Loving You Always (15 page)

Y
ou ever heard you can’t make a pot of water boil faster by looking at it?” Meredith’s eyes never left the spreadsheet she was studying on her laptop. “Same thing applies to that phone. Checking it every two minutes won’t make it ring.”

Kerris slid the phone into the pocket of her cotton dress and rearranged a few pieces from her Riverstone Collection on a shelf against the wall.

“What time was he supposed to call?” Meredith closed her laptop and stretched the muscles Kerris knew must be fatigued. Her friend had been at it all day.

“Five o’clock.” Kerris ruined her pout with a smile. “But I’m sure there’s a good excuse. His dad’s a real slave driver. It’s been hard for him to come here every weekend this month.”

“But you’re glad he has.” Meredith slid her glasses up into her spiky, cotton candy–pink hair.

Kerris answered with only a smile, her hand straying toward the phone in her pocket again, but she caught herself in time. Walsh would call soon. He always called.

On the few occasions they had “gone public” since Walsh had returned from Saudi Arabia three weeks ago, he’d been approached by everyone from the mayor to the neighborhood busybodies, all of them shooting speculative glances between Cam Mitchell’s best friend and his soon-to-be-but-not-yet-ex-wife. And each time she cared a little less. Let them judge or condemn. She had fought what was between her and Walsh, literally for years. With her divorce just two months away from being final, soon nothing would stop them from being together openly and happily.

Kerris was hunting through a pile of scarves for one that would work with the dress a customer had found when the noise in the shop slowly petered out until the room was eerily quiet for six o’clock in the evening.

“Mrs. Peterson, what about this one?” Kerris’s voice rang out in the unnaturally quiet shop. “Think this one will work?”

She laid the floral scarf against the dress Mrs. Peterson was wearing, and looked up to gauge her reaction. But Mrs. Peterson wasn’t looking at Kerris. Her eyes clung to the shop entrance over Kerris’s shoulder. Matter of fact, that’s where everyone’s attention seemed focused.

Kerris glanced around, doing a double take when she spotted Walsh, filling the doorway with his broad shoulders and imposing height. He wore a white Walsh Foundation T-shirt, stark against his tanned skin, and his standard-issue cargo pants. He surveyed the shop, and his eyes stopped as soon they met hers. His wide, warm smile and the heat in his eyes melted Kerris like the sun on an ice cap. He walked into the shop, ignoring the curiosity of the customers tracking his every step. Yes, he was handsome, but he was also Walsh Bennett. His family was like royalty in this town, and these people followed his moves in the tabloids and on blogs. Kerris actually saw one woman aim her phone his way and snap a picture.

He grabbed her hand as soon as he was close enough, pulling her to his side and dropping a quick kiss into her hair. Kerris stiffened under everyone’s inspection. They all knew who she was. Who Walsh was. Who Cam was. How had she fooled herself into believing she didn’t care what they thought? In that moment, as much as she had missed Walsh and wanted nothing more than to leap into his arms, legs wrapped around waist à la Whitney-loves-Bobby-Brown-fresh-from-jail, she couldn’t. She put a step between them, gently tugging her hand free.

“Hi, Walsh.” She offered a careful smile, her eyes pleading with him to follow her lead. “What a nice surprise. We weren’t expecting you.”

Walsh tilted his head and raised one dark brow.

“I tried to stay away,” Walsh said, voice deliberately loud. “But I missed you too much.”

Self-consciousness forced her to meet one curious set of eyes after another around the shop. These women had thrown her a baby shower. Kerris had helped them find dresses for special occasions and gifts for the people they loved. They had brought casseroles, magazines, and trashy novels to her home when she was confined to a wheelchair for months. In many ways, they were extended family, and though Kerris knew she would choose Walsh no matter what, a part of her wanted them to approve.

“Well, I think the two of you make the sweetest couple,” Mrs. Peterson said into the waiting quiet.

Kerris looked from the scarf she still held to the compassion in the other woman’s eyes.

“Thank you, Mrs. Peterson,” Kerris managed to say.

“It’s obvious you two belong together,” Mrs. Peterson said, extending her hand to Walsh. “Dorthea Peterson, I’ve been coming to the shop since it opened. I knew your mother, God rest her soul. She was an amazing woman. We all miss her.”

Walsh nodded and offered Mrs. Peterson a genuine smile. He didn’t look at Kerris, but the tight jaw and clenched fist he slid into his pocket signaled that he wasn’t altogether pleased with her.

“Thank you. I miss her, too.”

“I heard your father is holding a big shindig in her honor up there in New York.” Another customer, the one with the camera phone, said from across the room.

