Loving Promises (12 page)

He bent and kissed her fingers as they rested on the blanket.

Earlier, when it had still been light, Al had watched the burnished September leaves drift from the changing trees and flutter to the earth—part of life—an ending, yet a beginning. Dried foliage fed the earth, and in spring, flowers, grass and trees were reborn. He figured the cycle was somewhat like dying.

Al listened to Dotty’s struggling breathing, his heart in his throat. As his eyes moistened, he sent a prayer heavenward.
Father, you can do all things. You can heal and you can end life. Help me to accept Your will. Help me to see hope for the future. I know Dotty’s life is not ending, but beginning—like the leaves. Be with Dale and me, and I thank you for Millie who’s brought sunshine into our gloomy lives during this difficult time. In Jesus’s name.

As his amen wafted into the air, Dotty’s voice broke the silence. “I’m tired, Al. I want the Lord to take me home. Would you pray for that?”

Al hung his head and fought the desire to say no. “Dotty. Please…” The words caught in his throat.

“No, listen. I love you. We’ve had a grand life together. I—”

“Save your strength. I know you love me. I love you more than I can say.”

“Be happy, Al. When I’m gone, your life will go on. I want you to be happy.”

Be happy.
The words shot through his heart like an arrow. “How can I be—”

“I want you to find love again—a woman like Millie.”

“Don’t say that. How can you even think of something like that?”

“You’re such good friends, and I understand. I love her, too.” She paused a moment as if catching her breath. “I don’t know why God didn’t…bring you two together years ago.”

Al grasped her hand and pressed it to his cheek. “Because I wouldn’t have loved you, Dotty.”

“Millie will keep you strong, Al, when the time comes.”

Her hand felt cold against his face, and she released a deep sigh that charged through Al’s senses. He kissed her fingers, then lowered her hand to the blanket.

How much longer?

Only God knew the answer.

No matter. He would watch and wait. He would love her every minute of every day. Al knew of nothing else he could do.

“Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.”

The pastor’s voice carried on the breeze as he sprinkled Dotty’s casket with earth.

“The Lord bless her and keep her. The Lord make His face shine on her and be gracious to her. The Lord look upon her with favor and give her peace.” He closed the book as the mourners uttered an amen.

Dale scanned the blurred faces of those who gathered, then wiped the tears from his eyes. Neighbors, church family, relatives he hadn’t seen in years had all come to pay tribute to his mother. While Dale sat on his father’s left, Mildred sat on his right.

Bev and the children stood across from them. Bev’s eyes were downcast while the children stared wide-eyed at the closed bronze casket. Inside, his mother rested on a cream-colored satin lining that gave her pale skin a warm glow. Dale knew she was happy and content, finally standing face to face with God, but for him and his father, the joy couldn’t puncture the sense of loss.

The funeral home had been filled with flowers—bouquets in autumn hues, planters and baskets brimming with life while his mother lay cold in their midst. Her life had ended without fanfare. She’d died in her sleep while his father sat by her side.

Tears dripped to Dale’s fingers. He pulled out his handkerchief and brushed them away with an angry swipe.

No bitterness, he told himself. God’s will be done, but his heart still struggled with the Lord’s will. Dale would survive. He’d be back in Grand Rapids, but what about his father? Certainly, he would return to work. The
pharmacy would keep him busy. He’d probably throw himself into church activities. Anything and everything to fill the empty space and deep silence that would be his life.

He tuned in to the pastor’s voice—the Lord’s Prayer and the benediction. The funeral director stepped forward, inviting everyone to the church for a luncheon. Luncheon? How could he eat?

The mourners filed past the casket, some taking a flower from the spray, others patting the cold metal coffin. Ian and Esther moved past. Annie and Ken. Bev had mentioned Annie was expecting, and Dale let his gaze drift to her belly. Death and birth. Part of the cycle.

The Hartmann sisters who owned the Loving Arms boardinghouse shuffled past—Abby and Sissy, their white hair looking almost blue in the morning light.

Bev stepped forward, and he watched as she pressed her hand against the cold bronze metal while the children clutched their hands together as if they feared touching anything would place some horrible spell over them.

Finally only his father and he remained. And Mildred. He longed to ask her to leave, to let his father and him spend the last moments alone, but he stopped himself. Mildred wasn’t at fault. Life was. Once a person was born, he had to die. That was part of the deal.

Before he anguished over the situation any longer, Mildred gave his father a pat and moved from beneath the graveside canopy.

He joined his father beside the casket, not knowing what to say or what to do.

