Love Will Find a Way (26 page)

"And I always wanted a son,” Dennis admitted. “But Ellen had such a difficult time with the twins that we decided it was best not to try again.” After a space of time that heard only the ticking of the clock, he questioned, “Why didn't you and Robert have more children?"

"I wanted to, but Robert didn't.” Why should that admission make her feel like a traitor?

Dennis leaned forward with his hands resting on his knees. “Did he always make all your decisions for you?"

"It wasn't like that.” Emily felt at once vulnerable and foolish. “Robert has known me all my life. He would never intentionally do anything to hurt me."

Dennis sat up and leaned back. “But he did. He betrayed you and divorced you."

That sounded so harsh, but it was true. “He had some reason. I was far from being a perfect wife."

"I'm not judging him, or you. I can't be objective because I'm prejudiced in your favor. But that's all in the past.” His eyes narrowed as he questioned, “Isn't it?"

"Yes.” Was she trying to convince Dennis or herself? “But the past always affects the present.” Quickly she pushed down old memories that rippled across her mind like wind over water. “Robert and I have resolved most of our differences."

From out of the blue, Dennis asked, “Do you still love him?"

That question deserved careful consideration. Did she? After an introspective moment, Emily answered, “In a way, yes.” She did love Robert, but she was afraid to trust him. “You should understand how I feel. You once told me that you would always be in love with Ellen."

"Ellen will always have a special place in my heart.” Dennis tented his fingers again and looked over them into Emily's eyes. “But over the last year I've come to believe that doesn't mean I can't care for someone else. What about you, Emily, could you learn to care for someone other than you ex-husband?"

Care for someone else besides Robert? That thought had never crossed her mind before. “I never considered it."

"Then perhaps you should.” Once again, Dennis leaned forward in his chair. “Will you?"

Emily's first inclination was to say no. Then she reconsidered. Why should she shut the door on the future because of what had happened in the past? “Would that be fair?"

"To whom?” Dennis asked gravely. “Have you made some recent commitment to your ex-husband?"

Had she? Was sleeping with a man considered making a commitment? “Not in so many words.” What a trite evasion that was. Suddenly curious, Emily asked, “Why would you want to know?"

"Can't you guess?” A touch of color stained Dennis's cheeks and splotched across his neck. “Don't you have any idea?"

She was beginning to. With realization came a sudden panic. She had always felt so safe with Dennis. On their first encounter he had assured her that he would never love anyone but his dead wife. The fact that he was a minister and the pastor of a large church had further lulled her into a sense of emotional security. “When you say you and me, you mean you and me, as in a couple, a pair?” She was babbling like an idiot.

A gentle smile creased Dennis's face as the color receded. “Every couple is not a pair, but given time you and I could be both a couple and a pair.” He was patiently waiting for her to speak.

Finally Emily squeaked out, “This is so ... unexpected.” Then giggled like a teenager, trying to cover her confusion. “I don't know what to say."

Dennis reached across the space between them and took her hand in his. “You don't have to say anything. Just think about what I've said."

"But I need to tell you about Robert and me. I...."

Dennis lifted one hand. “Don't, please. I don't want to hear about you and Robert. That's in the past."

Emily wasn't sure that was true and she tried to say so. “In many ways I'm still very connected to Robert and his family. I've known them all my life. My parents and his parents were best friends. Debra, Robert's sister, is like a sister to me, too.” Realizing that she was chattering almost incoherently, Emily stopped.

"I can understand all that.” Dennis dropped her hand. “You wouldn't be the Emily I have grown to admire and respect if you could put Robert and his family out of your life completely.” He stood slowly to his feet. “I have to go. I am expected in my pulpit in less than thirty minutes.” He backed toward the door. “Think about what I've said. We could be a family, you, my daughters, your sons and me. And I would honor you, cherish you and keep you only unto myself so long as we both were alive.” Without waiting for her to answer, he turned on his heel and was gone.

He had quoted lines from a wedding vow. “Robert will be here soon. I have to dress,” she told no one in particular. With a dazed shake of her head, Emily moved toward the bedroom.

