Love Is a Battlefield (13 page)

Ace hadn't meant to tell her about Caroline. He was always afraid it made him sound like a real jerk. The guy who couldn't say the words the girl needed to hear and ultimately caused her death by his stupidity. But the question had thrown him for a loop. Of course, his biggest regret was not knowing the right words to say on that fateful night. And he figured he might as well tell Kristy the truth. After all, Caroline's death was part of who he was now. He glanced over at Kristy's profile. She had paused her story, as if trying to figure out the right words.

“Having trouble forming sentences?” he asked.

She smiled. “Something like that. Actually, I'm trying to think of how to explain my biggest regret without boring you with too much information. No need to load you down with my life drama.”

He laughed. “As you've already heard, my life has some drama of its own. So load away. I can take it.” nothing she could say could be worse than what he'd just told her. She'd have to convince him she was a terrorist or a mobster to put her on the same level as him. And he knew enough about her to know that neither of those things was the case.

“Right. Well, you've probably already guessed that my biggest regret has to do with Mark. But I'll bet it's not in the way you think.”

“I thought he probably played into it somehow.” He shot an encouraging grin at her. He had figured Mark would be her regret. Probably regret that she'd ever met him or something along those lines.

“Yes. But it actually isn't that I wish I hadn't dated him. I refuse to let myself regret three whole years of my life. That would just be too sad.” she sighed. “So all I can do is look at those years as time that was preparing me to be a better, stronger person. I did learn a lot about myself, especially in the aftermath of our relationship.”

He nodded. “I'm sure. I think we all find out what we're made of when we face a deep personal crisis. Some of us crash and burn, and some rise from the ashes.” He patted the seat between them. “You were definitely in the latter group.”

“I don't know about that. I crashed for a while. In fact, I'm still not quite whole. But the regret I feel actually has nothing to do with Mark and everything to do with me. See, the whole time we were together, I took my focus off of everything but him. I let him be first. Over my friends, my family, even my relationship with the Lord.” she shook her head. “That's just not the way it's supposed to be.”

“True. But sometimes when you're actually in something, you can't see the bad parts of it. A little time and distance provide all kinds of insights that maybe you couldn't see because you were too close to the situation. Kind of a forest-and-trees thing, you know?”

She smiled at him. “I couldn't have said it better myself.”

“Well, like I said before, I have lots of regrets. I've learned that I can either let them eat me up, or I can move forward and try not to make the same mistakes.” And it was true. If he'd learned anything from Caroline, it was that he was going to let people know how he felt. Even if they didn't want to know. Because you never knew when your window of opportunity would be closed forever.

“So that's my main regret. That I let Mark become the focus of my life. And that I allowed him to use me as his own personal doormat.”

He saw her tiny smile in the darkness and was struck by how vulnerable she looked. Normally she exuded a toughness, but tonight he glimpsed the tenderness beneath her surface. What kind of man in his right mind would've treated a girl like her with such disrespect?

“A truce? Call it that if it makes you feel better, but I'd call it something else.” Ainsley laughed.

“Stop it. I get what you're implying. And you are way off base. It's that dumb game. Or the darkness. Or the fact that otherwise I have to sit in uncomfortable silence with a man I barely know.” Kristy leaned her head back on the porch swing cushion and felt the sun warm her face. “And don't really want to know, for that matter.”

“Well, regardless, it certainly sounds like you're getting to know him pretty fast.”

“It isn't like that. We're just talking as a way to pass the time. I'm still not a fan of him. You won't believe what Owen told me yesterday.” The disgust crept into her voice.

“Enlighten me,” Ainsley said.

“Ace is totally screwing up the Junior Ranger Program. He's not following the guidelines and is just giving out badges without even checking up on their paperwork. There are rules to the program for a reason.”

“The horror.” Ainsley laughed. “Sorry. I can't help it. I know you are a stickler for rules and all, but there are worse things the guy could be doing.”

“You don't understand. The program worked perfectly. And I designed it that way. Now he's totally lax about the guidelines. And I can't do anything about it.”

“It seems to me that maybe you could just talk to him. Explain your concerns and see what he says. He sounds like a reasonable guy.”

And that is just how Ainsley would've handled it. Matter-of-factly. No nonsense. But not Kristy. She'd always admired her friend for being able to face things head-on.

“Right. I'm sure you're right. But the thing is, it isn't my program anymore. I have a little pride, you know.”

A loud chuckle came from the other end of the phone. “You do have a little pride. Some might say a little too much.”

Kristy rolled her eyes. Even miles away, her friend knew her all too well. “But if I say anything to him about it, he'll just think I'm bitter about everything.”

“And?”

“And I'm trying hard not to be. Or at least not to let it show. So I think I'll just try not to think about it.”

“Sure. Because that always works so well for you.”