His father rested both hands against the icy metal and drew in a ragged sigh. “I’ll love you always, Dotty.”

Dale placed his hand on his father’s shoulder. “She loved you so much, Dad.”

“And you, too, Son.”

“We’ll manage somehow.”

He nodded. “Your mom said Millie would get me through this.”

Dale felt his back stiffen. “God will get you through it, Dad.”

His father gave a single nod, then turned away and stepped from beneath the canopy into the sunlight.

Dale watched as his father strode toward Mildred. Bev stood back, her face taut with sadness. He saw Michael searching his face, and to alleviate the boy’s fears, Dale strode across the grass and gave the child a hug. Kristin moved closer, and he included her in the embrace.

“We’d better go,” Bev said, giving the kids a pat.

Dale straightened and gestured toward the black limousine waiting for him. “I’ll see you back at church.”

She nodded.

He took a step toward his father, then realized he’d invited Mildred to ride in the car with them. Dale bit back his resentment. He forced his legs to carry him forward. He’d handle the problem another day. Today wasn’t the time.

B
ev noticed a difference in Dale after his mother died. He still came home to spend time with his father, but she’d heard him grumble often that his dad didn’t need him. Bev realized that her mother and Al were spending a great deal of time together since Dotty had died. Too much time, although it seemed innocent enough. But Bev wondered if others saw it the same way she did.

Dale didn’t. He resented it.

She eyed her watch, expecting Dale to arrive any minute. The kids were visiting with school friends down the block, and Bev was enjoying one of the quiet moments she rarely experienced.

Kristin had begun kindergarten a few days after Dotty’s funeral, and though it was difficult to see her baby grow up, Bev felt pleased that Kristin loved school and had made so many new friends in the past month.

A sound came from the front door, and Bev headed for it, expecting Dale. Instead her mother burst in, her cheeks rosy from the October breeze and her eyes glowing as if something special had happened.

“I found it,” she said, dropping her handbag on the sofa. She plopped down beside it with a wry look.

“You found what?”

“An apartment. Al and I stumbled on it by accident.”

Bev’s concern about her mother’s attachment to Al rose, but even more, she pondered how packing up Dotty’s clothes could have resulted in locating an apartment.

After a rambling story of how she’d learned about the apartment, her mother finally got to the meat of the topic. “It’s a first-floor apartment on Packwood Drive. It’s perfect. Al wrote the deposit check, and I’ll pay him back.”

An edgy feeling coursed through Bev. “I’m glad, Mom, but that was a quick decision. Maybe you should have let me look at it before you settled on that one.”

“Why? We liked it.” She rose and picked up her handbag. “You and Dale need space. You have no privacy when I’m here.”

“I don’t need privacy with Dale.”

“I know. You’re just friends.” Mildred gave a harrumph. “But like Al said one day, the best marriages are made up of good friends first.”

The comment irked Bev.

“Mom, don’t you think you’re spending too much
time with Al?” Bev asked, thinking more of Dale than of her own concerns.

“Why?”

“People will talk.”

“What people? I haven’t heard a word.” She slid her arm through the handle of her purse. “We’re friends, Bev. You don’t walk out on a friend when he needs you.”

“I know, Mom.” She sorted her thoughts, wishing she could explain. “But people talk.”

“Then it’s their problem, not mine,” Mildred said. “Al’s lonely, Bev. He’s hurting. We both miss Dotty and spending time together helps us. Do you expect me to neglect a friend because someone might gossip?”

“No, but I—”

“I see nothing wrong with it.”

Bev opened her mouth to respond, but the doorbell stopped her, followed by Dale’s call from the doorway.

“Come in,” Bev said.

He pushed open the door and strode in, halting when he spied her mother. Fearing he’d make a comment, Bev sent him a quick frown.

He gave a subtle tilt of his head as if he understood. “What’s up?”

“Mom’s rented an apartment.”

“Congratulations,” he said to Mildred.

“Thanks. I hope you can help me on moving day.”

“Sure.” He turned to Bev. “Do you like it?”

“I haven’t seen it. She was with your dad.”

Dale’s expression altered.

Mildred took a step toward the hallway. “I suppose I should start making a list of everything I have to do. I have most of my things in storage. I’ll have to contact the storage company.” She rattled on about what she needed to do and what she needed to buy until she finally went to her room.

Dale sank onto the sofa and looked at Bev. “Come sit with me.” He patted the cushion beside him. “Let’s forget all that.” He waved toward her mother’s room.

She ambled to his side and sank into the cushion, frustrated and certain he was, too.

