Love's Challenge (Pearl Vampire Chronicles #5) (5 page)

“Carlos?” I whispered.  ‘Fuck.  You weak idiot,’ my mind told me.

“Yes?” he said.

“Are you asleep?” I said.

“Are you kidding me?” he said.

“God damn it, I don’t want to do this,” I whispered as I brought my head
around and began kissing him.

“Neither do I,” he groaned as his arms pulled me closer.

Chapter
Four

By the time we were finally dressed and ready to go to the airport, there
wasn’t a surface in that hotel room that we hadn’t made love on.  From the bed
to the floor to both chairs to the table to the balcony to the dresser to the
bathroom counter and finally the shower, everywhere had been touched.  We were
wild but we didn’t care.  We made too much noise but we didn’t care.  We made
love tenderly.  We screwed passionately.  And we fucked like animals.  Years of
denying ourselves came out in one night.  Years of pent-up desire.  Years of
yearning.  It all came out like a flood.  Maybe we both hoped that we could get
it all out of our system in one night.  Yeah, right.  Fat chance of that. 

We settled back into our plane seats with our hands clasped together, as
the flight attendant brought us a blanket.  As the plane taxied out to the
runway I leaned my head on his shoulder.  “I just can’t talk about this right
now, Carlos.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Sarah.  I’m afraid to talk about it too,” he said then he
kissed my forehead.  I closed my eyes and finally drifted off to the sleep that
had eluded me last night.

“Miss?  Miss?  We’ve landed,” a voice said. 

My eyes fluttered open then I popped my head up.  “Huh?  What?  Oh, thank
you,” I said.  I leaned over and kissed Carlos’ forehead.  “Time to wake up,
Carlos.  We’re home.”  He opened his eyes, looked at me and smiled.  Then
reality hit and I saw the panic in his eyes.  He reached for me and urgently
pulled me to him.  He began kissing me with such overwhelming passion and
sadness that I thought I was going to crumble.  Just when I knew I couldn’t
bear it anymore, he pulled away and placed his forehead on mine. 

“Last one,” he whispered.

“Last one,” I groaned.

We retrieved our bags and walked through the airport toward the limo
area.  Before we reached the doors I could see Ivan standing by the car waiting
for us.  And then I stopped.  I just froze right where I was.  Carlos walked
right into me.  “What the hell Sarah, why did you?…  Oh no,” he whispered as
his eyes followed mine.  Standing next to Ivan, waiting for me, was Matthew. 

“I know why he’s here and I can’t do this, Carlos,” I said.

“Sarah, he’s probably here to beat the shit out of me,” Carlos said.

“No, that’s not how he does things,” I said as I began digging through my
purse, acting like I was looking for something.  “He’s here to claim me.  He’s
here to mark his territory.  He’s going to make you ride up front with Ivan
while he has his way with me in the back.  And I can’t say no, Carlos.  I don’t
want to do this, but you know I can’t say no.”

“Maybe I’ll just fly home,” he whispered.

“No, you can’t do that.  That would make it worse.  He’s using his subtle
ways to confirm his suspicions and if you refuse to ride home with us you’ll
only make it easier for him.  Please don’t do that to me yet,” I said.

“But, shit, Sarah.  I’ll be able to hear you,” he groaned.

“I know and I’m sorry.  But you have to do this for me.  Please,” I said.

“Fine, God damn it.  Let’s go,” he hissed.

I pulled my cell phone out and held it up for Matt to see.  As we walked
out the doors I said, “Sorry.  I thought I dropped my cell phone on the plane. 
What are you doing here sweetheart?”  I walked into his waiting arms.  Oh, crap,
no.  I seriously can’t do this.  His mouth came towards mine.  He opened his
eyes, looked at me and hesitated slightly as he got close, I’m sure he could
smell Carlos on my lips, but then I saw the determination in his eyes.  And the
anger.  He quickly closed the remaining distance and crushed his lips down on
mine.  He tried to make me believe, as his tongue danced around mine, but I
knew.  There was no passion in this kiss.  Only fury.  He pulled away and
locked his eyes with mine. 

“Hey, Carlos.  How about you ride up front with Ivan and let me and Sarah
have the back, okay?” he said.  I could see his jaw muscles were so tense that
I actually thought that if he clenched it any more, it might break. 

“Sure thing, Matt,” Carlos mumbled.  Come on, I thought.  Please make a
smart-ass, Carlos comment about being able to hear us.  That’s what the normal
Carlos would do.  That’s what the Carlos that wasn’t screwing me would do.  I
held my breath as I waited.

