Love, Lipstick and Lies (30 page)

We didn’t let it drop and I have instructed my lawyers. I wasn’t going to let them get away with treating us so badly. They sent through the wedding photos a few weeks later and I have to say the pictures were lovely. However, the experience of being papped while we were being married was horrible. It was very creepy, knowing that someone had a camera trained on us all week. And even when we’d returned from our honeymoon more pictures came out, which this time had been sold to various magazines. Whoever had taken the pictures had been so cunning; they must have been rubbing their hands together, thinking that they could retire on the proceeds. Bastards.

But whatever had gone wrong on our wedding and honeymoon, it didn’t take anything away from the love Kieran and I felt for each other, and how happy we were to be married. They do say third time lucky and I feel incredibly blessed to be married to him. And content and relaxed and excited about the baby!

Looking back over my first marriage, I can’t remember a single moment when we made any decisions without the involvement of Claire Powell. When friends ask me what I can remember about my first wedding day, automatically I feel what I can only describe as a stress gremlin in my head, with images of Claire and Pete and magazine deals and being filmed for the TV series, and of Richard Desmond, the owner of
OK!
I don’t feel that I have a single memory of that time which isn’t about work.

Since then I’ve tried to keep my relationships more private. So Kieran and I haven’t done any interviews or photo shoots together and we won’t be doing any. We did a very short one with the
Sun
, but that’s because I’m a columnist for them. I know I’m talking about him here, in my book, but it’s in my own words. No journalist can twist or change them. Nor does Kieran want to do any shoots or interviews. He’s not interested in fame. He wants to do his own thing, off his own back. He says he doesn’t want to make money or get fame by talking about me, and I believe him.

Once in the UK it was back to work for both Kieran and me. Some of his friends asked him why he had bothered returning to his job, but why wouldn’t he? I really respect him for that choice. He’s not going to be a kept man; we are equals, both responsible for looking after our family. So he was back in the routine of getting up at six to go to work, then off to the gym when he had finished. And we both joined the same gym, so we could go together and play sports, like badminton and tennis, which was a first for me in a relationship. I was already feeling exhausted from the pregnancy, though.

And, of course, my exes had to have their say. Yawn. Pete had one of his rants at me, through ‘a friend’, of course, claiming that I hadn’t told the kids that I was getting married again. But I had, two weeks before we flew to the Bahamas. He was probably annoyed because I hadn’t told him – but why should I when we don’t even talk any more? I think he was trying to get another
heartbreaking story out of my wedding … And it cuts both ways. For ages there have been stories about him and his girlfriend Emily … will they, won’t they get married? You don’t get heartbreaking quotes from me about him.

Apparently Alex wrote a letter to Kieran, which was published in
Now
magazine. I say apparently because I’m not going to read rubbish like that. All about how I was supposed to have treated him, that I compared him to Pete, saying Alex was as bad as him, that I hated his clothes – well, the clothes part is true as I’ve already said! When someone told me about the letter, I thought, My God, that man really does have no shame. And Leo had to have his say in the same magazine, saying that he was shocked by how quickly I had married Kieran and how he didn’t think we would last. Awww, like I’m bothered about what he thinks!

And then the press started sticking their oar in. They picked up on a throwaway comment I’d made, that a medium had said that I would marry a man called Kevin.
Please
, that is not the reason I married Kieran! It was just a funny near-coincidence as both names begin with K, and she said that I had already met the man I was going to fall in love with. In fact, when I saw the medium I had just met Kieran, though nothing had happened between us then. She also said that I was going to get married to someone very quickly.

Once I was with Kieran, we very soon had a Kevin in our lives when I bought him an adorable fox-red
Labrador puppy for his birthday and we named him Kevin!

But at least the story about the medium was light-hearted. What upset me were all the stories that came out that had a nasty, vindictive edge to them. Stories that said I wasn’t happy with Kieran, that I had only married him because I couldn’t bear to be on my own, that eleven days into our marriage I was bored. And they printed comments alleged to be from my ‘friends’, that I had told them I had made a mistake in marrying Kieran. All absolute crap. Those were no friends of mine, because all my friends knew that we were happy and that one hundred per cent I had made the right decision.