Dale took her hand in his. “I wanted to spend time with you, but it’s not happening.” He gave her a helpless look. “We need to make some changes, Bev. I’ve been adamant about just being friends, but maybe I was wrong.”

Her heart kicked against her ribs. “Why the change?”

His head drooped as if trying to formulate his thoughts.

Bev lifted her free hand and turned his downcast face toward hers. “This is important, and I need to understand.”

He covered her hand with his. “I’m realizing a friendship can deepen. It doesn’t stay stagnant. It grows into something special. Look at my dad. He’s grieving, but I see him smile when Millie shows up…which is much of the time.”

Bev held up her hand. “Let’s not get into that, please.”

“I’m trying to accept it, Bev, but it’s us I’m talking about.” His thoughtful gaze drifted over her. “You make me happy, too. But have you realized that we’re never alone? Since Mom died, we’re always with someone.”

“That’s true,” she said, thinking of their parents and her kids.

“Tomorrow’s the Autumnfest in town. How about going? Just you and me?”

She found her voice. “Just the two of us?”

Though he smiled, she noticed the sincerity in his eyes.

“All right. I’d like that.” Her voice sounded soft and breathy.

He tightened the pressure on her hand. “I’m changing, Bev. I see things differently now. I hope you feel the same.”

“I don’t know how I feel anymore,” she said.

Dale’s face darkened, and she was sorry for saying what she had. But she felt on a whirlwind with Dale, never knowing which way he would head and what he could destroy in the process.

“I like you a lot, Dale. You’re in my thoughts so often, but I’m nervous about this. I agree we haven’t explored who we are when we’re not under stress.”

“Are you willing to take a chance on me?”

The question washed over her like the tide, pulling and pushing her thoughts, but always settling back where her heart lay. She nodded. “I’m willing to take a chance if you are.”

He cupped her face in his hands as his eyes searched hers, then they lowered to her lips. Her pulse skipped through her. He closed the distance between them, his lips reaching hers.

“Mom!”

The door slammed and footsteps pounded through the kitchen.

Bev sighed as disappointment rolled through her. “We do have a long way to go.”

Dale gave a crooked grin. “But it’s worth it.”

Bev prayed he was right.

“Let’s sit and have a soda,” Dale said, motioning to a food booth set up for the Grand Haven Autumnfest. The evening had felt strange, but wonderful. He and Bev had done many things together, but this time they’d been alone—no family, no friends, no kids—on a regular date. Since his mother’s death, Bev had been Dale’s rock. She’d listened to his sorrow and had seen him cry. Until recently, a date had seemed as far-fetched to him as mountain climbing and probably as dangerous. Tonight the thought made him grin.

Bev sank onto a bench near the boardwalk as he headed for the booth and returned with two cold drinks. He gave her one, then sat beside her.

Dale looked toward the water, admiring the sun as it spread its gold across the lake. He and Bev sipped their soft drinks, saying little, and watched the fiery orb rest
upon the water, then slide below the horizon in a splash of brilliant colors.

In the quiet, Dale’s thoughts gripped him. Sometimes he’d felt as if Bev had wheedled her way into his life and made it difficult for him to escape. But he knew better. He’d opened himself for the attraction. He’d let his empty life become filled with the confused world of a woman and her children. Now he felt incomplete without them.

“Haven’t you ever wanted to be married again, Bev?”

Hearing his question startled Dale, and he wished he hadn’t asked it. “I know you said you’d never do it again, but haven’t you even considered what it might be like?”

Bev became thoughtful before she faced him. “I didn’t for years, but now that Kristin’s in school, I’ve had thoughts.”

He slipped his arm around her back and breathed in her sweet fragrance. He wanted to hear more but was afraid to push.

She was quiet for a moment, her face serious in the fading light. “I don’t know why. The kids are growing up so fast. Sometimes I ask myself what it would be like to have another child. I love babies, and in a few years, I’ll be too old to be a mother. Mothering takes energy.”

Another child. The idea spun in his mind.

“Then I think about spending years alone. I always figure God meant people to be in twos. Like the ark.” She shifted to face him. “What about you?”

“You mean about my having children?”

“Children. Marriage. You’ve always said you’d never marry.”

“The thought’s crossed my mind.” His heart picked up pace at his admission. “Marriage has pros and cons. It seems to intensify everything.”

“Good things always have a negative. A good dinner means too many calories or maybe heartburn. That’s the way life is. I’ve avoided relationships, too, afraid that things wouldn’t work.”

