Love Redeemed (34 page)

Chapter 32

I
nhaling the scent of soap and clean air that emanated from the sheets, Katie shoved the pillows aside on the bed she shared with Silas, tugged back the top quilt, and smoothed the sheets. Blowing out a sigh, she turned to face her husband. He glowered at her, his skin darkening under his tan. They'd had this discussion three nights running now and he still hadn't come around to her way of thinking. Sometimes, it took him a while. She slapped both hands, fingers splayed on his chest. “She needs to go. I know you don't agree with me, but I'm asking you to please let her go. At least talk to Luke about it. Let him and Thomas guide us.”

“It's not proper for a young girl to go into the city with a young boy, looking for one who's run away from his responsibilities.” Silas backed away from her touch and pulled his nightshirt over his head. He stood in the middle of the room as if he couldn't decide where to go. “That's what Luke will say and Thomas will agree and they'll be right. Michael's family should go.”

Katie had heard this argument before. She knew her daughter and she knew Daniel. They were good kinner. They'd known each other all their lives. They would take care of each other and keep each other safe and they would do the right thing. She had to trust them. If she put her trust in God, so did she have to trust that she'd done her best to raise Phoebe right. Her daughter had made a terrible mistake. She had learned from it. Katie trusted in that. She trusted God. Now, she
just had to get Silas to see it her way. She rubbed his back in a widening circular motion, soft, gentle. “Phoebe will never move forward in her life if she doesn't have the chance to make things right with this boy.”

“He's not a boy. He's a man. And he made his choice. He ran away instead of being baptized and committing to his community and his faith.” Silas whirled and faced her. The pulse jumped in his temple and his eyes blazed with a fury she'd not seen there before. “There's no making things right with Michael Daugherty. Not for her. Not for us.”

“You haven't forgiven him, have you?” Dumbstruck, she stared up at his face, at once more familiar than her own and yet one belonging to a stranger. She tugged at the collar on her nightgown, suddenly feeling exposed. “You said you did. I thought you did.”

“I'm working on it.”

He sank on to the bed. She hesitated for a second or two. He was her husband. He'd been her strength all these years, like an oak tree unbending in a furious wind. Now he needed her to be the strong one. She joined him, leaning close to inhale his comforting man scent.

“In my head, I know I need to do it. I have to do it.” He thumped his fist against his chest. “It's here I'm having a bit of a struggle.”

She covered his hand with her own. “I understand that. Believe me, I do. But your struggle is yours. Phoebe has her own.” Katie swallowed against the nausea in her stomach. A bitter metallic taste filled the back of her throat.
Relax.
Had the doctor really told her to relax? “I don't want her to miss what we have because she can't move on.”

Silas lowered his head into his big hands. “I know. It's not just her or Michael. It's what the doctor told you. I'm having a hard time with it.”

She couldn't begin to tell him how hard it was for her too. A woman her age with small children. Wasn't it enough that she had the arthritis—a disease of older folks? Wasn't it enough that she'd lost Lydia? Now she had heart disease. Her mudder and daed had died of this disease. The doctor said it passed to each generation. It wasn't unexpected, he said. It certainly was unexpected to her. “Me too. But there's nothing we can do but make the best of it.”

“You seem so calm. I feel ashamed.” He raised his head and looked at her. To her astonishment, he had tears in his eyes. “The thought of
you going on ahead of me—I never contemplated that. I always figured I'd go first. I trusted God's plan for us. He's blessed us over the years.”

So had she. Then Lydia died. Now the road crumbled under her feet and she feared she would fall to her knees with each step. Somehow it wasn't surprising that this new challenge had followed on the heels of the loss of a child. Her world had tilted and would never be the same. Why should she be surprised? “I'm not going anywhere yet. The doctor said if I took the medicine, watched what I ate, and took it easy, I'd be fine.”

“He doesn't know you. He doesn't understand our life.” Silas's voice rose. It was so unlike him. Her steady partner also walked this crumbling road. “There's no taking it easy. Even if there was, you wouldn't know how.”

