Love Today (62 page)

I smiled and said, “Yes, she did. Apparently she’s been waiting for the okay and she just got it.” He really was all sweaty from mowing the lawn so I wrinkled my nose and added, “She’s right. Gross.”

He grinned and said, “Hey, you’ve always kissed me after a concert. Don’t tell me ‘gross.’ ” I knew what was next but he grabbed me before I could escape his sweaty kisses all over my face.

“Yeah, but that wa
s just sweat!” I laughed as I tried to push him away. “You’re all dirty and grimy!”

“
And you love it because it’s manly. And because your yard looks awesome.”

I couldn’t disagree so he released me with a big smile. I did wipe some sweat off my face to be dramatic but he ignored it because of other things on his mind.

“So what was the daddy conversation about? She asked if she could call me that?”

“Yes, and my mom told her she deserved to have a dad. I’m happy about that. She’s never had a dad until you.”

“Well what about you? Did she call you mom too?” He was smiling, but it faded when I shook my head.

“Nah, but I’m okay with that.”

He studied me for a second. “Well it’s gonna happen, Taryn. And you don’t need to feel guilty about it.”

“Well, we’ll see,” I began, just as Maggie returned to the table. I heard my mom ask if she washed her hands, and
after
she
answered
yes,
she
resumed eating
her dinner
. “I tried to holler at you that dinner was done, but you were on the back half and couldn’t hear me.”  

“I’ll go shower quick.” He kissed me before he left, and on the way by the table, he tugged on Maggie’s ponytail.

“Hey,” she protested with a giggle.

I wa
tched Jared disappear
down the hall as I returned to the kitchen.
Maggie had pretty much eaten most of what was on her plate and asked if she could watch cartoons. As soon as I gave her permission,
I wasn’t surprised when my mom said, “Sounds like it’s time for the next step.”

I sighed. “Just because
that
happened
doesn’t mean
it’s
time for
that
.”

“Make it official, Taryn,” she said, following me to the stove.
S
he watched me mix the stir-fry and re-fluff the rice.
We were out of range for Maggie to hear, but she still
quietly added, “To give Maggie a real family is the best thing you can—”

“We
are
a real family,” I replied firmly.

It was her turn to sigh. “I know you are. But make it official so it’s easier on her in the long run. You are her parents
now
. She needs to have the same last name. And your loyalty to Rachel… I just don’t understand it. I can’t see any reason why she would have a problem with you adopting her daughter, Taryn.”

“It that normal? I mean Maggie was born to Rachel, not me. She’s still her mother. I don’t want to take that away from her.”

“She’s not here anymore.”

“I know that. So I’m just supposed to take her kid like she never existed?”

“The circumstances are a little different. Her mom was murdered. Now Maggie has to miss out on a life of calling someone ‘mom’? Come on, Taryn. Be fair.”

“You don’t understand. Jared understands, but you don’t.”

“What is it that I don’t understand?”

I didn’t respond because I wasn’t willing to talk about it. My husband knew every fear I had when it came to Maggie, but my mom was also a mother. Why didn’t she get it?

“Taryn, sometimes a decision doesn’t always have the perfect, most obvious answer. But it still needs to be made anyway. Sometimes it’s just a matter of weighing the pros and cons.”

“Well what if you don’t know the value of those pros and cons? What if you underestimate one of those things and it backfires on you? What if your decision comes back to bite you in the ass?”

“Then that’s what was meant to happen because you did the best you could. Choices aren’t always easy. Let me ask you one question, Taryn…
What is one
thing that would make you feel comfortable about the decision?”

“It’s n
ot possible, so it doesn’t matter.”

“What’s not possible? Rachel’s approval?”

I didn’t answer since she was right.

“Taryn, Rachel wouldn’t want to leave her daughter without a family, so she entrusted
her to
you.
Your
name was on the will;
you
are who she wanted Maggie to be with.”

“It says ‘guardian.’ It never said ‘I want Taryn to take my place as Maggie’s mom.’ ”

My mom sighed. “Those are not terms you specify in a will. Adoption is a personal choice beyond the legal guardianship. Both of her parents are deceased, Taryn. There is nothing that is stopping you from legally adopting her. She’s almost six years old. You and Jared are going to have a baby together. The baby will be forever bound to you both, but you just want to be Maggie’s court appointed guardian?
How do you think she’ll feel about
that
in the long run?
”
That hurt deeply, and my mom knew it. But she continued with, “Think of Jared. Now she’s calling him dad. Well he’s the
husband
of her legal guardian but nothing beyond that—”

“Stop it, Mom. Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want you to see beyond your fears. You can do something for Maggie that will make a huge difference in your life, but you’re afraid of offending
your dead sister?
Really, Taryn… What has Rachel ever done for you?”

“Just because you two didn’t get along doesn’t mean I didn’t get along with her.”

“Did you?” she asked, seeming truly surprised.

I took a moment to think about
it as Jared entered the
kitchen
,
well
aware we were in some sort of disagreement.

“I probably understood Rachel in certain ways because I was her sister,” I finally answered. “No
,
she and I weren’t close like I wish I could have been, but it’s a little late for that. But whatever it was that she couldn’t stand at home, it fell in my lap also. I was lumped in with all of those bad experiences—or whatever she considered them to be—and I feel like I never had a chance.”

