Love Lies Dying (38 page)

“I know,” he said.

“I held her, Johnny. I held her until her eyes closed and she –”

“Stop,” John whispered. “Don’t tell me any more.”

The silence between them was heavy.

I can’t go on any more,
he thought as the sadness overwhelmed him.
I never wanted things to turn out like this.

He felt hollow inside, almost drained of all energy. But then, almost without another thought, the anger started to build inside him. His sadness turned to rage. He wouldn’t let this go unanswered. He couldn’t.

I’ll hunt you down, Fox. And I’ll nail your sorry motherfucking arse if it’s the last thing I do.

John opened his eyes and stared at Zoe. She was leaning against the stove, watching him, her arms crossed in front of her. He couldn’t read the expression on her face.

“We have to make him pay,” he told her.

She nodded, “Don’t think I haven’t thought about that. But what are we going to do? We haven’t got a gun now, and we’ve got no other weapons!”

“I know.”

“But I understand it now if you want to go to the police,” she said.

John shook his head, “Don’t worry, Zoe. We’re not going to the police. This is between Fox and us.”

Zoe’s expression changed to a look of worry and then fear.

“You don’t want to do that, Johnny.”

“I have to. For Helen.”

“If I can’t beat him at his game, you can’t.”

“I can try.”

“I don’t want you dying too, Johnny.” Zoe walked towards him, her footsteps loud in the silence of the church. “I can’t lose you.”

“We have to, Zoe. We have to try and stop this bastard.”

“But with what? We have nothing, we can’t stand against him and his men who are
armed
, Johnny!”

John shook his head; he didn’t want to discuss that now.

“What happened then?” he asked.

Zoe looked surprised by the question, “Huh?”

“After Helen,” John paused. “What happened then?”

Zoe ran a hand over her hair and started pacing again.

“Well,” she said. “Somehow I got back to the Jeep. I must have panicked and run or something. I don’t know if they started firing at me or whether I just turned and ran. But I got back to the Jeep and I was screaming and I was covered in blood and I just drove out of there as quickly as I could. I can remember hearing gunshots, I’m sure I did, and I remember hitting one of Ricky’s men who jumped onto the Jeep and opened the door. He tried to pull me out. He grabbed me and pulled. I swerved the Jeep, driving side to side on the driveway, and I hit out at him. One second he was there, trying to pull me out, and then the next he was gone. I guess he fell backwards out of the Jeep when I hit him. I drove and drove and didn’t look back for fear they were following me.”

“He just let you go?”

Zoe nodded as she paced, “That’s the thing about Ricky. I don’t know how he’s going to play the game now, or if there is even any game left to play. Maybe I’m soiled now, maybe he doesn’t want me because I’ve been with you. Maybe killing Helen is all the revenge he needs. I don’t know. But I just drove and drove and they didn’t follow me. The next thing I knew, it was night and I was still driving. The clock on the dashboard said 2 a.m. and I had no idea where I was or what I was doing. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried and cried for I don’t know how long.

“Once I finished crying, I got back in the Jeep and began to find my way back here. That’s why it took me so long, Johnny.”

John nodded his head. He couldn’t find the words to reply.

“But I still can’t believe they didn’t come after me. And that’s the worst part, because if he doesn’t track me down now, I’m going to live my life in fear, waiting for him to step out in front of me one day and smile and then kill me. That’s what he’s like, he’s going to make me sweat, to worry myself half to death, until he’s ready to strike.”

“We’ll strike first,” John replied.

“We can’t.”

“We have to!”

“With that?” Zoe turned around to face him, her face angry now. “Don’t you get it yet, Johnny? Can’t you see what’s going on here? You’re out of your depth, you don’t know how this game will play out in the end! We can’t fight this, it’s bigger than both of us! Helen is
dead,
Johnny? Do you understand? She’s
dead!
That’s who you’re up against! You’re up against someone who’ll kill your wife in cold blood! This whole thing is out of control, Johnny! What do you possibly think you can do?”

John shook his head, “I don’t know, I really don’t. But we’ve got to go back there and give Fox some of his own medicine. We have to. He has to finally pay for what he’s done. There must be something around here we can use against him.”

Zoe put her hands on her hips, “There’s nothing, Johnny, or I would’ve taken it with me when I left. Now, we don’t even have a gun. We don’t have
anything
.”

Zoe stopped her pacing and stared at him, “Except…” she said to herself as she walked into the kitchenette and started opening the drawers.