Walsh turned in the woman’s direction, another smile on his face.

“Yes, ma’am. It’s for an endowment in my mother’s name Bennett Enterprises has created.”

“In two weeks, right?”

“Yes.” Walsh lifted impressed eyebrows. “You’re well informed.”

The customer looked a little sheepish.

“We all keep up with your family. You’ve done a lot for this community.”

Another smile from Walsh and then his eyes drifted back to Kerris. She hated to see the smile he’d held on to for everyone else wither and die when his eyes landed on her. He didn’t speak, but just let the quiet build between them like a brick wall. Just as she was about to say something, probably the wrong thing, Meredith joined them.

“Walsh, good to see you.” Meredith slapped Walsh on the arm and brought him in for a hug, giving Kerris WTF eyes around his shoulder.

Kerris was asking herself WTF. She’d been mooning over this man all day, waiting for a phone call, and he shows up in the beautiful flesh and she messes it up this badly?

“You look great, Mer.” Walsh tweaked the hair spiking around her gamine face. “I like the pink.”

“You know me. Always trying something new.” Meredith turned to Kerris. “I’ve got things handled out here, Ker.”

“Oh, um. Okay.” Kerris turned to Walsh, her face a silent question he refused to answer. “Would you like to…we could…if you want…”

Walsh didn’t acknowledge the word salad Kerris couldn’t stop tossing. He walked past her and toward the back office. Meredith slammed her palm against her forehead and shooed Kerris after him.

“Go fix that,” Meredith whisper-shouted.

Kerris wasn’t sure how to fix whatever she had broken. Once in the office, she leaned against the door, unsure what to do with her hands. If she hadn’t botched things up so badly, she’d already be in Walsh’s arms. Against a wall getting the sense kissed out of her. This was not the reunion she had envisioned.

“I um…” Kerris cleared her throat. “I wasn’t expecting you. I thought you were in meetings all day in New York and wouldn’t be back until the weekend.”

Walsh crossed his arms, molding the shirt to the hardness of his chest. “I wanted to see you and had Trish clear my schedule.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t have known it by how you dropped my hand out there and stepped away from me in front of everyone like I had the plague.” His eyes, marble hard, didn’t leave her face. “What was that, Kerris?”

“I didn’t mean to do that.” She pressed herself deeper into the door, wishing she could blend into the paneling. “It was a knee-jerk response. I just don’t want people to think we are—”

“But we are.” Walsh ran hands through his hair, a little longer than when she had last seen him. “Aren’t we?”

“Of course. I don’t want people judging us.”

“And I honestly don’t care.”

“I don’t want Cam hearing about us through the grapevine or some blog or tabloid.”

“Baby, even if Cam hasn’t heard anything, he knows. Our being together was an eventuality he has been preparing himself for since he left.” He pointed to the door that was her support. “That out there? You treated me like a friend.”

“I just wasn’t prepared for you to show up. I’m sorry. What do you want me to do?”

Walsh pushed off the desk and strode over to stand in front of her, caging her in with his arms on either side of her against the door.

“I want you to claim me.” He touched the orchid charm hanging just outside the rounded collar of her dress. “The same way I claim you every time we’re in a room together.”

And he always did. Kisses, holding her hand, wrapping her in his arms. Even every look was a claim he staked on her. It probably always had been.

“For so long, I couldn’t claim you, Kerris. I couldn’t look at you. I couldn’t kiss you or touch you. You weren’t
mine
.” He slid his fingers into the hair at the back of her neck. “Now you are and I want everyone to know.”

“But I’m also still married to your best friend.”

“He’s not my best friend anymore, and I don’t care if someone blogs that we’re together, tweets it, takes pictures of it, puts it on a damn billboard. Good. Then the whole world will know where we stand.”

“You don’t have to live in this small town where everybody knows everybody and has opinions about everything. I don’t want to humiliate Cam. I don’t want to disrespect him, and I don’t want to be the one everyone’s talking about.”

“You don’t have to live here either.”

“What? Of course I do.”

“Not if you come live with me in New York.”

“Have you heard anything I’ve said?”

“Yeah, I just don’t care.” He smiled for the first time since she had entered the room. “Okay, I do care how you feel, and I’m willing to wait for you to move to New York.”

“Thank you.”

“But I want you there with me in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?”

She already knew. Had seen this coming and had been bracing herself for it.

“To the fund-raiser my dad is hosting in New York. I want you with me.”

