Love Me Back (3 page)

We were staying in a hotel with a pool, which we were so excited about.  We threw our bags in our rooms, changed into our swimsuits to meet down there. 

“Mackenna Ross, what are you wearing?”  I ask when she struts down the hall in a bikini top and towel wrapped around her waist.

“Well Mad, it’s called a bikini.”  She says sarcastically.

“I know that but why are you wearing it?”  She looks gorgeous.  I stare down at my one-piece pink swimsuit.

“Duh, I am going swimming.”  She puts her hands on her hips.

Suddenly, I am not so excited to go swimming. Mackenna can tell I am upset.

“I have another one if you want to borrow it?”  She puts her hand on my shoulder.  “But I think you look amazing”

Isn’t that what best friends are for, to boost you up.

“Thanks Kenna, but I would never be able to hold that top up.” I point to her breasts.  Kenna matured early compared to the other girls our age.

“They aren’t that great Mad, believe me.”  Her looks goes from happy to sad.

“I know, but you look gorgeous Kenna.”  I respond hooking my arm through hers.  “Let’s go show the boys how to dive.”

She smiles back.  It’s funny that we are both self-conscious about the same thing for different reasons.

When we walk closer to the pool the smell of chlorine fills the air making my body itch to get in the water. The boys are already diving and splashing each other.  In fact it’s not just Trent and Bryan but all the Little’s and a lot of the Bigs too.  They are all fixated on Mackenna, staring at her chest.  I look over at her and she suddenly turns around bringing the towel from her waist across her chest and sits down on one of the chairs facing the window. 

I sit next to her putting my hand on hers “Kenna, let’s go in the water.  It’s a good thing they are staring.”

She shrugs her shoulders and I see her eyes watering.

“Don’t let these boys get you upset.”

“Come on Kenna, we are diving for pennies.”  Bryan screams over to us.  He is always making sure she is ok.

I wave my hand telling them to give us a minute but when I turn around Mackenna is standing up taking off her towel. 

I take off my cover up and the only person I see staring is Trent as I enter the water, go figure. When I fully submerge into the water Trent comes up to me asking me if I want to go first.  I think that is his way of making me feel better that no one is looking at me.

After a half hour of diving for pennies where the Bigs win each throw since they are taller and don’t have to go down as far as us we give up.  Trent and Bryan start jumping off the diving board, doing cannonballs and flips while Kenna and I rate them.  Kenna and I start arguing about one of Trent’s cannonballs which I gave a 10 but she said since he had a leg out it wasn’t a full cannonball.  I am about to splash her when someone comes up under me and my body starts rising out of the water.  I look at MacKenna and she is too.  All the boys start screaming chicken fight.

I look down and I am on top of Gabe’s shoulders and Kenna is on his friend Paul’s.  Gabe is holding my knees and walking towards them.

“What am I supposed to do?”  I look towards Trent and Bryan for advice.  They are sitting on the edge of the pool with scowls on their faces.

“Knock her off Paul’s shoulders.” Gabe yells up to me.

Before I know it Kenna is grabbing my hands twisting them backwards.  I fall to the side but Gabe is able to keep me up.  We are laughing more than pushing each other so Paul tries to take Gabe out by his legs but Gabe holds his own.  I feel myself slipping off his shoulders but he grabs my thighs bringing my legs tighter around him. 
When did he become so strong?

I see Kenna start grabbing at Paul’s head trying to stay upright so I put my hands on both her shoulders and she falls back into the pool.  Everyone starts laughing and cheering.  Kenna pops up and I am happy to see her smiling as well.

Gabe goes underwater letting me off his shoulder and then puts his hand up to give him high five.  “Way to go Madgirl.”

“Thanks, couldn’t have done it without you.”  I slap his hand back.

All the parents come walking into the poolroom with handfuls of pizzas a few minutes later.  We all hop out and grab our towels.  Kenna and I get our pizza and go over to sit with Bryan and Trent but they are ignoring us while they talk with the other Little’s.  Eventually Kenna and I finished our pizza and go back to her room. 