My mom was surprised again. “Are you saying that we are the reason that you and Rachel were never close?”

With a sigh I replied, “I’m saying that
she
looked at it that way. I
didn’t
know a lot of things that were going on with Rachel when I was younger. I mean you guys were constantly fighting and most of the time Rachel ended up taking off. I was the little sister—four years younger than her—so obviously she never confided in me. All I ever knew was that she got grounded after some big shouting match
or breaking curfew or something. I never knew what exactly it was that she did wrong.
”

My mom didn’t reply right away. At firs
t I thought it was because I had a point
, but then she shook her head. After a deep brea
th she said, “Honey, there were a lot of things about Rachel that we didn’t want you to know. And to be honest, I was glad that the two of you weren’t close. I’ll also admit that when you started talking to her on the phone
a couple years ago
…I was worried. I was afraid that… Well, you’ve been such a good kid and…I didn’t want her to rub off on you. As a parent you wish your kids could see things the way
you
do, but sometimes…I guess you have to trust them.

“Your dad was the one that suggested you help out with Maggie. I disagreed with him. I didn’t
want my other daughter to oppose us
like Rachel—there, I said it—and I was against it. But…I knew that you wanted to get to know your niece and that Rachel was finally giving you that chance to be close to them. I understood that, so I
went along
with your dad
when
he encouraged Rachel to have you for the summer. You had such high regards for your sister…”

“She was my sister,” I said quietly.

“I know. And I understand that. So we hoped for two things: you’d either see what we’ve been through all these years, or you would somehow rub off on
her
. Either way would have pleased me but… I didn’t expect the rest, of course. And I guess
I
didn’t see how your life was going to be changed so much. I just thought you would learn something, come home, and continue your life here. I guess fate might have
had
you end up with Maggie anyway, but Rachel didn’t change her will until
after
you’d
been in Washington for a month.”

I raised my eyebrows, unaware of that. “What was in her will before?”

My mom
shrugged.
“Nothing. Maggie would have gone to a family member—us, hopefully, if
her
paternal relatives
didn’t
fight for custody.
Thank God the Grahams didn’t go that route.
”

“So you and dad could be raising Maggie right now, not me.”

“No, it’s the way it
should
be, Taryn. Maggie is with the right family.” She looked at both Jared and me. “The two of you will give her the life she deserves. I only want you to see that it’s meant to be that way. You have the ability to fix something that’s broken. We all want for you to
become Maggie’s parents permanently. I’ll respect your reservations, Taryn, but I really think it’s time to make it happen.” She gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Then she hugged Jared and added, “I think it’s a conversation you
both
should have with Maggie. I know she’s ready.”

She headed out after that
, first stopping in the backyard to say goodbye to Maggie. Jared didn’t say anything right away. I think he was waiting for me to say something first because it had been my conversation with my mom. But he did gather me in his arms for a hug, which was Jared’s typical method of showing support no matter how I was feeling.

“I just don’t want her to ever resent me for it for some reason,” I spoke against his chest.

“I know,” he replied, and he kissed the top of my head. “But let me ask you something.”

I moved
to
look at
him and he took his hand
and held
my
face
. After looking into my eyes for a few seconds he said, “The three of us are a family in my book. No buts about it. It’s always going to be that way as far as I’m concerned so…
I think your
mom is right. And I know how you feel about it, Taryn, but I think it’s time to forget about what Rachel would think because we really should talk to Maggie and seek
her
opinion instead.”

He was right, and I knew it. Even when Rachel was alive I had wished that Maggie were mine. I had a hard time dealing with those feelings when my sister died. Jared knew that, and we’d talked about it several times, but I think he was expecting that I’d get past it sooner. He was incredibly patient with me and never pushed, but maybe he saw the need to this time.

“Let’s have a little family meeting, huh?” he asked. “Let’s go outside with Maggie and just see what comes of a few questions, okay?”

He waited for my response so I nodded. But before we left the kitchen I took his hand and said, “Before we go can I asked one thing of you?”

He nodded. “Of course. Anything.”

I took a slow breath of ai
r and said, “I know you’ll always be honest with me but…if it comes down to, you know, Maggie wanting to keep things the way they are… I’m all right with it, okay? I’m not going to feel bad or anything or…”

Jared smiled and he gave me another hug. “Okay, I won’t mind explaining to people why she calls me daddy but still calls you Taryn.” I scoffed playfully because I knew he was teasing, but he added, “But just so you know…it’s never going to come to that. I already know her answer.”

He kissed me and took my hand to walk outside.

Chapter Forty-Nine

“Jared! Jared! Over here!”

“Jared, can we get a picture?”

“Jared, this way!”

The demands from photographers continued as my husband took my hand and helped me out of the limo. I’ll admit I had being graceful faked pretty well
after spending the past six hours in a satin Armani dress that matched Jared’s burgundy vest. But e
ight months pregnant wasn’t my ideal fashion statement to make as I walked the red carpet with Jared M
iller on his Grammy night. I
t was hardly a choice for me
, though
. He had begged me, and when those beautiful green eyes were in pleading mode, it was impossible to say no.