Rick pressed a kiss against her forehead. “You're an amazing woman, Cassie Crockett. God has blessed you with a wonderful talent for caring for those who hurt.”

“God has?” she asked, irritated by the comment.

“Yes, God.” Rick stepped back, smiled and touched his forefinger to her cheek. “That sense of compassion that's embedded so deeply inside you is straight from God. He's gifted you with the empathy to see a needy heart or a hurting body and help. Let go and let Him work through you.”

Cassie left the room to make her phone call with Rick's words ringing in her ears. Let God work through her? It was a prayer she'd prayed throughout her teen years—to be used by God. Instead, she felt used by her husband and her father. Was she now finally where God intended her to be—alone and broke, with a son in emotional trouble?

And falling for a man who deserved to be trusted and loved—two things she was no longer sure she could do?

* * *

Rick lay sleepless on Noah's bed, thinking of Cassie and all she'd done tonight. She was a woman beyond compare.

Michael's rhythmic breathing filled the room.

Thank you, Lord, for being with this boy. Please help me help him overcome the depression that is upon him.

There were so many needs in this building, so many hearts that needed the Master's mending. Rick spent the next hour praying for each one.

When he was finished, he thought about jobs he needed to do at the church, office work that had waited too long, visits he'd been meaning to pay.

But no matter how he tried to avoid it, his thoughts always returned to those precious few moments when he'd held Cassie in his arms.

The sweetness of her, the love she showered on kids society wanted punished—that stuck with him. She really loved these troubled kids. She was an awesome mother.

Rick replayed the years he'd struggled to live on the streets and imagined how different it would have been had Cassie been there. What would it be like to have her to lean on when his job overwhelmed him and he felt unable to comfort another soul? What would it be like to let her comfort him?

He felt dazed by his thoughts. He was beginning to care for her. He wanted to help her through the tough times and the good. He wanted to be able to run to her when life overwhelmed.

But that couldn't be.

He couldn't care for Cassie Crockett. Not if he was going to keep his vow to God.

The joy he'd known leeched away. Love, companionship, a family—that wasn't for him. God didn't want that for him.

Then he remembered her earlier question about leaving. Was that what God was telling him, that he should leave here if that was the only way he could keep his vow?

The thought of leaving this place he loved, of walking away from the woman who made him yearn to fulfill his dreams, filled Rick with pain.

“Please don't make me,” he whispered.

But what choice did he have? If he couldn't control these feelings for Cassie, if he couldn't figure out how to keep his vow without losing her, then leaving might be his only choice.

The rest of the night passed in a tug-of-war as Rick fought to suppress his feelings. He begged God to take away his tender feelings for her. Just before dawn he finally gave in and asked God for a new mission, a place to go where he would not be tempted to break his vow to serve God alone.

He'd promised Cassie he wasn't leaving. He'd repeated that promise to her and he'd meant it. The thought of breaking that promise filled him with pain. But what choice did he have?

I'm not going to renege on You,
he promised as night turned to day and the inhabitants of Lives began to stir.
I won't let my feelings for Cassie come between us. But please, help me.

But for the first time in a very long time, Rick couldn't reach Heaven. An impenetrable barrier seemed to lie between him and God.

And that only added to his guilt. He was a failure.

Chapter Eight

C
assie woke, nose twitching as the aroma of coffee assailed her. Michael lay in the same position on the floor, sound asleep. His slightly improved color did nothing to curb her worry. If she had to, she could summon local help, but Cassie knew they wouldn't have the equipment needed to thoroughly evaluate and treat her patient. He needed a specialist.

She showered and dressed. On her way to the kitchen she noticed that the winter storm had almost spent itself. Hopefully it wouldn't be long before the air ambulance arrived.

“Good morning.” Rick sat at the dining table, rumpled-looking, his lined face giving away his restless night. And yet, he still looked as handsome to her as he always had.

“Morning.” Cassie tore her gaze away and poured a cup of coffee. When she sat down across from him, he leaned forward to peer into her face. “How are you?”

“I'm fine.” She sipped her coffee, waiting for the caffeine to take effect. “Is Laurel up?”

“Yes.” Rick nodded. “She's been on the phone. Apparently there was a disaster at a mine north of here and all the air ambulances have been directed there to handle the victims. Since Michael isn't in immediate danger, they've put him on a wait list.”

“He can't wait,” Cassie said, frustrated by the delay. “He needs to be assessed immediately, before he seizes again.”

“That's what Laurel thought. That's why she's doing her best to persuade the correctional service to send a plane to take him to Winnipeg. Don't worry, Cassie.” He reached across the table to cover her hand with his. A second later he pulled his hand away with a strange look on his face.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Cassie asked, confused by his actions. His expressive green eyes looked troubled.

“I'm fine.” There was an edge to his voice she'd never heard before.

Why was he acting so strangely? “I guess I'd better pack a bag.”

“In case you have to go with Michael?”

“I'm afraid he'll have another seizure on the way. The air ambulance would have medical staff on board, but if Laurel gets a plane and there's only a pilot...” Her voice trailed away.

