Love Out of Order (Indigo Love Spectrum) (13 page)

“She couldn’t even bring herself to say hi to me,” I
said, glowering at no one and nothing in particular. I
couldn’t even enjoy the sexy I’d created for myself that
night. My makeup was perfect—smoky eyes, dark lip
s
tick and a gold eye shadow, all of which highlighted the angular features of my face. I wore a V-neck, knee-length
black cotton dress with cap sleeves. And on my feet were
my most recent splurge—black Italian leather pumps.

Suse slumped forward and twisted her promise ring
around her finger like she always did when she was get
ting fed up. “She probably knows. She can probably tell.”

“She doesn’t know,” Tia chimed in. “All she knows is
how to be a skank. I know her kind.”

“Exactly,” I said. Was I agreeing with Tia? Wow.
“Hm. Okay,” Suse said.

I didn’t need to see her face to know her lips had gone
tight, her face muscles clenched and she was turning
bright red. That’s how Suse dealt with disapproval, dis
like, and disagreement. She was not confrontational. She
was so passive-aggressive that she could annoy the crap out of me with it as much as Astoria could by getting in
my face. And speaking of Astoria . . .

“She never gives up,” I said.

“What . . .” Tia started. Her voice trailed off as I
pointed to Erich just walking through the entrance to the
dance floor. “. . . .n the world does Astoria think she’s
doing?”

“Having good sense,” Suse said snippily. That was her way of feeling justified. She had gotten back at me. And
someone else believed she was right. At least in her mind.

“Hey,” Erich said, greeting us all, but he zoned in on me. Suse and Tia said hi to him. The look he gave me let
me know all the time I’d spent getting ready that night hadn’t gone completely to waste.

I nodded a greeting to him. Then I downed the rest
of my screwdriver.

“Can I get you another?”

I shrugged and Erich stepped up to the bar.

Hadn’t we had talk after talk after talk about Erich? I
was so mad, I couldn’t speak. Besides, anything that
would have come out of my mouth would have been
unfair to Erich. He hadn’t done anything.

“I saw your editorial in the paper last week. It really
moved me. I don’t think Central does enough to reach out to underprivileged kids with an interest in higher
education, either,” Erich said.

I shrugged. I had written an editorial for the law
school’s newspaper the previous week. It hadn’t been a
big deal. It was based on some research I’d been doing for
my student note for law review anyway. I dashed it off
one night when I hadn’t been able to sleep. Because of
Mr. Sasha, of course.

“Thank you,” I managed when Erich handed me my drink. Astoria was making her way over with Mr. Hood
Gangsta. My eyes narrowed to slits and I could barely see
out of them.

“Erich. I’m so glad to see you!” Astoria exclaimed, hugging Erich. “Is Denise playing nice?”

“Nicer than you,” I said.

Erich looked confused. I almost felt sorry for him.
Eventually, he would stop coming around if for no other
reason than he thought I was a big freak. I was looking
forward to that day.

“
Erich. Isn’t this the song you were talking about the
other day?” Astoria said, dancing up on Hood Gangsta.
“Oh, I’m sorry, y’all. This is Terrell.”

We all greeted him. Terrell mumbled a return
greeting. Hood Gangsta had a name.

“Denise. You haven’t danced since we got here.”

“Come on, Erich. She’s not going to leave us alone
unless we get out there.” I threw my screwdriver back,
downing it like a straight shot. I grabbed poor Erich’s arm
and headed for the dance floor.

“What’s up with your girl?” Erich asked me as we fell
in with the beat.

“She’s out of her mind. I dunno.”

“I need to ask you something about you and John.”

“There’s no me and John. He has a girlfriend.”

“That’s what Stori said, and what he says even, but I
have to ask if there’s something there. ’Cause I like you and
I just want to know before I make a fool of myself.” Erich
rushed his words, like he was almost afraid to speak them.

I stopped, my arms still in mid-air. This was the
moment I’d dreaded. And the moment Astoria’s igno
rance had been pushing on me for months.

I leaned toward his ear so he could hear me. “Erich,
it’s . . . complicated. You’re a nice guy and all. And I don’t
want to pull you into all the confusion. I think you’re
cool as a friend. But—it’s just—really complicated.”

Erich nodded. “Well, it’s good to know where I stand.”

I was going to kill Astoria. Bring her back to life. And
kill her again. And rinse and repeat until satisfied with
the results.

“
I hate this song,” I said, grateful for a change in song
to give me an excuse to get out of the most tense situa
tion I’d been in since—well, earlier that afternoon when
I’d met Sasha. What a day I was having.

Erich nodded. He looked like he wanted to leave as
badly as I did. I felt like such an ass. And it was all
Astoria’s fault.

I rushed over to Suse and Tia. Erich went over to
Astoria and Terrell.

“Erich just asked me if I had something going on with John because he wants to ask me out. See what
Astoria and her meddling have gotten me into?” I said.

