LOVING ELLIE (16 page)

“You’re still in love with her,” she stated with a soft gasp.

“I suppose so, fool that I am.  But enough about me.  How’s business been?”

He had shared all he was going to about this Victoria.  Ellie knew the sign of pulling back and putting up walls.  She’d done the same thing herself countless times in the past.  Whenever conversation got too personal.  Or too painful.

“Crazy busy,” she said, looking around.  Mrs. Pearson had arrived early that morning to pick up her order of croissants along with another dozen of Ellie’s specialty cranberry bran muffins.  Several truck drivers had ventured in from the cold for coffee and lots of it.  Reverend Bender had even shown up for coffee instead of his usual orange juice.  Not that she blamed him for switching after what happened during his last visit to her coffee shop.

Her gaze slid across the room to the booth Lucas had been sitting in that day, distracting her to the point she had poured cream into Reverend Bender’s orange juice.  Being a man of the cloth she supposed he’d had no choice but to forgive her which he had done with a warm smile.

The bell over the door jingled, drawing her attention that direction as Dusty Andrews stepped inside.  She hadn’t seen him back in town since the day he’d had his confrontation with Lucas out in the street.  A good thing seeing as how Lucas had become her personal chauffeur to and from work.  Too easy for the men to have crossed paths again, something Lucas didn’t seem to want.  Or need.  Not when he finally seemed to be getting past his unease at being back in Eagle Ridge.

“Excuse me,” she told Blaine as she slid off the stool.  Stepping behind the counter, she made her way to the end closest to the front door where Dusty stood waiting.

“Good afternoon,” she greeted with a smile.               He stepped up to the counter in what could only be called a drunken stagger.  Her other customers stopped eating, following him with curious eyes.

“Good?  Says who?” he grumbled, looking around, probably for Lucas.

“Can I help you?” she asked, grateful Lucas hadn’t shown up early that day.

He leaned into the counter and replied, his words slurred, “Can you get Lucas to talk to me?”

“I have no control over what Lucas does or doesn’t do,” she said honestly.

“That’s not what I hear.”             

She forced her smile to remain in place, not wanting a scene. “Excuse me?”

“I hear the two of you are pretty cozy,” the older man said with a pained expression.

Blaine slid from his stool and walked over to where the older man stood staring at her.  “Leave her be, Dusty.”

“It’s all right, Blaine,” she said as calmly as she could with her heart pounding the way it was.  She hated conflict.

“No, it’s not.”  The sheriff turned back to the older man.  “Ellie’s not a part of your rift with Lucas.  Leave her out of it.”

“Maybe not,” he replied.  “But if she’s trying to replace Jarrett with his brother, she needs to rethink things.  She’s going to get hurt.  Lucas can’t let go of Anna.”

She gasped, embarrassment heating her cheeks.  “I’m not trying to replace anyone.”

“All right, Dusty, that’s enough,” Blaine said, his tone commanding. “You need to leave and if I have to assist you in doing that you’ll be spending the night in my jail.”

Ellie’s hands were trembling.  Even her legs felt weak.  She grasped onto the counter to steady herself.  Everyone’s eyes were on her.  She could feel them.  Could almost hear the whispers of gossip starting again.  Just as they had when she was a child being passed around from family member to family member, then again when she was a troubled teen stuck in the system, and finally when one unexpected night in Jarrett’s arms resulted in a child.  Endless whispers.

“I’m leaving,” Dusty mumbled then reached out to jab an arthritic finger into the top of her apron.  “But you tell Lucas he’s got to face me sooner or later.”

“That’s it!”  Blaine grabbed the older man by his arm, pulling his hand away from Ellie.  “Come on, Dusty.  I’m taking you somewhere you can sleep this off.”

Ellie hated what losing his daughter had driven Dusty to become.  A shell of a man wishing for what could never be.

“I’m real sorry about this,” Blaine said to her as he ushered Dusty Andrews outside.  The door closed behind them, leaving tension thick in the air.

One by one her customers paid their tabs and left with mumbled apologies for Dusty’s behavior.  Ellie fought the surge of tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.  Her customers had come there to enjoy a cup of coffee, not deal with her ‘dirty laundry’.  Drunk or not, Dusty had been right.  She had feelings for Lucas, the brother of the man she had been engaged to marry.  A man who had never stopped loving his dead wife. 

