Love, Rosie (88 page)

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Oh
yeah!
How
long
did
we
do
that
for?!

Em
.
.
.
that
would
be
26
days
of
course
Rosie

Oh
.
.
.
right
.
.
.
of
course.
You
put
on
weight
on
the
third
day.

That’s
because
the
third
day
was
the
lucky
letter
“C”
.
.
.

Cakes
.
.
.
mmmm

Well
we
made
up
for
it
on
the
last
day.
I
was
bloody
starving
on

“Z”
day;
I
was
practically
chasing
zebras
with
a
kitchen
knife

around
the
zoo.
Could
have
eaten
the
zoo
I
suppose
.
.
.

Ruby:

You
should
have
done
what
I
did,
I
ate
like
a
queen.
I
became
Ger-

man
for
the
day
and
ate
“ze
cakes”
and
“ze
buns.”
Oh
I
don’t
know

Rosie.
I
think
I’ll
just
invent
a
diet
of
my
own
and
give
those
stupid

magazines
a
run
for
their
money

love,
rosie

139

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

So
what’s
your
idea
then?

Hmmm
.
.
.
OK
you
should
only
eat
.
.
.
whatever
food
you
look

like.

I
bet
those
magazines
are
quaking
in
their
boots
.
.
.

No
really!
I
think
I’m
on
to
something
here!
Teddy
always
reminds

me
of
a
tomato
with
his
big
ripe
fat
juicy
red
face.
The
two
hairs
on

his
head
that
stick
up
remind
me
of
the
stalk
.
.
.
I
always
feel
the

urge
to
stick
his
head
in
a
blender
and
mix
with
vodka
and
Tabasco.

A
bloody
Teddy.
Simon
from
the
office
reminds
me
of
a
Brussels

sprout.
He’s
smelly
and
.
.
.

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Green?

No,
just
smelly.

What
do
I
look
like?

Good
question
.
.
.
Hmmm,
I
think
you’re
a
bit
of
an
onion.

An
onion?!
Why,
do
I
stink
and
make
people
cry?
An
onion?!
Why,

do
I
stink
and
make
people
cry?

Why
did
you
just
repeat
yourself?

Onions
do
that
don’t
they,
they
repeat
on
you?

A
funny
onion
too.
No
I
think
it’s
because
there
are
many
layers
to

you,
Rosie
Dunne,
and
as
the
years
go
by,
another
one
is
peeled

away.
I
think
there’s
a
lot
more
under
there
than
people
think.
So

what
am
I?

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Hmmm
.
.
.
a
cake.

A
cake??

Sweet
as
sugar
with
a
cherry
on
top.
Sweet
as
pie!

And
fat
and
unhealthy.

Look
Ruby
you
invented
this
diet.
If
you
look
like
a
cake
then
all