He only spoke aloud what she had been thinking in her head. He had to have faith. If it were God's will that she go on without him, he would raise Elam, Hannah, and Sarah. Phoebe and their boys, now men, would help. “That's why we have to give it up to God. His plan. He's in control.” Her words shook, not sounding nearly as certain and convincing as she had hoped. “That's what you've always told me all these years.”

He snorted, a half laugh, half groan. “And now my faith is being tested. I'm to put my faith where my mouth is. As if losing Lydia wasn't enough.”

“Something like that.” She tried a smile on for size. It felt small and tight. “Have you prayed?”

“Jah. But mostly I want to shake my fist at God. He should strike me dead for being so…angry. I've never felt this way before.”

“Pray some more.” She scooted closer and laid her head against his chest. “For both of us. That we find our faith and our joy in the Lord again. Whatever happens, we will need it. And pray for Phoebe. And Michael. They need our prayers more than ever.”

He slipped his arm around her and hugged her tight. “I'll talk to Luke and Thomas. They'll need a say in whether Phoebe goes to talk to Michael.”

Her husband, the strong one, the certain one, had returned. Katie stifled a sigh of relief and huddled against him. They prayed.

Chapter 33

P
hoebe had forgotten how noisy the city could be. Were they all like this or only Springfield? Cars honked, people yelled, music blared. And it smelled. Some good smells like the aroma of meat grilling that wafted from a food cart on the corner, but mostly exhaust fumes and nasty smells she didn't want to think about too much. She scurried faster, trying to keep up with Daniel. He set a determined pace, dodging in and out between the people coming toward them on the narrow sidewalk. She sidestepped a chunk of pink bubble-gum and nearly stepped on dog droppings. Daniel slowed, his gaze on the street map in his hand. He glanced up at a sign on the corner and veered left, nearly running her over.

“Are you sure this is the way to the diner?” She did a two-step and avoided getting her black sneaker stepped on by his heavy work boot. “I think we're lost. We should've hired a driver.”

“The bus was cheaper. We're not lost. The guy in the convenience store said to go two blocks east and then three blocks south and take a left turn.” Daniel sounded more confident than he looked. He pointed to the street sign. “See, this is Dexter Street.”

“Do you think he'll be glad to see us?”

Daniel studied the map some more. “I don't know. In his letters, he always says he's doing fine, he's working, he's making a living.”

Daniel had offered to let her read the handful of letters he'd received
from Michael, but she'd declined. It felt like going where she wasn't wanted. If Michael wanted to talk to her, he'd write to her. Fat chance of that, it seemed. “Does he say he's happy?” Happy might not be the right word for a Plain man. “Is he content?”

“Can't say.”

“What do you mean, you can't say?”

Daniel shoved his good Sunday service hat back on his head, his gaze on the map. “I don't know. Let's just worry about finding him for now.”

That was the closest to angry she'd ever heard Daniel sound. This was hard for him too. Coming to the city. Looking for his friend. “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry.” His tone softened. “I want him to come home too.”

“For your wedding.”

“Because he needs his community and his church.”

“He does.” She glanced around, determined to find this place, this diner with the funny name. Park Corner Diner. “Look there—across the park. See that sign flashing?”

Daniel swerved and they stepped into the street. A horn blared and a driver yelled dirty words at them. Daniel grabbed her arm and yanked her back to the curb.

“Oops.” Daniel grinned at her. Despite herself she grinned back, albeit a shaky grin born of part hysteria, part relief. “Okay, that was close.”

“We need to get a grip before we go in there.” Daniel led the way toward the crosswalk. They waited for the light to change and the little walk sign people to show up below it. Then they marched into the park.

“Let's sit down for a minute.” Daniel pointed to a bench. “Think about what we'll say.”

“Think? I know what we'll say. I thought about it all the way here on the bus. We'll tell him it's time to come home.”

“Will you tell him you've forgiven him?” Daniel plopped down on the bench. “He'll want to know.”