Feeling as though her world was crashing in on her, Ellie closed up early and dialed the ranch with trembling hands.

After several rings, Lucas finally picked up the phone.  “Hello?”

“Lucas,” she managed with a muffled sob.

“Ellie?”

“Y...yes.”

“What’s wrong?”  There was no denying the concern in his voice.

“Can you come get me?”

“Is it the baby?”

She heard the fear in his voice and wanted to ease his worry.  “N....no,” she whimpered softly.  “I just want to go home.”

“I’m out at the barn.  As soon as I get back to the house to get my keys, I’ll be there to get you.”

“Okay.”

The line went dead.  Before she could place the phone back on its stand, it rang again.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before answering.  “Ellie’s Place.”

“Ellie, it’s Blaine.  Are you all right?”

“I’ll survive.”

“I hated leaving you there after what Dusty said, but I had to get him out of there.”

“I understand.  Is he all right?”

“Why would you even care after the way he acted?”

She had to consider the question for a long moment before replying honestly, “Because my aunt was an alcoholic.  Drink ruled her life and led her to make some really bad decisions.” 
Like choosing sex with strangers over staying home and raising her niece.
“Dusty is caught up in that same destructive addiction.”

“Well, it has to stop,” Blaine grumbled.  “That old man has finally stepped over the line.”

Maybe he had, but all Ellie wanted was to forget it ever happened if that were even possible.  “It’s over and done with.  Can’t we just let it go?”

“You don’t believe for a second that it’s over and done with and neither do I.  That’s why Dusty is sleeping his stupor off in my jail.  Tomorrow, I intend to have words with him and see what I can do to diffuse the situation.”

She sighed tiredly.  “Thank you.”

“This whole town cares about what happens to you, Ellie.  And that includes the little one growing inside you.  So you take care of yourself and let me worry about Dusty.”

“I will.”  She hung up with a soft sniffle. Her emotions were in a whirl. She walked over to one of the booths that lined the front window and slid across the seat, burying her face in her hands.

Lucas pulled up to the coffee shop and flew out of the Jeep, racing to the front door.  Finding it locked, he began pounding on it urgently.  He needed to see Ellie and make sure she was all right for himself.  Not that Blaine would lie.  It was more of a gut instinct thing.  Ellie hadn’t explained her sudden need to come home, but it had been there in her voice.  He knew something had shaken her up and Blaine’s call that followed Ellie’s confirmed his suspicions.

The security bolt scraped as it slid across.  A second later the door flew open and Ellie shot through it, throwing herself into his arms.

“Lucas,” she mumbled into the front of his coat as she clutched onto it.

He backed her into the shop and out of the cold, closing the door behind them.  “Shh...  It’s okay, darlin’.” He ran his hand up and down her back in a slow, soothing motion.  “I’m here.” 

“I’m sorry,” she said with a sniffle.  “I’m just a little emotional today.”

“With reason,” he replied with a frown.   

She looked up at him questioningly.

“I know Dusty came here to see you today.”

“Who told you?” she asked, clearly struggling to get her emotions under control.

“Blaine called me not long after I hung up with you.  In fact, I was on my way out the door to pick you up when the phone rang again.  He told me what Dusty said.”

“Oh, Lucas, the things he implied,” she sobbed.  “And in front of all my customers.”

“I’m sorry you got dragged into this.”  According to Blaine, Dusty had insinuated that Ellie and Lucas’s relationship was more than platonic, which was completely off base.  Or was it?  He himself had to admit there was something between them.  What that
something
was he hadn’t quite figured out.           

“He’s still hurting,” she said, surprising Lucas.

How could she defend the man after the scene he’d caused?

“Just like you are,” she added.  “You both loved Anna and neither of you have gotten over losing her either.”

“I’m sorry.”  About her having had to deal with Dusty’s drunken rant.  About complicating things between them by having kissed her.  About her being right about his still loving Anna.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for anything, Lucas Tanner.  Not for Dusty’s behavior.  Not for feelings neither one of you can help having.”

“I should go talk to him.”

She shook her head.  “I won’t be the reason you’re pushed into doing something you aren’t prepared to do yet.  You can settle things with Dusty when
you
are emotionally ready to.  No sooner.” 