She lifted her drink and took a sip. “When I married Jesse, I made the promise for better or worse, but in my heart, I expected better. Worse seemed impossible, but I guess I didn’t know Jesse well enough. He loved his motorcycle. He loved going out and taking chances without thinking about us. I lived in fear. Then one day, my fear came to fruition. I often felt guilty, wondering if my lack of faith had caused the accident.”

Dale reeled with her comment. “Things don’t work that way, Bev. You know better than that. How many times have you told me the Lord doesn’t give us problems? He gives us choices.”

Courage charged through Dale as the feelings he’d kept hidden seemed to surface. “I’ve struggled with my feelings for you, but I’ve lost the battle. My life seems empty when we’re apart. I wonder what you’re doing, and I pick up the telephone to call, then I put it down because it all seems so hopeless.”

She frowned as if she didn’t understand.

“But not anymore. I’ve changed, and I want to see where things will go with us,” he said.

“We’ve both changed, but I’m afraid we have some insurmountable differences.”

Her words felt like a kick in the gut. “Nothing is insurmountable.”

“I have children. Two of them. That’s a difference we can’t ignore.”

He lifted her hand in his and clutched it to his chest. “Things are happening inside me, Bev. I keep thinking about the day Michael almost slipped off the pier. I held him in my arms unable to deal with the thought that he could have been hurt.”

“That was one day, Dale. The year has three hundred and sixty-five.”

He grasped her shoulders and drew her closer. “Will you give me a chance, Bev? Will you give
us
a chance?”

“Words are one thing. Action is another. I need to see it, Dale.”

“What must I do to make you believe me?”

“You know how I feel about my children. Let me see the change in your relationship to them.” She drew back and grasped his arms. “I’ll be honest with you. My feelings toward you have been growing for a long time, but I wouldn’t let myself love you because I refuse to hurt my children again.”

Dale’s heart thudded as he listened. Her feelings
had been growing for a long time, and he hadn’t believed it. He looked into her misted eyes and saw sincerity. Music floated to them on the evening air, and he rose.

“Trust me, Bev. I’ll be a new man.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He reached out to take her hand. “Let’s head back to the bandstand.”

She gave him a tender smile, then placed her hand in his and stood. Dale slipped his arm around her shoulders as they wandered toward the music. Streetlights came on as they walked, brightening the dusky light of evening. As they neared the dancers, Dale urged her forward. He wrapped his arm around her waist and clasped her hand, allowing the soft lilting music to muffle the sounds of the passersby.

They glided to the rhythm of the love song as he breathed in the scent of lake breeze blended with Bev’s fragrance. His cheek rested against her hair, and his heart tripped as he ran his hand over the small of her back.

A cool breeze blew in from across the lake, ruffling the fabric of her skirt and penetrating his cotton shirt. He nestled her closer, their bodies swaying as their feet moved.

When the song ended, Dale managed to let her go, desiring to hold her forever and wishing their lives could glide as smoothly as their dancing.

She gave him a timid smile. “Should we get going?”

“Probably,” he said, reluctant to leave.

Heading back toward his car, Dale faced his concern. He was crazy about Bev. Why hide it anymore? But he’d promised to prove his love through her children. Could he be the kind of father they deserved? Dale knew he didn’t dislike the kids. At times, he’d enjoyed them, but he was a novice, a selfish man who’d never learned to share. All he could do was pray that God give him the wisdom and patience he needed.

He guided Bev across the street, and as they walked a booth caught his eye. He looked above at the sign. Jenni’s Loving Kisses. Chocolate candy lined the display cases. Pink boxes sat along the table. “What flavor are these?” he asked, pointing to the decorative designs that marked the top.

“They’re truffles,” the woman said. “These are almond. These are mocha. Here’s mint.”

“Truffles?”

“Creamy chocolate with flavoring on the inside and dipped in dark or milk chocolate.”

“Would you like one?” Dale asked, turning to Bev.

“Do you have raspberry?” Bev asked.

The clerk nodded, pointing to a small bonbon marked by a white swirl across the top.

“I’ll have one of those.”

Dale selected one for himself, but his thoughts took a leap, and as he paid for the candy, he longed for a real kiss not a chocolate one, knowing nothing was sweeter than Bev’s shapely mouth.

He took Bev’s arm and wove his way through the crowd toward his car parked along a side street.

Once they were inside the sedan, Dale drew Bev closer. “How about another kiss?”

“No thanks, I’ve—”

He tilted her chin toward him. “Not Jenni’s, the real thing.”