Love's Image (9 page)

Her mom had stormed through the living room to the kitchen. She put several plastic containers into the refrigerator before plunking her purse on the dining room table and rummaging through it. She whipped out a couple of brochures featuring young, perfect-looking women on the front.

“I’ve gotten some information about plastic surgery. I thought you might want to start looking around for someone to take care of your … scar.”

Shannon reached up and touched her cheek. Her mother made the same face she always did and quickly looked away.

“You don’t have to live with that, you know.”

“I know, but I’m not ready to have plastic surgery.”

“You don’t want to wait too long, Shannon.”

“It hasn’t been that long. Let me rest for a little while and figure out what I need to do.”

Her mother turned to face her, planted her fist on her hip, and shook her head. “Shannon McNab, you’re smarter than you’re acting. You know as well as I do that your agent won’t be able to hold everyone off much longer. All your accounts will start looking for a replacement if you don’t come back soon. You need to get better as quickly as possible, or your career might be over.”

“Would that be so bad?” Shannon asked defiantly.

“How can you say something like that?” her mother shrieked. “You know that would be awful. You’ve worked too long and hard to let it come to this. You’re a supermodel. That’s what you do. That’s who you are.”

Shannon fought the urge to argue with her mother. Being a supermodel was only what she did for a living—not who she was. But arguing with Sara McNab was futile—this was something she knew from experience. Once that woman set her mind to something, she was a shark. She chomped down and never let go. Shannon pursed her lips and offered a slight nod, holding back all her thoughts and frustrations.

Her mother reached out and gently touched her undamaged cheek. “I’ll leave the list of plastic surgeons for you to look at when you’re feeling a little better. Don’t wait too long.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Shannon said.

“I can tell you’re still pretty down about this, Shannon. The only thing that’ll snap you out of this mood is getting back to work. Trust me.”

Taking the path of least resistance, Shannon let her mother talk. There was nothing she could say to change her mind. All her mom had ever wanted for Shannon was fame and fortune—mostly because that had been what she’d wanted in her own life many years ago. Instead, she’d gotten married and had Shannon six months later, which had killed her dreams of acting or modeling. Besides, enough people had told Sara that she was too short to be taken seriously as a model, and her Southern accent was too thick to make it as an actress—which was why she’d enrolled Shannon in diction classes at a very young age.

“I don’t want my daughter sounding like a bumpkin,” she’d told everyone who stood still long enough to listen.

As Shannon’s mother chattered incessantly about all the things they’d do to get her back on her modeling career path, Shannon pretended to listen. Instead, she kept thinking about the scripture she’d read to find comfort.

When silence fell between them, Shannon turned to her mom. “We used to go to church when I was little. But I was wondering … well … have you ever read the Bible, Mom?”

“Some of it. Back when I was a little girl, my parents made me go to Sunday school. They made me memorize Bible verses.” Tilting her head to one side, she offered a questioning look. “Why?”

Shannon shrugged. “I was just wondering if you ever stopped to think about all the things Jesus did for us.”

Looking a little stunned, her mother let out a nervous giggle. “All that Bible stuff took place a long time ago, Shannon. This is now. I’m sure God would want you to go back to your job and not worry about such things.”

“I’m not worried,” Shannon said.

“Look, sweetheart, I really need to run. Some of the women at the club are expecting me. Let me know if you need something, okay?”

“Sure, Mom.”

After a quick air kiss, Shannon showed her mother to the door. After closing it, she let out a breath of frustration. Obviously, her mom hadn’t given much thought to her faith. Just as obviously, talking about it made her very uncomfortable. Shannon understood. She’d been the same way until her first brush with Janie’s Bible study group.

Shannon went back to her room to play with her makeup when the doorbell rang again. Probably her mother. She must have forgotten something.

She went to the door and yanked it open. There stood Judd, grinning, a cake server in one hand and a plastic sack dangling from the other.

“Hi, there. Thought you might be hungry.”

“Not really,” Shannon admitted. “My mom brought some food, but I haven’t gotten into it yet.”

“I’m sure it’s better than what I have, but remember, it’s the thought that counts.” He nodded toward the kitchen, and Shannon moved out of his way. “Maybe you can eat just a little for me.”

Judd’s very presence brought a smile to Shannon’s face. She followed him and watched as he put a big round plastic cake server on the counter. Then he stuck a couple tubs of yogurt on the top shelf of her refrigerator. He groped around the bottom of the bag and pulled out some Ramen noodles that he placed on the counter beside the cake server.

Shannon pointed to the plastic container. “What’s that?”

“German chocolate cake. I hope you like it.”

It had been years since she’d tasted German chocolate cake, but she remembered how it tasted.

“I love it,” she said as her mouth watered. “How about the noodles? What kind?”

“I wasn’t sure what flavor you liked,” he said, “so I just grabbed some creamy chicken.”

“Mm, my favorite.”

“Want me to fix it for you?”

“No, you took care of me last night. Now it’s my turn to take care of you.”

“I really don’t mind.”

Shannon stabbed her finger toward the kitchen table. “Sit.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Not wasting a second, Judd did as he was told.

Shannon leaned over and checked out the contents of the refrigerator. She pulled out one of the bowls her mom had brought and placed it on the counter.