Rick nodded his understanding then drew away at the sound of voices in the hall. He probably didn't want the boys to see them huddled together. For a moment Rod teased him about not helping Teddy shovel the newly fallen snow outside, but he quickly noted Rick's serious expression. A hush fell as the boys quietly took their places at the table.

“Is M-Michael o-o-kay?” Noah asked in a sober tone.

“Yes.” Cassie explained that he needed to go to Winnipeg, and that she might go with him.

“Michael gets his own plane? Man.” Daniel's grin flashed. “Like a rich man.”

“That's me.” Michael's bitter tone resounded as he strode into the room and sat down. “The guy who gets all the breaks. Brain injuries, seizures—wow, am I lucky.”

“He was just teasing, man.” Rod did his best to make peace.

“I hope the plane crashes,” Michael snarled. He jumped out of his chair, knocking it to the floor. The sharp crack startled everyone, including Michael. He wheeled and left the room in a rush.

“We didn't mean to bug him,” Rod apologized.

“It's okay.” Rick explained that Michael needed their support and prayers. He soon had the other boys agreeing to pray for Michael.

“I don't know how you do that,” Cassie marveled after the boys had finished their breakfasts and left. “The way you get the boys on board with befriending Michael even though he always pushes them away—it's amazing.”

“It's a matter of making them realize that they could be in Michael's shoes and need someone to rely on.” He shrugged. “Everybody needs a friend.”

Cassie thought about how Laurel had been her only friend for so long—until Rick. Rick seemed like the best friend she'd ever had.

Did that mean she could trust him?

“Why don't you go get ready? I'll talk to Michael,” he offered.

“Thank you.” Her eyes met his.

“That's what friends are for,” Rick murmured.

Cassie paused in the doorway and turned to look directly at him, searching his eyes. “Is that what we are?” she asked before she could stop herself.

Rick stopped chewing. He set down the remainder of his toast, then said, “What else could we be, Cassie?”

It wasn't so much his question that bothered Cassie. It was the tone underlying his words—it sounded almost like a warning. Did he think she expected more than friendship from him? Would he reject more? Confused, she left the room.

As she was packing, she puzzled over her reaction to his question. She felt dismayed, even disappointed. Why?

Because in her heart of hearts, she thought of Rick as more than a friend.

The knowledge startled Cassie so much that she stayed in her room until she heard Laurel calling her. By then she was eager to leave, eager to escape the miasma of questions Rick had caused.

“A plane for Michael will be here within the hour,” Laurel told her.

“I'm ready,” she said. She sought out Rick, who was now alone in the family room.

“I want to ask you a favor. Would you please watch out for Noah?” she asked, even as she wondered if it was a mistake, if that comment earlier about being friends was his way of trying to communicate to her that he wanted distance. “I'm worried he'll get in a fight—”

“Cassie.” Rick rested his hand on her shoulder. “You don't have to be afraid. God has His hand on that boy. I'll be here if Noah needs me. Trust me.”

Trust me.

“Thank you,” she said with heartfelt gratitude.

Part of her hated to leave. Questions about Rick plagued her. But another part of her was afraid he didn't want anything more to do with her. The very idea filled her with sadness and she realized that Rick had become a large part of her world.

Cassie felt Rick's gaze follow her as she grabbed her bag. His hand covered hers as he took it from her and they headed out to the car with Michael and Laurel. Rick helped Michael into his seat and offered his iPod with music for the boy to listen to. Before he got into the driver's seat, he leaned in to check on Cassie in the passenger's seat. His face came so near to hers, Cassie had to force herself not to reach out and cup his cheek in her palm.

Trust me.

At the last second, Cassie touched his hand and leaned forward.

“I do trust you, Rick.”

His eyes blazed a brilliant jade-green. A smile stretched across his face. For a brief second, Cassie thought she saw sadness in his smile. Then he took her hand in his. “You won't be sorry you did, Cassie.”

She hoped not.

* * *

“We've had two storms in the two days since you left. Somehow you've managed to return before the next one hits,” Laurel informed her as she drove Cassie to Lives from the airport. “Michael comes back when?”

“A week, maybe.” Cassie gazed at the beauty of the white landscape blazing in the winter sun. Funny how good it felt to leave Winnipeg. Funny how it felt as if she was coming home.

Funny how much she wanted to see Rick.

“That is, a week if he does okay on his new medication.”

Cassie didn't hear much of the rest of Laurel's comments. She was too anxious to see Noah again, to make sure he was safe. To make sure Rick had kept his promise. So when they pulled into the yard she jumped out, grabbed her case and hurried inside Lives.

As she set the bag in the foyer, she heard Rick's voice in the family room. Her silly heart bounced with joy when she found him and Noah together, focused on a chessboard.

“Hi, Mom,” Noah said. His smile flashed at her.

“Hi, yourself.” She bent and hugged him, surprised that he not only allowed it but he returned it. Stunned, she stood back to survey him. Her son seemed calmer. Her eyes met Rick's. Whatever wariness she'd seen in him before she left was gone now. “How are you, Rick?”

“Getting beaten to a pulp by this guy,” he said with a growl at Noah. “Otherwise I'm fine. Michael?”

