Love & Rodeo (26 page)

“
What’s wrong?”

“
I don’t want to talk about it right now. Later.”

Kallie nodded. He didn’t see her again until dinner. Everyone ate, chattering on and on about family day and how excited they were to see their families. Kallie looked in Levi’s direction several times, but he couldn’t look at her. How could she keep something like this from him? After dinner, everyone went back to the bunkhouse leaving Nora, Kallie, and Levi in the main house.

“
Kallie?” He heard Nora in the kitchen.

“
Yeah?”

“
Can Nolan stop over for a minute?”

“
I don’t care. Just no hanky panky.”

Levi waited for Nora to walk out of the house before he got up and went into the kitchen for a beer. He retrieved one from the refrigerator and sat down at the bar while Kallie stood at the counter looking through a catalog. She took Levi’s beer from him and took a drink before sitting it back down in front of him.

“
So what’s up? Why the long face?” Kallie asked him.

“
When were you going to tell me?”

Kallie looked at him a little confused. He pulled out the picture and set it on the counter. He watched as her hands went to her locket. With shaky hands she opened it to see the picture missing.

“
How did you get that?”

“
Does it matter? When were you going to tell me?”

She started to cry.

“
I was going to tell you. I swear, I just didn’t know how to. I’ve been so sad for so long and then you come here and I’m happy again. I didn’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be sad anymore.”

“
Were you pregnant when you left me?”

She shook her head.

“
I didn’t know I was pregnant until six weeks after World, and I tried to tell you. I called and when you’d answer, the words escaped me and I’d hang up.”

“
What happened? Where is the baby now? Did you put it up for adoption or something?”

Kallie looked at him. “You think I’d do that?” She was clearly hurt by his words.

“
Hell, Kallie, I didn’t think that you could keep something like this from me, but you did.”

“
No, Levi. I didn’t put the baby up for adoption. I made the decision to keep him. I wanted him.”

“
What happened?”

“
Please don’t make me relive this.”

“
Well, I didn’t get to live it, so enlighten me.
Tell me
!” he yelled to her.

She started crying harder. “I was almost sixteen weeks and I was showing. I had a bump. I had just started to feel him moving inside of me. I decided that I was going to tell you. Luke and I had this plan to go to Tulsa and surprise you. Um… I was in the barn mucking stalls the day before we planned on going. One minute I could feel him moving, and the next I felt a gush and everything went black. I remember coming to in the ambulance with blood everywhere. Like that, he was gone. Our baby was gone.”

She walked toward him and rested her arm on his back. He wiped a tear from his eye. He was mourning a son he just found out about.

“
Kallie? Why’d you keep this from me?”

“
At first I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to tie you down and ruin your dreams of winning World. And then after, well there was no point. We weren’t having a baby anymore, so…” She shrugged her shoulders.

“
Kallie, I would’ve been here for you, and as far as my dreams, they were nothing if you weren’t there with me.”

“
You say that, but I’d won World twice. I know what they meant to me and I know you know now what they mean to you. I couldn’t ruin that for you. I wouldn’t ruin that for you.”

“
That wasn’t your decision to make, Kallie. Just like it wasn’t up to you to decide my future. World titles? Who gives a shit about all that if the person you love isn’t there to share it with you? You think you know what’s best for me? Kallie, you think you know what’s best for everyone. I don’t want another Mama. I have one and she raised me right. I want a strong independent woman who loves me. Who loves all of me and who wants to stand as my equal, my better half. I wanted you. I needed you.”

“
I’m sorry, Levi.” Kallie kissed his cheek.

He couldn’t be near her right now. He could barely look at her. She wasn’t ready for him to be a part of her life, and right now, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be part of hers. He stood taking his keys from his pocket and started for the door.

“
Where are you going?”

“
I can’t be near you right now.”

“
Are you coming back?”

He shrugged his shoulders and walked out the door. He climbed into his truck, put the keys in the ignition and cranked the engine until it roared to life. He sped up the driveway and pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his contacts, he found Luke’s

Twenty minutes later, he pulled into Luke’s driveway. Levi turned off his truck and started for the front door, but Luke met him first.

“
The baby’s asleep right now. Let’s stay out here,” he told him as they walked out in his front yard.

“
So she told you?” Luke asked.

“
Why didn’t you tell me?”

“
It wasn’t my place to tell you. You needed to hear it from her.”

“
I don’t know if I’m pissed off because she didn’t tell me, or if I’m pissed off because she didn’t trust me to take care of her through it.”

“
Levi, she cared about you so much that she put her feelings on hold to give you what you needed.”

“
I didn’t need two world titles. I needed her. I’ve always needed her.”

“
You pretend like those two world titles are shit, but you and I both know that those titles have provided you with more than you could ever dream of.”

He knew Luke was right. Winning those titles had meant the world to him. Pieces of the puzzle he’d been trying to figure out began falling into place. For the last three years, he racked his brain as to why she’d ended it with him, and now small bits of the puzzle started to make sense.

