Love My Enemy (13 page)

'Aagh!'

Des's sleeve was pinned to the table. Ben turned the
knife, screwing Des's sleeve right into the wood,
bringing his face in so close that Des could smell the
beer on his breath. No one in the pub even stirred.

'Remind me,' whispered Ben, 'what is it that happens
to traitors and grasses, Des?'

Shaking with fear, Des gave him the answer he
wanted.

'Punishment,' he said.

On beautiful summer days like this, Zee wondered how
she would ever leave Ireland.

With the thermometer hitting eighty, her mother had
packed up a picnic, piled them into the car and driven
to the coast. After a swim they retreated, for the hottest
part of the day, to the shade of Tullymore Forest. Now,
lazing on the grass, Zee watched sunlight shoot like
lasers between the trees and millions of tiny particles
caught in the sunbeams danced and spun. The giant
pines looked more stately and aloof than ever in this
heat, and the little lough looked calmer, darker, even
more mysterious.

Zee told herself firmly that there were beautiful
places the world over,
But not your places
, whispered a
voice in her head.
Not this place
.

'You okay, Mum?' she asked, determined to vanquish
her own thoughts.

'Yes, I think I am.' She sounded surprised.

'Thanks for the ice cream.'

It had been a special ice cream. Another First. Last
summer the Proctors had made a great effort and forced
themselves back to the coast – all except Gary. But they
had not, could not, bring themselves to visit the sea-front
shop where Dad used to buy big frothy ice creams
with stick-up chocolate flakes. Today Sue had driven
straight there, marched in without a word and emerged
with five ices and not a single tear.

'It has got easier,' she said to Zee.

'Good.'

'For a long time I didn't even
want
it to get easier, you
know.'

Zee glanced at her mother nervously. It had been such
a lovely day; surely she wasn't going to get all heavy
and sentimental now?

But she went on talking. 'I couldn't stop thinking
about your dad at first, not for months and months. Not
when I was awake anyway, and often not when I was
sleeping either.' She laughed unexpectedly. 'It was so
exhausting! Then, when he did, occasionally, begin to
slip from my thoughts, I felt disloyal.'

'You shouldn't have. Dad wouldn't want you to
grieve for ever.'

'I know that, I knew it then too. But your heart
doesn't always do what your head tells you.'

'No,' murmured Zee, thinking about Conor, 'it doesn't.'

'Grief chews you up, it leaves you going forever
backwards, over and over things all the time. But I think
I'm starting to move forward again now – even if I am just
crawling along in first gear! Do you understand me?'

Zee nodded although she wasn't completely sure that
she did.

'How about you, love?'

'You know me, I'm fine. Shall we have the picnic now?'

Her mother reached over and squeezed her hand. 'You
know, sometimes I think it affected you worst of all.'

'Me?' Zee stared at her in amazement. 'What on earth
do you mean?'

'No one should grieve for ever, love, but we all need
to do it sometime.'

Zee sat up abruptly. It was as if someone had struck a
match in her stomach and a harsh little flame flared up.
'You think I haven't?' she demanded.

'Not fully, no.'

The flicker of anger grew bigger and bigger, she
thought she would burst into flames with a whoosh. 'Get
off!' she cried, pulling away from her mother's hand.

'Zee, I didn't mean—'

'You're so unfair! I wasn't the one who went to
pieces. It was you and Gary who went all flaky!
Someone had to stay sensible. Who would have looked
after the twins if I hadn't?'

'You were wonderful. I'm just—'

'No!' Zee stuck her fingers in her ears. 'You know I
don't like talking about it.' She stood up. 'Twins! Tasha!
Come and get some food.'

They arrived, feet first, among the picnic.

'Watch what you're doing!' Zee yelled. 'You've put
tread-marks on the sandwiches, you eejits! Get off.'

'We were only having a race,' said Josh.

'Has Zee gone mad with the sun?' asked Gemma but
nobody answered.

'I need lemonade,' declared Josh. 'I'm dying of thirst.'

'Wee sausages!' whooped Gemma, diving for a
tupperware box.

'Wait! Look at the pair of you – you've streaming
noses. Trust my kids to catch colds in summer. Blow
those noses and wipe your hands on the Wet Ones before
you touch a thing.'

'Aiachoo!'

Still edgy, Zee lay back in the sun and Tasha flopped
down beside her, sweaty and red in the face.

