Loving Me, Trusting You (22 page)

I sigh and follow after them, doing my best to believe that it'll be as easy as Austin says to escape this without anyone else getting hurt. My mind goes right back to Mireya again. I know that on some level, she believes this is all her fault, that her past is chasing after her with a vengeance. I've got to get her out of this before she's pushed to the breaking point, twisted and broken beyond all recognition. Whatever's going on inside her head right now is leaving her vulnerable and open, in a place that won't be able to withstand another backlash of pain. Healing is great, but it leaves fresh patches in your soul where hurt can climb deeper if you let it. It's my job to make sure that doesn't happen. I think about her face today, when her chains were wrapped around Mack's neck, and I wonder, was that hesitation I saw boiling behind all of that rage?

“Okay, kitty cats, time to go,” Austin says as he pushes into the room with a frown on his scarred lips. Amy lights up the moment he walks in the door, and me, I feel nothing.
Maybe I should be glad she came in and took him off the menu.
It's giving me a chance to focus, to move onto other things.
Like Gaine Kelley.
I frown and wait for him to walk in next. He doesn't. My heart starts to pound as I throw the book aside, forgetting the glee I felt when I pounded through the story in just a few quick hours. Either the book was short or I'm not as dumb as I thought. Anyway, it doesn't matter. When I finished reading it, I felt … better. Now I just feel anxious and short of breath.
What the hell?

Amy stands up, but Austin doesn't approach her, just starts grabbing bags and tossing them over his shoulder. The plan was to leave early in the morning, but I didn't expect we'd be going
this
early. Something's wrong. Amy notices, too, pausing awkwardly at the end of the bed like she expected some sort of
nice to see you
kiss or whatnot. I try not to roll my eyes. The fear in my gut won't let me anyway.

“Where's Kimmi?” I ask instead. Really, the only person I'm interested in is Gaine, but I don't want anyone to know that yet. Not even myself.
You're cutting him off, remember?
Austin pauses and tries to smile, running a hand through his blonde hair and coming away dripping with sweat.

“Gettin' the group together. Things went well, and we got some good money, but the alarm got tripped on our way out. We've gotta move before folks start askin' questions.” He waits while Amy pulls Christy to her feet and grabs her book, tucking it into her purse as she moves forward, the muscles in her face tight, ready. Christy just looks terrified. I guess joining a biker gang is a lot harder when you're not fucking the new President. I force the bitter thoughts back, trying to remember how nice Amy was to me at the pool. Not that it really matters. I mean, nice is fine and dandy, but she did waltz in here with zero experience and pull the rug out from under me. I wonder if my hatred for the bitch is going to have to start being strictly on the outside, like it is with Kimmi. After all, after our fight in the lobby, I can't let anyone know that I'm actually starting to like her.

“And Gaine?” I ask, seconds before he walks in the door.

For a split second, I don't see his ashen face or his darkened eyes, all I see is Gaine and my body reacts like it's been lit on fire, warming up and shining bright. Inside, I feel that panic start to cool, that anxiety lessen.
What the fuck?
It's definitely,
definitely,
time to pull back and give myself some space. I blame my reaction on the romance novel which, admittedly, has made me a little hot and bothered, and try to frown when I start so speak. No sense in letting him know I was worried. He doesn't need to be led on anymore. I know what that's like, and even if the person who's doing it doesn't realize it, it hurts like hell.

“What the fuck happened to you?” I ask as I rise to my feet and brush my hands down the front of my jeans. Unlike the two little princesses here, I'm already packed. “You see a ghost or something?” Gaine turns his gaze to meet mine and his eyes widen almost imperceptibly. If I wasn't looking straight into them, I probably wouldn't have noticed. He stands there silently for a moment before moving forward quickly, almost like he's falling towards me. When he's within touching distance, I hold up my hands and throw him my worst glare. “Gaine, what the hell is going on with you?” He reaches out for me, but I take a step back. “Don't you dare put your hands on me. I want an answer.” I look from him to Austin, who's finally taken Amy into his arms and put his tongue down her throat. It doesn't bother me as much as I feel it should. I love Austin, but I don't think I'm in love with him. My mind goes back to Tray and Kent, and how I surprised myself by sending Amy into the bathroom. Why did I do it? Why try to protect her? For him. I wanted him to be happy. And Gaine … is it the same for him? Of course it is. I want him to be happy, too. That's why I'm going to keep my distance. It works better for both of us.

“I got all mixed up and took a wrong turn, almost crashed my bike is all,” he says, but I can tell that's a lie. My eyes narrow, but I don't get the chance to respond before he's leaning forward and pressing his lips hard against mine, touching me but not forcing anything.
And then he kissed me, and my heart exploded, just shattered into a million pieces and poisoned my body with love and lust. A virus and a disease, both catchable, only one curable. Love is the virus, of course, and while we can treat the symptoms, there's nothing we can do about the actual bug itself. Lust, well, that can be cured with a quick rut or a slow, steamboat of lovemaking extraordinaire, the kind where smoke curls out of your ears and your toes cramp up so bad you can't think. Huh. Glance Serone and Sali Bend, together forever. Who the fuck woulda thunk?

I shove him back and wipe at my mouth like I really believe the smut in that stupid book, like I think I'm going to catch something from him.