Ouch. Kristy still clutched the phone to her ear, but she couldn't speak.

As if she realized she'd gone one step too far, Ainsley gave a sweet self-deprecating chuckle. “Oh, Kristy. You know I'm kidding. If it makes you feel better to try not to think about it, then do that. But you know as well as I do that it's going to bother you until you confront him about it. And you deserve to tell him what you think. You built that program. Before you came along, it didn't exist. And you never know—he might be happy for the input.”

Kristy was pretty sure that was doubtful but hated to keep on. She knew Ainsley was only trying to help. “Thanks for the advice. So, moving along, anything new with you?”

“Nothing much.” Ainsley laughed. “I don't have near the escapades you do. I'm just a boring old married lady.”

“And you love it.”

They said their good-byes, and Kristy busied herself around the house. It was one of those perfect days off. In fact, she was still in the shorts and T-shirt she'd slept in. No makeup on her face and hair in a bun. Once the house was clean, she returned to the deck, this time sitting on the lowest step, watching as Sam happily ran the perimeter of the yard.

If Mark could see her now, she knew what he would say. Number thirty-two on the list:
He hated it when I had lazy days off.
In fact, he accused her of being an unproductive member of society if she hadn't showered and put on makeup by 10:00 a.m. If he could only see her now. She leaned back against the steps, propping herself up on her elbows, and stretched her legs out in front of her. The sun lulled her into a drowsy state, and she began to think back on the past weeks.

Images of her recent life flashed in front of her. Mark down on one knee at his apartment. The sea of guests staring back at her in horror as she announced there wouldn't be a wedding. The honeymoon cruise she'd forced herself to go on, even though it sent the knife deeper into her heart. She'd been sure at that point that she'd never recover from the blow.

She sat up. She was recovering. Maybe not recovered. Yet. But at least she was no longer weepy. And she'd caught herself laughing a few days ago. Really laughing. Not just going through the motions. Owen and Ace had been quite the comedy team as they told her about the night Ace had convinced Owen and several of the maintenance guys to go with him for sushi. “Bait,” Ace had laughed. “Henry took one bite, spit it out, and told the waiter in no uncertain terms that he just couldn't eat bait and could he please have a hamburger instead. And to make it well done.” Kristy smiled at the memory. Ace had certainly shaken up the park with that little outing.

Several memories of the last few weeks flitted through her mind. She was afraid to admit it, but deep down she knew the handsome ranger had shaken her up a bit, too.

Ace knew he must be out of his mind. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that Kristy was still reeling from her broken engagement. Plus, it looked like she was seeing that Robert guy on a regular basis now. He'd overhead her telling Owen about a movie they'd gone to see. At least he'd stopped himself from making a wisecrack about Robert. That certainly wouldn't have won him any points with her.

But he couldn't seem to get her off his mind. The way she cheerfully greeted the visitors, so that even the gruffest Civil War buffs left the desk smiling. Or the way even the drab gray and green uniform made her skin glow like that of a cover model. But it was more than all that. She had a quality that drew him to her.

As his grandpa used to say, he was smitten. Not that it mattered. Most days, she ran hot and cold with him. Her demeanor was chilly toward him in the visitor center. He could see it on her face—obvious disapproval of how he handled certain things. But the time they spent alone together in the old pickup was different. She was warm and open. The way she listened to him and asked insightful questions showed that she was interested in what he had to say. Those moments lingered in his mind and made it hard for him to keep his mind on business.

He hadn't been at all sure it was smart to open their stakeouts to personal questions, but given the alternative—silence—it had seemed to be a good idea. And he had nothing to hide. Well, maybe some things, but the odds of her actually asking him the true reason behind his move to Shiloh were slim. He'd chance it if it meant he could get to know her on such a personal level.

He wondered what she'd say if she knew he'd been praying for her every night. Praying that God would heal her of her pain and give her the strength to move on and find His path for her life. He'd found a great verse in Psalm 147. “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Ace thought seriously about sharing that with her but was pretty sure she would deny being brokenhearted.

So it seemed all he could do was wait it out. Slowly get to know her. Become her friend. But if his feelings got any stronger, he was going to have to let her know. If he'd learned anything from Caroline, it was that time was fleeting. And Ace wanted to make sure he didn't leave anything unsaid.

Even if what he had to say might not be anything she wanted to hear.

Kristy was on time for once. She chalked it up to insomnia. Last night she'd tossed and turned and never felt as if she completely fell asleep. When she glanced at the clock this morning and saw that there were only fifteen minutes left before her alarm went off, she gave up and started her day. Who needs sleep anyway? but she was jealous when she left the house and Sam was still curled up tightly on his plush doggy bed. He at least opened one eye when she said good-bye, but she knew he was likely still lost in dreamland, chasing squirrels and cats.

