Love on the NHS (33 page)

Some people are of the opinion that it is every man for himself. To people who take that view, private employment agencies may seem wonderful. Then again, are they really helping each man help himself if these employment agencies are curtailing each of their worker's pensions? By offering people short term agency jobs that are easily replaced, they are offering people a short term future. In some ways, it is convenient: as people do often like to change their mind and move around. But it is not safe to assume businesses are giving these jobs out of the goodness of their hearts; all the evidence suggests they like them because workers have so few rights and can be easily fired. That agency jobs lacked the usual job perks many ordinary jobs had - such as paid sick pay - was a chilling indication of where workers' futures may lie in this profit-driven world. Luke e witnessed protests outside a private job agency in Woecaster. The day afterwards, the company went on as usual, unashamedly fishing for impoverished job seekers

The public had widely bought into the claim made that anything privatized was better - or maybe people were just too lazy to do anything about it. Luke could believe on occasions things ran privately were better but only if greed was reined in. Where the problem lay was that many organisations providing a public role now operated sheerly for profit. Prisons, railways, hospital services, the mail - when any of these were ran for profit it harmed the public. They were too vital in their importance, central to the economy to be used for the personal gain of a few. Some private companies could hold their heads high.  A prime example was workers' co-operatives. Indeed many people forgot that when people designed communism or socialism, it was never supposed to be in the long term about state control - that was only meant to be an interim period. The end goal had always been for workers themselves to control their own companies. Workers' co-operatives now running were proof the idea worked, whether it was inspired by socialism or not. What mattered about what label was put on it? The workers in co-operatives were treated as equals, not slaves - and had a proper say in how the company operated.

Before railways had been sold to large corporations, fares had been lower. People had not realized at the time how good they had it. The amount of complaints made now about fares rising grew each year. As prices rose, wages fell: such was the evil of inflation. Luke also noticed the many companies that offered mail delivery, health services and utilities took advantage of what had already been invested by the public sector. Much of the railway track and utility infrastructure had been funded by the people's taxes, to help the nation ; but it was chairmen and shareholders who were benefiting Private mail companies did not have to take on some of the more expensive tasks the nationalised mail service did. They could focus on raking in the money with parcels. As a result, their profits were strong and they could out-squeeze the government. If, on the other hand, they too had had to deliver most letters, even junk mail, to remote farms and hamlets - in the way the nationalised service did - they would not feel so smug.

Alas! For now, Luke's opinions did not matter. Maybe they never would. Almost all young people were dismissed at first. Luke had once seen a mother and daughter walking down a street. The daughter was trailing several feet behind and flicked her hair just a second before her mother did exactly the same. She had seen her mother's mannerism coming. In pre-empting her, the little girl was a fine illustration of the truism that youth supplants experience.

Private job agencies were only one of many pitiful blemishes on the face of the local character. Luke had come to the depressing conclusion Woecaster was not worth going out into at all. Even anywhere within a twenty mile radius was a waste of time. The weather was almost always windy, cold or wet. It may as well have been a mountain. Most the people were blunt and violent. There were exceptions as there always exceptions; but it was irrelevant, the bad by far outnumbered the good. A magnetic attraction brought people into conflict with each other in Greater Woecaster. It was not really the people's fault. Luke was sure of that. He had travelled widely and had noticed, for example, a Woecastrian in London was quite different from a Woecastrian in their home land. A Woecastrian in London was more at ease. Perhaps something in the air in some regions of the UK made people miserable. In these areas, even if the financial economy completely recovered from their loss of mining and manufacturing, the spiritual and emotional economy left a lot to be desired.

When Luke did ventured out he faced a barrage of pettiness. A trip to a bakery, a shop or the supermarket would always throw him into contact with such nasty people. More often than not they were inverse snobs, the sort who took pride in being low. One or two could always be relied upon to not take to him and they would pay him undue attention. It was a sick relish they would feel when staring him down and communicating their dislike for him in the boldest eye contact. Luke had little ability to cope with such scrutiny. He began to try to avoid places these people frequented. Yet Luke had also faced such treatment in smaller towns in other regions sometimes. That was why in a sense he preferred living in big cities. If he bumped into people who had a vendetta against him, there were always plenty of other places to go. It was sad how such low lives tended to interfere with people - they filled cities and made many venues horrible while in the country only a few really bad ones could do a lot of harm.

But of course, the law did not give a thought to people like Luke who wished to have a pleasant life. It only wanted to encourage selfishness and meanness - the traits these people who bothered Luke exhibited were precisely what the businesspeople running the country admired.

People keeping up appearances was another reason Luke hated leaving his home. He often did venture out, however, as  he was extroverted despite being shy. Some years ago in psychiatric wards, he had noticed how human beings related to one another. All patients were low in the pecking order society maintained. The staff, unless they happened to be very nice, judged the patients to be very lowly indeed. Luke could recall him and the others being treated like the outcasts nobody wanted - not deserving of respect or worth talking to.

Yet Luke did notice if a patient was more physically attractive, they were talked to more and given leeway if they had disputes. This was when he first began to crystallize a theory of the importance of appearances. The way someone looked, how they came across mattered. He had done research into cosmetic surgery and was outraged. More was spent on it every year in the UK than was spent on the social security net in some poor nations. Luke's nose was long and certain features in him looked quite crooked and out of shape. He would love to change those attributes. However, he suspected and observed that appearance varied according to geography in any case. People developed physical traits based on their environment and so getting cosmetic surgery was not necessarily a bright idea. They could buy a pretty nose but the environment in which they lived would still take its toll on them, one way or another. What one intends rarely is fulfilled.

