Lover (37 page)

‘Come on, don't upset yourself. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. But I am taking you to the first aid post, as soon as you can move, Rene. You've got to let a doctor have a look at you, at least.'

‘I'll be all right in a minute. Let me just pull myself together…get my legs over the side… Ooooh… Better keep the blanket, for decency's sake.'

‘A-a-a-untie Re-e-n-e-e!' Tommy came barrelling across the shelter, bawling his head off, and buried his face in my stomach.

‘There, there, pet, it's all right, it's all right…' I'm stroking his head, thinking what a stupid thing to say, it's not all right at all, but you've got to say something, and kids don't really understand, do they?

‘Come on, let's mop you up a bit, shall we? Have you got a handkerchief, Harry? That nice girl did give me one, only I gave it to Dora.'

Harry pulled out his handkerchief, and I gave Tommy's face a wipe and got him to blow his nose, but the poor little lad was crying and shaking, and I could see it wasn't doing much good. I said, ‘Come on, you sit up here beside me. You've got to be a man now, look after your mum, because she's very upset over your dad.'

‘What…what are we going to do?'

‘I don't know, darling, but we'll sort something out.'

‘Can we come and live with you?'

‘Yes, dear, if you like. This is Mr Nolan. Are you going to say thank you for the handkerchief?'

Tommy looked at Harry, and hiccupped. ‘Th-thank you,' he whispered.

Harry said, ‘What's your name, son?'

Another whisper. ‘Tommy.'

‘Well, Tommy, I'm going to take your auntie to the first aid post. She's had a nasty shock, and I think she needs to see the doctor. Do you want to come with us?'

I said, ‘Wait a minute, what about Dora?'

‘I'll go and see who's looking after her, and I'll tell them he's coming with us. It's probably better if she doesn't have the worry of him, not now.'

So the three of us went off to the first aid post, and Harry got Tommy and me sat down with mugs of tea and said he'd see me later. I did have a fair bit of blood on me—most of it was Joe's, from his arm, but I couldn't explain that in front of Tommy, so the nurse insisted on undressing me to check, when all I wanted was to be left alone. You can't blame them for that, I suppose, but all the same…

We spent the rest of the night dozing on a camp bed, and left when the All-Clear went at seven. We saw Mr Bernstein, my landlord, for a spare key, then went home. I was completely filthy, but far too tired to do anything about it, and poor Tommy was as exhausted as I was, so I got his shoes off and put him on the bed, and then I did the same, and he put his little arm round me and we both went straight off to sleep. We only woke up when Dora came at midday.

She looked stunned, like she didn't know where she was. She sat on the bed with Tommy and they had a cuddle and a bit of a cry while I made a pot of tea. I told her, ‘You can stay here as long as you want.'

She looked at me over Tommy's head and said, ‘It's very kind of you, Rene, but we can't stay here, not with…well, you know. Mrs Lord, she's from the next block—ours was evacuated, what was left of it—she's said we can go there, and she's got a camp bed so it'll be easier. I've been back to our block, but it's hopeless. I kept picking things up and throwing them away again. There's nothing worth keeping. I didn't even recognise half of it. I was looking for that chest of Joe's, with the money in, but I don't suppose we'll get it back, not now—it's all the savings that he was keeping for us, all lost…'

I said, ‘Look, Dora, you'd best forget about that money. It's not going to bring Joe back, is it? Let me take you down to the Assistance Board. They didn't find my handbag, or not that I know of, so I'll have to get a new identity card.' I remembered as I said it that the letter for Tommy had been in my bag, too, and the photo—the only one I had of Vic—and they were well and truly buried. I felt a bit sorry to start with, but after a while I thought, well, maybe it's for the best, all things considered.

I couldn't believe it when I looked in the bathroom mirror. For a moment I thought I'd gone white, because you do hear about that sometimes, when people have a shock, but then I realised my hair was one solid great lump of plaster dust. It took me ten minutes just to get out all the pins, and then I had a dreadful tussle brushing it out, and even when I'd finished it looked so terrible that I had to wash it. The hot water ran out halfway through, and the basin looked as if it was full of thick black soup by the time I'd got done.

