Love's Patient Fury (The Deverell Series Book 3) (20 page)

When the hour of the night was such that she could rid herself of Mr. Seton, she shook off his presence and for some reason he let her. Varian had left the party hours ago. He had not even granted her the meager courtesy of a parting word or gesture.

Running up the stairs, not caring if she were watched, she hurried toward her bedroom with a surge of fresh tears, thankful this night was at last done.

Stepping into her bedchamber she froze. With no practical reason to, she had thought Varian had left Merrick Hall after his departure from the ballroom. She found the adjoining door of their chambers standing open for the first time since they had shared these rooms in London. Her senses prickled to his nearness and her whirling emotions began to whirl faster. A part of her wanted to run, bolt it closed, and let Varian go to the devil. An equally strong part of her wanted to understand why her life with this man was submerged in such a cruel and heartless state.

Fighting back her tears, she stood staring at the open doorway. Oh no, she would not hide from him like a wounded child, cowering. He owed her some explanation and certainly better than his treatment of her of late. However he intended they manage this marriage of theirs, she would not continue as it was at present.

Her legs without command sent her in furious running steps to his room. She found Varian sitting calmly in a chair, jacket and cravat off, shirt parted at top. No surprise or emotion rose to his eyes upon seeing her. He was waiting for her and waiting for this.

Merry stared at him, trying to take firm command of her injured feelings, searching for words which would not reveal her as more of a fool than she had been for Varian.

“You did not bring me here to London to claim me as your wife. You brought me here to publically scorn me and our marriage,” she sobbed.

Varian sprang from his chair and crossed the room in three neat steps. He seized her face in his hands. His dark eyes were like raging flames. “I brought you here to make sure you would always be safe. So that no one ever would easily forget that you are Lucien Merrick’s daughter. The farce I forced on you this week before the watchful eyes of London is no different than the charade I played when we were aboard ship. I cannot let them see the true condition of my heart. I must be strong and wise to protect you in the coming days. There is much danger, Merry. Have you not taken notice of all that is happening in London, with the crimes I’ve brought to light, and the charges and accusations tearing apart our government? You accepted on ship my need to distance myself from you for your protection. It is no different now. This week has been no different. Let me protect you. Trust me in this.”

Merry jerked her chin from his hold. “It is much different, sir. Because before we left your ship you made sure the night we married that I knew the true condition of your heart. I have learned my lesson well. I will never forget those words, for they are your true opinion of me and I have no want for this marriage. I am returning to Bramble Hill with my family and my only want is to never see your face again.”

Merry turned away from him. She could not bear to look at Varian any longer, certain she knew what death felt like while forcing to remain among the living.

She heard Varian’s voice from behind her. “Go home to Bramble Hill, Merry. But heed me well, this quarrel between us ends when I come for you. I will not let you squander the happiness of our lives just because you cannot accept things cannot always be the way you want them. That I cannot be always what you want me to be, and your stubborn heart will not let go of a handful of words that were untrue. My love for you will not permit me to allow you to harm
you!
”

His words were still hanging heavily in the air when she ran from the room. For a long time Varian stood staring at the vacant space where Merry had stood. If he couldn’t see the end of this quickly he would push her from him forever.

