Love Leaps: A Short Story (3 page)

The alarm sounds so obnoxious and loud when
it goes off. I've barely slept, I'm still in a bad mood and I don't
want to go to work. I slam my hand on it to turn it off. I don't
have much sick leave so I grudgingly get myself out of bed and into
the shower. I check my text messages and still nothing. I say swear
words I've never said before and think even worse things as I brush
my teeth.

I'm still grumbling in the shower about what
an ass Gray is, when I hear my cell phone text message alert go
off. Shampoo is in my hair and I'm dripping wet but I still jump
out of the shower to check my phone. I catch my breath as I see
Gray's name on the screen.

“My phone was off last night and I was
asleep. I'm really sorry this is so hard for you. I don't want to
hurt you. I don't know how else to deal with this though.”

What the hell? Is he waiting for a damn
epiphany? I just don't get it. I don't get him. We were happy and
everything was going great in our relationship. We were practically
living together and he'd started talking about our future. I
thought we were on the right track. I thought we would be the next
one of our friends getting engaged and married. I certainly didn't
think he'd have a break down and we'd be on the brink of splitting
up.

There's so much I want to say, but all I
type back is, “Good luck.” He doesn't respond. I'm dripping water
everywhere and I'm shivering from being out of the shower for a few
minutes. Damn him, I say as I climb back into the tub. Tears stream
down my face, mixing with the spray from my nozzle. I try to stop
crying because I don't want to have swollen puffy eyes at work. I
don't want to answer questions or have people look at me
sympathetically. I just want to be left alone.

An email from Jessica is waiting for me when
I get to work. She had called last night but I didn't call her back
and now she's wondering if my clothes indeed, did fall off and I
spent the night rolling around with Sam.

“No, my clothes stayed on,” I email back.
“We had a really nice time and he's still as sexy as ever but I
restrained myself. ; ) He said he wasn't ready to seriously date me
when we were together but now he's ready and wants to be with me.
This is everything I wished he would have said over a year ago and
I'm not sure how I feel about it now though. We had a lot of fun
though, and it felt like we'd never been apart but I still don't
know what's going on with me and Gray. I broke down and texted him
last night. I wish I hadn't. He sent me a text this morning that's
still vague and ambiguous. I honestly don't know what kind of
epiphany he's waiting for but I don't know how much longer I can do
this. I'm stressed out beyond anything I've ever felt. Advice?”

“What a mess!” Jess writes back. “I'm sorry
you have to go through this but I do have some great advice for
you! Forget about both men and go out with me on Friday night.”

As I'm about to write her back, my text
message alert goes off. I glance at my phone and it's Sam. “Good
Morning Gorgeous.” Seriously, why couldn't he have put forth this
effort when we were together? Why do they always seem to want what
they can't have. I'm pissed off at him too right now, so I don't
answer. Screw Sam and screw Gray.

“That's exactly what I need,” I write back
to Jessica. “I'll come over to your place Friday around 7pm and
we'll have a fun girls night out. I need to stop thinking,
analyzing, and obsessing about Gray. And, Sam is just an unneeded
distraction.”

I trudge through the next couple days at
work, but when Friday afternoon arrives, I'm more than ready to
have a break. Rushing home, taking a quick shower, putting on a
some make up and a cute outfit and then I'm back out the door in
warp speed time. My emotions have still been ping ponging for the
past couple days but they're not as extreme as they have been,
which is good because I thought I was heading for a nervous
breakdown. I still haven't heard from Gray and Sam's been pestering
me with text messages. You know, a year ago, I would have been
thrilled with this attention but right now, I feel overwhelmed.
Tonight, I'm going to try not to think about either of them and
just have a good time with Jess.

“Promise me, you won't let me drone on and
on about stupid men tonight,” I say to Jess as she hugs me
hello.

“Deal,” she says with a smile. She grabs her
purse off the counter and we head to the trendy Sushi Bar in
downtown Raleigh, Sushi Blues.

