Love Lies Dying (27 page)

But he had to play along. At least until he knew the new rules.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked.

He almost smiled. Her voice sounded concerned.

“I’ve been better.”

Silence fell between them.

John closed his eyes and tried hard to use his ears for an indication as to what Zoe was doing.

She was still behind him somewhere. And close, he was sure of it. But he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of turning around or asking to be released. It was up to her to make the moves for now.

He could wait.

But the silence was deep. There was no sound to indicate what she was doing or whether she was still there.

He guessed she was, as he hadn’t heard her leave. But he was starting to wonder if she had suddenly disappeared when she spoke again.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“You said that already,” he replied, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

But he failed.

Silence again.

Damn!

Then he heard a rustling close by, just near his ear.

His shoulders tensed and he readied himself for anything.

But then the sound died away and the silence continued.

“I didn’t mean it, okay,” she eventually continued. “I didn’t plan to hit you with the shovel. I want you to understand that.”

John remained silent.

The more you talk, the more I know,
he thought.

“It’s just when you started yelling at me, you know, when we were out at the Jeep and you had my handbag and everything, you sounded just like Ricky.”

Suddenly, John felt a sinking feeling.

“That’s how he used to talk to me. He’d taunt me, bait me, lead me on until I got really mad. And then…” her voice trailed off.

Suddenly John felt terrible. He had no idea he had put her through that, no idea that he had been sounding just like the man he’d said he would protect her from.

“I just lashed out,” she continued. “I didn’t mean to and I didn’t plan to, but I just did. I’ve wasted too much of my life dealing with Ricky and his fucked-up games, and I didn’t want to start playing them with you.”

John shook his head. He understood.

What an asshole,
he thought.

“I’m sorry too,” he replied.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. You don’t know Ricky so you don’t know how he is. I planned for so long to get away from him and his mind games, I guess I just went into automatic and did the same thing to you when you started to play them too. I had no idea I had the shovel in my hands. I don’t even know when I grabbed it. It was just there and I used it.”

“I shouldn’t’ve taunted you.”

“You didn’t know you were.”

“Still, I didn’t have the right,” he replied.

She lied about the keys, though,
he reminded himself.
Worry about that later. Get her to untie you first!

“I’m sorry, Johnny,” she said again, this time much closer to his left ear. “So sorry…”

Silence settled over them again.

John was amazed. She actually had him feeling sorry for her. Just minutes ago he was ready for anything and was on guard against her every move. But now he understood things from her point of view and he knew that he was partially to blame for the trouble he now found himself in.

In a situation like the one last night, he would probably do the same thing if he was her. What else
could
she do?

After all,
he thought.
What would you have done to her last night if she hadn’t stopped you?

He thought about that, and he realised he didn’t have an answer.

And that scared him even more.

He didn’t want to think that he had any part of Ricky Fox in him. He wanted to believe that Fox and himself were two totally different people and that he could never be like that bastard.

Now he remembered yelling at her and sneering at her, being sarcastic and pushing her over the edge.

But she
did
lie! Why?

Maybe Fox
wasn’t
so abnormal. Maybe there was a bit of Fox in every man.

John shook his head.

For once in his life he was truly ashamed.

“It won’t happen again,” he broke the silence between them and waited for her reply.

There was none.

He waited a bit longer.

“Zoe?” he whispered.

Nothing.

He sharpened his ears to listen for any noise. All he heard were bird songs from outside.

“Zoe? You there?”

He started to turn around.

“I’m here,” she replied.

He was sure he could feel her breath on the back of his neck. Was she that close to him?

“I said it won’t happen again.”

“I know, I heard you.” She did sound very close.

“I think I just lost it last night and I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m not usually like that and I can understand why you acted the way you did. It won’t happen again.”

“Good,” she replied. “I’m glad.”

John waited for her next move, but none was forthcoming. He started to realise that he didn’t like the silences between them any more.

“Do you believe me?” he asked.

“Yes, Johnny,” she replied. “I honestly do.”

John noticed for the first time that the shadow on the far wall had fallen much further. It was now on the floor, halfway between him and the wall, slowly creeping closer. John turned his head to the left and stared out the windows again. The sun was higher in the sky now, quickly climbing up the stained-glass of the windows.

“I’m glad you believe me,” he finally said, trying to make a move. “You can release me now.”

Zoe didn’t reply.

“Zoe?”

“Yes, Johnny?”

“Will you release me?”

“No, Johnny.”

He paused, letting her words sink in.

“What?”

“I can’t.”

“You
can’t?
”

“No.”

“Why? I thought you said you believed me.”

“I do,” she whispered.

She sounded so close to him.

“And I said I wouldn’t act that way again, you heard that too?”

“Yes.”

“Then why can’t you release me?”

There was a moment of silence, and then John heard her deep sigh. Another rustling noise followed before the silence began again.