The magazines were only coming out with this kind of rubbish because Kieran and I hadn’t given any interviews. Instead of them printing the truth, that we were happy and in love, it was easier to write headlines saying that we were having problems already. It felt as if they didn’t want us to get on. That they were waiting and wishing for something bad to happen so it would give them something juicy to write about.

One example was a picture they printed of the pair of us at a petrol station, and how they wrote that because we both looked moody and weren’t holding hands this was proof of how badly we were getting on together. The truth is that it was a freezing cold day, Kieran was suffering from tonsillitis, and after we had filled the car up with petrol we went into the kiosk to buy him some
more Paracetamol and various drinks and snacks. As he and I rushed back to the car afterwards, he pointed out that someone had a camera directed at us, and hearing a click, I turned my head away. From that the press decided that our marriage was on the rocks. Pathetic! I mean, that really is the sound of the barrel being scraped.

Then there was the wife from hell story in
Now
, saying that I had come out with Ten Commandments that Kieran had to follow. Apparently I’d ordered him to take his shoes off before entering the bedroom. Well,
Now
magazine, you need to get your facts right because
everyone
has to take their shoes off at my front door! And here’s another commandment: Kieran must never make eye contact with a woman aged between 18–40 unless he wants a telling off. Funnily enough, he has plenty of contact with that age group when he’s stripping in front of them all! So I don’t exactly think I’d be worried about him having eye contact.

Oh, here’s another: apparently we can’t sleep in a bedroom hotter than 10°C because I’m so worried about ageing.
Please!
Anyone who knows me, knows that it’s like walking into the Caribbean when you come into my house because I always have the heating up full blast.

I can shrug off the articles because they’re rubbish and all completely untrue, but all the same, yet again, I am being made out to be a bad person. As I’ve said before, after years and years of having such stories written about me, I am to a certain extent desensitised to them. Friends ask me how I can bear to read things
like this about myself, but I don’t usually read them and I’m used to it. It’s a case of, here we go, yet another bullshit story. The stories upset Kieran more because he thinks that people will believe the lies, but I say as long as we both know the truth it doesn’t matter. And, as I’ve said, I do sometimes resort to legal action now, and newspapers and magazines have been made to apologise and pay me compensation. But we can’t do that for every single story, it would take over our lives and I want to live my life and be happy. And anyway, I was pregnant when we got back to England and didn’t want the worry. The only major stress was the court case I had pending against my ex-manager and ex-husband and ex-friend (represented by my ex-lawyers). But I was hoping it would all be over soon and I had Kieran by my side, supporting me all the way.

He is the perfect husband! When he’s at work he texts me throughout the day, telling me how much he loves me and making me feel so good. There is no game-playing between us whatsoever, no reason for me to feel insecure. I don’t have any worries about him cheating on me. A lot of my friends tell me that they couldn’t put up with him being a stripper, but I have no problem with it at all. As I’ve said, I’ve seen the show and I loved it. Yes, other women are looking at my man naked, and there are even times when they can touch him, though he holds their hands and controls where they can put them, but it’s all part of the performance. Kieran actually said that he wanted to give up stripping because he was
now part of a family and we’re having a baby together, but I said, ‘You don’t need to stop. Look at me. In the past I got my tits out with my glamour modelling. Carry on, don’t worry about it!’

In fact, I want him to carry on doing it because I think it’s a great ego boost for him every weekend. Any man loves receiving attention from women because it gives them a buzz, and what better way of getting it than by stripping off in a packed club full of women, who are all watching and admiring your every move and probably wishing they could smuggle you home with them. I’d rather that than he went off clubbing and ended up flirting with other women.