He cupped her chin, brushing a tear from her cheek with his thumb.  “Maybe it would be best if I found somewhere else to stay while I’m here.”

“Leave the ranch?” she gasped. 

He nodded.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she said with a sob.

How could he not?  His staying there caused Ellie undue stress, not to mention what that could do to the baby she carried.  He recalled reading in one of his wife’s pregnancy books that babies could sense things, like when their mothers were upset.  And Ellie had definitely been shaken by Dusty’s visit. 

“We should get going,” he told her.

“But-”

“We can discuss this at home.”  He started for the door, stopping when he realized she wasn’t following.  “Ellie?”

“I’m not leaving until you promise to stay on at the ranch,” she insisted.  “It’s your home, Lucas.  You belong there.”

“Ellie...”

“I mean it, Lucas.  I’ve told you before that I would move back here before I let you leave the ranch on account of my being there.”

She was trembling now.  Instinctively, he reached for her, gathering her in his arms as he pressed a kiss to her brow.  “Stubborn woman.”

“Lucas...” she pleaded in a half-sob.

He closed his eyes with a resigned sigh.  “I’m not going anywhere, Ellie, but home with you.”

She sank against him as if in relief and that small gesture alone touched something deep inside him.  Ellie needed him.  Trusted him.

Another more guarded part of him panicked.  Maybe he should leave before he started needing her, too.

With a soft sigh, Ellie curled her arms around his waist and settled her head against his chest.  He knew then it was already too late.  He needed her in his life. 

CHAPTER
ELEVEN

Ellie paced the waiting area outside of Greg Anderson’s private office, nearly nauseous at the thought of what she was about to do.  It was the biggest decision of her life.  There was no room for error.  If she chose wrong it would be her son who would pay the price.

“You okay?” Lucas asked from where he sat across the room, watching her.

She returned to the seat next to his and eased down onto the chair.  “I’m fine.”

He gave a tight smile.  “You’re a terrible liar.”

“Okay, so I’m a nervous wreck.  Is that what you want to hear while you’re sitting there all calm, cool and collected?”

He reached out, covering her hand with his.  “I’m far from collected, Ellie.”

There was a catch in his voice that drew her gaze to his.  For the first time since they’d arrived for their appointment, her thoughts went from her unborn son to Lucas and what he must be going through emotionally.  Not only was he there to discuss his brother’s will, a loss that had hit him so very hard, he was there to help her find a home for his brother’s son.  He was a man used to hiding his emotions from the world, his seemingly unaffected expression that morning a part of the brave front he had perfected over the years.  But his words, that honest admission, in some odd way calmed her. 

“Thank you for that,” she said, glancing toward the closed door across from them.

“Everything’s going to be all right.”

He sounded so sure of that, but no one had her track record.  Life didn’t give her the ‘all rights’.  It gave her the ‘deal with its’. 

The office door opened and Greg Anderson stepped out into the waiting area with a woman who appeared to be somewhere in her seventies. 

“I’ll get the paperwork to you next week, Mrs. Miller,” he assured the older woman with a smile.  “Be sure to have your husband sign them and then get them back to me as soon as possible.”

Her grey head bobbed in understanding.  “I’ll do that.  Thank you for seeing to this for us, Mr. Anderson.”  She pulled on her coat and then stepped out the front door.

The young lawyer turned, his smile widening.  “Lucas!”

Lucas stood and extended his hand as his friend walked over to him.  “Greg.”

“It’s been a long time,” Greg Anderson said with a firm shake.  “Too long.”

“Yes, it has.”

Ellie stood to join them.

Lucas slid an arm around her waist.  “Greg, I’d like you to meet Ellie Sanders.  Ellie is....was,” he corrected with a frown, “my brother’s fiancée.”

“I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.”

She nodded in agreement, hoping she wouldn’t break down in tears before they’d even left the waiting area.

Greg motioned toward his office.  “Come on in and have a seat.  We’ll get started.”

Lucas kept a supportive hand at the small of her back as they moved into the adjoining room.

Ellie took in her surroundings.  The walls were lined with black and white art prints.  A black leather sofa sat in the far corner, flanked by two potted palms which lent some color and warmth to the otherwise monochrome room.

