Love Out of Order (Indigo Love Spectrum) (4 page)

“Are you okay, honey?” A woman’s voice jarred me
back to the present.

My eyes flew open to the sight of an older, brown-
skinned woman with kind eyes and a warm smile. Her smile made me feel a little better.

“Yeah. I’m just a little overheated. I need to take this
jacket off,” I rambled, nodding.

She nodded back. “Just makin’ sure. You look like you might need to lie down.”

“
I’m fine. Thanks.” That was a big, fat lie. But
standing in the bathroom talking to her was even more
awkward than being out there talking to John. I thanked
her again and hurried out of the restroom.

“You okay?” John asked.

I sat down next to him and placed my laptop on the
small table in front of us. I didn’t trust it back on my lap
at that moment, so soon after my close call. “Yeah,” I
said, getting sick of that question. Then again, I
reminded myself, I wouldn’t keep getting that question if
I didn’t keep acting crazy. “So, what is it about the
reading you didn’t get?”

It had to be my imagination. When I looked up, John
looked away, suddenly very interested in my Evidence
book. Had he been staring at me?

“Why don’t we just start by going over what hap
pened in class? Because I think just about everything
went over my head today,” John said with that disarming
smile.

My mouth went dry. How was I supposed to concen
trate on anything with him looking at me like that?
Sitting so close to me? How was I supposed to remember
anything except his name?

Somehow, I made it through the evening without
making too much more of a fool of myself. And I actually had fun once I got over my nerves. John was great.
Cute. Smart. Just perfect. With the perfect girlfriend to
match or so the rumors went. He didn’t bring her up that
evening and neither did I. I was still trying to pretend she
didn’t exist. Still, knowing all of that, I shouldn’t have had
s
o much trouble talking myself out of the possibility of
him liking me.

John walked me to my car. We laughed about some
thing that happened in class Friday. When we got to my
car, he put my books and laptop inside for me.

“That was really helpful. I think we should get
together once a week. If you wouldn’t mind,” John said.

Mind? I had never had a study partner before or been
in a study group. I studied better on my own. But there
was no way I was turning down a chance to spend more
time with John.

“Yeah. That’d be good,” I said. I wanted to be funny,
witty, charming. But I felt all I’d done the whole time was
laugh too hard and make limited, stiff responses like the
one I just had. Man, I could have written the book on how to be lame. Being around him just stole my ability to be articulate.

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you around,” John said.

I nodded.
Don’t go!
“Yeah. See you at school,” I said.
I watched John walk to his car, trying not to feel disap
pointment that he was leaving. He was just my new study
buddy. That was all.

Somehow I always ended up on the losing side. And
the last time I’d ended up there had been enough for me.
Too much, actually. I was done with all of that.

Even though I had been devastated by my one break
up, I knew I should have seen it coming. Joe had beat all
the hope out of me relationship-wise, but I was finally
okay again. Relationships just didn’t work out for me.
And I tried to avoid thinking about them for that reason.

BUILDING ROMANCE—
OR DAYDREAMING
ABOUT IT, ANYWAY

After an intense, blurred week of a lot of school, a little bit of sleep, and much insanity since I apparently
was in a contest with myself to see how many organizations I could join without dying from exhaustion, I was
happy to be free. Well, sort of free. I might have been
working, but at least I was outside on a warm, sunny Saturday afternoon in late September. And I was having a good time wedged between Suse and Astoria on the
roof of a house. We volunteered with Habitat for
Humanity a few times a semester through an organiza
tion on the undergrad campus. The group was called The
Community Project. Suse had been a member of it as an
undergrad and told us about it. She chose Central
Virginia University for undergrad as well as law school.

“It is too hot to be up here much longer,” Astoria said, sitting back on her calves and swiping her hand
across her forehead.

“We just got up here,” I said, tucking a stray bit of hair back into my ponytail.

“
Hmph. We been up here all day. And you know I
don’t like outside.”

“Well, how about we go down and get some water or
something then?”

“Finally, you’re talking sense. ”

The three of us climbed down the ladder.

“How’s the play stuff coming?” I asked as we moved
toward a table set up with pitchers and paper cups for us.
Astoria had joined a community theater group. They met
just a few miles from campus and so the group contained a good mix of locals and college kids.

“Pretty good. We finally decided on a play for the
spring. We’re casting now, which is a mess,” Astoria said. “Remember that one girl I told you about? Wannabe diva?”

“Yeah.” I took a sip of water.

“Well, she is a mess. You know she wants to be the lead. How’s she going to be the lead when it’s a musical
and the girl can’t sing?” Astoria then went on a tirade
about the diva. Suse and I listened, laughing occasionally.

I was about to ask her what play they’d decided on
when I caught something from the corner of my eye that
nearly made me drop my cup. John was walking toward
us, again with a sleeveless shirt. He had to stop doing that
to me.