From where he sat, John heard the clatter of utensils in the drawers, but couldn’t see what Zoe was looking for.

Zoe tugged on one of the drawers, pulled it from its slot and emptied it on the kitchenette counter. A spray of knives, forks and spoons clattered around the counter-top.

Pushing the utensils one way and another, Zoe searched through them, grabbing at the knives, looking at each one.

“This is all we have,” she said as she searched. “Our great hope against Ricky.”

Her hand grasped the biggest knife on the counter. It was nothing more than a steak knife with a serrated six-inch blade.

“It’s not going to be enough,” she said to him as she moved it across the counter and placed it just inches in front of his eyes. “Johnny, we can’t fight him with
this
.”

John stared at the steak knife, the sunlight reflecting off its blade.

But there has to be a way…

“We need to sit down and work this thing out,” he said. “We have to plan an attack and then get whatever we need to wipe this fucker off the face of the earth.”

“It’s not that easy, Johnny,”

“Unchain me and we’ll work something out.”

Zoe walked around the kitchenette counter and stood in front of him, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest.

“It’s not that easy, believe me.”

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy,” John replied. “Just untie me and we’ll work it out!”

Zoe bent forward and stared into his eyes. Her blood-stained face was just inches away from his and he could feel her breath as she talked.

“I still don’t think you get it,” she said to him. “This isn’t a game. I don’t think you realise that, even now. This is life and death stuff.”

“I realise that,” he said. “Now, untie me.”

Zoe sighed deeply and her hands went to the back pocket in her jeans.

Finally!
John thought.

Her hands returned from her pockets. She held them closed out in front of his eyes.

“I think you need to understand,” Zoe whispered.

She opened her hands.

Resting in her left palm was a gold chain with a half-heart gold pendant attached to it.

Helen’s.

The pendant he had given to her when they were engaged.

The other half of the heart was still hanging around John’s neck.

John sat in stunned silence.

“I didn’t want to show you this,” Zoe continued. “I didn’t want to hurt you any more. But I think you need to see it.”

John looked at the half-heart pendant. The gold was tarnished, dusty now, and there were specks of dried blood on it. The chain was dirty too, and stained so badly with blood that he couldn’t tell if it was really gold any more.

The sorrow welled up in John’s chest. He felt as if he were drowning in the sadness of it all.

And all of a sudden, he couldn’t stop himself. He closed his eyes tight and let his head fall forward as the tears began to fall.

“I’m sorry, Johnny, I really am.”

Zoe was closer to him now, by his ear. He could feel her warm hand on his back, rubbing him, comforting him.

“Helen took it from her neck,” she continued between his sobs. “She gave it to me while I held her. Before she died she asked me to give it to you and to tell you that she loved you.”

John’s sobs grew louder as he let the sorrow flow through him.

Oh, Helen,
he thought.
Why? Why did this have to happen to us?

“I thought it would hurt too much to give it to you,” Zoe continued rubbing his back. “But now I think you needed to see it, so you know how dangerous this whole game is. Okay?”

John nodded.

“I’m sorry, Johnny” she said once more.

He cried for what seemed like forever.

Zoe stayed by his side and let him cry out the pain. Holding him and kissing his cheek.

His sobs echoed through the church until finally, he could cry no longer. He was too exhausted, too tired.

This is all so fucking fucked up!

With one last, deep sob, he lifted his head and opened his eyes.

He turned his head to the left and looked into Zoe’s eyes. She smiled at him. Her face was still spotted with Helen’s blood. Even the scar across her left eyebrow was a deep red colour now.

Her smile filled him with warmth and he was glad she was here by him, to make the pain ease slightly. He didn’t want to be alone right now.

He smiled back.

She rubbed his arm and then ran her fingers through his hair.

His eyes dropped down.

He saw the chain hanging around her neck.

Then he saw the half-heart pendant hanging there too.

Confusion crossed his face. His eyes flashed back to hers.

She smiled again.

“Now we can be together,” she whispered. “Forever.”

Thirty-five

“Just you and me, Johnny,” she whispered into his ear as she fingered the half-heart pendant.

“What?” John sat back from her.

“Now that Helen’s gone, we can be together.”

She leaned closer to him.

“I know it’s a bad time to talk about this,” she said as emotions swept across her. “I know I shouldn’t. But this is our
chance
. At least we still have each other. At least this way we can protect each other and be together now for always.”

John stared deep into her eyes.

Is this some kind of joke?

He tried to read her face, to work out what she was thinking, but he couldn’t.

Is she serious?