I had a wash after that, then I dried my hair in front of the fire and felt ever so much better. Dora was sitting in the armchair with Tommy in her lap, and I couldn't help feeling jealous, even then, that it's Dora he goes to when he's upset and not me. It's daft, but with that sort of thing, you can't help it, even when you've only got yourself to blame in the first place.

The town hall's right down the bottom of Charing Cross Road, by Trafalgar Square. They'd got a list of people killed or missing stuck up on the door. Joe's name was on it, and Mrs Everley, with nine or ten others. There was four there with the same surname, which really upset Dora, because they'd been neighbours, a family with twin girls Tommy's age.

There was a lot of hanging about and waiting, but in the end Dora managed to fill in a war damage claim for the flat and they gave her twelve pounds for food and what have you, to tide her over, and I sorted out my identity card. Dora kept asking me, all the time we were waiting, ‘Do you think they'll find Joe's money?' and I didn't know what to say. Afterwards she said, ‘I suppose they don't bother, do they, once they've got the people out. I'll go and have a look again tomorrow… Oh, Rene, I'd rather have him back than any money, but I don't know how we're going to manage, I really don't. All that money he was saving, and now it's gone, and I don't know what I'm going to do. He'd have wanted us to have it, wouldn't he? He was saving it for us.'

I looked at her poor face, all white with grief and shock, and I thought, well, that's it, Rene my girl, she's convinced herself she's lost a good breadwinner, and you'll have to take his place, for Tommy's sake. I said, ‘We'll manage. We're a family, aren't we? We'll stick together.'

‘Oh, Rene, I don't know what I'd do without you, honestly I don't.' And she starts sobbing her heart out, right in the middle of the street, and Tommy's tugging at her hand, going, ‘Mu-um, Mu-um…' and his lip's trembling, and I can see it's all he can do not to join in, and I'm thinking, I've got to look after them, I don't care what happens or how frightened I am, I've just got to pull myself together and look after them…

I said to Dora, ‘You'll be all right. You'll get your pension, won't you? Widow's pension?'

‘I suppose there'll be something, but I don't know, and it'll take time to sort out, won't it? At least I'd got my handbag with me, with our ration books and whatnot.' She'd opened it and she was fishing inside for a hanky, when she suddenly looked up and sniffed and said, ‘Oh, I forgot, there's this…' and she held up this little blue thing. It took me a minute to recognise it, but then, well…my heart almost stopped. It was Lily's blue felt case.

‘Where did you get this?'

‘It's yours, isn't it? It was in your hanky.'

‘What hanky?'

‘You gave it to me, remember? In the shelter at Wild Street. When I unfolded it, this thing fell out. Must have got caught up in there. Rene, why are you looking at me like that? It
is
yours, isn't it?'

‘I…'

‘'Cos if it isn't, we can always throw it away. It's only a cigarette card inside. Robert Taylor.'

‘I know.'

‘Let's see, let's see.' Tommy's hopping up and down, holding out his hand.

‘Are you sure that's where it came from? The hanky?'

‘Yes, I told you, it fell out on my lap. Stop looking at me like that, Rene, it's only a cigarette card, for heaven's sake.'

‘Let's see!'

Dora gave the little case to Tommy, who immediately started pulling at it so the card dropped out on the pavement. I said, ‘Oh, don't do that, dear, give it to your auntie. Look, it's just a silly old cigarette card.'

‘Oh.' He lost interest after that, and I put it in my pocket.

‘I don't understand. When I showed you, you looked like you were going to have a heart attack.'

‘Oh, it's nothing. Just…I lost it ages ago, and I was a bit surprised, that's all.'

‘I thought you liked Clark Gable.'

‘Yes, I do, but it's nice to have a change, isn't it? Anyway, let's get you round to that neighbour, shall we?'

We had to walk past the wreckage that was Dora's flats, and I hurried the two of them along as fast as I could, because it was a forlorn sight. A great big heap of rubble, with a few people scrabbling about on it, and others standing around listlessly, as if they couldn't believe what had happened, and a couple of kids playing tag. I saw the top of a mangle sticking out, and what looked to be half of a basin, and there was the odd bit of material and broken china here and there, but mostly, it seemed to have turned into one big brown and grey lump. Hard to believe that it had been the same as the other half of the building not twenty-four hours before.

