Love's Forbidden Flower (29 page)

Immediately I reach for his belt and begin unbuckling. His pants are scarcely unzipped before my hand dives inside them to feel his firm erection. The touch brings us hesitation as he runs his fingers through my chocolate brown locks and continues his confession of love with his eyes. The actions ground my fury while halting my breath.

Slowly Donovan removes the chocolate stained jacket of my uniform to reveal a pink tank top underneath. His lips taunt my neck before he peels off my shirt and bra, sliding his hands over my breasts, kissing them with eternal devotion. I become lost in the moment, unable to think of anything other than the love emanating from Donovan's lips that travel through my nipples and into my soul. It's so beautiful, so pure, and so honest that it washes away years of pain.

Donovan's kisses begin their trail down my navel as his hands linger behind, slowing following along until they reach the waistband of my pants and slide them down. Brushing his hands over the lovely curves of my hips his kisses continue downward. He frees himself of his pants, and I feel denied of my rights. Never will I allow him to do that again.

As his muscular body glides along mine, electricity charges through me. Our lips meet one last time before his soul commands my eyes with his own.

Lily, are you absolutely sure?

My fingers lay on his heart as if swearing an oath.
Donovan, there are no words to express how sure of us I am.

No longer a victim to hesitation, he merges with me. With a shuttered gasp, my head rolls back in ecstasy. I'm overwhelmed by the feelings of love and longing, but my emotions are quickly overcome by passion. It begins with memories of all the times I wanted to hold him and express my love with words before advancing to when I often wondered what it would be like to make love to him and how he would feel inside me. He is bigger, harder, and more tantalizing than I ever dreamed. His thrusts are passionate and unrushed, making me tighten around him quickly. My eyes can't decide what they want to revel in more; his thrusting hips, his tight and toned torso, or his incredible chiseled face. But one look into his devoted eyes, and I find my true point of pleasure. They are the eyes of my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, and the man I love so deeply it pains my soul. It is there that my heart and gaze cannot leave until he brings me the greatest physical pleasure of all.

Collapsing into his soothing embrace, true peace immerses me. At last my heart can beat next to his as the heavens always intended.

“What are you saying?” As morning’s glow greets me, I stir to find myself blissfully in the arms of my soul mate.

“I'm quoting you. That is what you asked of me years ago when I took you home from that ridiculous dance. Now I'm finally honoring that request along with any other desire you may have.”

“I can't believe you remembered. I want to wake up like this every morning.”

“Dear God, me too. But let’s not do it here. Mom has got to come home sometime.”

After all we have been through we are finally about to put the past behind us. With any luck, after some awkward conversations regarding Donovan's demons, we will finally be as we have always desired.

As I bounce into the kitchen, my beloved awaits me with coffee and a gushy kiss that spreads a smile across my lips like warm honey. Just as my heart feels it's about to ooze onto the floor, a car pulls up. Without haste I grab the trash novel out of my purse and sit with Donovan at the kitchen table. Tears begin to form at the impending word of our father’s demise.

As his hand graces my shoulder, Donovan kisses my forehead. “I know. Brace yourself.”

When Mom comes through the door I try to give her a comforting hug. Donovan does his best to be distant and broody while reading on his laptop.

“Mom, is—is he all right?” I ask.

“He was brave until the bitter end, but he is at peace now.” Mournfully she grabs a cup of coffee and sits across from Donovan and me. After silently staring at her cup a few moments the sensation of her running her eyes back and forth over us makes my skin clamber. “So it’s finally happened, hasn’t it?”

Mom is sternly accusing Donovan of something he's keenly aware of. His eyes maintain their focus on his laptop as he speaks. “Yes, Mom. It has.” He shoots his arm around me, pressing my head into his shoulder as if in protection. My hand is squeezed in warning just as Mom jumps out of her seat and explodes.

“How dare you!”