Chapter 13

By the time Robert arrived, Emily had regained some of her equilibrium. He seemed elated that he had been able on such short notice to get reservations at an elegant supper club. The ambience was perfect and the food delicious, but Emily sat pensive and silent.

"Aren't you enjoying your meal?” Robert asked as she used her fork to push food around on her plate.

Emily looked around the room. “I've never been here before."

Apprehension sounded in Robert's voice. “Don't you like the place?"

"It's very nice.” Dennis Morrison had actually proposed marriage to her, or had he? If it wasn't a proposal it was very close.

Robert asked, “Do you think I've been here with Susan?” Before she could answer, he assured her, “I haven't."

"I hadn't thought about it.” In the year Emily had known Dennis, he had never even hinted that he felt anything for her but friendship. True, that friendship had grown and become more trusting and intimate as time passed. Still, to propose marriage before he had ever held her in his arms, or kissed her, that was....

"Emily?” Robert’ leaned across the table. “Is something troubling you? You seem a million miles away."

"Sorry.” Emily shook her head, trying to clear her mind. “I have a lot to think about, what with Kevin's wedding so near.” She popped a green bean into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “How's Aunt Beth?"

Robert reminded her, “You were with me when I last saw Aunt Beth.” He sighed before adding, “I talked to Dad on the phone this afternoon. She's doing well."

"That's nice.” Emily pushed the remainder of her green beans into her mashed potatoes. Why would Dennis, or any other man for that matter, contemplate marriage before he had ... She smiled to herself. Had what? Sampled the merchandise?

From what seemed a long way off, Robert said, “Is this a private joke or can anyone get in on it?"

Emily wiped the smile from her face. “It's nothing. What were you saying about Aunt Beth?"

"I said Aunt Beth is doing well."

"I'm so glad to hear that. I've been worried about her.” Again, Emily's thoughts began to stray. Maybe Dennis didn't expect undying love, but he must want someone warm and responsive in bed. The more she pondered his strange proposal, the more tangled her thoughts became.

Again, Robert's voice intruded into her thoughts. “Can't you forget about Kevin's wedding and Aunt Beth's illness for tonight?"

Emily pulled her mind back to the present. “Of course.” She pasted a smile on her face. “You were saying?"

As Robert began to tell of a recent real estate deal, she found her mind wandering back once more to her strange conversation with Dennis. Had she led him on in ways that she hadn't realized? She had always assumed that since he was a minister, she could trust him implicitly. And because he was totally committed to his dead wife's memory, there was no fear of romantic involvement. Had she been wrong on both counts?

Robert's caustic voice cut through her preoccupation. “Am I boring you?"

"No. I'm sorry.” Emily took a quick sip of water. “What were you saying?"

"I was saying...” Robert tossed his napkin on the table. “That you have something on your mind. What is it?"

She couldn't tell Robert about her recent conversation with Dennis. Emily spoke the first words that popped into her mind. “Did I tell you Larry will be home Friday?"

Robert replied, “No. You didn't."

"He's very excited about being best man at Kevin's wedding.” She would try to unravel the riddle of Dennis Morrison later when she was alone and able to think more clearly. “Do you think he took on too much?"

"He who?” Robert's brow knitted into a puzzled frown.

"Larry, of course,” Emily explained with a wave of her hand. “I wanted him to come home for the summer and rest, but he insisted on going to summer school. Do you think that was wise?"

"Don't you think it's a little late to be worrying about that? Larry is halfway through his first summer session.” Robert drained his wineglass. “Do you want me to take you home?"

Emily turned the full force of her most seductive smile on the man across from her. “Not before you hold me in your arms and dance with me."

Robert wasn't convinced. “Are you sure?"

Emily laid her hand over his. “I'm positive."

Once on the dance floor, she slid into his arms with practiced ease, even though it had been years since they had danced together. Emily whispered into his ear. “This is almost like old times.” She could feel the heat from his hands on her back, penetrating the flimsy fabric of her dress.

With sudden intensity, Robert pulled her very close to him. “'Almost’ being the operative word."

The music was soft and syncopated and the lights low. The mood should have been romantic. It wasn't. As the last strains of the orchestra faded away, Robert took Emily's hand and led her toward their table. “I can touch you, but I can't reach you."