Dora was a bit tearful when I left, but Mrs Lord seemed a good sort, very welcoming and friendly. I told them I'd be back tomorrow to see how they were doing, and went off feeling like I'd got a lump of lead in my stomach, with my heart banging away like there was no tomorrow. Soon as I got back round the corner into Long Acre, I stopped and pulled Lily's little blue case out of my pocket.

Dora said it had come out of the handkerchief the girl had given me, which didn't make sense… Why should
she
have it? There couldn't be two of them…unless she knew Lily, which wasn't very likely. I mean, she'd been in the air-raid shelter, and if Lily'd lost it, if it had fallen out of her bag, or…but Lily would have
said
, because she told me, she always used to kiss Robert Taylor goodnight, and the girl, Lucy, wasn't a regular. But
she
couldn't be…I mean, Jack the Ripper was a man, wasn't he? So far as we know. No, that's ridiculous. Women don't do things like that, and if they did it would be some crazy old maid, or a mannish sort that's gone a bit funny in the head, not a nice kid like her. I suddenly thought, perhaps someone gave it to her. Father? Brother? She hadn't said anything about a boyfriend, not as far as I could remember, but I'd seen her in the shelter with that airman, the handsome one. Maybe he wasn't a boyfriend, just a pal. I couldn't remember her surname, either. Lucy what? All I knew was, she came from the mobile canteen.

I went over to the post but Harry wasn't there and no one seemed to know when he'd be back, so I left a message for him, just to say we were doing all right, and then I rushed round to Eileen's. She was at home, thank God, and by the time I got through telling her, and I'd showed her the cigarette card, she was as puzzled as I was, but she kept saying, ‘It means Ted's innocent. We've got to take it to the police. They'll have to let him go.'

‘But I don't know the girl's name—well, I know it's Lucy, and I know she was on the canteen, but that's all.'

‘But they can find out, can't they?'

‘And I was the only one who knew Lily had this card. Ted didn't know.'

‘He must have.'

‘No. Lily thought he'd be jealous.'

Eileen thought for a moment, then said, ‘Yes. He could be a bit funny like that. But still, Rene…'

‘It's only my word, isn't it?'

‘Yes, but they'd investigate, wouldn't they? They'd have to.'

We argued for a bit, but in the end we went down to the police station at Tottenham Court Road, and Eileen waited outside while I went in and talked to the sergeant. I wasn't very happy about that, but as she said, it wouldn't look good if they found out she used to be Ted's girl.

I recognised the sergeant immediately—I've seen him a good few times over the years—and I think he probably knew me, too, although he didn't say so, just, ‘What can I do for you, miss?'

So there I am explaining about the cigarette card, and he's listening, but I can see from his face that he thinks it's a lot of rubbish, and the more I say, the dafter it sounds.

‘You say this girl gave it to you, miss?'

‘No, she gave me the handkerchief, and it fell out. I'd know it anywhere.'

‘But you don't know this girl.'

‘No, but I know that her name is Lucy, and—'

‘Did you see the paper today, miss?'

‘No.'

‘Well, if you did, miss, you'd know we weren't investigating any further. He's been charged, miss.'

‘What?'

‘Charged. Today. At Bow Street.'

‘So…that's it, is it?'

‘That's all I can tell you, miss. Now, if there's nothing else…'

Well, that was that. Eileen was waiting for me round the corner. ‘Well?'

‘It's no good. He's been charged.'

‘When?'

‘Today. Didn't you get a paper?'

‘No, I never bother with them.'

We bought a paper, and sure enough there it was:
Man Charged With West End Murder.
‘It says Ted's appeared today at Bow Street, charged with the murder of Mrs Lily Franks who was found dead recently in the West End. It says she was suffocated and slashed with a sharp instrument. Doesn't seem possible, does it?'

‘I'm telling you,' Eileen said, ‘he didn't do it!'

‘Well, that's what it says. It's hopeless. You did say he'd had a skinful. I mean, perhaps it wasn't the same as Edie or Annie, perhaps Ted was so drunk he just didn't know what he was doing, or…oh, I don't know. Like I said, it's hopeless.'