I watched him approach, unaware of the fact that
Astoria was still talking.

“Hi,” he said, stopping in front of me.

“Hey.” My hand strayed up to my ponytail and I real
ized that he was seeing me in paint-stained baggy jeans
and a crumpled red T-shirt splashed with bleach stains t
hat Suse had warned me not to wear, but there was
nothing I could do about any of that now. “What are you
doing here? I mean, I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right,
but I mean I didn’t know you volunteered with us. I
mean them. I mean the group.”

For a moment, John, Suse and Astoria all just stared
at me. I couldn’t blame them. I wasn’t even sure what I’d
just said.

Eventually, John cleared his throat and his smile reap
peared. “Uh, I talked to Suse yesterday. She said you guys
would be out here today.” His eyes flickered to Suse and
so did mine. I seriously loved that girl.

I turned back to John. “So, I guess we should uh, start
building something.”

“Yeah, what are we working on?”

I smiled, tuning out the rest of the world. He’d said
“we”.

“Let’s go find Darren. He’s allegedly in charge around
here,” I said. I was surprised when I caught myself
linking my arm through John’s, like he was Astoria or
Suse or somebody it was normal for me touch. Then, he
surprised me by not pulling away. I caught a sliver of
Astoria’s glare before pulling John inside of the house— well, the foundation with lumber wall supports framing
what would be the house.

Darren gave us the job of sanding down the few walls
that had been installed and priming them for painting.
Astoria and Suse transferred themselves to this job as
well. For Astoria, I didn’t know if it was more about getting off of the roof or more about keeping an eye on me.

N
ot far into the sanding, John laughed and put his
hand over my sanding hand. Heat flooded from that
hand and over the rest of my body.

“Denise,” he said, placing his hand on my back,
“have you ever sanded before?”

“No,” I said, too busy being aware of how close his body was to mine to have time to feel embarrassed.

“It shows.”

“Oh, and you have?”

“Yeah. My uncle owns a bunch of construction com
panies.” He said this as if everyone’s uncles did and it
wasn’t a big deal. “I used to help out sometimes in the
summers. Back in high school.”

“Okay.” I realized we were still in a strange embrace,
one of his hands still on my back and the other still over
mine, holding the sander to the wall.

His eyes moved over my face for a moment and I was
frozen in his gaze. Somebody shouted about needing
more nails and broke the trance. I realized somebody
should say something before the awkwardness became any more stifling.

“Fine. You think you’re so great? Show me how to
sand a stupid wall then,” I said, grinning.

He laughed and actually moved closer. I had never
known sanding could be so much fun. He stood with his
shoulder touching mine, pointing to the wall and giving
out instructions in a low voice. The scent of his cologne,
mixed with sweat and sawdust, filled the air around us
and I couldn’t get enough of it.

“
So am I doing it right?” I asked, looking back at him,
my hand moving across the wall the way he’d shown me.

“Oh yeah.” It didn’t sound like John was talking
about the wall. He certainly wasn’t looking at it. His
emerald eyes burned into my brown ones.

I stopped sanding.

“Yeah, you look good. I mean, it. It looks good.”
John’s face reddened.

At that moment, I caught Astoria’s eye; I’d been
feeling her stare in my back and finally turned to face it.
Her eyes were blazing with anger. Before I could react, a
guy called out for help bringing in a load of sheetrock. John hurried off to help, mumbling something about
coming right back.

“What was that about?” Astoria asked, dropping the level she’d been holding onto the workhorse next to her.

“What was what about?” I dusted my hands off
against the front of my jeans and tried to walk around her.

She blocked my path. “You and your study partner,
there. What was that about?”

“He was showing me how to use the sander.” I looked
at her as if she were crazy and I had no idea what she was
talking about. I knew she knew me too well for me to get
away with that, but it was worth a try.

“Right,” Astoria said.

“I have to get something out of my car.” When had I
become so bad at this?

Astoria smirked at me, clearly not buying my excuse,
and she let me walk away, but I could hear her contin
uing to grumble behind me.

I
wandered away from the house, my hand drifting to
my shoulder, to the spot where John’s shoulder had been
pressed against mine. I knew it was stupid to think about
something that couldn’t have meant to John what it
meant to me. Wait, it shouldn’t have meant anything to
me, anyway. But still. It was nice to remember him
leaning in close, his voice low in my ear.

John spent most of the rest of the afternoon out
side, but we did exchange smiles every time we crossed
paths. Astoria, Suse and I stayed inside, sanding and
priming. Astoria sanded so roughly that I was surprised there was any wood left when she was done. Suse and I
kept exchanging glances and looking toward Astoria, but her mood put a damper on the afternoon for all
three of us.

After we were done for the day, Astoria and I went to
my cousin Apryl’s to clean up and have dinner. Suse had
dinner plans with Charles. He was meeting her halfway
so she wouldn’t have to drive all the way up to Louisa.