Love's Image (20 page)

“I can tell you’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking,” he said when she slowed down to catch a breath.

“What do you think about me commuting?”

“I have no idea how your business works, Shannon. You’ll have to decide that.”

“What would Judd say?” she said, her voice softer as she asked one of the hardest questions she’d ever asked.

“I’m not sure that matters. I do know he wants you to be happy, though.” He paused before asking, “Do you want to continue modeling?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Maybe you’d better decide that before you take your next step. Just don’t sign anything until you’re positive you want to wrap years of your life around something so demanding.”

“I’d like to ask one favor of you, Pastor.”

“Sure, what’s that?”

“Please don’t discuss any of this with Judd. I’d like to be the one to bring it up.”

“That goes without saying. I never reveal anyone’s private conversation, even to LaRita. My family understands that about me.”

“But I would like for you to tell Judd I’ve been thinking about him.”

“He’ll be glad to hear that, I’m sure.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without all of you,” Shannon said as her eyes misted.

“You wouldn’t have such a dilemma, would you?” She laughed. “I guess not.”

“Let’s say a prayer, shall we?”

Shannon closed her eyes as Pastor Manning prayed for her wisdom in this monumental decision. He prayed for her continued healing and her witness to the people she came in contact with every day. “In your name, Jesus, amen.”

“Amen,” Shannon whispered before saying good-bye to Pastor Manning.

By the next morning, Shannon knew what she was going to do. There was no way she could give one hundred percent to her modeling career if she commuted from Atlanta. She had enough experience to know how grueling the assignments were, and putting herself through that would be too stressful and distracting from her faith. The Lord didn’t intend for any of His followers to have more on their plates than they could handle.

There were plenty of hurdles she had to deal with now that she’d made up her mind. First of all, she needed to discuss this with Melinda, who would never understand. Shannon didn’t expect to have an easy time of it, explaining how she’d chosen to walk away from a career Melinda had carefully crafted for her. Although Shannon was grateful, she had to be firm.

Armand would give a little resistance, but she knew his attention span was short. He’d argue for a little while, but he’d quickly get over her and move on to the next flavor of the month. What they had was a boatload of mutual professional respect—not love. She’d tell him that, and he might or might not understand.

The hardest person to talk to would be her mother. Not only had Sara McNab been known to be the proverbial stage mom, but her daughter was living her dream. Shannon knew she had to brace herself for some of the biggest guns her mother would pull out—quite likely the guilt speech about how she’d given up everything so Shannon could have the life she was so carelessly turning her back on.

Melinda greeted her the next morning, smiling and chipper. “Ready to sign for the next two years, Shannon? Things are looking up for you.”

“Uh, Melinda, we need to talk.”

Shannon gently guided Melinda back into the office, where she sat down and started explaining what she planned to do. Melinda’s face turned pasty white, but she didn’t utter a word until Shannon was finished.

“You’re making the biggest mistake of your life, Shannon. These people were reluctant to take a chance on you. I had to twist a few arms to get these contracts.”

“I know,” Shannon replied. “And I appreciate what you’ve done, Melinda.”

“You have no idea.”

“You’ve been like a second mother to me.”

Melinda stared a hole through her, making her feel like she’d committed some sort of sin.

“Do you want me to be miserable?” Shannon finally asked.

Rather than answer directly, Melinda stood from her chair, nodded toward the door, and said, “You may leave now, Shannon. And don’t even try to make another comeback. I’ll make sure you never get another decent contract again.”

“Melinda,” Shannon said. “I’m—”

“Good-bye, Shannon,” Melinda said as she moved toward the door and grabbed the knob. “I’ll deal with the clients. There’s no need for you to contact anyone.”

This was final. Shannon had never seen such a staunch expression on Melinda’s face before. As she passed her agent, she turned and smiled, but Melinda didn’t bother to acknowledge her. Once she’d gotten out the door, it shut so quickly, she could feel the breeze behind her.

Shannon went straight to her apartment and dialed Armand’s cell phone number. He picked it up right away.

“What do you think you’re doing, Shannon?” he bellowed.

“You know?”

“Yes, I know. Melinda called me right after you left her office.”

“I want a life that’s truly my own,” Shannon replied. “I want to go back to Atlanta and have my old friends.”

“You do realize we’re finished, then, don’t you?” he asked. “Yes, Armand. I realized that a long time ago.”

“Good-bye, Shannon.”

When she hung up, she realized she could never turn back now. She’d closed some doors, walked the plank, and burned bridges. From now on, she’d have to free fall and land wherever the Lord put her. Every single cliché she’d ever heard about moving on with life entered her mind.

Suddenly, she burst into a fit of giggles. Nervous giggles. Shannon McNab was now a civilian—not the famous supermodel she once was. Sure, she still had some ads in print, and she’d see her commercials on television until they played out. But once they were over, that was it. She needed to look ahead and find a new purpose in life.

It was exhilarating but scary. She’d never done anything so drastic in her life.