I'm jolted at Mom’s scathing tone and words that are aimed directly at Donovan—cold words that gust from a trembling voice. “How could you do this? How could you take advantage of her? For years I tried to prevent this. For years I kept you two apart. Do you have any idea what you put your father and me through? Do you have any idea how much money it cost? How much of a strain it was on him to put you through treatment let alone the pressure on me having to lie to him all those years about what the treatment was for? And now, now you disgrace him, and you do it in our own home! How nice of you to wait until he was dead! You are the lowest form of life, preying on your own innocent sister!”

Donovan is cool in light of Mom’s accusations. It’s the only thing calming my alarm. “Donovan, what the hell is going on?”

He shelters me again, protecting me from the lion that resembles our mother. “It’s all right. I knew this might happen. I should have insisted we talk last night.”

“Talk about what?” I ask, feeling wrapped in distrust. At whom the distrust is aimed I am uncertain.

Donovan stands as if it enables him an edge and places his hand on my back to lend comfort. Shards of ice fall from his words as he addresses me while glaring at our mother. “Remember when you asked me if Dad was the reason I had hidden my feelings and lashed out all those years? Dad was the catalyst, but Mom was the Nazi warden who tried to have me beaten into submission.”

“How dare you? You stop right this instant and leave this house and my daughter alone.”

“Do you really think she doesn't have a say in this? Why don’t you finally let her speak? For years you assumed I was the evil son who wanted to rape his little sister, but what you never realized was not only do I truly love her, but she loves me too.

The fingers on Donovan’s hand that still resides on my back grip my shirt. His matter-of-fact plea for compassion sounds like a controlled hiss. “I have spent years, and years, pushing my feelings aside and forcing her to do the same while hurting her over and over because you tried to convince me I was an evil and perverted deviant. You killed me inside with that. Do you have any idea how it feels to be in love with someone and constantly be forced to abuse them? To not be able to show them how much you love them even though every bit of your being pushes you towards them?

“I have protected her from the truth all this time. I kept my word to you and never said anything until last night when Dad basically spilled the beans anyway. And now, now this poor wonderful woman is hearing all these accusations and has no idea what the hell we're talking about, and I'm hurting her all over again. I'm not going to do that anymore. The Donovan you tried to slaughter survived, and I'm telling you loudly and clearly that I am in love with Lily, and she is in love with me, and we are not going to run from it anymore!”

Mom stands like a pillar of strength with her fists clenched at her sides, feeling anger to the point of panting as she wails at me, “Is this true?”

My stare feels like a repressed primal scream—the reality driving a stake through my newfound happiness.

“Just tell her the truth, Lil. There are no secrets anymore. At least there won’t be soon. We all know you're bad at filtering stuff when you get emotional, so start talking and tell her how you feel about me.”

“Well Lily? How do you feel about
your brother?
”

The words forced underwater for years finally surface aloud, “I—I'm in love with him. I have been for years. He’s my soul mate.”

Donovan shoots Mom a smug grin before going to the living room and removing something from his duffle bag. Mom is beside herself with emotion. “This is absurd! Are you sure you know the difference between love and in love?”

“Of course I do! You just don’t want to hear it.”

Donovan returns carrying three books, which he hands to me. “Here, these are yours.”

“What are they?”

Donovan locks a viscous glare on Mom as he responds to my inquiry. “They are the journals I wrote so that someday you could learn the complete truth and nothing would be forgotten. They start on that horrible New Year’s Eve when Dad wanted to send me to conversion therapy because he thought I was gay, since I never brought any girls home. But Mom figured out that I was in love with you. No, actually she assumed I wanted to fuck and use you. So when Dad insanely sent me to therapy for one thing, Mom arranged that the apostolic treatment be for something else.

“All those times that I was angry, or depressed, or hiding was because Mom and those barbaric bastards kept telling me I was abnormal, vile, and downright disgusting. At first I got into fights to cover the marks from where they abused me. But eventually I started to believe them, and that's when I really got violent and did stupid things like use Cheryl and later tried to marry Marcia because you kept moving on, and I kept getting stuck.