“He's on some new medication. Once he's settled into it, he should start feeling better.” Cassie sat down. “And everyone else?”

“Fine as frog's hair, as an old friend used to say.” Rick kept staring at her, as if he couldn't get enough of watching her. Cassie felt the same. Finally he broke the connection between them when Noah reminded him it was his turn. He moved his piece too quickly and Noah seized it, checkmating him. “See what I mean?” he groaned.

“I keep t-telling you, y-you have to concentrate.” Noah rolled his eyes. “You always f-forget.”

“Yes, I do,” Rick agreed, his gaze returning to Cassie.

“Do you have homework, son?” Cassie asked. When Noah nodded she raised one eyebrow. Without a single argument, Noah rose, thanked Rick for the game then left. Cassie looked at Rick. “What have you done with the real Noah?”

Rick shrugged.

“I'm serious. It sounds like he's stuttering less and he's certainly less belligerent. No problems?”

“Nary a one. We've been talking a lot. I think he's begun to heal, maybe.” Rick smiled, then tilted his head to study her. “You look rested.”

“I feel rested. Once I got Michael to the hospital, the staff took over. There were some long consultations with his doctors but other than that, I was free until the plane left today. I managed a little wool shopping.” Cassie chuckled when he rolled his eyes. “Because the two boxes I have in my room aren't enough.”

“Alicia will be glad. She's sold out of everything you made. I guess that means you'll be busy for a while.” Rick's smile flashed again. “As if that's anything new.”

“Anything interesting happen while I was gone?” she asked.

“Some of the kids who don't want to sing in the choir asked if they can form a band. Kyle's been encouraging it by pounding on a set of drums.” Rick rolled his eyes. “Lucy's gotten on board, too, with her latest online purchase—used instruments from a school band.”

“A saxophone?” she asked hopefully.

“Not yet, but soon I hope. I've now got half the town's adolescents nagging me to get the band started.”

“You wanted youth participation, right?” she teased.

His smile warmed her. It felt as if the part inside her that had frozen hard against letting anyone get too close had begun to thaw. Cassie could hardly believe it.

“I have to make some calls. I'd better get going.” Rick led the way to the front door, and Cassie caught the scent of his aftershave. She found herself inhaling deeply.

“I'll be glad when Michael returns,” Rick said. “We've missed him. I don't think the boys like the change. I guess most people don't. They find it threatening.”

Cassie frowned. Was Rick hinting at something?

“I appreciate your help with the choir, Cassie. A lot.” He slipped his fingers into his leather gloves as if delaying looking at her.

“And I appreciate yours with Noah. Did he tell you anything I should know?”

“We mostly just talked.” Rick's gaze slid away.

“Well, thank you for doing that.” She kept her tone even, though something inside her went on alert.

“You're welcome.” Rick seemed mesmerized by the collage of Northern Lights photos hanging on the wall above her head.

“Noah admires you,” Cassie murmured. “I think he'll consider whatever advice you give him.”

“I should go,” Rick said somewhat suddenly.

“Wait.” Cassie's bag sat in one corner, reminding her. “I brought you a present.” He raised his eyebrows. “Don't get excited because it's nothing big.”

“You didn't need to bring me anything,” he said quietly.

“I was at the airport newsstand when I suddenly remembered all those newspapers you love to read. I know how expensive it is to get the big city papers here so I thought I'd save you some money.” She zipped open her bag and lifted out a thick roll, bound with two elastic bands. “These are the two most recent Toronto papers. I thought some of the stories might be of interest. I didn't read them, though, so if they're duds, chuck 'em.”

“I'm sure they'll make great reading. Thank you.” Rick sounded as if he was losing his voice. He accepted the roll as if it was hot, tucked it under one arm and put his hand on the doorknob.

“Rick?”

“Yes.” He finally looked directly at her. His green eyes swirled with thoughts Cassie couldn't understand.

“I just wanted to say thank you again for helping me realize I can trust you. It's a relief to know that after—” She paused, inhaled and continued. “Well, after I didn't think I could trust anyone. You've been so open and honest. That's something new for me.”

“Well, that's...” He looked so uncomfortable with her praise, Cassie was about to ask him what was wrong when he exhaled deeply and said, “Cassie, I need to tell you—”

The door opened and Laurel entered.

“Hi. You're leaving?” she asked Rick. When he nodded, she said, “Probably a good idea if you want to sleep at home tonight. By the looks of it, this storm will be worse than predicted. The snow's already started.”

“Then I'd better go.” Rick paused. His gaze rested on Cassie for a moment longer. The hunted look she saw there confused her, but before she could ask, he pulled open the door and stepped into the swirling white world.

The door closed behind him. A moment later they heard the sound of his snowmobile roaring away.

“Rick wasn't very talkative. Is anything wrong?” Laurel glanced at Cassie as she slipped out of her coat.

“I don't know.” Cassie excused herself, picked up her bag and carried it up to her room, unsettled by Rick's strange behavior. She left her bag unpacked and sat down on her window seat as old uncertainties came rushing back. Maybe she'd done something to upset him.