“Well, I think you should give Erich a chance. Forget
about John,” Suse said.

I knew her frustration at Charles combined with her
sense of self-righteousness was making her worse than
usual, but my frustration combined with alcohol was a
bad answer to Suse’s attitude.

“Suse, please. I don’t know what your real deal is
about me liking John—”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh please. I think you know.” I grabbed my purse
from the stool next to Suse. “But anyway, I can’t be here
anymore right now.”

Her eyes widened and she pinched her lips together.
Even though I couldn’t see the color in the dark club, I
knew her face was habañero red as well. “Denise, don’t
try to turn this into something it’s not. I have never done
anything to make you think—”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

Suse’s mouth dropped open.

I turned to Tia, who looked bewildered. Her eyes had
been moving back and forth between us. “Tia? Can you
take me home?”

“Sure.” Tia jumped up, looking glad to go.

“Good. Tell Erich and Astoria I left,” were my parting
words to Suse. Without giving her a chance to reply, I
turned on my heel and headed for the exit, Tia behind me.

“You okay, Denise?” Tia asked once we were outside.
“No,” I said as we headed for the pay parking lot
where Tia’s car was.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

I flipped off a group of guys who were cat-calling us
and drew my jacket closer around my shoulders. “No.” I
knew Tia had to think I was crazy. Maybe she was
attributing it to my drunkenness. Maybe not. I didn’t
care. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

Seeing her slammed it home for me—ripped my
ability to lie to myself about John right out of my hands.
Sasha fit right in. I was a far cry from the perfect fit. I
didn’t have a surgeon dad and a socialite mom. I hadn’t
gone to some private boarding school in upstate New York for high school. I wouldn’t know the first thing
about a debutante ball. I was pretty sure coming out par
ties had something to do with sexual orientation.

I knew I’d been rotten to every single person I’d come
across that night, but it was hard to put on a pleasant
front after having my inkling of hope snatched away
from me.

WTF?

After the weekend of Sasha, I reached a low point.
Lindie James, the leader of the law review, made my mis
erable life even less bearable. What a horrible little cretin.
I don’t think she liked the idea of me being on the journal
at all. I had been spending a lot of time in the journal
office, which was making the situation with Lindie progressively worse.

I thought that Lindie had something personal against
me even though I had never done anything to her that I
knew of. She pushed me harder than anyone else on the
journal. Harder than my note or articles editors.
Whenever there was some tedious task that no one
wanted to do, I found myself doing it. She hated every idea I had come up with for a student note, even when
my note editor said my topic was fine. Finally, she vetoed
both me and my note editor and gave me a topic.

Most of the time, I did my best to keep her from get
ting to me. I tried to tell myself that was how it would be in the “real world”, at any rate. But on top of everything
else going on in my life, Lindie was more than I could take.

One afternoon, Lindie and I ended up screaming at
each other so loudly in the law review office that several
s
tudents and a professor came running to see what was
happening. I was so embarrassed that I started planning
my time in the office around when I knew Lindie
wouldn’t be there. Lindie hadn’t seemed to mind. We had
been communicating via emails and post-its ever since.

My episode with Lindie was very indicative of the
way things had been going for me. I had been stalking
around the law school, becoming increasingly unkempt.
By the end of November, I had almost made a uniform
out of sweats, a ratty baseball cap, and old running shoes that hadn’t been run in for many years and had definitely
seen better days. People were beginning to talk. Of course,
that was doing nothing for my “sunny disposition.”

Then, the
pièce de résistance
came the day before Thanksgiving break.

When I saw John standing just inside the journal office, the only thought in my head concerned won
dering why he was there. I stopped in the hallway, trying
to balance a painfully heavy stack of books, my lunch and
my shoulder bag while my laptop bag was slipping down
my shoulder. He took the books with my lunch perched
on top from me. I walked inside. The office was empty,
which was rare.

“What do you want?” I asked with acid in my voice.

John drew me to him and kissed me hard. So furi
ously it almost hurt. My shoulder bag dropped out of my
hands. The strap of my laptop bag hit the crook of my elbow. I wrapped my arms around him without thinking.
He tightened his hold on me and I suddenly snapped
back into myself and pushed him away.

“Denise—”

“No. We’ve been here before.”

“Let me explain—”

“There’s nothing to explain. We’ve been here before
and you were an ass before. And when I was willing to
listen to what you had to say—”

“I broke up with Sasha,” John said.

Okay, he finally had me speechless. Until he reached
out to touch me again.

I backed away. “What?”

“We need to have a long talk. I know you’re busy, but
it’s important.”

I was still having trouble processing his words. Sasha had been there not a week before. Okay, this had to be
good. Maybe I had to take time out to hear this.

“After Evidence. I have some free time then if you
do,” I said. Man, I was good. That hadn’t sounded at all
like I was talking around a heart beating in my throat.