Kerris gulped back her irrational fear. Slapped down the lies about her inadequacy and inferiority. For years all they’d had was stolen looks and the loneliness of their imaginations. It was one thing to go out for dinner here, or to take a walk through Rivermont Park. Most of the time when he was here, they wanted to be alone anyway and stayed on the houseboat, which Walsh had bought for them to have some privacy. New York was Walsh’s home turf, the biggest stage in the world. The media took pictures of Walsh doing something as mundane as grabbing coffee in the morning. Imagine what they’d do with a story as twisted around and convoluted as theirs and Cam’s.

“Baby, I’m waiting.” Walsh dipped his head until he was level with her. His eyes were free of anger and frustration, and had started fogging with familiar hunger. “I really want to be done with this so I can kiss you.”

Kerris tilted up on her toes, aiming for his mouth. He turned his head at the last minute, looking back for confirmation.

“Not yet. Will you come with me to the fund-raiser? In New York? In front of everyone?”

He didn’t say it aloud, but his eyes asked the question.

Will you claim me?

She looked at his handsome face, the intense green eyes she lost herself in if she wasn’t careful. The tender hands even now stroking along her neck and caressing her collarbone. She couldn’t deny him anything. She couldn’t deny him—period.

“Will you come?” He asked again, hovering over her mouth, hands already pushing up her dress and squeezing her butt.

She was losing her mind wanting him, but before she capitulated and gave in to the storm that always broke between them, she gave him the answer he wanted.

“I’ll come.”

He gave her his devilish grin, gripping her thigh with one hand and sliding the other into her panties.

“That’s always music to my ears.”

T
wo weeks later, Kerris looked around the marbled, tiered space in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and reminded herself these were all just people. Beautifully dressed, wealthy people from esteemed families, who had attended all the right schools, but just people. At least she had the beautifully dressed part covered.

When Kerris confessed to Walsh how nervous she was about what to wear, the last person she had expected to show up unannounced on her doorstep for a shopping spree was Jo. Their relationship had definitely gotten better since they’d talked things out at Christmas, but Kerris hadn’t been dating Walsh then, so she wasn’t sure what to expect.

Kerris had been unprepared for the near-military approach Jo took to shopping. Jo had marched through New York City like General Sherman, and Kerris felt like the spoils of war right about now. Jo had plotted their course up and down Madison Avenue. With a Bennett car at their disposal, they ran through a blur of exclusive shops Kerris could barely recollect. Her mind was like a fashion-challenged sieve that couldn’t hold on to all the label names Jo had flung at her.

Euphoric with Walsh’s Black Card burning an outfit-sized hole in her Bottega Veneta, Jo loved several things at Bergdorf, a couple of things at Henri Bendel, and one thing each at Barneys and Calvin Klein. Kerris, on the other hand, felt overwhelmed by everything she tried on. As much as she hoped it wouldn’t be the case, she suspected tonight would be her introduction to New York society as Walsh Bennett’s girlfriend. She wanted to get it just right, and nothing had been just right until she’d found the outfit she was currently second-guessing.

The reality of wearing such a daring ensemble out in public was much different from the idea of it. She felt men’s eyes on her and wondered if she’d made a terrible mistake.

A black jumpsuit of satin crepe, its minuscule straps practically invisible, it gave the illusion that the whole thing was suspended and held up by magic. There was no waistline, but it skimmed her curves in such a way that emphasized the narrowness of her waist and the flare of her hips. The legs slouched before tapering at the calf. The rear view left her bare down to the small of her back, dipping dramatically and dangerously close to the upper swells of her backside. Added to it were Kerris’s first Louboutins, which Jo treated like a rite of passage, and a leopard print Alexander McQueen clutch.

“I’m only going to say this once and if you tell anyone I said it, I will deny it.” Jo swept her eyes from Kerris’s perfectly piled-up hair to her extravagantly shod feet. “You were right and I was wrong about that outfit. You look amazing.”

“You sure it’s not too much?”

“Too much what?”

“Too revealing?”

“Let’s just say I guarantee Walsh will like it.”

Kerris wasn’t too sure. She pulled at the nonexistent back of the jumpsuit, trying to cover some of the naked skin she was flashing.

“Stop fidgeting,” Jo said from beside her. “You look nervous.”

“I
am
nervous.” Kerris bit her thumbnail.

“Are you biting a nail?” Jo flicked horrified eyes from the offending finger to Kerris’s face. “Why don’t you just send everyone a group text saying you don’t think you’re good enough for Walsh Bennett?”

“Jo, it’s not that.” Though on some level it might be a little. “I’m just not used to being in these environments.”

“Well, you better get used to it.” Jo looked over the glittering gallery of the Met. “This is Walsh’s world, and he wants you in it.”