“I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can heat stuff up.”

“That’s all that matters,” Judd said as he watched her with interest.

It took Shannon less than five minutes to microwave the vegetables and turkey her mother had brought, as well as cooking the noodles from Judd. She piled two plates and bowls with food, a heaping one for him and one with much smaller servings for herself.

He frowned at her plate before offering her a questioning glance.

“I’m really not that hungry,” she reminded him.

“This food wasn’t for me. I brought it for you to get your strength back.”

“I know, but I hate eating alone.”

“In that case, let’s chow down. But first, I want to say a blessing.”

Shannon bowed her head as he said a short prayer of thanksgiving for the food on the table. When he said, “Amen,” she opened one eye and caught him staring at her, smiling.

“What?” she asked. “Were you peeking?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m happy to be here,” he replied. “Let’s eat.”

Judd scarfed his food down quickly, while Shannon nibbled at hers. She was sure he noticed she hadn’t eaten much, but he didn’t say anything.

With each bite she took, he seemed to relax a little. He even made a few comments, like “Atta girl” and “That’ll make you feel much better.”

It made her uncomfortable that he was watching, even though she liked having him there. She knew she needed to eat, but she didn’t need an audience cheering her on.

Finally, she put down her fork and pushed her chair back. “I can’t eat any more.”

He slowly nodded. “I understand. I guess I’d better get going. I have papers to grade and stuff to do tonight. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Oh, one more thing,” he said as he reached the door. “I’d like to get together with you one more time before the next Bible study.” He tilted his head forward and looked at her from beneath his heavy eyebrows. “That is, if you plan to go back to the church.”

“Of course I do.”

“Good.”

Shannon bit her bottom lip.

“How about tomorrow night?” he said.

Maybe if she agreed, she’d have a little peace. Although it was nice having him here for a little while, being under such intense scrutiny wore her out. “Okay, tomorrow night’s fine.”

“Seven okay?”

“Sure, sevens fine.”

For a second, it looked like Judd might kiss her again. She braced herself for the sensation, wanting it but dreading it at the same time. When he backed away instead, she felt awkward, almost like a teenage girl who didn’t have a clue what to do around a guy.

She hated her vulnerable state. Her mental health and emotional state were even harder to deal with than her scar. There was no doubt in her mind that the giddiness over being around Judd was mostly the result of feeling alone and without the safety net of Armand or work.

And there was this Christianity thing. It baffled her. She’d always been happy and carefree before she’d ever gone to a single Bible study. Why did she suddenly feel this huge weight of responsibility to study scripture? Was it part of overcoming her trauma? Or was it something else?

Reading the Bible made sense while she was doing it or when she was with the group from the church talking about their faith. But now, alone and confused, she wondered if it was more of a crutch than anything—something she was using to make herself feel better.

Her mind whirred with all sorts of crazy thoughts, flip-flopping back and forth between the desire to lean on the Lord and wanting to go it alone. As she picked up her Bible and flipped through it, stopping to randomly read scripture, she became more confused than ever and worked her way into a state of exhaustion.

After changing into her gown, she sat on the edge of her bed and contemplated an appropriate prayer. What should she pray for? Healing? Her relationship with Judd? Answers to her questions about the Bible?

Finally, she bowed her head and said a general prayer, touching on everything she’d been thinking. If nothing else, it felt good to get it off her mind.

She woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed than she had since the accident. Her first thought went straight to her bedtime prayer the night before.

Feeling better made it so much easier for Shannon to function throughout the day. She managed to shower, dress, and get through her chores without dreading her next step, as she had so many times since the accident.

Her emotional state had leveled, at least for the time being—until another car backfired. Now was the time for her to prepare herself for her future and any surprises she might encounter along the way. She needed to do something to continue feeling better.

The problem was, she didn’t know where to start. Should she make an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist? That seemed pretty drastic right now, in the light of day.

Glancing over at the brochures her mother had left on the table, Shannon thought about plastic surgery. Would that help? It certainly couldn’t hurt.

She picked up the list of certified plastic surgeons, headed to the phone, and stopped in her tracks. What was she thinking? She hadn’t even given the scar time to heal on its own. How would anyone know what needed to be done? Besides, what was the purpose of getting plastic surgery? She wasn’t sure she wanted to go back to modeling.

Shannon let out a huge sigh. If she kept thinking like this, she knew she’d make herself crazy. So she grabbed her purse, her car keys, and headed for the door.

She hadn’t driven since the crash. The brand-new car her parents had delivered still sat in the parking lot, shiny and waiting.

Sucking in a deep breath, she forged ahead, moving with determination to get over this major hurdle of driving a car for the first time since she’d been hit.

As she slid in behind the wheel, she felt fear clutching at her throat.
Okay, you can do this. Just take it one step at a time
.

She stuck her key in the ignition, took a deep breath, and started the engine. So far, so good.

Knowing how susceptible she was to a panic attack, she decided to take her first spin around the block before venturing out any further. Heart pounding in her chest, she pulled to the stop sign at the road and waited for all cars to pass before pulling out.

Shannon made her way around the block, not blinking, talking to herself, being extra cautious as cars approached from all sides. She jumped at the sound of a car honking behind her.