I don’t know what made the boys so upset but they seemed to be over it the next day.  We went to the football game and Jack’s team won State for the third year in a row.  It was exciting since Gabe was part of the team as well being one of only two freshman playing varsity.  The other being Paul.  I knew Bryan and Trent secretly thought the streak would continue until they played.  One day they would be the state champs like their brothers.

When we all got home the town is decorated for the win, with signs in every window saying congratulations to the team.  They are like movie stars in our small town.  The mayor put on a parade the next weekend and a huge potluck party in the school gym.

I love our small town and everything that represents it.  That’s why the summer before we would enter junior high I was devastated when my parents told me we were moving out of state.  My dad had gotten a new job in Michigan and we were moving there after the summer.  When I told Mackenna we cried together for two hours.  My brother was leaving for college so he wasn’t affected by it. 

It is the happiest I have seen my parents in years so I thought maybe this would fix their marriage and we could be a happy family.  I don’t want to leave my friends but if it is going to make my family better it will be worth it.

The day of my move Trent, Bryan and Mackenna sit on the driveway with me watching all my stuff get loaded in the moving van.  Bryan puts his arm around Mackenna as she cries and I stay firm not letting the boys see me cry.  Trent is quiet keeping to himself.

Doug, Gabe and the other teammates throw a ball back and forth with my brother in the front yard.  Jack doesn’t care, he is leaving for college in a couple weeks.  Since almost all of his friends are attending State he will see them soon enough.  Not me though.  I am saying good-bye to my friends forever.  I am moving six hours away and I am only twelve.

After the van is packed up we all watch it pull away from my now empty house.  I think of the new family moving in and if they have a girl my age.  Would she take my place with my friends?  Would they accept her after I am forgotten?

“Jack, Maddy?  It’s time to go.”  My dad announces at the car.

Bryan walks over first embracing me.  He squeezes me tight.  “I’ll miss you Maddy.  Good luck in Michigan.”  He says in my ear.

Next is Mackenna “I don’t know what I am going to do without you.  Take this but don’t open it until you get in the car.  I did it for you last night and it’s perfect.”  She hands me a piece of paper.  She crashes into me throwing her arms around me making me step back.  I giggle a little.  “I love you Maddy.  Write me and call me every day.  You hear me?  Everyday Maddy.”  She says between sobs.

I can barely breathe at this point.  It is all I can tell her. “I promise Kenna.  I love you too.”

She turns walking away from me and Bryan leads her down the driveway a bit consoling her.  I stand there wiping my eyes and I see Trent.  We both know it is his turn to say good-bye but we can’t do it so we stand there staring at each other.  This boy has turned into my best friend over the past year and I don’t think I will ever find someone like him again and I don’t want to.  Suddenly big arms surround me and I look up to see Doug hugging me. 

“See you later Maddy.  You will have a great time in Michigan.”  He pulls away.

“Thank you Doug.”  I say as he walks towards my brother again.

“Bye Madgirl” Gabe hugs me next. It’s so tight my ribs start to slightly ache.

“Take care of him Gabe, ok?”  I tell him.  He knows who I am talking about.

“I will, I promise, he’s going to miss you like crazy though.” He whispers in my ear.  “We will see you soon.”  He gives me another tight squeeze before he steps back.

That leaves me and Trent and I so don’t want to leave him.  He starts walking toward me and I shut down crying.  I put my head down seeing the tears falling to the concrete ground.

“Maddy, I don’t want to say good-bye.”  He says and I see the water in his eyes.

“I don’t want to either.” I shake my head back and forth.

He wraps his arms around my waist and I wrap mine around his neck.  We can’t get close enough to each other.  We are pulling each other toward one another and I don’t want to let go. 

“I’m going to miss you.  There will be boys in Michigan that will go crazy over you but I want you to remember that no boy will ever love you like me.”  He whispers in my ear.

I melt into him, burying my head into his neck.  He finally became taller than me this past year.  I can’t say anything, I feel the same way about him but I can’t open my mouth.

He inches away from me and puts his lips on mine.  We stay that way for a couple seconds until we hear the Bigs whistling.  He pulls me into one more embrace.

“I love you Maddy.”  He says.

“I love you too.”  I whisper back.

