Love's Courage (8 page)

8

With the project funding on hold, Lesego finds herself having to go back to work fulltime, and eventually the excitement surrounding her fades away. The forensic audit of the project continues as she returns to life as she has come to know it.

The scandal has made her famous, and she is approached by young people for assistance. How did she do it? How do you put together a winning proposal? To fill the lonely hours, she begins to have new entrepreneurs over on Saturdays and invites young people to her home office to help them out. Soon she becomes their mentor and helps them to get their projects off the ground.

Lesego realises that for a consultancy fee she can provide a valuable service – bridging the gap between a wonderful idea and the operational implementation of it. However, she keeps hitting a snag – the financials – and decides that in order to be really helpful, she needs to send these young people to the best man in the business. So she keeps referring them to Kenneth.

It's a few months down the line, but she still hasn't stopped looking at the SMSs he sent her throughout their relationship. Her heart still stops midbeat when the phone rings, and every tall man she sees in the mall reminds her of him.

Sefalana still hasn't managed to pull itself out of government bureaucracy to reinstate her financing. Lesego keeps her options open and begins to look into other alternatives. She keeps hoping that her clients will bring back word that Kenneth sent his regards or that he asked after her, but that never happens. She hears from Joy that he is doing very well after having left Sefalana, not looking back at all.

After landing a contract, one of her clients, Kagiso Sediba, invites her out to dinner to celebrate. He is really nice and just the type of guy she would have gone for previously. But she keeps expecting him to tell the same kind of jokes and react the same way as Kenneth would have done. After a while of staring at her plate blankly, Lesego realises there has been a long, incessant drone but she has no idea what her dinner date has been saying. She looks up into his eyes and he stops talking. She tries to cover by giving him an apologetic smile.

“So, I take it you're involved with someone?” he asks.

“No, I haven't been with anyone for the last few months,” she answers.

“Are you interested in a relationship?”

“I guess not. Not right now.”

When she eventually gets home, Lesego wanders aimlessly through her house. At around eleven she decides to go to her home office and see if she can get some work done. She opens a file, but all she can do is go through the same paragraph over and over.

For the umpteenth time her eyes catch a padded envelope from Joy, with the words “Listen to this!” written on it. Lesego has been putting this off for a while now. She realises that it is the interview done with Kenneth just after the scandal broke. Almost against her will, she starts listening . . .

“Tell me, Percy, how do you prove that you didn't realise you knew someone until it was too late?” Kenneth asks. “I met Lesego the Sunday before she was meant to pitch for the project . . .”

His honesty and endeavours to clear her name make her ears start to ring with stress. Lesego can't believe what a knight in shining armour Kenneth is. When she hears him confess his feelings for her on national radio, her stomach drops into her pelvis and she feels as if the world has dropped from under her feet. She can't bear to listen to any more and presses the stop button.

Lesego paces up and down her office, wondering what to do. It's been a few months now, and if she has just gone on a date, then Kenneth has possibly gone on one by now as well. Someone as handsome and honourable as him has probably found a woman who isn't an idiot like her. Her heart wonders whether anything can still be salvaged, but her mind tells her not to be silly.

She picks up her phone, then realises what time it is. What if there is someone in bed with him? She would be shattered. God, what a mess, she thinks, continuing to pace.

After a while she decides to find something else to focus on. She checks her private emails and finds an invitation in her inbox. It is for the launch of Metsweditswedi Financing, a private funding organisation. It looks interesting and she can already think of a few of her mentorship projects that require financing, as well as her own stalled project.

Lesego forwards the invitation to her clients. She realises the function is in two days and that today was the final date for an RSVP, so she sends everyone an SMS to tell them to RSVP and then replies herself.

After the flurry of activity she is still faced with Kenneth's interview and Lesego realises what her stubborn pride has cost her. She goes onto Facebook to see if anyone is up. But it is the middle of the night and all her friends have logged off. She could call Joy, but realises that she would be with Richard, as they are now a firm item. Thinking that Tshepiso is a student, she sends her an SMS to find out whether she is awake. After fifteen minutes and no reply, she realises her sister is asleep.

Suddenly her utter loneliness and isolation hits Lesego like a ton of bricks. She feels her chest close up and the walls begin to close in. She goes outside into the garden so that she can breathe. And then she bursts into tears . . . Much later she struggles to lock up her office, staggers back to the house and falls into bed, where she cries herself to sleep.

* * *

Lesego shows up at the event, in a small Joburg hotel, wearing a smart burnt orange linen suit, yellow pencil heels and a yellow clutch bag. She meets up with her clients and they find a table towards the front of the room for the best vantage point. She tells her people that even though it may not be their way, they should make sure that they mingle and get used to networking.

When her phone rings, Lesego pops outside to speak to Tshepiso, whom she has to reassure after her breakdown of a few days ago. She tells her sister that she is at a function and can't chat for long. Tshepiso is comforted by the knowledge that she isn't cooped up at home alone.

The ushers urge the guests to make their way indoors, as the function is about to start. Lesego hurries to her seat and as she sits down, the MC introduces Kenneth Tumaole as the CEO and founder of Metsweditswedi Financing to welcome the guests and provide some background information on the venture.

Kenneth walks up to the podium, takes a look around until his eyes meet Lesego's, and gives her a warm smile that knocks the breath right out of her lungs.

“Sometimes the greatest rewards come out of adversity,” he starts. “Some months ago I was a government employee, assisting in giving a leg up to a few deserving individuals with vision. But even the government can only help so many . . . Through trying circumstances I was forced to take a look at myself and my ideals to see what I really should be doing. I came to realise that I want to empower individuals who believe in something enough to give up a secure day job to make a difference in our country and contribute to other people's well-being.”