“I’m sorry, Johnny. I had to tie you up in this chair. Not because of last night, but so you won’t try to save me from Ricky.”

“Huh?”

“You have to understand, okay?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

John felt her hand rest on his right shoulder. She rubbed his shoulder lightly.

“I have to do this –”

“Do what?”

Zoe sighed, “Please, Johnny, just
listen
, okay?”

He wanted to say more, to yell at her and demand to be untied, but he bit his tongue.

Easy…let her talk…

He nodded his head, “Go on.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but you have to stay tied up, okay? You probably don’t understand, and I really can’t ask you to. But I’m doing this for you. I’m doing it for all of us. I’m protecting all of us from Ricky.”

“You’re right, I
don’t
understand!”

“Johnny, you don’t know how violent Ricky can be. You have no idea. I tried to explain to you what he’s like and how he acts and how dangerous he is, but I don’t think you really understand what you’d be up against. So, when I calmed down last night and brought you back in here, I thought about what was going to happen today, and I decided I can’t let you go ahead and help me. I just can’t. I’ve got to solve my
own
problems my
own
way. And I saw last night how upset and violent you can become and I just know that if you lose it when Ricky is around we’ll all be as good as dead. He won’t stand for it and you won’t have the power to do anything about it. This is for the best – for all of us – Johnny.”

“You can’t be
serious!
” John replied.

“I am.”

“You can’t face him alone!”

“I have to and I will.”

“But you’re going to need help,” he continued. “You said yourself this bastard is violent. Hell, you
know
how violent he can be! You can’t walk in there alone – you’ll need help.”

“Yes, I probably will,” Zoe’s voice sounded sad, almost strained. “But that’s not how we’re going to play it. We’ll play it by Ricky’s rules and his rules only. It’s the only way that there will be hope for you and Helen.”

“I can’t believe you’d do it this way!”

“I have no other choice.”

John turned his head to the left, trying to see her over his left shoulder, but he couldn’t.

All of a sudden he wanted to see her.

Needed to.

“Yes, you do. Take me with you. I can stay hidden, or in the background somewhere. I promise not to do anything except what you tell me to do.”

Zoe let out a soft chuckle.

“I promise,” he said.

“Yes,” Zoe replied. “You probably do promise, but I know you won’t keep it. I know what will happen. I can see in my mind you and Ricky exploding in each other’s faces. I can see it happening. Believe me, Johnny, I’ve spent all night thinking about the scenarios of how today will play out, and I know for sure that if you go along with me, there’s no doubt that you’ll end up dead. And so will Helen probably. I just can’t let that happen.”

Even though she was so close to him, the silence that now blanketed them was deep and long.

John shook his head.

There was nothing he could say.

He tried to think of something, but his mind was spinning out of control. He knew he could try to talk her around, but he also knew that he was currently in a position in which he could do nothing, and he didn’t think Zoe was going to untie him now – no matter what he said.

She’s already decided
, he thought.

“Look,” he said after a short while. “Why don’t we just wait for Fox to call, see what he has to say – what he wants – and then we’ll decide our course of action.”

“He already has.”

“Huh?”

“He’s already called.”

“When?” John was confused. “I didn’t hear him.”

“You were out cold, Johnny. He called about two hours ago.”

John turned to stare at the still-rising sun and remembered he no longer had a watch.

“It’s past nine o’clock?”

Zoe let out a sour giggle, “No, it isn’t.”

“He said he’d call at nine a.m.”

“Another one of his little games,” Zoe replied. Her voice sounded small and childlike. “He called two hours early.”

“Oh,” John replied. “I didn’t know.”

He heard her footsteps behind him. And then suddenly she was by his side. She squatted down by him to look him straight in the eye.

“And that’s just the point, Johnny,” she said. “You don’t know him and you don’t know how he works. You’re going to be out of your depth if you meet him and I don’t want you to put your life on the line to solve problems that are mine.”

“But – ”

“You don’t know how he thinks or what he’s capable of. You haven’t got a clue, so it’s safer for you to stay here. If I survive today, I’ll bring Helen back with me. If I don’t, I just hope Ricky keeps his promise to return her here.”

“Will he?” John asked, staring deep into her eyes and watching her face change as a multitude of emotions swept across it.

“He said he would,” she whispered as her eyes dropped to the ground.

“Do you believe him?”

She nodded, “I think so.”

“Zoe, listen to me,” John turned sideways in the chair, as far as the handcuffs would let him. “You can’t do this, it’s not worth the risk. If you really think Fox is that dangerous and your life could be in danger, then untie me and we’ll go to the police and we’ll arrive there with them and nail the bastard!”

Zoe looked up into his eyes again. She smiled, and then her face broke into sadness. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

“Thanks, Johnny,” she muttered. “That means a lot to me. That you’re willing to risk all for me makes me so happy. But it isn’t going to happen.”