“Zoe, look –”

“I know what you’re going to say,” she continued. “But I don’t want you to think about it now. You’re too emotional because of all the events that have happened. I understand that, I really do, Johnny. But I’ve been thinking as I drove back here. Think of it this way, think that maybe it’s Fate that has brought us together. Maybe it was
supposed
to work out this way. Maybe we were
destined
to be together. Did you ever think of it like that?”

John shook his head. “This is
crazy.
”

“No, no it’s not. See this?” Zoe lifted the half-heart gold pendant from her neck and held it out for him to see. “Helen gave me this, Johnny. She
gave
me this, just before she died. It’s a
sign
, Johnny. A sign that we can now be together.”

John watched her face. Emotions flowed and changed the way she looked. One second she was like a scared child, and then the next she looked joyous and more excited than ever. But there were other emotions mixed in; emotions John hadn’t seen before.

He discovered he could no longer read her as easily as he used to.

Kneeling now, she moved closer to him, until she was by his side and looking up into his eyes.

“I love you, Johnny,” she whispered.

John turned away from her.

“Don’t talk like that,” he said.

“I do. I want you.”

“We don’t always get what we want, Zoe.”

“Some of us do.”

There was silence between them.

John turned back to face her.

She was sitting on her haunches, her arms crossed in front of her. Worry crossed her brow, but her mouth was bent into a half-smile.

He couldn’t see the half-heart pendant now. He could only see the chain disappearing under her shirt. She had hidden the pendant from his view.

“Untie me, Zoe,” John said.

She didn’t reply. She just stared at him.

Something’s not right…

“Untie me, please, Zoe,” John repeated, keeping his growing anger in check.

Zoe shook her head. “I don’t think so, Johnny. Not yet.”

“You’ll untie me!” his voice raised to a yell.

“No, I won’t.”

“Do it now!”

“Not until you
understand
,” she said as she stood up and walked to the kitchenette. “Not until you come to your senses and see what’s right.”

“I know what’s right,” John’s eyes followed her. “And I know what’s crazy.”

Zoe stopped at the sink and poured herself a glass of water. She began to drink it, ignoring John completely.

“You’ll untie me Zoe.” John continued, keeping his anger in check. Trying hard not to lose it and push her over the edge like Saturday night.

She put the glass down on the counter and turned to face him.

“Make me,” she said.

“
Huh?
”

“Make me untie you.”

Has she lost it?
John wondered.
Did the events at Redlingford shock her so much that she’s lost her mind? Is she as crazy as Fox? Or worse?

“I can’t,” he found himself answering her.

“Well, you’ll just have to stay there,” she crossed her arms.

“
Zoe…
”

She smiled at him, “Unless…”

“Unless what?”

She walked around the counter and leaned over to him. The sun shone on her hair, making the braids look golden. It brought back to John the warm memories of finding her on the sofa, meeting her, spending time and shopping with her.

Did all this begin just three days ago?

“Unless you tell me you love me,” she smiled at him.

“Zoe, don’t…” he whispered and looked away.

“If you can’t say it, then I can’t unchain you.”

“I can’t,” John replied through gritted teeth. “I
won’t
.”

Zoe’s eyes fell to the ground and sadness crossed her face.

John felt sorry for her for a split second. But then the stiffness in his neck and his sore arms and numb body reminded him that she could change the situation they were both in.

But she was choosing not to.

Her eyes darted back to his, as if she could hear the thoughts in his head.

“You’ll understand soon,” she replied.

“Zoe,” John closed his eyes and concentrated on keeping his voice quiet and calm. “This is not a game. We’ve got some serious problems here and I want to help you. I really do. I want to help you get away from Fox and I want to make sure we both get out of here safely. I can’t do any of that tied to this chair. Untie me and we’ll talk. We’ll make a plan and then we’ll hunt down Fox and make him pay.”

He opened his eyes.

She was standing by him, leaning against the side of one of the pews running down the wooden table.

“You’d really do that?” her voice sounded different now. “You’d really protect me against Ricky?”

John nodded, “You know I would.”

“You’d protect me against such terrible danger?”

“Yes.”

“Risking everything for me?”

What can I say?

“Yes,” he replied, trying to stay calm.

“So, you
do
love me?”

John sighed deeply.

“You’d do that, you’d fight Ricky because you love me, right?” she said again.

“I’ll do it because he needs to be stopped.” John continued. “He needs to be shown you can’t do this to people. I have to do it because of what he did to Helen. He has to pay. Helen deserves to be avenged for all the pain he caused her. And for all the pain he caused you too.”