Only hours before Dennis had accused her of erecting barriers. “I don't mean to be distant."

"Yes, you do.” Robert held her chair for her. “You're busying yourself with all the mundane happenings around you to keep from facing the significant problems between you and me."

Emily sat in her chair. That seemed an unkind appraisal; it was also an accurate one. She watched as Robert pulled out his chair and sat down. “Sometimes it's better than facing harsh realities."

"Better or easier?” Robert reached across the table and took her hand in his. “For years when you retreated, I retaliated by becoming angry and withdrawn. That was my first reaction tonight.” In this very public place, the rather undemonstrative Robert Franklin lifted his ex-wife's fingers to his lips and kissed them, “But not anymore."

Emily admitted. “Something happened that...” She bit her lip, realizing belatedly that what she needed to say, she didn't dare utter. “I'm all right now."

Robert released her hand. “You've accused me of not listening to you. How can I when you refuse to share your thoughts and feelings with me?"

She couldn't tell Robert about Dennis's backhanded proposal. He would think she had encouraged Dennis, or worse, that she was trying to make him jealous. “It's not important. Do you want to dance again?"

"More than anything in the world, I want to hold you in my arms and feel you close to me, not only physically, but emotionally.” Robert closed his eyes and swallowed. “Emily, please, at least try to meet me halfway."

Emily's first inclination was to fall back into the pattern she had pursued for years, the burying of frightening emotional problems under a mound of unimportant small talk about trivial incidents. She couldn't forever dodge the issue by making idle chatter. Neither could she bring herself to confide in Robert about this afternoon's rather bizarre string of events. “Maybe if you held me in your arms it would help."

"No. It would only complicate matters. As you were so swift to point out the last time we were together, the sexual part of our relationship is wonderful.” He smiled and then sobered suddenly. “Stop building walls between us."

All this time Emily had blamed their failure to communicate on Robert. She was beginning to realize that the fault lay partly with her. “Can we go somewhere and talk?” Her eyes darted around the crowded room, “Someplace a little more private?"

Robert signaled for the waiter. “Do you want to go to my apartment?"

Even with a frown creasing his brow, how handsome he was, how masculine! She loved him, more than that, she needed him with an aching, physical need that if released would swallow up every other emotion. “If we went there, we'd end up in bed. Then we'd wake up in the morning with the same old problems hanging over us. We can go to my house."

"And be interrupted before we even get started? No thanks."

The waiter appeared. Robert dispensed with him in record time. As he helped Emily from her chair, he asked, “Do you remember when we used to drive up to Lookout Point and talk for hours?"

How vividly she remembered! “We went there the week before we were married. But we didn't talk.” Then another memory surfaced. Thad had taken her there once, too. It was atop Lookout Point that she had been able to convince Thad that they could be friends, but never lovers. The irony of the comparison made her smile.

Robert took her arm. “We can have some privacy there.” He led her toward the entrance. Once outside he guided her toward the parking garage. All around them night sounds of the city could be heard, the rumble of traffic, the shrill scream of a siren and the distant resounding blare of a car horn echoing down the canyon of a busy street.

As Robert unlocked the car door, Emily stood by, lost in thought. What a wonderful future they had planned all those evenings they had sat atop Lookout Point, gazing down at the city with its splendid display of luminous lights. What had happened to all those wonderful plans?

Robert helped her into the car and hurried to the other side. As he put his keys in the ignition, he asked, “Am I pushing you too hard?” Looking over his shoulder, he backed the car out of its parking slot.

Emily said, “You do have a way of making me face up to some very unpleasant truths."

Robert pulled the car into the busy flow of traffic. “Good. If I seem unsure, it's only because I am. I don't want us to lose the ground we've gained. I know that could happen if I push too hard. I also recognize that it will happen if you keep refusing to help bridge the gap between us. That puts me in a very precarious position.” He smiled grimly. “It's a case of maybe being dammed if I do, and damned sure being damned if I don't.” Pulling off the main thoroughfare, he drove down a deserted farm-to-market road.