Why
? Kerris hated that that was her first thought. When would she get past this soul-deep sense of not being enough? Of not deserving Walsh and all that came with him? Dr. Stein assured her that unraveling a lifetime worth of lies and destructive patterns was a process. She was right. Kerris felt very “in process” tonight, like a sojourner stumbling through a strange, affluent land with well-dressed, accomplished natives.

“Walsh and Uncle Martin will be here soon. Uncle Martin would squeeze a meeting between a wedding and a funeral if he could. I know Walsh would have preferred to come with you himself.” Jo’s matte red lips were dramatic against her creamy skin and dark hair. “I want you out of this state of…whatever it is by the time he gets here.”

“I’m trying, Jo.”

Kerris looked up at the woman who seemed to have it all. Only Kerris knew that what Jo wanted most, she might never hold. Cam. For some reason, that knowledge helped Kerris. If a total package like Jo had a fifteen-year unrequited love in her closet, maybe everyone had something to wrestle with. Maybe her demons were just that. Hers. And everyone else, no matter how many zeroes they harbored in their checking accounts, had theirs.

“Look, I don’t really understand all the self-esteem issues you have or the abandonment crap you’ve bought into over the years. Sorry.” Jo’s tough-girl eyes softened and she quirked her mouth. “You want to know why I don’t understand it? I don’t get it because you are the most beautiful girl in this room. You are one of the most giving and sweet people I’ve ever met. I’ve known most of these girls most of my life, and I’d pick you over every one of them for Walsh.”

Stunned didn’t cover it. After the resentment Jo had expressed on more than one occasion since “the kiss,” even their last amiable conversation hadn’t prepared Kerris for that response.

“Wow, Jo. I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s probably for the best.” Jo smoothed her hands over her one-shouldered Hervé Léger bandage dress. The saleswoman had called the color alabaster. “Girls usually say stupid shit in moments like these.”

For a heartbeat, Kerris wasn’t sure how to take it, but Jo’s twitching lips gave her away. The twitch turned into a full-on guffaw and Jo, whom Walsh and Cam had more than once called “queen,” bent over laughing, arms folded over her trim waist. Not regal at all.

“Kerris, you should see your expression right now.”

Jo’s pretty face lit up with the laughter she couldn’t seem to stop. One moment Kerris wondered if Jo was hysterical and in need of a good slap, and the next she was laughing with her unstoppably, too. And for the first time, Kerris understood why Walsh and Cam would do anything for this girl. Why she was the rock. In the midst of a mini-meltdown, Jo had managed to make Kerris realize how silly holding on to her fears and reservations was. Had made her laugh uncontrollably when moments before she’d wanted to skulk off to the ladies’ room and hide in a stall.

“You’re good people, Jo.”

Jo slowly sobered, but her face held on to a mischievous grin.

“Don’t tell anyone, okay?” Jo’s smile fell away altogether. “Walsh is here.”

“Where?” Kerris scanned the room, looking for the proud dark head and wide shoulders.

Jo nodded her head in the direction just over Kerris’s shoulder.

“He’s over there.”

Kerris started to turn around, only to have Jo grab her elbow.

“Don’t turn around. Don’t look.”

“Well, how am I going to—” Kerris stood perfectly still, as if one movement would shatter something fragile. “Tell me what to do.”

“Okay, he’s got company, and he won’t be able to get away for a while, if I’m guessing correctly.” Jo cast a discreet glance across the room. “He’s with the chairman of the Bennett board of directors, Paul Garrison. Sofie’s father, Ernest Baston, is over there, too. He’s Uncle Martin’s business partner. And Sofie’s with them. She
is
the foundation’s goodwill ambassador, but I just didn’t think about her being here.”

Kerris’s blood congealed in her veins to a slow chug. This night was becoming a tape on rewind. Here she was again as the misfit Cinderella, dressed in unfamiliar finery, surrounded by a rarefied colony of people who had been reared to rule. And the queen of the ball was once again standing with the man she wanted.

“This is it, Kerris.”

“This is what?”

“I know these people look nice, and some of them are. But your man? He is the ultimate prize, honey, and you are swimming in a shark tank tonight. Be on the offensive. Don’t wait to defend your territory.”

“Are we still talking about me and Walsh?”

“Sweetie, we never stopped.” Jo mixed just enough compassion with the grit in her voice. “You are going to walk over there and show all these bitches why he chose you.”

But what if she still didn’t know why herself?

I want you to claim me.

Walsh had said it, and his words massaged the last knots from her composure, centering her. Reminding her of the peace she found when she was with him. Of the rightness no one could take from them, if she didn’t let them.

“Okay, I’ll tell you when to turn—”

Jo stopped mid-sentence because Kerris had already turned.

