Love Is... (6 page)

‘Oooh, I don't mind,' I said, cradling him in my arms. I
nuzzled his fur with my face. He smelled like malt biscuits and freshly cut grass.

Nick leaned in closer and stroked him on the tummy. ‘He's a cute little chap, isn't he?'

Victoria smoothed down her ponytail. ‘We need to eat,' she said. ‘Give the hound back to Olga. And make sure you wash your hands.'

Mike didn't join us until we were seated at the table and from his expression, he was as enthused about the dinner party as we were.

Once Victoria had formally chastised us for being late and thereby being solely responsible for the asparagus' limpness, she went on to explain Rupert's arrival.

‘Camille's therapist suggested we get her a pet.' Victoria sniffed. ‘She said that given the high turnover of au pairs, it would provide a constant in her life.' She flicked her ponytail and speared a piece of asparagus. ‘Dr Osbourne has been harping on for months now about maternal attachment. Clearly trying to promote that book she wrote. She's been on the
Lorraine
show too.' She took a sip of wine, then shook her head quickly as if to disperse the alcohol. ‘I was raised by sixteen different au pairs and it never did me any harm.'

Nick started coughing. It looked as though a bit of asparagus had gone down the wrong way.

Victoria glanced around for Olga, then tutted and topped up her own wine.

‘I mean, seriously, what does Dr Osbourne expect me to do?' she continued, taking a sip. ‘Give up my entire life to bring up my daughter?'

We all sat in silence. I swallowed the last mouthful of cold asparagus and then Mike stood up to pour us more wine.

‘But I bet Camille must love Rupert,' I said, changing the subject. ‘He's adorable.'

Victoria sighed. ‘She's allergic. She's gone through two asthma inhalers since we collected him from the breeder.'

There was a scratching sound along the floorboards, and suddenly Rupert skidded into the dining room, hotly pursued by Olga.

‘Rupert, Rupert, come!' Olga shouted.

Victoria scowled at Olga. ‘Quiet,' she said, ‘we are entertaining.'

‘Sorry, Mrs Victoria,' Olga said, then tried to grab Rupert, but he bypassed her hand and scooted under my chair.

I bent down and picked him up. His eyes were wide, like a five-year-old who'd just arrived at Disney World. He jumped up and licked my face.

Victoria's ponytail began to swing violently. ‘Olga, get that dog out of here right now. He's supposed to be napping.'

Olga held her hands up. ‘I try, but he no want to nap. He want to play.'

Suddenly Rupert lunged forwards and swiped a Parmesan shaving from my plate.

Nick laughed.

Victoria tutted and marched towards me, snatching Rupert from my grasp. Then, arms outstretched, she handed him to Olga and waved them both out of the room.

‘As if having a child isn't hard enough,' Victoria said, ‘now I've got to train that bloody canine.'

Mike leaned back in his chair and laughed. ‘You're not exactly training him though, are you, darling? Olga is.'

Victoria let out an extended sigh. ‘She knows nothing about dogs. I think they eat them in her country.' She sipped
some wine. ‘I suppose I'll have to get a dog trainer. As if I haven't got enough to do already.'

Mike laughed again, though louder this time. ‘Yes, whatever next, you might have to cancel a Pilates session or a lunch or, heaven forbid, a hair appointment,' he said, taking another gulp of wine.

Victoria swished her ponytail from side to side. ‘Excuse me, Michael—' she'd taken to calling him Michael since they'd joined the Chelsea Harbour Club ‘—I didn't give up my career to manage household administration every day.'

Mike refilled his glass and leaned further back in his chair. ‘So, tell us, Victoria. What precisely did you give up your career to do?'

Victoria's ponytail slowed to a stop and she glared at Mike.

Nick shot me a sideways glance.

I shifted in my seat, hoping Rupert would come skidding back into the room and divert the conversation.

Fortunately, Olga returned instead, with the main course.

‘Filet de boeuf,'
she announced plonking the tray down on the table. ‘And yes, Mrs Victoria, I wash my hands.'