“You mean that?” her voice sounded small and childlike.

“I do,” John stared into her eyes and smiled. “But I can’t do it all tied to this chair, now can I?”

She smiled back.

Yes,
he thought.
I’ve got her now.

She walked over to him and smiled once more. She ran her hand along the side of his cheek.

“You’re the best, Johnny,” she said. “I’m glad you’re here for me.”

“Untie me, Zoe,” he prompted again.

She stepped to his side and leaned behind him.

He could hear the clatter of metal on metal and could feel the weight of her hands on his numb wrists.

Finally!

She leaned back and placed a kiss on his forehead.

John smiled and pushed forward, bringing his hands free.

He heard the clatter as his arms stopped behind his back.

Huh?

He pulled harder.

His arms would not obey. They stayed behind his back. The handcuffs held tight.

He looked up at Zoe as he slipped the handcuffs up the metal rungs of the chair, searching desperately for freedom.

There wasn’t any.

“Zoe…” he whispered.

She took a step backwards.

“What are you
doing?
” he asked.

“Sorry, my love,” she said. “I can’t. I can’t let you go.”

“What?” the anger began to build again. “Look, Zoe, this has gone far enough. This isn’t funny any more. It never was! Now,
untie me
!”

“I can’t,” she continued. “Not until I know you trust me.”

“Trust you?” John was amazed as he pulled forward with his hands once more. “I’m tied to a chair and you won’t let me be free. How
can
I trust you?”

“I’ll never hurt you, Johnny,” she replied. “Unless you force me to.”

John stopped his struggling and stared at her.

What?

She looked totally different to him now, but he couldn’t work out why.

“Hurt me?” he was confused.

“I don’t want to,” she replied. “But you have to realise we need to play this out by my rules.”

“Rules?”

Whose game is this?

John leaned forward again, tugging once more at the handcuffs. They bit into his wrists, but he didn’t care. He had to get free.

“What rules?” he continued. “This isn’t some game, Zoe. This is serious shit. This is life and death!”

“I know,” she replied.

“People have
died
, Zoe. This is
serious!
”

She nodded. “I know that, I just wanted to make sure you do.”

“Believe me,” John shook his head. “I’ve just been told my
wife
has been killed! I
know
how serious this whole fucking thing is. We need to work together to help each other through this.”

Zoe smiled then and her worried face changed.

“I’m just glad you finally understand,” she said to him as she walked closer. “I think together we’ll be unstoppable.”

John nodded, “I agree. We’ll work together on this.”

“You and me?”

“You and me.”

Zoe stopped in front of him and reached over to the counter. She moved his glass to one side and picked up the steak knife.

“I’m sorry for what I did, Johnny,” she said as she knelt down in front of him.

“It’s okay,” John replied.

Is that all you can say?

What else
can
I say? I have to play by her rules! It’s still the only way she’ll untie me.

“I thought it was for the best.” Her head dropped to the floor. “If there were any other way, you know I would have done it.”

“As long as you did what you thought was right.”

“I did.”

He could feel her hands on his legs. Then he heard the knife cutting through the ropes around his ankles.

Her body shook as she cut through the rope.

John stared at the top of her head, at the pink streaks of blood in her hair and wrapped in her braids.

Helen, so much blood,
he thought.
I’m so sorry.

“You don’t blame me, do you?” she asked as the knife cut through the bindings on his right ankle. “You don’t blame me for all that happened?”

Freedom.

So close.

“Of course not,” John replied. His foot came free from the chair and he rested it flat on the floor. Then he stretched it out in front of him, his stiff muscles screaming for relief.

“Good,” she moved across and started cutting into the rope around his left ankle. “Because none of it was my fault.”

“I know that, Zoe.”

Almost there.

“I did what I had to do.”

“I know.”

Almost free!

“I didn’t know it would end this way. I really didn’t.”

“I understand.”

The knife cut through the rope and John’s left leg was free too. He stretched it out next to his right. Both ankles were sore and pins and needles began to flood them. From where he sat, John thought both ankles looked swollen. There was some blood on the top of his shoes, probably from the rope biting through the skin.

Then he noticed the stain from where he had urinated. It reached across his pants to his hip and stretched from the bottom of his shirt to just above his knees. The stain was mostly dry now, but John wanted to get out of the jeans and shirt as soon as the pins and needles passed.

Zoe sat back on her haunches and smiled at him.

“That better?” she asked.