* * *

I had suffered from morning sickness with all of my pregnancies and this one was no different. Ugh! I hated that feeling of nausea which seemed to last throughout the day, and was worse if I had to go anywhere in the car. I tried to eat what I could, when I could, because not eating made the nausea even worse. I can’t say that I had any cravings, but I could always manage a jacket potato, a comforting plateful of carbs!

But this pregnancy was different in the way it made me far more tired and showed really early on. I was definitely bigger than I was with the others. And whereas before I didn’t seem to gain weight anywhere else apart from my bump, this time every time I looked in the mirror I seemed even bigger. And, bloody hell, I
noticed that my arse had really dropped! I wanted to start doing some gentle exercise at the gym, but just didn’t have the energy.

I asked my obstetrician, Dr Gibb, why I was showing so soon and he replied that because it was my fourth child my body knew exactly what to do. Dr Gibb had delivered Junior and Princess, and as soon as I knew I was pregnant I decided I wanted him to deliver this baby too. I trusted him completely. Because I’d already had two caesarians I was going to have a C-section with this baby too. I did ask him if I could have a natural delivery, but he said no. I suppose I was relieved that I didn’t have to go through labour again, because, believe me, ten years on I can still remember how painful it was giving birth to Harvey naturally. And when I watch
One Born Every Minute
, I always think, I can’t believe I went through natural birth! Thank God I don’t have to any more. But it also meant that I would probably only be able to have two more children because the more caesarians you’ve had, the more scar tissue you have on your womb and the higher the risks of complications during pregnancy. Once Dr Gibb told me that, I was thinking, Right! I’d better roll them out! And Kieran wants more children too.

At one of my ante-natal checks it was discovered that I was anaemic, which explained why I was feeling so exhausted all the time and out of breath. I had to take strong iron tablets, which I hate doing as they make me feel sick. I also had very low blood pressure and a low
platelet count. Platelets are cells in your blood which help it to clot. Because of the low count I was going to be monitored very carefully. It might mean that I would need a transfusion of platelets, because if the count continued to be too low I wouldn’t be able to have a C-section or an epidural. I was worried about that, but knew I was in the best possible hands with my doctor.

But even without the anxiety about the low platelet count, I was definitely more anxious with this pregnancy, constantly worrying about everything. The miscarriage I’d suffered in 2009 had devastated me; I couldn’t lose this baby.

As with all my pregnancies I was obsessed with checking the different stages of development, even though I know them all practically off by heart! And the brilliant thing about technology today is that you can follow all the stages online, watch videos, see images. Honestly, I spend hours looking at them all! I have shown some to Kieran, but as I’ve said before I don’t think the whole pregnancy thing sinks in with men until they can feel the baby kicking, or even until they are presented with their son or daughter. And I didn’t want to keep going on about it. I’ve never been one of those mumsy mums, and I didn’t want to feel that I was constantly saying, ‘Look at this! Our baby now has their own unique set of fingerprints!’ Or, ‘Our baby can frown!’ And driving him mad.

Anyway, Kieran said that he couldn’t wait to see the baby. But you know what it’s like when your hormones
are all over the place; I was probably being paranoid, worrying about how he was feeling. I didn’t know what exactly I wanted him to say. He was hardly going to be exclaiming ‘OMG!’ every day about the latest developments. No man would be like that, and nor would I want Kieran to be. He came to all the scans with me and was as thrilled as I was to see images of our baby. Hilariously, at one scan the baby seemed to be giving us the finger! So s/he is a feisty one! But what else do you expect with me as their mum? We found out the sex very early on, but decided to keep it a secret, hard as it was, because that is the question people always,
always
ask.

I tried to keep my bump under wraps whenever I went out. I didn’t want to be papped while I was pregnant. I felt that I wanted to do everything differently from before, when I was pregnant with Junior and Princess and did interviews and photo shoots for
OK!
Though, at the end of May, when I was five months pregnant, I ended up posing for a shot for the
Sun.
I didn’t want to, but I didn’t think I could get away with not being papped for much longer and I knew it would really piss me off if a pap sneaked his money shot.