“
Yeah. I just hate that she went through that alone.”

“
She didn’t go through it alone. I was with her. I was with her when it all happened, and I was with her afterward. I remember walking into that emergency room and her lying on her side after surgery. She looked at me with steel eyes and said, ‘Well, I guess we don’t have to go to Tulsa now.’ She cried and cried in that hospital bed. She wanted that baby. She wanted a life with you.”

Hearing Luke’s words broke his heart and shattered it as he slowly began to understand the sacrifice she made for him.

“
It shouldn’t have been you there. It should’ve been me. If anything, I failed her,” Levi said as guilt wracked through him.

“
She never gave you the chance. She thinks she’s strong and she puts on a good front, but in the end, she’s just been through so much that she’s worn down. She needs
you
. She wants
you
. She didn’t give you the chance to be there before, but she’s giving you the chance now. Be there for her. Be her strength when she’s weak. Hold her up when the weight gets too heavy and she’ll do the same for you.”

“
I love her. I think I’ve loved her since the first time I saw her.”

“
You remember the first night we met in that bar?” Luke asked.

Levi nodded.

“
That night, I knew you were going to be the one to save her and I hated you for it. It was supposed to be me. You rode in on your bull with that damn smile and your perfect hair.” They laughed together.

“
Perfect hair?”

They laughed a little longer.

“
I thought you were the biggest jackass and then you punched the shit out of Travis. I knew you loved her at that point.”

“
You’re damn straight I loved her. I still do.”

“
She loves you too. She never stopped.”

They stood there for a few minutes.

“
I don’t know what to do. I mean I’m pissed, but I guess I understand why she did it.”

The full effect of what she’d given to him, what she’d gone through made his heart ache and his chest a little tight.

“
How will I ever live up to that? How will I ever give her what she gave me?”

“
You have.”

“
What are you talking about?”

“
Levi, you pulled her out of her grief and taught her to live again. You gave her what no one else could. What I couldn’t give her.”

Realization hit him like a slap in the face. He sat down and ran a hand through his hair. Levi had never truly understood Kallie’s reasoning behind leaving him, but now it was all starting to make sense. Kallie had told him that she needed to raise her sister, but the real reason she left him was because she wanted him to have what she had. She wanted him to feel what she felt when she’d won her world titles. She’d given him that. She knew that if he left the circuit to help her raise Nora, he’d never go back, and he’d regret it. He said that the titles meant nothing to him, but as Luke said, those titles had provided him with more than he cared to admit.

“
You know, maybe leaving you was her way of saying thank you.”

“
As messed up as it sounds, I think you’re right.”

He thought for a moment how hard leaving him must have been for her and how hard the following months had been. He thought about what she had faced on her own and the thought killed him but her resolve never faltered once and in that action he could see just how much she loved him. That alone brought a tear to his eye.

After Kallie left him, he always wondered if he loved her more or maybe he loved her too hard, but now he could see that she loved him just as much if not more. The love she felt for him was so tremendous.

“
Wow.”

Luke gave him an understanding smile before he rested a hand on his shoulder.

“
Come on, it’s late. Sleep on the couch tonight and talk to her tomorrow.”

He followed Luke into the house and lay down on the couch. He tossed and turned most of the night. It didn’t feel right being away from her and his arms missed holding her. Most of all, he felt terrible for running out on her. It was almost three before sleep finally found him.

Levi woke the following morning to little Caleb crying. He looked at the clock under the TV. It said it was nine o’clock.

“
Crap! Crap!” Levi said sitting up. He was late and he was sure that Kallie was going to kill him.

He thanked Luke and then headed out. He still didn’t know what he was going to say to her, but he just needed her to know that he didn’t want to go anywhere. He reached the driveway to the Lazy K and sped down it.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Kallie looked at the clock. It read 8:30 and Levi still hadn’t shown his face. He was really going to stand her up. He really left her here to do all of this by herself. She knew that she’d dropped a bomb on him yesterday, and that she should try to be a little more understanding, but fear gripped her at the thought of losing him again. She knew that if she lost him again, she wouldn’t be able to keep the darkness at bay and it would likely swallow her whole. That wasn’t an option. Too many people relied on her. Too many people needed her here. About that time Nolan pulled up in his truck tugging her from her thoughts.

“
Nolan!”
Kallie called to him.

He climbed out of his truck.

“
Help me!”

She watched him jog toward her. They went right to work readying the bulls for the day. It took them an hour, but they got all the bulls in the chutes, while Nora got the girls started on grooming the horses, and the hands helped get the bull riders together.

“
Where do you need me next?” Nolan asked.

“
Oh, Nolan, you are too sweet. Can you run and check on the guys? They’re in the barrel barn.”

“
Sure.”

“
Thank you. I’m going to the house to see if Cookie needs any help.”

Nolan nodded and disappeared to check on the guys, while Kallie headed to the house. As she approached, Levi pulled up. He got out and started toward her. She shook her head.

“
No!”

She held her hand up to keep him away from her.

“
Kallie!”