Greg Andrews circled his desk and settled into an oversized leather chair. 

“It’s going to be all right,” Lucas whispered to her as he guided her to the chairs across from where Jarrett’s lawyer now sat. 

“As I told Lucas on the phone when we last talked,” Greg began once they were seated, “Jarrett came to me several months ago and asked me to redo his will.”

Ellie clutched at the padded arms of the chair, trying to stop her hands from shaking. 

“You okay?” Lucas asked, once again placing a comforting hand over hers.

She nodded, unable to speak.

He motioned for the attorney to continue.

Greg Anderson opened the manila folder lying on the mahogany desk in front of him and pulled out a stack of papers.  Then he looked to her.  “When Jarrett came to me that day he wanted to make certain you and the baby would be taken care of should anything happen to him.”

Tears blurred her vision.  Jarrett had cared for her so much.  He’d loved her.  She felt an overwhelming amount of guilt at not having been able to return those feelings as deeply.  Even more so for having feelings for his brother, not that it would lead anywhere.  Lucas had long ago made up his mind never to love again.  And she wasn’t about to marry him just for the sake of her baby. 

“This might take a while,” the lawyer said, bringing her thoughts back to the present.  “Can I get either of you something to drink before we start?  Coffee?  A bottle of spring water?”

Lucas shook his head.  “No, I’m fine.”  He looked to her.  “Ellie?”

“Water would be nice.  Thank you.”

He spun in his chair and pulled a bottle of water from the small refrigerator tucked inside the drink bar behind his desk.  “Glass?”

“The bottle’s fine.”

“Here you go.” 

“Thank you,” she said, untwisting the lid.  Nerves had her throat so parched.  

He settled back in his chair and unfolded a piece of paper.  “I’m holding a letter Jarrett wrote to the two of you when he came in to change his will.”  He pulled a pair of reading glasses from the top drawer of his desk and began to read:

Ellie, if Greg is reading you this letter then I am gone.  After seeing how suddenly a life can be taken, as was the case with my sister-in-law, Anna, I wanted to be prepared.  Especially now that I have a son on the way or if life allows already here with us. 

She whimpered and Lucas gave her hand a comforting squeeze.

The lawyer read on...

You are without a doubt one of the strongest people I have ever known.  Our child is so incredibly lucky to have you as his mother.  I have complete faith that he’ll never lack for love.

She bit back a sob at his words, tears rolling down her cheeks.  Jarrett had believed in her.  How would he feel if he knew she wasn’t going to keep their baby?  Heartbroken, she had no doubt.  Disappointed.  Disillusioned.  Everything she felt about her own self at that moment.

Greg Anderson reached for a second letter.
  Lucas, I have every confidence that you are sitting here now, despite the past.  Let me start by saying that a man couldn’t have asked for a better brother.  Growing up I always looked up to you.  You were the man I hoped to model myself by. And when you left Eagle Ridge, I missed you like hell, but I understood why you had to go.   

You always told me that if I ever needed you, all I had to do is ask.  I’m asking now.  I need you to look after Ellie and my son.

“What?” Ellie gasped.

“Let him finish,” Lucas said, his voice tight with restrained emotion.  “Greg,” he prompted.

The lawyer turned the letter over and continued...

I know Ellie won’t be happy about this request as you’ll find she can be a very stubborn woman.  She’s also incredibly caring, and so deserving of the happiness that’s been denied her all her life. 

Now for the ‘who gets what’ part.  I’m leaving all my money to Ellie and my son.  The ranch I leave to both you, Lucas, and Ellie equally.

“What?”  This time it was both she and Lucas who responded to Jarrett’s words.

Greg Anderson looked up at them over the top of his glasses.  “Jarrett obviously had his reasons.  It wasn’t my place to question what they were.”

“I can’t accept it,” Ellie said with a soft sob.  “I don’t want his money.  And the ranch belongs to Lucas.”

“I don’t need it,” Lucas said.

“And I don’t deserve it.”

“That can be decided upon later,” Greg said.  “Let’s move on for now.”

Lucas, I need you to put the past behind you and come home for good.  My son is going to need to have his uncle around to teach him the things I would have if I had been here to do it.  And you could use a woman like Ellie in your life to teach you how to laugh again.  I’m telling you, Lucas, being around her is like catching a falling star.  She’ll make your life so much brighter when she’s in it. 