Lesego tries not to look at Kenneth, but he draws her eyes like a magnet.

He continues confidently. “With my knowledge, my own modest wealth and a little help from some friends, I was able to build up a fund that can be accessed by deserving entrepreneurs. It was the affection of just such a young woman, her determination to make a success of her project, and the loss of her presence in my life that made me realise there are many more people out there with great ideas who can't realise them because of the rules that control government institutions.”

He looks straight at Lesego as he says this. Then he continues to outline how the fund works, how to apply and what the requirements are. While he speaks, ushers walk among the tables, distributing brochures which he talks through with the guests.

Kenneth ends his speech and makes his way off the stage to his table. Lesego realises that her chair is facing his directly. As he sits down, a beautiful young woman gives him a big hug and a kiss, bringing a bright smile to his face. Lesego ducks her head and quickly blinks away the tears. She opens the brochure and pretends to look through it.

Lesego is startled when someone touches her arm, until she realises it's one of her clients. The man tells her the speeches are done and that they have been instructed to go and serve themselves at the buffet. She gives a brittle smile, gets up and joins his group.

During the meal she merely picks at her food. She keeps glancing across the room at Kenneth, who is laughing with the other guests and appears to be flirting with the beautiful young woman.

At last Lesego decides to start mingling and makes her way across the room to where she notices Joy chatting to some people.

When she taps her friend on the shoulder, Joy turns and flashes a brilliant smile at her. “I didn't know you were going to be here,” Joy says, giving her a big hug. “How are you doing?”

Lesego's eyes involuntarily travel across the room and settle on Kenneth. “Oh, I've been better.” Eyes bright with unshed tears, she flashes Joy a fake smile that doesn't fool her friend and quickly changes the subject by saying, “You look fabulous. Come on, introduce me to your famous and rich friends.”

Joy takes her by the arm and Lesego finds herself having a reasonable time, although she can't help but notice how all the women gravitate towards Kenneth and how he gives them his undivided attention. Some even flirt openly, but he seems to take it in his stride.

Feeling a stress headache coming on, Lesego excuses herself to get some water from the bar. She wonders whether she should make her way home; she's picked up enough contacts and seeing Kenneth with all these women is just making her miserable. As she gets to the bar and asks for water, a voice says, “Isn't Kenneth your ex?”

Lesego turns and sees the beautiful young woman who was draped all over him also at the bar. “Yes,” she answers curtly.

“If you don't go over and say hello after he made special mention of you, people will think there's bad blood between you,” the woman says with a British accent, idly stirring her drink with a straw. She fixes Lesego with a gaze that is oddly familiar and asks, “Is there bad blood between you?”

“No,” Lesego answers.

“Then do the polite thing and play the game. Go and say hi to him. Then you can make a beeline for the door that you keep looking at so longingly.”

Lesego fiddles with her water, then orders a shot of whisky – at which the young woman raises her eyebrows and her drink. She downs it in one gulp, nods her head at the woman and makes her way across the room. She is stopped by someone she knows to chat to some people and realises Kenneth is in the group right next to hers; if she turned around, she would be able to see him.

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves as his familiar scent fills her nostrils, she finds that all the old feelings come crashing back and realises that she just isn't made for a plastic society in which you have to fake your feelings. Joy joins her group, takes her hand and excuses them from the group.

“He still asks after you, you know. Has nothing but good things to say about you,” Joy says under her breath while dragging Lesego off to a table not too far away. They sit facing each other so they can talk in privacy and Joy orders some drinks for them.

“Joy, I messed up. Badly,” Lesego starts. “I realised too late that I do want to be with him. I'm here because I need this funding to resurrect my project, but I've also realised that in every way I still need him. So how can I just greet him coldly like he means nothing to me?”

“Who said you have to do that?” her friend asks.

Lesego is horrified. “What do you mean? You want me to humiliate myself, expose my feelings for him in public and face rejection?”

“Did you listen to that interview I sent you?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Good. And did you hear the speech he's just made?” Joy asks again, to which Lesego nods again, realising where her friend is heading with this. “Did you find anything humiliating in either of them?”

“No, of course not.”

“Of course not. Which means that you, Lesego, are once again operating from a place of fear, which stops you from hearing what you need to, and from doing what you need to. You sit frozen at the sidelines, letting life pass you by while you hang on to your precious pride. I wonder if it keeps you warm at night.”

Lesego feels like bursting into tears but makes sure her face remains calm.

“I've been your friend for a long time,” Joy continues, “and I've never seen you happier than when you were with Kenneth. And you know what, nothing stops you guys from being together now, except you . . . Richard is waving at me; I have to go. Look at me, my friend: things can work out the second time round. All you need is a little courage to take that first step.” Joy gives her hand a small squeeze and walks off to her boyfriend.

Lesego watches her friend go and sees Kenneth standing a small distance away, looking right at her. She picks up her bag and stands up to walk towards him, but hesitates when a bevy of beauties descends on him. After a few seconds she decides that she owes him at least the courtesy of a greeting. If she is serious about owning up to her mistakes, then this isn't the time or the place anyway.

She walks determinedly up to him, breaks into the group and says, “Hello, Kenneth.”

“Hello, Lesego. Long time.”

She smiles, then says sincerely, “I just wanted to tell you that what you're doing is wonderful, and it's exactly what you should be doing.”

“I could say the same to you. Excuse me, ladies. I have to have a word with Lesego.” Kenneth grabs her arm and pulls her away from the group. He settles them at a table and orders some drinks.

“I've been hoping that you'd give me a call at least once about all those referrals. Even if it was only on a professional basis, I would've loved to hear your voice.”