We ate the beef in silence. Occasionally, I glanced at Nick but mostly I just chewed and gazed around the room. Whenever I visited Victoria's house, I felt as though I'd stepped into the centre spread of
Home and Garden
magazine. It seemed unfair that she could just swish her ponytail like a wand and get everything she'd ever wished for. My vision board was plastered with images of interiors like this, dotted around the doctored photo of Nick and I with a baby; however, so far all the universe had seen fit to deliver to me was up-cycled furniture from Gumtree. I huffed. Nick and I
might not be worthy of parenthood, but surely the universe could spare a chesterfield sofa?

Rupert continued to yelp from the kitchen for the duration of two courses. I kept looking at Victoria, hoping she might soften her resolve and bring him in for a cuddle, but she was still glaring at Mike. Mike looked nonplussed.

‘So, what breed is he?' I asked, in an eventual attempt to break the silence.

‘Sporting Lucas,' Mike answered, matter-of-fact, between mouthfuls of crème brûlée. ‘Apparently, the ability to hunt ground vermin is an essential skill for a family pet.'

Victoria shrugged her shoulders, still glaring at Mike. ‘Well, you know what they say about living in London.'

We all looked at her expectantly.

She narrowed her eyes. ‘You're only ever a metre away from a rat.'

Mike tutted, then scooped another mouthful of brûlée into his mouth.

Rupert was still yelping from the kitchen and now he'd added mournful pines into the mix. It took all my willpower not to run out and soothe him.

‘Maybe he's trying to tell us something,' I said.

Victoria narrowed her eyes. ‘What, that we have rats in our house? Don't be ridiculous. He's just being needy and probably wants more Parmesan.'

I turned to her. ‘Or perhaps he's distressed? Having been dragged away from his mother and then locked in a huge kitchen by himself.'

Victoria flicked her wrist. ‘He's nine weeks old; in dog years that makes him nearly one and a half. He'll get over it,' she said, pushing her untouched dessert to the side.

I glared at her.

She opened her mouth as if to say something and then closed it again, clearly thinking better of it, which was unusual for Victoria.

Mike stepped in instead, pushing his empty bowl to one side and turning to me and Nick. ‘So, bad news about the IVF then, guys.'

Victoria sat upright in her chair and dabbed the sides of her mouth with a napkin.

‘It's just not right,' she said, gesturing out the window. ‘All those offensive-looking people breeding like there's no tomorrow, producing the most peculiar offspring.' She turned to me. ‘And then there's you and Nick. You're an attractive, reasonably intelligent couple. Of course you're by no means thoroughbreds—' she took a sip of wine ‘—but certainly no reason to defy Darwin's theory, wouldn't you agree?'

I nodded, assuming I had been complimented in some obscure way.

Mike took another sip of wine. ‘I read something in the
New Scientist,
' he said, ‘about a man's virility dropping in highly populated areas. Like some sort of natural feedback mechanism.'

Victoria shook her head at Mike. ‘Well, that's clearly not the case, my darling,' she said. ‘Have you walked past Asda recently?'

Mike shook his head and continued, turning to me. ‘So,' he said, ‘reckon you'll go again?'

I glanced at Nick, who was now topping up his wine.

He took a big gulp. ‘We can't afford it,' he said.

‘Besides,' I added, ‘our consultant said it's best I give my body a break from the hormones.'

Mike smirked. ‘Yeah, and Nick a break too, I imagine.'

Victoria glared at Mike. Had she not been on the far side of a twenty-seater dining table, I imagine Mike would have received a stiletto heel to the testicles.

I glanced back at Nick, who was wriggling in his seat. I was tempted to ask him if he needed the toilet.

Victoria stared at him quizzically. ‘Everything all right, Nick?'

He placed his now empty wine glass down on the table. ‘I had some news today,' he said.

I scraped my empty crème brûlée ramekin, wondering where it had all gone.

‘I've been offered a job,' he continued.

I sucked a tiny bit of brûlée off my spoon and awaited Nick's usual post–credit crunch story about a relentless head-hunter pitching a role with worthless share options, fourteen-hour working days and no bonus.

‘It's a great role,' Nick said.

I nodded vaguely.

‘Excellent prospects.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I said in my head.

‘I'll be working with a talented team.'

Will
be working with?
I spun round on my seat.

‘The only thing is…'

Ah, here we go.

‘It's in New York.'