Phoebe wavered. This question had pricked at her brain the entire
bus ride, keeping her awake, giving her a headache. “I'll ask him if he's forgiven me.”

“For what?”

“For being a temptation that caused him to do something that meant a little girl would die.” To her surprise, her voice didn't quiver. “For turning away from him after it happened. That's why he left.”

“He left because he couldn't face the consequences of his actions.” Daniel's anger had returned. “He left because he let his family down and I let him down and you didn't stand by him. We all have blame.”

“Sounds like you've learned something in all this.” Much as she had. “It's changed you too. You should tell him that.”

“He never said a word. He could've pointed the finger of blame at me, but he never did.” Daniel folded the map into smaller and smaller squares. “Michael was always so quiet. He always let me do the talking. I should've shut up and listened when he said he just wanted to go fishing. He didn't want to take that walk.”

“He wanted to do the right thing.”

“He let me talk him into doing the wrong thing.”

“Michael has a strong will. He doesn't do things he doesn't want to do. I've learned that just by watching him over the years.” The meaning behind those words hit her square in the face. “He really wanted to spend time with me.”

“He really did.”

“And then it blew up in his face.”

“And yours.”

“It's time for all of us to move on from our mistakes. We're a small community, just getting started, and this thing has made it hard for us to be that community.”

Daniel slapped the map against his thigh and stood. “Let's get Michael and go home. Together.”

Daniel had grown up too. So wrapped up in her own misery and consequences, Phoebe hadn't even begun to look at the bigger consequences. “You really think he'll grab his bag and come home on the bus with us?”

“Depends on how good you are at picking your words.”

“Me? I thought you were going to do the talking.”

They trotted across the park, across the street, and came to the diner, still bickering.

Daniel put his hand on the door. Phoebe glanced in the long window. There Michael stood. Plain as day. Not so Plain anymore. Sporting a smile that showed his dimples and blue eyes under a red baseball cap, he braced an enormous plastic tub on the corner of a booth table. He picked up tea glasses and a coffee cup along with plates bearing the remains of eggs and hash browns and slung them into the tub. He didn't look up.

Daniel followed her gaze. “There he is.”

“There he is.”

“Let's go in.”

Something in Phoebe balked. “Nee. Wait.”

His back turned to the window now, Michael slid the tub on a metal cart. Then he turned around so she could see his face again. Still smiling. He enjoyed this job, clearing tables and washing dishes. He wiped his hands on his red apron and then he slid into the booth.

Phoebe opened her mouth and then closed it. She'd been so intent on drinking in the sight of him that she hadn't looked to see who sat in the booth. Now, she couldn't bear it. She swung her gaze to the other side. A girl—a woman really, about Phoebe's age—sat in the booth, her hands clasped in front of her on the table. She wore a blue flowered dress and a kapp. The Mennonite girl. She smiled at Michael. He smiled back and pushed a napkin toward her. She picked it up and dabbed at her lips, laughing.

Phoebe backed away from the window. Someone behind her grunted. “Hey, girlie, watch where you're going.” A grimy hand shoved her forward.

Daniel caught her before she hit the window.

Michael swiveled and looked out. Their gazes met. The smile drained from his face, like a light suddenly extinguished.

The girl across from him glanced toward the window, her face puzzled. She said something. Michael shook his head, but he slid from the booth.

Phoebe backed away a second time. “Nee.” She whirled and headed toward the street.

“Where are you going?” Daniel took a swipe at her arm and missed. “You wanted to talk to him.”

“I changed my mind.”

She raced into the park, seeking shelter. Seeking a place to hide. She ran past the vendor hawking fresh popcorn that smelled so good and the hot dog cart and two ladies each pushing double strollers. Michael had moved on. He didn't need her forgiveness. He didn't want it. He had made a life without her. Daniel would have to convince Michael to come back to his family and community. His faith. She wasn't needed. Maybe he would bring his new friend the Mennonite girl with him.