“Good morning,” she called as she entered the visitor center.

A grunt came from Owen's office.

She popped her head inside and raised an eyebrow. “Are we grumpy today?”

He turned toward her, his eyes bloodshot and his hair disheveled. “I fell asleep on the couch last night in front of a braves game. Hate it when I do that,” he grumbled. “Now I have a crick in my neck and a headache.”

“I have some aspirin in my purse. And I'll start a pot of coffee.”

He grunted again and turned back to his computer.

She threw her things in the seasonal office and noticed that Matthew's backpack was in the middle of the floor. Guess he'd gotten here early, too. Hopefully that meant he'd also begun opening up the center. She'd get to see how well she'd trained him.

Kristy grabbed the carafe from the coffeemaker and took it to the bathroom sink to fill it up. Her mind drifted back to Owen's bloodshot eyes, and she wondered if accidentally falling asleep on the couch was all that was wrong with him. She worried sometimes about him all alone. She remembered when his wife lost her battle with cancer. That was nearly five years ago. And as far as she knew, other than a few dates here and there, he was usually a loner. Hmm.

“Hey, K.” Matthew unlocked the visitor center door and nodded in her direction.

She shook her head and smiled. She supposed “K” was better than “Miss Kristy,” which was what he'd started out calling her, much to her chagrin. Made her feel like a kindergarten teacher.

“Morning, Matthew. Thanks for getting everything opened.”

“Not a problem. We're all set. And guess what?” He followed her to the coffeepot and watched as she poured the water into the coffeemaker.

“What?” she pressed the button and heard the sweet sound of the machine brewing.

“Owen put me on the schedule to do a rifle demonstration today! I get to fire the gun.” Matthew beamed, his blue eyes dancing.

“Congratulations. I remember the first time I got to do one by myself. That must mean you've passed the test, huh?” she teased. Owen drilled all the seasonals nonstop about the nine steps it took to load and fire the musket. She was pretty sure that her first summer at Shiloh, she dreamed about those steps.

“Yeah. We did a demo together yesterday, and afterwards, he told me I was ready to go solo. I'm a little nervous, though,” he admitted.

“You'll be fine. Just remember to take your time. And if anyone asks a question you can't answer, what do you say?”

“Follow me to the visitor center, and we'll find out together.” He grinned.

“I've taught you well, grasshopper.”

“Huh?” Confusion washed over his face.

She shook her head. “Never mind. I'm an old lady.” she smiled. “But you'll do great. Really.”

“Thanks. I hope so.”

The bell rang on the front door.

“I'll go take care of them.” Matthew hurried off to greet the first visitors of the day.

Kristy poured a cup of coffee and carried it into Owen's office. She set it on the desk in front of him. “Here you go. Maybe this will help.”

Owen looked at her through puffy eyes. “Thanks.” His voice was gravelly. He shook his head. “I probably should've just called in sick today.”

Kristy stepped inside the office and pulled the door closed. Matthew could handle things for a few minutes. She'd seen the look in Owen's eyes, and she recognized it as one she saw sometimes in her own mirror. Something was wrong.

“You okay?”

He shrugged. “Nothing for you to worry about. I'm just having one of those days.”

“I see.” she waited to see if he wanted to tell her about it. They'd worked together enough years for her to know that sometimes he needed her to be a sounding board.

“It's been five years to the day since I lost Helen. I thought by now maybe I wouldn't hurt so bad over it. But I sure do miss her.” He looked up at Kristy. “There's nothing worse than loneliness.”

Kristy put her hand on his shoulder. “I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

He sighed deeply and leaned his head back against his office chair. “Maybe. But it might sound crazy.”

She smiled. “Try me.”

“Well, I have these tickets to a concert next week in Memphis. My sister was supposed to go with me, but she backed out.”

Did he want her to go with him? Where was he going with this?

“Anyway, it hit me yesterday that I don't have anyone else to invite. I guess I could take one of the guys. Ace, maybe. But I was thinking...” He trailed off.

Suddenly she understood. He was trying to find out if she knew anyone who might like to go with him. She grinned. “Tell you what. Let me make a phone call. We'll see if we can't find someone to go with you.” she started to leave the office then stopped. “Wait. What's the concert?” she asked.

“Brad Paisley. Should be a good one.” He smiled sheepishly. “I'll spring for dinner, too, if that will help you convince someone to go with me.”

Kristy closed the door behind her and peeked at the front desk. Matthew was entertaining a group of college girls with a “ranger” story. She glanced at her watch. The movie should've started three minutes ago. “Could you hand me the remote, Ranger?” she said with a grin.

His face turned beet red. He grabbed the remote and passed it to Kristy then hurriedly took the girls' money and ushered them toward the movie.

Kristy pressed the Play button and dashed off to her office to make a call. It was time to play matchmaker.