We're both wearing strappy heels and jeans.
She's got a black sequined tank top on and I've got a tangerine
orange top that hangs off one shoulder. It's packed when we get
there but we put our name on the waiting list and hit the bar.
Several guys have checked us out as we've walked in. Smiling back
at them, I'm determined to have a good time.

“Two dirty martinis,” Jess requests from the
bartender.

“I'm so sick of talking about myself and
thinking about myself, so tell me what's been going on?” I say.

“It's okay, you've had a hard time,” she
says as the bartender delivers our martinis and winks at us.

“Thanks,” I say. “But, tonight, I want to
talk about you. Tell me some gossip!”

“Okay,” she says laughing. “You remember my
evil boss, Amanda?”

I nod, knowing all too well how she's made
Jess's life miserable for the past few months. I'd be ready to cry
if my boss yelled at me and blamed things on me but Jess takes it
in stride.

“Well,” she starts with a chuckle. “Our big
bosses finally caught her lying and fired her! She was scrambling
to cover her tail and try to do damage control, but it was too
late. Everyone saw what a two faced liar she is, and when she
realized she was caught, she acted indignant about the whole thing.
It was hysterical. It's been unfolding over the last couple
days.”

“Wow,” I say with a laugh. “What was she
lying about?”

“She was so stupid and used her company
credit card to go out to dinner with her boyfriend but she said she
was actually having a work dinner when they questioned her about
her expense report. They interviewed all of us in the department to
verify her story and no one had any idea who she had dinner with
and no one covered for her. She was livid. I'm guessing there were
some questionable other charges that made them keep their eye on
her. So now that crazy bitch is gone.”

“Cheers to that!” I exclaim and we clink
glasses.

Our table is ready and we get up from our
bar stools to head to the dining area. A few of the guys sitting at
the bar, look us up and down as we get up. It's flattering to be
noticed. Although none of them have talked to us or even made any
effort to get our attention. Not that I really need the hassle of
any other men in my life right now.

The restaurant is still buzzing and it's
wall to wall people. I didn't realize it was such a hot spot. I
knew it was good but I generally have come during the week so I
didn't know how popular it was on the weekends. We browse our menus
and pick out several sushi rolls to share.

“Have you thought any more about starting to
date again?” I ask. It's been several months since Jessica and
Tristan broke up. She never really seemed all that upset, just more
numb. I kept trying to get her to talk about it but she always
shrugged it off.

“I don't know,” she says while she sips her
martini. “I've thought about it.”

“Don't you think it's time to get back out
there?” I gently prod.

“Maybe,” she says with a weak smile. “I'm
just not like you. I can't bounce back easily. You're stronger than
I am. I still feel so...damaged.”

“I'm not stronger!” I exclaim. “I'm an
emotional wreck.”

“Yeah,” she admits. “But where you deal with
your emotions, I just shut them off. I don't know that I want to
let someone else in.”

“You don't want to live your life alone,” I
remind her.

“No,” she says wistfully. “I don't. But, I
also don't feel ready yet.”

“I wish I could shut my feelings off,” I
say. “I hate feeling like a blubbering mess all the time where I go
from feeling depressed to being furious to crying my eyes out, all
within fifteen minutes! I feel neurotic.”

“At least you're feeling it, dealing with it
and moving forward. I can't seem to do that,” Jess says.

“Maybe you should try journaling or maybe
see a therapist,” I offer. It makes me sad to see her isolating
herself and not allowing love into her life because she's scared of
getting hurt again. She's one of the sweetest, kindest women I
know. “Any man would be lucky to have you.”

“Em, any man would be lucky to have you
too,” she says and offers me a big smile.

“I'm so glad we got together tonight,” I
tell her. “I really needed it.”

“So did I,” she says. “There's nothing
better than hanging out with your best friend, sharing awesome
sushi and having some girl talk.”

“Definitely,” I say. “Cheers to us!”

After dinner, we move back to the bar where
it's getting crowded and a band has started playing. We have a
couple more drinks while dancing to one of the hip, local bands. By
the end of the night, we're ready to head home. I feel so much
better now that I've had a night out with my best friend.