“Just please keep her moans to a minimum, k?  That frickin’ couch in the
hotel room kept me up most of the night.  I’m wicked tired,” he said as he
climbed into the front seat.  I had to force myself to not say ‘Whew’ out loud
as I exhaled.  Thank you, I thought to myself.  Ivan opened the back door for
us and Matt climbed in first and pulled me tight.  He didn’t even wait until
Ivan had closed the door before he was kissing and groping me.  I wanted him to
yell at me.  I wanted him to hit me.  I didn’t want this.  But this was my
punishment.  He knew that.  I knew that.  What I did last night was the worst
thing I could’ve done.  What I had to do right now was the hardest.  I choked
back the sobs that so desperately wanted to come out.  I forced my arms to not
push him away.  Instead, I made them pull him closer to me as I felt the car
begin moving down the road.  It was a three-hour drive home from the airport,
and it was going to be the longest three hours of my life. 

Matt shifted and quickly pulled my shirt over my head.  As his mouth
moved to my breasts, I weaved my fingers into his hair and bit my lower lip.  I
was trying anything to give him the reaction he needed.  I closed my eyes and
tried to bring memories of us together into my mind.  But I couldn’t find any. 
My mind had shut down and refused to help me.  I started to feel the panic
building inside me.  I started to fear that I really wasn’t going to be able to
do this.  That I really wasn’t going to make it.  I was going to stop him.  I
had to.  We had to fight this out first.  I couldn’t let him turn sex with him
into something angry and hateful.  I just couldn’t.  I was going to push him
away.  I had made that decision.  But in the split second before I acted on it,
he stopped.  He just stopped.  He rested his head on my chest and quietly cried
for a few seconds.  “I can’t,” he sobbed.  “I just can’t fucking do this to
you.”

“Oh God, Matt.  I’m so…”

“Shut up, Sarah,” he yelled as his head shot up and his hand clamped down
on my mouth.  “Just shut the fuck up for once.  I know what’s happened, Sarah. 
But I don’t want to know what happened, got it?  I don’t care if you feel some
burning need to unburden yourself in order to feel better.  That’s just too
fucking bad.  You don’t get to do that.  Not with this.  Not this time.  I
don’t want to hear it.  I don’t want to know it.  Understand?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded.  He pushed off of me and moved to the
far side of the seat, staring silently out the window.  And he stayed there,
frozen and silent, for most of the drive.  I quietly put my shirt back on and
just sat and watched him.  I watched and I waited.  Waiting for what, I wasn’t
sure.  But I waited.  And when we were ten minutes away from home, I finally
knew what I was waiting for.  The tiniest of gestures that was so small yet so
huge it almost broke my heart.  Without moving his gaze from the window, he
quietly reached his hand out and laid it on the seat, inviting my hand to hold
his.  I held the flood of sobs back that were drowning me.  I set my hand on his
and clasped it tight.  After a minute or two like that, he pulled me across the
seat, wrapped his arm around me and kissed me on the forehead.  And still I
didn’t cry.  I couldn’t.  He wouldn’t let me.  No crying.  No fighting.  I
couldn’t beg for forgiveness.  Those were his terms… and this was my
punishment. 

The car pulled to a stop outside the gate.  Carlos jumped out first and
quickly walked back to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase.  Matt climbed out of
the back with his arm still tightly wrapped around me.  Carlos tried to quickly
pass us so he could get inside, but Matt put his hand on his chest and stopped
him.  “Jeez, Carlos, what’s your hurry?  You got somewhere to go? Got someone
to see?  Got someone to
be
with?” he sneered.

I saw the anger flash in Carlos’ eyes.  “No,
Matt
, I don’t have
someone to be with.  I told you, I’m just tired.  I’m going to bed,” he said,
but I could see every tense muscle in his body.  He was ready for a fight.

Matt shrugged his shoulders.  “Suit yourself.  I just thought the three
of us could catch up in the kitchen while we eat.  I want to hear what you and
the kids did after I left.  And I’m sure you’re hungry after using all that
energy to,
you know
, play with the kids,” he sneered.

Carlos’ jaw flexed.  Shit, I thought, he’s getting pissed.

“Come to think of it, I could use something to drink.  I’m starving.  I
haven’t used that much energy at one time, ever,” he spat. 

