Love Still Stands (33 page)

On that they agreed. He gritted his teeth to keep from shouting at her. He’d never
raised his voice to her in all these years. “We need to go now. Get the boys and the
twins. I’ll meet you at the buggy.”

He marched toward the long rows of buggies lined up beyond the corral where the horses
munched on hay stanchions in amiable silence. People waved and hollered greetings,
but he kept moving. Puzzled faces watched him go.

“Stop, stop!” Leah gasped when they reached the buggy he’d borrowed from the Shiracks.
“Give me the baby.”

“You’re acting strange. How do I know you’ll care for him?”

“I’ll have help.” She tugged at Jebediah. The baby crowed in delight as if they played
a game. A game of who keeps the baby. “Mudder and Mattie and their girls. My brothers’
fraas.”

“Your daed says you’re to come back with me.”

“Mattie says I can stay with her.”

Blood was thicker than water. He’d always thought that a good thing. Until now. Now,
Leah had choices. She had people to fall back on. It shouldn’t be this way. They should
honor the vows. Separation would not be tolerated. Micah would send her home. He should
speak to Micah. Or Deacon Altman.

“Give him to me.” Leah tugged again. “Give him to me, Luke. He needs his mudder.”

Tired of the game, Jebediah began to cry. “Mudder, Mudder!”

“You can’t have it both ways. You aren’t fit to be his mudder. Or you are. Which is
it?”

“I need time.” She gazed up at him, strands of her shiny brown hair escaping her kapp
on her forehead, her eyes huge in a white face with pinpricks of red in her cheeks.
“Try to understand. Give me time. Don’t go to the bishop. Give me time.”

“Did you not hear the vows spoken just now? Those are our vows. Nothing changes that.
Until death, we are united before God.” He looked down at the sobbing boy in his arms.
Despite everything in him that screamed to hold onto his son, he handed Jebediah to
Leah. Doing so was his commitment to her and their family. It said he trusted her,
as he always had trusted her to be mudder to their children. “I’m going back to Missouri
to help our friends rebuild their barn. I expect you to come back too. I’m leaving
in two hours. I’ll see you back at Annie’s.”

She didn’t nod. She didn’t even acknowledge his words. She whirled and stumbled toward
the house, Jebediah wailing at the top of his small lungs.

Only sheer determination kept Luke from the doing the same.

Chapter 31

B
ethel squeezed William’s shoulder. He looked up at her, his small face forlorn. Glancing
at Luke, who stared out the window as he had done the entire time since the van pulled
away from the Shirack farm and onto the road for the long trip back to New Hope, she
put her arm around the boy’s shoulders. To her surprise, he leaned against her. With
his walnut-colored hair and round face, he was a miniature of his father. And just
as troubled.

“Where’s Mudder?’ he whispered, raising his head to peek around her at his father.
Luke’s stony gaze remained on the world whizzing past them. “Why didn’t she come back
with us?”

The boy didn’t frame the question as
why didn’t she come home with us
. It wasn’t home yet to him. Or to any of them. Least of all Leah.

William and Joseph had taken turns asking this question throughout the trip. Luke
ignored them. Bethel knew why. He couldn’t talk about it without revealing his anger
or hurt, neither of which he wanted to show his sons. His world crashed around his
feet, but he didn’t want the boys to know. She respected that, even as she saw the
hurt and bewilderment in their faces.

“She’s coming later.” Bethel leaned close to him, hoping her voice didn’t carry over
the rumble of the engine to her brother-in-law’s ears. She prayed her words were true.
“She wanted to stay for a longer visit and your daed needs to get back. There’s been
a fire…”

She didn’t finish the thought. She need not justify to the children their father’s
actions or their mother’s. They were children, after all.

“You’ll need to take care of the house.”

Luke’s voice sounded hoarse, as if from lack of use. It took Bethel a second to absorb
his meaning. Of course, she would take care of the house and the children until Leah
came home. She’d assumed as much. “Jah.”

“The boys will work with me when they’re not at school.”

“Jah.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m sorry to impose.”

“I’m Leah’s sister. Family.” He wasn’t thinking straight or he would see this. “I’m
glad to help.”

“I’ll ask Silas to send Ida to help you.”

Silas’s sister-in-law Ida was a widow. Her children were grown so she lived with her
brother-in-law and helped her sister. “That’s not necessary. I—”

“We can’t stay in the house, just us.”

His meaning struck her. “I don’t…of course, I mean…” Her stutter only served to increase
her embarrassment. “We could…”

“And you need to help Deborah at the school. You’ll have your hands full.”

She nodded. “You also. Luke, I’m sorry—”

“We’re here.”

Luke snatched his hat from the seat and plunked it on his head for punctuation. End
of conversation.

The van rolled to a stop in front of the house. She was almost afraid to look. What
if it had that awful orange paint on it again? They’d only been gone two days, but
somehow she feared they would have to start over yet again. A quick gander proved
her fears groundless. Neat and clean, just as they’d left it.

Luke shoved the door open and vaulted from the van.

Bethel managed to slide out on her own. Good thing, since Luke made no move to help
her down. Without a word, he strode into the house. He didn’t even look back to make
sure the boys followed. Using the van to prop herself up, she struggled through the
mud to the back and flung open the doors. William, his small face as miserable and
uncertain as it had been throughout the trip, climbed into the back and handed her
the crutches. Joseph grabbed a bag almost as big as he and dragged it toward the house.

“You’re here.”

Elijah stood in the yard.

“And you’re a sight for sore eyes.” She blurted the words without giving them time
to ping-pong around inside her head. “I mean—”

“You too. Come with me.” He grinned and nodded toward the barn. “I have a surprise
for you.”