Suddenly, the spoon slipped from my grasp and spiralled through the air, before ricocheting between the marble fireplace and the mahogany table leg. I reached down to pick it up. By the time my head popped back up, the conversation was continuing without me.

‘Well, I think you should go,' Mike said. ‘There's no point
being childless in Clapham. It's like being poor in Paris, get out of here, mate.'

Victoria agreed. ‘Yes, yes, and that ramshackle house of yours. I mean, let's face it, a renovation can only do so much.'

‘Er, excuse me?' I raised my hand, partly because I felt like an invisible child with no right to a vote, but mostly because I wasn't quite sure what else to do. ‘Am I allowed an opinion?'

Nick looked at me from across the table. He seemed so far away. ‘Of course, sweetheart,' he said, in his high-pitched let's-placate-Ellie voice.

I wasn't falling for it. I folded my arms. ‘I don't want to go.'

Everyone turned to me. Rupert's yelps had escalated and I could hear Olga in the background trying to soothe him.

‘You aren't even going to consider it?' Nick said.

I shook my head. ‘Nope. I love it here. I love our house. I love the parks. I love the people.'

Nick huffed. ‘What do we need four bedrooms for? What are we going to fill them with? Pot plants?' He stared at me. ‘The parks are full of scooting kids and dog turds. The people…' he glanced sideways at Victoria and then Mike ‘…well, they're a bit, you know, self-important, aren't they?'

‘And they're so down to earth in Manhattan, aren't they?' I sneered at him.

Olga came back in the room with Rupert wrapped up in a blanket. ‘He crying so much, he been sick,' she said, about to hand him to Victoria.

Victoria waved them away. ‘Not near me. I'm wearing cashmere.'

I opened my arms and gestured for Olga to bring him to me. He scrambled out of the towel and onto my lap.

I looked down at him and the moment his bright blue eyes met mine, the pining stopped. I stroked his tiny head.

Nick coughed. Then I looked up to see Victoria staring at me, her expression had softened. She didn't need Botox, she just needed to lighten up.

Olga cleared the plates and Nick shuffled up next to me to stroke Rupert. Rupert wriggled out of my grasp and clambered onto Nick's lap. Nick ruffled Rupert's fur and smiled.

Victoria let out a sharp sigh. ‘Oh, for heaven's sake,' she said.

I looked up. ‘What?'

‘Just take him, will you,' she said, her tone implying I might be more of a moron than she'd initially anticipated. ‘The dog. Rupert. Have him.'

I frowned. ‘Seriously?'

She glanced at Mike for confirmation. He shrugged his shoulders.

Victoria smiled and then turned to Nick.

‘Well,' she said, smiled broadening. ‘There's no way Ellie can go to New York now.'

Chapter 6

‘C
ongratulations,' Matthew said, after I'd called him the following morning to share my news. ‘You've just done what every other infertile couple does.' He paused to laugh. ‘Seriously, the clinics should affiliate with an animal rescue centre. “Sorry, your embryos were useless but we have an adorable whippet called Wilbur who needs a home. He's very loving, great with kids. Not that that matters.”'

I ignored him and continued. ‘And Nick wants us to move to Manhattan.'

‘Whoa, what's going on? First a dog and now emigration? Does he have a green card?'

‘Nick?' I asked.

‘No, Rupert,' he replied. ‘Those Yanks are ruthless with their border control.'

‘He's not a Border, he's a Sporting Lucas.'

He laughed some more. ‘You're not allowed to go. Who else will entertain me with their ridiculous life?'

‘I'm not going,' I said.

There was a pause on the end of the line. Initially, I thought this was because Matthew was taking time to consider the implications on my future happiness, however, the loud slurping noise revealed that, instead, he was just taking a moment to sip his coffee.

I sighed. ‘Does anyone actually care?' Out of nowhere, Rupert jumped on my lap and gazed up at me.

Matthew sniggered down the line. ‘Of course I care,' he said. ‘I just care more after coffee.'

‘So I was saying…'

‘Yes, you're off to Yank land.'

‘No, I'm not. I'm not going.'

‘Why not?'

‘I hate America.'

‘You haven't even been.'

I rolled my eyes. ‘Of course I have. The agency has an office in New York.'

He laughed. ‘Yes, which you've visited once in three years, for, oh, what was it, all of six hours?'