Justice was not moving quickly enough. It needed a nudge. It was time for Varian to unleash the full fury of his sea chest.

~~~

A month passed. Each day for Merry it was more clearly a fact. Varian would not return to Bramble Hill. He had let her depart with her family, and a part of her, foolish she was sure, had never believed he would allow it. Her choice, and she recalled it was the promise she had demanded of him on Barataria in exchange for her return to his bed. Always her choice. She had made her choice, Varian had kept his promise to let her, but the bed she laid in was bitter and cold.

Of all the words he’d spoken that last night in London, there was one phrase that would not grant her peace.
My love for you will not permit me to allow you to harm you.
It haunted her each minute of the day. Haunted her when she had at last decided to give her father his way and consented to the annulment. Haunted her in sleep. And haunted her now on this quiet November afternoon as she sat on the cliffs, staring at the channel, and wondering if she would ever see Varian again.

It was strange that the one time Varian spoke the word love addressed to her, it was in anger and in such a peculiar phrase. Did he love her? She didn’t know. He didn’t come for her as he’d warned he would. And the true condition of her heart, which she could not ignore, would not grant her a moment’s relief.

She tugged her shawl snuggly around her tiny frame.  It was harder each day to hide from the notice of her family the child she carried. It was harder each day to hide her pain.

She felt fragile, dazed, and hollow inside. The world had lost color. She thought of the Caribbean, Varian’s Island, the brilliant hue in December, and wondered why he had taken her there.

So many questions still unanswered. So much between them unresolved. Had it all been a lie on the
Corinthian?
Or was this the lie, this quiet living hell.

The sound of horse hooves on the gravel drive made Merry turn. Emotions swirled again through her veins. She could not shut down her body’s response to seeing Varian in the drive. So Varian had come for her, as he warned he would. He was here. But Merry would not let all the things she was feeling take possession of her.

Strangely, as she stared at Varian’s figure disappearing into the house, her grandmother’s words came to her, sharp and mocking in memory.
Learn to trust your own heart. It is the only true guidance any woman will ever have on this earth. It would serve you the better to learn that.

“Trust my heart, grandmamma? I will not trust so fickle of counsel since no matter Varian’s acts it will not relent in its painful want to love him.”

A month. Damn him.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

When Varian arrived at Bramble Hill he was greet by Lucien. He stood at the base of the stairs, like a sentinel barring entry.

Lucien said, “If you have a moment, Varian. I would like to speak with you.”

Varian removed his outer traveling garments and handed them to Moffat. So, Lucien was ready to have it out after months of artful warfare. Lucien was feeling confident about something. “I would prefer to speak first with my wife,” he said.

“I suggest you join me in my study without haste,” Lucien countered, before moving down the long narrow corridor to his private den.

Lucien settled at his desk and calmly waited for Moffat to close the door.

Varian arched a brow. “There was something you wished to discuss. I am impatient to see my wife. I’m sure you can appreciate my eagerness since it’s been nearly a month since I saw Merry.”

“Merry has given me leave to settle her issues for her.” He picked up the document on his desk and handed it to Varian. “She has consented to a petition of annulment. I’ve been assured it will be granted. You can consider your dealings with my daughter concluded. And I would welcome your immediate leave from Bramble Hill.”

Varian felt his heart stop. As awful as he’d left matters in London, he hadn’t anticipated Merry doing this. He scanned the petition in a fast, dismissive glance. “What an amusing set of accusations. Are they yours or are they my wife’s?”

“My daughter assures me it is all true.”

Varian smiled was amused. “Lucien, I did not commit a fraud to marry her. She married me willingly and she is my wife in all ways.” He set the parchment back on the desk. “You can’t file this petition. Every accusation is untrue. It would benefit none of us, least of all Merry, to file that.”

“It is true until Merry tells me otherwise. I think we have concluded our discussion. You may leave, Varian.”

“Do you really wish to humiliate your daughter, Lucien? The marriage has been consummated and my wife is pregnant. A direct refutation to your claims which will become abundantly obvious to everyone soon. Certainly before the ink dries on that petition.”

“I doubt Merry would be dishonest with me in this, and I am offended at your suggestion she has been.”

“Merry is narrow of thought in all moments of hurt and anger.” Varian stood. “I would appreciate your indulgence if you would permit me to speak privately with my wife before you act upon that petition.”