I fall asleep easily and sleep through the
night, even getting a couple extra hours than I'd expected.
Stretching, I pull the covers back, ready to get out of bed, when I
see my phone flashing. It's probably a text from Jess.

“Meet me for brunch today at Hibernian Pub
at 11am. I'm not taking no for an answer.”

I smirk. It's not from Jessica after all.
It's from Sam. He's been asking to see me again but I've been
putting him off while I see what happens with Gray. I can't handle
having my heart pulled in two different directions. I'm amused he's
demanding to see me now. But the more I've thought about Sam, the
more I'm starting to think we're too much alike. Yes, we get each
other and yes, we have intense chemistry but we also push each
other's buttons because we can and we both seem to enjoy the power
struggle that goes on between us. Is that the kind of relationship
that I want for the rest of my life? Could it even last that long?
Sam seems to think that the chemistry we share is enough of a
foundation and everything else will work itself out. Maybe he's
right. I hop in the shower, not sure what I should do.

While I'm toweling off, my phone is showing
another message. Geez, Sam's persistent, I think as I check my
phone.

“Can you please meet me at the Rose Garden
so we can talk?”

My heart stops and I feel faint. I'd finally
started to get used to him not texting me and just as I started to
come to terms with it, here he is. I don't know how to feel. And, I
don't know what to do. I'm still so mad at Gray. How could he walk
out on me? No, he didn't break up with me, but in a way, it's been
worse than a break up. I've just been living in limbo while he's
out trying to figure out who he is or some craziness like that. And
now, I get this stupid text asking me to meet him in the Rose
Garden. What does he mean by “talk”? Is he going to apologize? Or
is he going to dump me for real this time? I feel sick to my
stomach. Is the reason he's asking me to go to a public place
because I won't make a scene there? And why couldn't he have just
come over? Why does he have to be so damn dramatic? All these
questions and no answers. I really want to throw up. You know, I
shouldn't be expected to drop everything and run over there because
he's good and ready to talk. Maybe I should make him wait...make
him see what I've been going through. I chuck my phone on the
bed.

As I get dressed, my mind races. Should I go
see Gray and see if we can salvage our relationship, if that's even
what he wants? Or should I go see Sam and try to figure out what
keeps bringing us back together? Or hell, maybe I should just go
shopping and forget both of them! Taking a deep breath, I picture
both guys standing next to each other and as my mind quiets down, I
know which one I want a future with and which one I'm ready to let
go of.

I send only one text on my way out the door,
“I'm on my way.” Smiling, I get in my car, with my hands shaking
and my stomach feeling like a ball of nerves. But this is right. I
know it. And I just hope he knows it too.

As I pull into a parking spot, I see him
pacing, waiting for me. Standing there for a moment, watching him,
I smile feeling confident and hopeful. My nerves are gone as I head
down to see him. Just as I reach the last step, he glances over to
the stairs and smiles broadly when he recognizes me. I smile back
as he walks over.

“Hi,” he says quietly.

“Hi,” I say, smiling.

“I wasn't sure if you'd come,” he tells
me.

“I wasn't sure either,” I say honestly.

“But, you're here,” he says.

“Yes, I am.”

“I love you,” he blurts out and then grins
sheepishly.

“I love you, too,” I tell him, meaning it
with all my heart. He takes my hand and has me sit down next to
him.

“Remember the first time we came here?” he
asks.

“How could I forget?” I say smiling. “It was
our first date.”

“Yes, it was. And I knew that first time I
met you that you were the most amazing woman I'd ever known and I'd
be so lucky if I could spend my life with you,” he tells me. “But
then I got scared. And I saw all of our friends getting engaged and
married and I felt like everyone was on this conveyor belt moving
along and it was just what was expected and I didn't want to be
like that. I didn't want to get engaged just because it was
expected.”

I nod, but I wait for him to continue. He
squeezes my hand and takes another deep breath.

“I'm sorry I've made you wait for me. I'm
sorry that I've hurt you,” he says sincerely.

“I know,” I whisper quietly.