“A surprise?” The boys spoke in unison. William jumped from the van and Joseph dropped
the bag’s handle. “We want to see.”

“Nee.” Elijah shook his finger at them. “Take in the bags and get unpacked. You’re
big boys. Your daed needs your help.”

He clapped both hands together. “Get. Chop-chop!”

They got.

Bethel laughed for the first time since leaving the house. “You’re good with children.”
Her own words surprised her yet again. “I guess…I hadn’t noticed that.”

“There’s a lot you haven’t noticed.” His smile fled for a second and then reappeared.
“Right now, you need to come to the barn.”

“You heard about Leah?” She hopped forward on the crutches. They sank in the mud,
making a
slug-slug
sound when she pulled them out, forcing her to work twice as hard for each step.
“How?”

“Emma called the phone shack and left a message on the machine. She figured we should
know, be ready to help.”

“But you need the help. The barn…the chicken house.”

“We’ll help each other.” He turned and walked backward. He made flapping motions with
one hand. It didn’t seem fair. He could walk backward and flap his arm around and
she could barely move forward in a straight line. “Come on, you’re getting behind.”

“For a reason.” She couldn’t keep the aggravation from her voice. “What’s the hurry?”

“I want to show you something. You’ll like it.” He looked like a boy anxious to open
presents on his birthday. “Hurry up, slow poke.”

“Slow poke?” She hurtled herself forward. “I’m the fastest crutch-woman in the west.”

“Right!” He shoved the barn door open. “Get in here, crutch-woman.”

Inside, the cool darkness blinded her momentarily. She blinked and sniffed. Hay and
manure and feed. Comforting, homey smells. “What? Is there a batch of new kittens?
I’ve seen a couple of cats running around here since we arrived.”

“No, no, it’s not kittens.” He shook his head in mock disgust, then pointed toward
the stall at the end of the row. “Over there.”

She swung forward. “What is it? Oh, Elijah.” She stopped, overwhelmed by the sight.
“How…where…I mean—”

“You’re speechless.” He smacked the stall door open. “My work here is done.”

Bethel swung into the stall and surveyed its contents. A stationary bicycle, secondhand
from the looks of it, and a treadmill took up the back half. “Is this about feeling
guilty?”

“Guilty about what?”

“You know what. Telling Luke about Shawn.”

“
Ach
, no.” He shook his head so hard his hat flopped back. He righted it. “This is about…in
a way, I guess it’s all the same thing. I did what I had to do, what I thought was
right. I know therapy once a week isn’t enough. I want you to get better because…well,
I just want you to get better so I thought if you couldn’t go into town for the sessions,
this was the next best thing.”

He ran down, looking so embarrassed Bethel felt the need to rescue him. “It’s…they’re
beautiful.” If one could call workout equipment beautiful. She leaned on her crutches
and stroked the bike handles that stood straight up. “What about the electricity?”

“I rigged the treadmill to run on a propane generator. I even vented it out the back
of the barn.”

“And Luke? Does he know?”

“I spoke to him before y’all left. It’s a good thing I went into town and picked them
up right away. I didn’t know you’d be back so quick.”

“Neither did we.” She stuck the red knob into the proper notch on the treadmill’s
dashboard. It lit up with places for distance and calories burned and pulse. “How
did you find them? And how much did they cost?”

“It’s not polite to ask how much a gift costs.”

“A gift? Nee, it’s too much.”

“A gift is a gift, period.”

They’d see about that. “Where did you find them?”

“Diana Doolittle’s junk store.”

“I don’t think she would call it a junk store.” Bethel thought about that first day
they’d driven into New Hope and met Diana Doolittle. So much had happened since then.
“I can’t believe she sells exercise equipment.”

“She sells everything. She has a whole warehouse full of stuff she sells on consignment
for people who don’t want it anymore. She has lots of exercise equipment. She says
Englisch folks buy them, thinking they’ll lose weight as a New Year’s resolution,
but they get tired of messing with it by February and by April they’re using them
to hang clothes on.”

Elijah’s voice trailed away. He stared at her, but she had a feeling he was seeing
something else. He entered the stall and strode toward her until he was so close she
could smell his earthy scent. Woodsy. “Do you like them?”

Again, like the little boy on a birthday, this time wanting to make sure his gift
was appreciated.

“Jah.”

“Try them out.”

“Nee.” She backed away. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Not in front of you.” She stumbled over the words. “Not in these…in this dress.”

“
Ach
, silly me.” He smacked his forehead with the flat of his palm. “Right.”

“But I will, later.”

“Gut.”

The silence stretched. He rubbed a hand across his chin, then crossed his arms over
his chest. One boot kicked at straw on the ground. Bethel wanted to tell him to stop.
He reminded her of her scholars when they didn’t know the answer to her question.
Instead of fessing up, they studied the wooden floorboards as if they would tell them
the sum of twelve times nine.

Maybe she could make it easier for him, whatever it was. “Danki.”

He looked up then, the sharp angles of his sculpted face hidden in the shadows cast
by the loft overhead. “Can I ask you a question?”

“I don’t know. Is it…will it be…seemly?”

He kicked at the straw some more. “I don’t know what else to do, so I guess I’m taking
a chance that it is. Seemly.”

“Then go ahead.”

“Do you like me? Even a little?”

So many emotions welled up inside Bethel, she found it hard to capture even one. They
were like minnows in the pond, darting in all directions, daring her to take them
prisoner for use as bait on a summer night of fishing. She didn’t dare tell him. She
couldn’t bear to tell herself. “Why?”

“You’re answering a question with a question?”

“Jah.”

His gaze pinned her against the stall. “I’m not certain of much these days. Except
that I seemed to have missed the time where I was supposed to find the woman I would
share my life with and start a family with.”