'That was hard work,' she panted. 'I didn't appreciate
how demanding being a goalkeeper is.'

'Goalie,' Josh corrected her. 'Actually, you weren't
bad for a girl goalie.'

'Compliment accepted,' said Tasha solemnly. 'I don't
think I've played football before.'

'No,' snorted Zee, 'you had to make do with lacrosse,
summer balls and holidays all over Europe.'

Tasha stared at her in surprise.

'People can miss the simple things,' said her mum
quietly.

For no reason at all, an image flashed into Zee's mind.
Her dad, his curly blond hair flopping forward, playing
rough-tumble with them on the couch. Her mum,
shrieking about the springs as they all piled on, bashing
each other with cushions, and tickling tummies and feet
and whatever else they could get hold of until Mum
gave over complaining and joined in too. Zee shook her
head, flicking the memory away like dust. What was
wrong with her today? Was it the heat? The setting? Her
mum's weird ideas?

'I'll tell you what,' she said, 'when I'm a famous war
correspondent miles and miles away from here, I'll
remember the simple things in life and bring my kids
back home for holidays. How's that?'

'Are you calling me simple?' teased her mum.

They grinned at each other and Zee knew that
everything was back to normal. After lunch she and
Tasha hired rowing boats, put a twin in each, and raced
up and down the lough. They played volleyball and
hide-and-seek and cricket. Later, with the twins running
ahead and Sue left behind to enjoy some peace, they
wandered along a cool forest trail.

'Are you still on for this party tonight?' asked Zee. 'I
could do with a bit of fun.'

'I'm not sure. The party's at Tracy's, isn't it? I don't
know Tracy.'

'Yes, you do. She's in my class. I introduced you on
the eleventh night, remember? You've had days to think
about it, Tasha – I got the invite a week ago.'

'I'm not into parties at the moment.'

'You're not into anything at the moment.'

'You calling me boring?'

'Well . . . do you remember that promise we made the
first day we met?'

'Of course I do – to make the most of this summer.'
Tasha pulled a face. 'Now summer's half over and my
one romance was a disaster.'

'There's still time for another.'

'Yeah – another disaster too.'

'Come on, Tasha. We've read, we've watched telly.
We've taken the twins to the park, swimming, the
cinema . . . and Saturday is still three whole days away!'

'All right – but no guzzling alcohol this time.'

Zee gasped. 'That was
your
idea.'

'I'll take a red hanky. If I want to leave, or I'm getting
hassled, I'll pretend to blow my nose with it.'

'What if you catch the twins' colds? You might need
to use it a lot.'

'I'm serious, Zee. I've done some thinking, you
know. One thing I've learned this summer is to get in
control of my social life.'

'Really?'

'Really.'

'You know, when we first met, Tasha, I thought you
were totally sorted.'

'Whatever do you mean?'

'Because of your posh school, I suppose, and your
rich dad. I thought you'd be . . . I dunno . . . dead
experienced.'

Tasha laughed. 'Then you realised you'd never met
anyone quite so naive or anyone who can mess things up
quite as spectacularly as I can.'

'Correct. Ouch!' Tasha had punched her playfully on
the shoulder. 'Do you realise that it's weeks since I've
seen Conor?'

'Now who's being boring?'

'Eh?'

'It wasn't too bad the first fifty times you mentioned
him but now. . . I've got to get away!'

Tasha raced off and Zee chased her along the forest
track. Eventually, tired out, they all collapsed on the
grass again, back at base with Sue, and Tasha treated
everyone to a second ice cream.

'What a pity Gary didn't come with us,' said Sue,
sighing. 'Then it really would have been a perfect day.

'Er. . . what is he doing today?' asked Tasha.

'Mooching, I expect,' said Zee. 'Gary is an expert
moocher – up and down the Newtownards Road, all
around Hazel Grove, and he's
particularly
skilled at
mooching behind the Co-op.'

'Don't be so hard on your brother. He promised to fix
my fountain today.'

'That statue must be dying for a pee by now,' said
Gemma and she and Josh both howled with laughter,
smearing ice cream all over their faces.

'Can't wait to see that in operation again,' groaned Zee.

'At least Gary's
trying
,' said her mum forcefully.

'Trying . . . to act less like a caveman?' Tasha giggled.
'Doing less wall-painting perhaps?'