I swear I could see the steam coming out of both their ears and noses. 
They were like two lions fighting for their territory, without fighting.

“Great.  Then we’ll all go get something to eat.  Won’t that be cozy,”
Matt said through clenched teeth.  Matt turned, and with his arm around my
shoulder, started walking through the courtyard.  I could hear Carlos following
quietly behind us.  Suddenly Matt stopped in his tracks.  He had this look on
his face like he was trying to remember something.  I glanced quickly at
Carlos, then back to Matt. 

“Honey?” I whispered.

“There was something I needed to say?” he mumbled to no one in
particular.  “No, not something I needed to say.  It was something I needed to
do,” then he spun around and punched Carlos in the face.  Fist to jaw.  Crack! 
I froze.  I couldn’t react.  How could I?  Every reaction would be wrong. 
Should I act surprised and say, ‘Matt, what the hell was that for?’… Wrong. 
Too condescending.  Should I rush to Carlos’ aid?  Wrong, wrong, wrong. 
Nothing I could do or say would be right.  So I just stood there, frozen.  Carlos
was down on one knee, rubbing his jaw and spitting out blood.  Matt was bent
over trying to flex his hand.  Matt held his unhurt hand out to Carlos to help
him up.  “Clinic first?  Then the kitchen?”  Carlos looked at Matt warily then
he hesitantly took his hand and nodded as he stood up.

Chapter
Five

“Hi David.  Hi Cameron,” I said as we walked into the clinic and I
spotted our two resident physicians.  “Ummm, Matt needs his hand x-rayed and
Carlos needs his jaw looked at.”

They stared at us.  Yeah, guys, it really doesn’t need an explanation.  Matt
hit Carlos and there’s really only one reason that he would ever do that and
everyone knew what it was, I thought.  Finally Cameron spoke up.  “Okay, Matt,
you come with me.  David, why don’t you take Carlos?” he said.

The four of them started to head out into the hall, but stopped when they
all realized that I wasn’t moving.  “Ummm, I’ll just wait here for you, okay?”
I said as I tried to keep my legs from shaking.  Yes, I was losing it again,
but, by God, they weren’t going to see it.

“Okay, Sarah.  We’ll be back in a few minutes,” Matt said.  Then they all
turned and walked out.  I was down on the floor within seconds, silently
sobbing.  I couldn’t risk being heard by anyone.  So my stupid tearless eyes
did their stupid tearless crying, silently.  Why not? I thought.  No tears, no
sound.  Makes perfect sense, right?  But not for me.  When am I ever silent? 
About anything?  I talk about everything.  I’m noisy during sex.  I need to be
noisy during crying, damn it.  But now I couldn’t.  Now, there was a lot of
couldn’t and can’t in my life.  I did that.  I brought that on.  It was my
fault, and I was going to have to live with that, forever.

“Um, excuse me?  Are you all… oh it’s you,” whispered Maria.  I saw the
anger flash in her eyes.

“Hello, Maria,” I said as I quickly moved from the floor to one of the
chairs.  “Can I help you?”

“I was looking for Carlos,” she hissed.  “I’m guessing you probably know
where he is.”

“He’s down in x-ray, with David,” I said.

“Why is he in x-ray?” she said.

“Because… because… well, because Matt punched him in the jaw,” I said.

Surprise filled her face.  She stared at me for a while then broke into a
huge grin.  “Well, I hope he knocked some sense into him.  Tell Carlos I’m in
our room.”  She turned and walked out, mumbling, “she’s the one he should
punch.”

I know, Maria.  Oh how I know.

I was recovered enough to function when I heard them coming down the
hall.  Carlos had an ice pack on his re-set jaw.  Matt was wearing a brace on
his hand.  Thankfully David and Cameron were discreet enough to not ask
questions.  “Both of you come back tomorrow afternoon.  You should be healed by
then,” David said.  I nodded to them as I made eye contact. Yes, it’s obvious. 
Yes, I did this.  Yes, it’s my fault.  That much was written all over
everybody’s faces… at least I thought it was.  The three of us walked silently
down the hall toward the kitchen, with Matt deliberately placing himself in the
middle, keeping me as far away from Carlos as possible.  We all tried not to,
but couldn’t keep ourselves from making eye contact as we fed.  But the looks
we all had spoke volumes.  We were three people who had so much we needed to
say, yet we couldn’t say one damn word to each other.  Perfect.  After an uncomfortable
moment, I just had to break the silence.