“You were always able to express your feelings and I couldn’t for fear if we got caught Mom would expose me to Dad, and then all hell would really break loose. She threatened to cut us both off so we couldn't go to school, and if I dared try to see you while you were a minor she would have me arrested for sexual assault. She also broke into your room at night and checked the email on your laptop to make sure we weren’t in contact. Oh, and Mom monitored all my cell phone records, so I couldn't call you. Shall I go on, Mother dear?”

“I think you've said quite enough!”

“What I haven't said Lily can read for herself. She has been the indirect victim of your abuse for years, and it's time someone leveled with her. She deserves that. Oh, and by the way, last week I got Dad to sign over our college funds, so all your power is gone. You can no longer force my silence with threats of ruining Lily’s future.”

Donovan's words put me in a cryogenic state. My racing heart and inability to swallow only add to the concern over my weakened knees and causes my voice to quake. “You—You always promised you’d tell but I never imagined. Dear God. I never imagined.

“Mom, it’s true isn’t it? You made him turn into a terrible person who hurt so many people. Why did you never talk to me?” The rage of devastation overcomes me as I suddenly explode and lunge toward Mom. Donovan throws his arms around me from behind as if to restrain me with an embrace. His actions ground my feet but make my words all the more powerful.

“How could you be so incredibly cruel to your own son? How could you do this to me? All those times I trusted and confided in you. All those times I tried to help you when you were hurting because of Dad.”

Mom starts to interject, but my anger cuts her off before she can form the first word. “No! You don’t get to stop me. You have silenced me for too long without my knowledge, and now it’s my turn! It’s been years—
years
that I've suffered, and cried, and hurt. You pretended to be my friend and asked me leading questions about my personal life to find out if anything was going on. I didn't see it then, but it's clear now. You have completely betrayed me. You knew I was hurting! All those times you heard me crying because I needed Donovan, and he wasn't there for me, it made me hurt even more because I thought he hated me, and you knew! You knew the truth, or at least you assumed you did, and you never bothered to ask me. How could you be so incredibly cruel to your own children?”

Breaking Donovan's restraint I flee to his room, clinging to the journals, and almost wishing the devastating truth never surfaced. Mom’s final words chime like death bells.

“Grab your things and get out of my life. Don’t either of you dare set foot in this town again or disgrace what was once your family name. And don’t blacken our family further by ever visiting your father’s grave. Knowing you, I can only imagine you’ll dance on it.”

“Get a load of you. We've officially been dating for one month, and already you're rehearsing to be the nagging wife.” His lips adorn me with their sweetness. “Hmm. I like the sound of that.”

“The wife part, or the nagging part?”

“Cute, Lil. Anyway, your place is too far away.”

“Too far away from where?”

Giving me his patented blinking eye roll, a look that again sends my heart to the stars, he spins me around to face the window. “Come on, Lil. We're four blocks away from…”

“Hey, you owe me lunch at my favorite restaurant!”

His chuckle is enlivening. “Will you settle for dinner instead? I promise to throw in a romantic moonlit night where I tell you over and over again how lovely and special you are and how very much I love you. We have so many bad memories that it's time we started making fantastic ones.”

“I love how incredibly romantic you are.” The buttons on his shirt are all too tempting not to toy with. “How long until our reservation?”

“About three hours.” Gliding me onto the bed, his kisses grace my hand before meandering up my arm. Surely currents are generated as my entire being sizzles with each touch.

“Hmm. That should give us just enough time to enjoy what I brought in my suitcase.”

“Sounds dangerous. What did you bring?” he purrs, working on my neck, coasting his way towards nibbling on my ear.

“Your new favorite outfit.”

The adoration stops just long enough for him to shoot me a grin that rivals the Cheshire Cat before resuming his breathtaking advances. “Save it for later. I don't want to wait for you to change.”