Sue bristled. 'Gary thinks the world of you, Tasha.
That graffiti was childish and unforgivable, but the truth
is that he can't bear to think of you going out with
someone else.'

Tasha blushed and Zee could not look at either of
them. All these lies, all this deception . . . all for
her
. She
was just about to wander off when her mother called her
back.

'I've got something to tell you all,' she announced.
She sounded almost shy but there was an excitement
about her too. 'You know I've been thinking about
going back to work? Well . . . I've decided what I'm
going to do.'

'What?' they asked in unison.

'I'm going to become a teacher.'

Zee gasped and the twins must have been just as gobsmacked
because even they were silenced.

'It'll fit nicely round the family because I'll be
home by four o'clock, and I'll have the same holidays
as you do.'

'Why teaching?' asked Tasha.

'It's a worthwhile job.'

'No, it isn't!' Josh jumped up and raced around, his arms
flailing and his tongue lashing. 'Teachers are dragons!'

'I am not a dragon and I never will be.'

'Aren't you too old?' asked Zee.

Her mother shot her a look that would have withered
a beanstalk, and then pulled a newspaper cutting from
her pocket. 'This is about an information evening next
Saturday for people who want to do teacher training. It's
a social do. I thought I'd go along.'

Zee felt a horrible panicky jolt. 'This Saturday?' The
GCSE results were coming out this Saturday. It would
be the first time in over two weeks that she would see
Conor. What would he think if she didn't show up? 'Not
this Saturday, Mum, I can't babysit then.'

'Er – Mum's dinner party's that night,' Tasha put in
helpfully. 'Remember we told you about it, Sue? Zee's
invited.'

'Gary's going to babysit.'

'
Gary
?' Zee gasped again. 'When did Gary last
babysit?'

'He was very obliging when I asked him, and
he
doesn't think I'm too old for teaching.'

'I thought you had to be born a teacher,' said Gemma,
'like a farmer's born a farmer.'

'Not always, darling.'

'Good, can I be a farmer then, Mum?'

Tasha grinned. 'I think you'll make a fantastic
teacher, Sue. At least you like kids – half our teachers
don't. I've seen you out in the garden playing hide-and-seek
with the twins, reading them stories, showing them
flowers – you'll be great.'

'Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tasha. Well, Zee?
It should mean we can afford a few more glad-rags.'

'I think it's amazing . . . brilliant.' Zee gave her mother
a hug. 'Just one thing,' she said solemnly. 'Promise
never to teach in my school.'

Tracy's party was just as Tasha had feared. Three rooms
full to bursting with loud music, spilt drinks and sixteen-year-old
boys all after the same thing. At first she and
Zee stayed in the kitchen, sipping punch and nibbling
cheesy things on crackers. School friends were busy
catching up on news and holiday romances in the sun.
Tasha was made welcome but after an hour she was glad
to escape to the drawing room to dance.

She and Zee danced together at first but two guys
soon interrupted them. Zee's guy looked fit but Zee
wasn't interested. Tasha's had the physique of a pin. The
music was good though and for a while she let herself
go, enjoying the sounds and the semi-dark and the sight
of so many other people into the same thing.

When they stopped, Pin-man said, 'Wait here.'

Charming, thought Tasha, and watched him totter
unsteadily towards the kitchen. She tried to mingle but
it wasn't easy to lose herself in such a confined space
and he was back a few minutes later with two plastic
cups slopping punch. By the look of him, he had drunk
a couple more in the kitchen.

'What's your name?' she shouted above the music.

'Bob.' He grabbed her hand. 'Come with me.'

Tasha thought about her red hanky but she couldn't see
Zee anywhere. She let Bob lead her into the other room
where all the lights were out. Three clutching couples
occupied the settee, and others were draped round
armchairs and curtains. The floor was a mass of moaning
couples and the air was stale with smoke and sweat.

'Er. . . I'm not sure—' she began.

But Bob's mouth was on top of hers already. He was
like a dog gnawing at a bone, slavering all over her,
trying to devour her all at once. Tasha pulled away
crossly.

'Whassamatter?' he asked, focusing with obvious
difficulty. 'Jeez, you're gorgeous.'

He fell on top of her and this time his hands were
everywhere, fumbling with her blouse, her skirt,
grabbing at her thigh. 'Will you – um – will you go wi'
me? Will you?'

'I've never seen you before,' said Tasha. She could
feel him pressing against her hip and she nearly
panicked.