In his worst moments, Lucien Merrick had an inherent decency even he could not escape. There was visible reluctance stamped on his face, but finally he said, “She is in the west drawing room with Rhea. You may speak with her there, and then I would appreciate your quick departure, Varian.”

As Varian left the study, he realized there was only one way to get the truth out of Merry’s lips quickly and fix this impending disaster with the expedience required. Merry was never more narrow of thought than in anger. He needed to have a good fight with her if he wanted the truth from her mouth into Lucien’s ears this century.

Merry was in the west drawing room. She was laying on the ground playing cards with Kate. Kate looked once, fearfully noting his arrival, before looking anxiously away. Rhea sat several feet away, patiently working a needle through a sampler. She smiled at him in greeting, but her smile was strained and devoid of her usual welcoming affection.

Varian settled in a chair beside Merry, and because she’d managed not to look at him, he settled one boot on her bottom. Kate’s blush went from cutely pink to crimson and Merry, for her part, only turned to whack at his leg.

“How dare you put your boot on me.”

Varian leaned forward, cupped Merry’s chin and turned her face towards him. “You need to learn how to greet your husband, Little One. If you can’t be eloquent at least be throaty.”

Kate made a startled squeak like a mouse. Merry jerked her chin from his hand, Varian let her and resolved to sit and watch them. He fixed his gaze unwaveringly on Kate, and he wasn’t sure if it was his presence or Merry’s scowl, but Kate after two hands tossed down the cards.

He watched Kate rise, nervously smoothing her skirt as she mumbled an excuse and left Merry. Good. He hadn’t given her his unwavering stare for nothing.

Merry’s agitated fingers gathered the cards into her hands. She was obviously feeling safe in the security of her mother; no other reason kept her in this room with him. So Merry wanted an annulment enough to send her father to London with a lie. Varian allowed himself only a moment of regret for all he’d put her through. And another moment to put his internal arrangement into comfortable order.

Fighting with Merry was like trying to control a hurricane. There was no telling what direction she might go in, and fighting with her might only aggravate Lucien further. But Varian didn’t have the luxury of time to fix this any other way. There were too many pieces in motion for him to stop this or attempt a more temperate course. Still, it was a gamble, a dangerous gamble.

Varian took the pillow that had been under his arm, dropped it on the floor and settled in a graceful decent across from his very hostile young wife.

“You are trying to annoy me, sir,” she accused.

“I am trying to play cards with you. You were almost pleasant the last time we played cards.”

“I was not aware His Grace required me to be pleasant.”

Varian leaned his elbow on floor, with his cheek in palm and black eyes sparkling. “If you would like me to tell you what I require you to be, I would be happy to, Little One. But perhaps we should ask Kate to leave the room. I don’t think I will shock your mother. Would you like me to tell you or would you like to deal?”

She wanted to move quickly away from this discussion because he was just vile enough to do it front of her mother and Kate. There was no telling what words would come out of his mouth today. Not after having met with her father. She had expected Varian to leave promptly after
that
discussion, and she couldn’t imagine why he was still here. Or why her father permitted it. She definitely couldn’t make reason of why he wanted to play cards at present. But his mood warned anything could happen.

She dealt. They played without conversation; she threw her cards down in fury and won the first game. They played two more in silence and she won both of them.

Picking up the cards, her blue eyes fixed on his face with rapidly forming suspicion. “Why do I always win now?” Merry asked with measured slowness.

Varian’s eyes were black and innocent. Thoughtfully, he replied, “You won before as I recall.”

Frowning. “Only the last game. You won nine games to my one.” Varian knew she would figure out about the cards if he played with her and be furious. Mimicking his voice to perfection, she hissed, “‘You are quick, you are clever, but, Little One, you are not wise.’ Damn you, how did you cheat, and don’t bother to tell me that you didn’t.”

Varian reached out then and brushed a knuckled down the cheek of her angry face. It would only aggravate her further.

Calmly, he said “You’re behaving childishly.”

Merry slapped his hand away. Again his voice, “‘Oh, Little One, in the spirit of good will, you may ask me anything.’ I could ask you anything because you would only let me win once. How did you do it? Why did you cheat me at cards?”

Varian said nothing, but as Merry rapidly studied his face his voice came to her in memory:
Little One, have you really shared my life for nearly a year and not realized that everything I do has purpose.