“The hell, Gaine?” I ask as I try to avoid Amy and Austin's stares. Christy, I could give a shit less about, but the other two … I don't want them to get any ideas. “I don't know what just happened to you, but if you're going to lie to me, don't even
think
about putting your lips anywhere near mine. I can't stand the fucking taste.” I move around him and start towards the door.

“Mireya,” he begins, but I cut him off with a middle finger and a grumbling of insults under my breath.

“
Hijo de puta,
” I snarl. “Son of a bitch.” I'm not an idiot. He needs to start realizing that by trying to protect me, he's only making me feel worse. I don't need to be protected. I can take care of myself. I just want him to realize that. Does he think I don't know why he shot out the tire on that bike? I know what those men were there for. I get it. They don't like bitches riding. Fine. I don't give a shit. I'm going to ride until the day they break my legs and leave me for dead on the side of the road. Even then they'd better be careful because if I can, I'll crawl my way to another bike and start all over again. I won't go down easy. I didn't then, and I won't now. If I can survive the hell Tray put me through before, I get through this. So what? A couple of gangs want to 'teach us a lesson', show other groups that they're not okay with the way we are? Screw them. They should know that the ultimate rule of the road is that there are no rules. I thought we were all out here to be free, to live the way we want to live. If codes and titles and patches are all that matter to them, then they're not really bikers anyway. The 'life' isn't about following a specific set of predetermined bullshit. If it was, it wouldn't be any different than the rest of society, than the place we're all looking to escape.

I wipe my arm across my lips again and move out to the parking lot next to my bike. The wind teases my hair as I pick up my helmet under my arm and gaze out across the quiet town. An alarm got set off? I call a lie. I can see the bank from here and nothing looks amiss. Whatever it is that the two of them are fibbing about, they'd better let me know because sooner or later, I'm going to find out and everything is going to go to shit. I squeeze my fists tight. Gaine wants to prove that he sees me as an equal, then why try to hide things from me? I have a right to know. Keeping stuff from me only further proves that he doesn't get it, that he thinks I can't handle the truth.

I put my bag away and slip my helmet on, climbing onto the cracked leather of my seat while I wait. Christy comes out first with Beck at her heels. He escorts her over to me and helps her get settled before moving away and pausing with his gaze focused out, towards the highway. Did they tell him what they didn't tell me? I can't decide. When Beck turns around, he's just smiling as usual.

“At least it's a good night for a ride,” he says to nobody in particular. In the distance, the sound of sirens echoes across the emptiness of the terrain. I wet my lips against the dry air and flip up my visor to glare at the stupid redhead. He stands with his hands in his pockets and his muscles relaxed. The approaching red and blue lights don't bother him in the least. Guess they shouldn't bother me either. Even with a crew this big, we'll be out of here before the first squad car pulls into town. Still, it doesn't explain
why
they'e coming or what's going on. Guess I'll have to make it my mission to find out.

When Gaine comes out of the building, I don't look at him. He does pause near my bike for a second, but whatever words he thinks he should get out don't come and he ends up moving away. The gap between us grows wider than it's ever been. For years, we've been so close that I didn't even realize we were. When Austin pissed me off, I told Gaine. When I had an issue with Kent, he was the first person I would admit it to. And he's still the only person that knows my mother shipped me off to America, so she could pursue her dream of painting without the burden of a child. The only person that knows how much my grandmother meant to me, and how distraught I was when she died in a car accident. He's the only person on this planet that will ever hear the story of
why
I married Tray and took up this lifestyle. I was heartbroken and alone, that's all it really comes down to. If my grandmother hadn't passed away, I doubt I'd be here right now.

I sigh and drop my visor.

It's not that I don't like the open road, I do. Now that I've tasted it, I could never go back, but I can't help the wandering thoughts, especially when I'm in a situation like this. I could've lived a normal life and hell, if I'd met Gaine under different circumstances, maybe we'd be together. Maybe. But right now, this way, I can't do it.

I watch him climb on his bike, head low, shoulders tight under his jacket. Whatever he saw is eating him up, and that scares the shit out of me. That pain and guilt I see on him now, was that mine to take, to handle as best I could? I don't want him holding burdens for me. I know he thinks he should, but it isn't right. That's my responsibility. I think of Will and Mack and wonder what he'd do if I told him how I felt, how I'm tired of all the pain and the heartache, that I want them out of my life but don't know how to do it without getting my hands dirty. Would he try to take vigilante justice for me? I curl my fingers around my handlebars and promise myself that there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him how I really feel. As far as he's concerned, I'm thirsty for blood. Period.

I will not let Gaine risk himself for me. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. My burdens are mine and mine alone. If anyone else got hurt because of them, I would never be able to forgive myself.

Our ride starts out ridiculously quiet. The intercom remains silent, no music, no mindless chatter. It's just engines and anxiety stirring the air tonight. I don't like the feeling in the group, not one bit. They're scared and they're nervous, and they're starting to get disgruntled. I'm sure they're wondering what happened tonight. I mean, it's not like they couldn't see the emergency vehicles in the distance. Kent was good at hiding his dirt. Us, not so much. If we're not careful, people are going to start wondering if Austin's strong enough to hold us together. I don't want to deal with that mess. Sooner, rather than later, we're going to have to take extreme action.