Although she considered herself a strong woman, she hated the idea of hurting her mother, which she knew was inevitable. Now it was time to place the dreaded call to her parents.

She picked up the phone and started punching in the numbers, but before she pushed the last number, she hung up. No matter how much she needed to do this, she simply couldn’t.

After several false starts, Shannon finally gave up and decided this was news best delivered in person. She called the airline and made reservations to Atlanta for the next day.

Once she arrived in Atlanta and picked up her luggage, she headed straight for the first taxi she saw. After giving the driver directions, she settled back in her seat and shut her eyes. This would be difficult at best—maybe even the most emotional experience she’d ever have to deal with once her parents realized she’d completely shut the door on modeling.

“Thanks,” she said as she paid the cab driver and pulled her bags from the trunk.

Standing at the curb for several seconds, Shannon shut her eyes and said a prayer for guidance and strength. Then she trudged forward.

The front door was unlocked when she turned the knob. “Mom!” she hollered once inside the Williamsburg-style home.

Her mother suddenly appeared, her eyes wide, her face pasty white. “Shannon! What are you doing home? Has something happened?” She took Shannon by the arm and led her to the couch in the living room.

“I’m just fine, Mom. Nothing happened.”

Shannon’s dad came into the room and gave her a hug. “Good to see you, sweetie.”

“Good to see you, too, Dad.”

He let go and grinned at her. “I did all the repairs for that family in North Carolina. The man’s wife was grateful, and she let me know his drinking problem had been turning their family upside down. She told me to thank you for being so understanding.”

Shannon felt a lump in her throat and couldn’t speak. She reached out and squeezed her father’s hand.

“I thought you were back at work in New York,” her mother said. “What are you doing here?”

Shannon cleared her throat and started slowly but managed to get the story out as her mother’s eyes glistened with tears. She could tell she was ripping the heart out of the woman who’d sacrificed everything just so she could have the princess-style life of a supermodel.

“I just can’t believe all this,” her mother said. “You’re throwing it all away.”

“No, I’m not, Mom. I had a wonderful time modeling. Now I’m ready for something more challenging.”

“What can be more challenging than what you were doing in New York?”

“I want to live the type of life that would be pleasing to Jesus.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve done all this for religion.”

Shannon paused to carefully choose her words. Since her mother had never had a personal relationship with Jesus, she didn’t understand what Shannon was talking about. To her mother, anything related to church was lumped into the category of “religion.”

“It’s not for religion,” Shannon said slowly. “I just can’t continue going through the motions of pretending to be something I’m not.”

“But you’re beautiful, and everyone wants to see your face in magazines and on TV.”

“That’s just an image, Mom.”

Shannon watched her mother as everything sank in. They stood in silence as her mother’s initial shock turned to grief then anger.

“Shannon McNab, what you’ve just done is as good as slapping me in the face.”

“I’d never do that. I love you and Dad. I just want you to understand.”

“Well, I don’t understand, and I’m not sure I ever will.”

Shannon’s father remained silent, watching, his fingers steepled in front of him.

“Dad, do you understand?” Shannon asked. Until now, he’d never said a word about his feelings.

He started to nod before glancing at her mom. Then he took a step back before speaking. “Shannon, honey, I’m okay with whatever you want to do. If you’re tired of modeling and need to be in Atlanta, for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter; I’m glad to have you here. Life’s too short to be unhappy.”

“But—,” her mother said before he silenced her with a stern look Shannon had never seen him use before.

“Shannon’s a grown woman with plenty of money, Sara. She doesn’t need anything from us. All she’s asking for is understanding. I think we owe her that. She’s been a model daughter, no pun intended, and I’m proud of her whether she’s a model in New York or a churchgoing Atlanta girl.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Suddenly a thought occurred to Shannon. “Would you two like to go to church with me sometime?”

Her mother started shaking her head, but her father lifted both eyebrows. “We just might do that. If it’s good enough to bring you all the way back to Atlanta, there must be something to it.”

“That’s not all that brought me back,” Shannon admitted. “There’s this guy … “

“But what about Armand?” her mom said between gasps.

“I’m not sure about Armand,” Shannon told her.

“What’s there not to be sure of? You and Armand were an item. Everyone knew the two of you were in love. You were the perfect couple.”

“Not perfect,” Shannon said. “And not in love. It was just the image of being in love.”

“I don’t know if you even know the meaning of love, Shannon. Armand was good to you. He looked at you with adoring eyes, and he took you to the nicest places.”

“So he could be seen,” Shannon explained.

“What does this other guy do for a living?” her mother asked.

“He teaches school.”

“Very honorable profession,” her father said. “And I see nothing wrong with our daughter dating a schoolteacher.”

“But a teacher doesn’t make nearly enough money to support our daughter in the style she’s used to.”

“Wait a minute,” Shannon said, figuring it was time to interject her two cents. “Who said anything about him supporting me? All I said was that I liked him.”