LI

Though he felt he could never love again, Luke joined a dating website again. As usual, it was not great. He did, however, manage to arrange a date with one woman who met him to take him for a drive. Her name was Courtney and despite being quite a bit older than him they had a nice time together. She took him to a a coffee shop where they talked about books, politics and travelling. Courtney was from Ireland and had lived in places as diverse as France, Belgium and Luxembourg. She had worked in an embassy in Belgium as an ambassador and this made Luke feel ignorant and provincial, though he admired her worldliness. She invited him to attend monthly meetings at the International Society but Luke declined, pointing out he had already tried joining many groups with disastrous results. It seemed Courtney was more interested in mothering Luke than anything and there did not develop a relationship between the two, nor indeed even a second meeting.

The day after, as Luke was walking down the communal stairs of his apartment building, he slipped. He fell on his back and struck it on one of the steps. At first he seemed fine. A few hours later, though, it began aching ominously. Upon arrival in Woecaster he struggled to walk to the Royal Infirmary and found the Accident and Emergency ward. When he went to the desk he explained his problem and was told to take a seat.

"How long will I have to wait before I'm seen?" asked Luke.

"It'll probably be about two hours," replied the receptionist.

Luke wearily turned away and looked for a seat. Judging what he thought to be the most secluded corner, he sat down. He looked from one person to another and he felt watched, for eyes were upon him. Then feeling he should look somewhere else, there was another face looking his way. Next Luke noticed an old man shuffling his bottom and appearing as though he was about to start a conversation. Yet no such event occurred. The tension was growing. All around the room short bursts of conversation started and stopped, all ears listening. A young lady with a baby played with it and laughed while a middle-aged woman to her right looked on with interest. Luke weighed up which person he would interact with if any, though he probably would not, for he was so poor at judging what people wished to discuss.

And for the next ten minutes the same events repeated more or less on a loop. Eyes swivelled, ears heard and an uneasiness sustained. When at last four police officers arrived carrying in a black man against his will, Luke could take no more. This was not somewhere he could sit for so long so he left. After leaving, he phoned his mother.

"Hello," she drawled.

"Hi mum. I've got a bad back."

"What's happened?"

"I fell on it."

"Oh love. Can you go and get it seen to?"

"I have. They said I had to wait two hours so I left."

"Is that the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Can't you go back? It might be worth -"

"No, mum. The waiting room was full of people and some were intimidating. I don't -"

"What about a book? Have you got a book to take in with you to read? That'll help distract you from people."

"No," sighed Luke. "I didn't think ahead. I didn't bring one. I will next time - but it's too late now. I can't go on with this pain, it's -"

"Listen, Luke, I'm arranging a meal on Saturday and I need to know who's eating what, so can you tell -"

"Are you listening to me? To a single word I say?"

"Of course I am! Have you heard yourself? You've got a horrible tone of voice, Luke. I was just saying we're meeting with your sisters on Sat -"

Luke hung up. The last thing he needed to talk about was a future gathering of the extended family. He always embarrass himself with his poor social skills in front of his uncles, aunties and relations-in-law every time. Luke phoned his dad.

"Hi dad."

"Hi."

"I've injured my back. I fell on it."

"Where's the pain?"

"In the middle of my back."

"Oh dear. Can you get it seen to?"

"Well, I've tried the hospital but the waiting time was too long."

Bruno exhaled loudly. "There's nothing you can do really. That's just how -"

Again Luke hung up. He felt his back would kill him. Images flickered in his mind: an early death or permanent disability. Pain, constant pain was all he could feel. He found Bridget in his contact list and pressed call. Moments later came an answer.

"Hi Luke."

"Hi Bridget. My back's in a lot of pain. I don't know what to do."

"Can you -"

Luke could not handle any more advice and hung up. Sometimes he wondered why he bothered with his family. It was strange that so many organisations gave families such a high priority in dealing with a person. It was probably the best for a lot of people but of course sometimes people did not get on with their family. It is odd to think that a family can make life-changing decisions about a person's medical care when they can not or will not speak for themselves, Luke thought.

It was far from ideal that the family was always given precedence in such situations. It also of course would not have been ideal, either, for professionals like doctors to make all the decisions. Luke considered the best person to make decisions on someone's behalf in an emergency would be someone who really knew them; understood the person the decisions were being made about. It was most likely a romantic lover in a relationship of true love would be the safest bet. Another curiosity of the sentimental value many people attached to family for Luke was that almost everyone was related if you traced our genealogy back enough.

It did not take a rocket scientist to understand that some family members only talked to one another because they were related. Otherwise, they would have not spent a minute together, for they were so diametrically opposed. Luke was of the opinion that the worthwhile parts of family were worth preserving but keeping in touch with people just for the sake of tradition, even when those people did not really have affinity with you, was good for no one. It may have been a slightly extreme opinion but then he was someone who had many problems; and it is most often that people become disillusioned with their families - and their friends too - when they go through a rough patch in life during which the blemishes in people's portraits show more.

LII

A few days after his fall Luke was scared he might have caused himself permanent damage - he had been reading online that a spinal injury could lead to paralysis - so he visited a hospital for a check up. He was enormously relieved to find out despite suffering great pain it was nothing more than muscle strain; and it would be gone in a week.

Luke wanted to apologize to Jolly. He wanted to say sorry for making a mess of everything. He could have approached her better. It filled him with anguish that he never told her directly how he felt; that she had to rely on second- or third-hand information. Like a game of Chinese whispers, something had been lost in translation. That he had mentioned feeling suicidal to her previously - and he presumed the police would have informed her of his subsequent drunken suicide threat - meant she may have felt emotionally blackmailed. More than anything Luke only wished he could have done everything the right way: simply asked her out with no melodrama.