Ellie shot up from the chair and crossed the room to stand at the window, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

Lucas came to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her rounded waist.  “He loved you, Ellie.”

“I know,” she sobbed.  That’s what made what she was about to do so much harder. 

“I have some paperwork that needs to be signed before everything is finalized,” Greg Anderson said.  “Would you two like me to give you a moment alone before we get into that?”

“No,” Ellie blurted out.  She couldn’t be alone with Lucas, not when she was so emotionally needy.  All she could do at that moment was focus on what was best for her son and remain on that path.  Pushing free of Lucas’s comforting embrace, she returned to the chair she’d been sitting in.  “Let’s go on.”

Lucas settled back in his chair with a troubled sigh.  He hadn’t been surprised by Ellie’s reaction to Jarrett’s letter.  Her decision to give up her child, his brother’s child, had only been made harder by his brother’s words.  By his deeply rooted faith in her.  When Ellie had returned to her seat, he’d immediately sensed her emotional withdrawal from the situation and he was helpless to keep her from shutting down.  Especially when he was having such a hard time himself coming to grips with the reality of it all.

His brother was gone and he would see to it that his brother’s last wishes were honored.  With renewed determination, Lucas decided he would do whatever it took to convince Ellie to change her mind about the adoption.  Even if that meant leading her to believe he was on her side when in truth he’d be working to bring her over to his way of thinking. 

A half hour later, they were done.  All the papers were signed.  All legalities handled.  And adoption options had been discussed.

Greg Anderson walked them to the door of his office.  “I’ll get those adoptive parent profiles to you as soon as I can put them together.  If either of you have any questions once you get home, feel free to give me a call.”

“We’ll do that,” Lucas said as he turned to help Ellie into her coat.  Then he guided her outside.  “How you holding up?” he asked as they walked out to the Jeep.

“I’ll survive.”

Because she’d always had to.  He wanted to hold her.  To comfort her.  To tell her she wasn’t in this alone.  But he held back, giving her the space he sensed she needed right then.

The letter Jarrett had written had taken them both by surprise.  While his brother’s words had eased some of the guilt Lucas had harbored because of his growing feelings for Ellie, it appeared to have had the opposite effect on her.  Maybe she just needed time to take everything in.  Jarrett’s letter.  The will.  The information Greg had given them on private adoption. 

He pulled up to the coffee shop and turned to her with a worried frown.  “You sure you’re up to going in to work today?”

She nodded and reached for her purse.  Then her gaze lifted to meet his.  “I meant what I said about not wanting anything from your brother.  I spent my entire childhood being a charity case and I refuse to become one ever again.  Maybe it would be best if you went back to Brazil before the baby is born.”

Where had that come from?  She’d agreed to let him be a part of the adoption process.  He certainly couldn’t do that from Brazil.  “My sticking around doesn’t have thing to do with charity.  I’ve told you before I’m staying until your baby is born and that’s final.”

She looked away with a frustrated groan.  “Your being here makes things so much harder for me.”

He couldn’t blame her for feeling that way.  He came with a lot of emotional baggage.  “I understand you’re not wanting me around−”

“What I wouldn’t give for that to be true,” she blurted out as she shouldered the passenger door open.  “But no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself stop wanting you in my life.”

The door slammed shut and Lucas sat watching her go, staring after her in shock.

                                                                      *              *              *

Lucas raised his hand and knocked lightly on the closed bedroom door.  “Ellie?”

No answer.

Maybe she was finally asleep.  She had been exhausted when he’d picked her up from work that evening.  Not surprising, considering the day she’d had.  She’d gone straight to her room the moment they’d returned home.  But he could have sworn he’d heard her crying.  That was what had drawn him to her room.

With a sigh, he leaned forward, resting his brow on the closed door.  When had he come to care so much about Ellie?  Why did the thought of her lying in tears in her bed have him all twisted up in knots?

I can’t make myself stop wanting you in my life.

Darned if he didn’t want to be there, too.

The phone rang, making Lucas back away from the door and from his thoughts.  He hurried into the kitchen to grab it before it woke Ellie.

A glance at the caller I.D. as he brought the phone to his ear said it was Blaine calling.  “Hello?”