Chapter 4 – Present Day

Ian and I make our way back towards town.  I am dreading going back to my mom’s house but I know I have no choice.  If I didn’t stay with her she would throw a fit.  Sometimes it feels as though I am the mother and she is my child.  I don’t understand how my brother stays around here with her, I can barely handle her calls twice a month.

We round the bend where the town starts and I see the cemetery.  I look over and I can’t see the tombstone from the street, which I am thankful for.  I know I will have to visit while I am here but today is not the day.  I fear if I go now I will leave this town faster than I did the last time.

I pass the high school and grade school noticing that hill I walked up so many times with the other Little’s.  I forgot how many memories I have with every inch of this town.  The square is exactly how I remember with the white painted gazebo in the middle.  I am sure Jack and Lindsey will get wedding pictures taken there like everyone before them.  The library is on my right as we head out of downtown Belcrest.  I remember all the days after school Trent and I would hide out from everyone there.

I knew this was going to be bad when Jack told me he was getting married here but what choice do I have, he is my brother.  He has been by my side my whole life when people I love abandoned me he stuck by me.  It is my time to be there for him. 

We pull down my street and automatically I get a nauseous feeling, like I am going to throw up.  Ian must notice my sickness because he reaches over putting a hand on my leg.  I look over at him and he smiles letting me know he is there for me.  I never told Ian the whole story of why I hate this town now.  He never pushes me for details always waiting until I am ready to tell him, that’s why I love him.

My house is the same brown brick ranch I remember.  I assume Jack is keeping up the landscaping for her.  Appearances are everything in this town.  There are no cars in the driveway so I don’t pull all the way up stopping at the walkway to the house.  I don’t get the warm welcoming Gabe does, no one is coming out to see me.  I put the car in park and sigh with my hands in my lap.  I look at the older but kept up house and more memories flood my mind.  The problem is they are bad memories, the reason I hate this town, the reason I ran away from it. 

Ian is already out of the car banging on the back door telling me to unlock it.  I shake off my thoughts looking for the unlock button.  After I click it, the back door opens and Ian starts pulling out the bags.

“It’s like a band aid Maddy, just tear it off.”  He says from the back.

“I’m fine Ian, thank you.”  Lying to people has become second nature lately.

“Let’s go, it’s hot.  Please tell me your mom has air conditioning.  I think my hair is already falling.”  Ian complains.  There is no way his hair could fall with all the gel, mousse and hair spray he has in it. 

“Of course we have air conditioning.  Where do you think I took you?”  I say reaching around to grab my one bag.

“I’m just saying.  It’s hard looking this good.”  He has three bags hanging from his arms and pulling one behind him.

“Hard huh?” I laugh.

“You know what I mean Madeline” he is out of breath carrying all the bags to my doorstep.  He only uses my full name when he is agitated with me.

I ring the doorbell since I don’t have a key anymore.  No one answers.  I should have known she wouldn’t be home when I got here.  I told her three times when I would be getting here.  God knows what is more important than me once again.  I search the front steps looking for where she would hide the key.  I see the fake rock she has used for years in the planter by the top stop.  Grabbing the key I insert it in the lock and open the door unable to believe my eyes.

“Wow” Ian says behind me.

I am speechless.  The house has been completely remodeled from the ceiling to the floors.  All of our furniture has been replaced with new modern furniture.  The light oak tables are now glass.  Our plaid couch is now a soft gray sofa with yellow arm chairs on the other side.

“Go” Ian pushes me into the house.  “It’s like 103 degrees out here.”

I fumble in the house and drop my bags by the door.  I walk around this house that I don’t know.  I love my mom for doing it.  It helps keep the bad memories at bay but I assure myself it wasn’t done for my benefit.  I wonder where she got the money for this.  Being in the designing world I know these pieces cost a small fortune.  Not something an office assistant can afford.

“Your house is beautiful.”  Ian says shutting the front door looking around the house, I assume for a vent to cool down.  It’s hard to believe Wisconsin summers can get so hot.

“This isn’t my house.”  I flatly say.  “Not the one I grew up in.”

“I see where you get your style.”  He says.