She said over her shoulder, “Thanks, Jo. I think I got it.”

She looked back at the beautiful girl, who reminded her of Kristeene the more time she spent with her. “Thanks for everything.”

Jo gave her a quick grin and a thumbs-up.

Kerris headed in the direction of the small group clustered around Walsh. She saw the two men Jo had mentioned. She could actually see traces of Sofie’s Nordic beauty in the tall man nursing a glass of champagne. The shorter gentleman must be the chairman of the board. And then there was Sofie. Her long red nails lay on Walsh’s arm. She reminded Kerris of a gorgeous python, trying to wrap any part of herself she could around Walsh, and Kerris watched as he kept discreetly pulling away. He turned, and Kerris walked toward his back. Sofie looked up at him and over his shoulder. She saw Kerris first, and her green eyes went glacial. The wide, soft mouth stiffened into a frozen line.

Kerris walked up behind Walsh and slowly, surely slipped her hand into his. He looked annoyed for a moment and her heart fell. Then she realized he thought it was Sofie again. As soon as he saw her, his face transformed.

“Hey. I was looking for you.” He didn’t kiss her, but his eyes went thermal as they scoured all the bare surfaces of her body, sending feathers floating in her belly. She wished they were alone and he could peel the jumpsuit right off her.

“I was with Jo and saw you come in.”

She squeezed his hand, then lifted up onto her toes until she could reach his mouth. And in front of all the sharks, and with her eyes wide open and holding his, settled a kiss on his mouth, soft and certain. Walsh’s grin widened and he wrapped an arm around her waist before turning to face the other two men. Kerris could feel their curiosity, along with everyone else’s in the immediate vicinity, pique.

“Paul, Ernest, I don’t believe you’ve met my girlfriend, Kerris Moreton.”

Kerris ignored Sofie, who was choking on her champagne, and extended her hands to both men.

“So nice to meet you.” Kerris said, leaning into Walsh’s side.

“Kerris came through the foundation’s scholarship program,” Walsh said, pride coloring his voice and warming his eyes when he looked at her.

For the first time Kerris realized what an accomplishment he considered it. That she had worked hard and propelled herself into a future of her own making. She hadn’t grown up with the grooming or the opportunities most people in this room had, but she had made the most of every chance.

“Yes.” Kerris gave her smile and full attention to Walsh, wanting this moment for them. “Kristeene interviewed me herself.”

“And she loved you,” Walsh said, his eyes as fixed on hers as hers were on him. “You were always one of her favorites. If not her favorite.”

“Surely her favorite would have been Cam,” Sofie said, interjecting for the first time, her perfect white teeth camouflaging the fangs Kerris knew lay behind them. “Have you met Cam, Paul? He’s Kerris’s husband.”

Had the music stopped? Had all conversations ceased? Sofie’s voice fell into sudden quiet, and it seemed the silence swelled with the curiosity of everyone within hearing distance.

“Sofie,” Ernest Baston rebuked, his eyes uncomfortable as they shifted between Walsh and Kerris.

“Well, he is her husband, Daddy.” Sofie took a swig of her champagne, but Kerris knew the other woman was nowhere near drunk. She knew exactly what she was doing. “Not like I made that up.”

Walsh’s hand tightened around Kerris’s fingers and he cleared his throat. Kerris knew he was about to defend her. Make excuses. Anything to save face. For her. Because she knew he didn’t give an actual damn what anyone thought.

And now, neither did she.

“Sofie’s right, of course,” Kerris said before Walsh could start. “I am married to Cam, but we’ve been separated for more than a year. Our divorce will be final soon.”

Kerris looked back to Walsh, layering meaning in her voice that she hoped he heard.

“He’s a very good friend to both Walsh and me, and we wish him only the best.”

Walsh brought her fist to his lips and nodded.

“Kerris is right. Cam is a great friend to us both.” Walsh spread his grin around to everyone but Sofie. “Now what were you gentlemen saying about the sheikh? I need all the pointers I can get.”

Sofie huffed a disgusted breath and stalked off toward the restrooms. Oh, no. Not this time.

“Walsh, I’ll be back.”

He paused to cast a worried look in Sofie’s direction.

“Baby, maybe you should—”

She reached up until she could pour the words in his ear without anyone else hearing.

“Now it’s time for
you
to trust
me
.”

She pulled back and raised her brows, silently asking permission to go after the woman who had, in many ways, been such a thorn in her side. He brushed his fingers across the orchid charm she wore.

“Okay, but hurry back. I want to show you off.”

Kerris gripped the charm between her fingers as she walked, growing more confident the closer she got to the bathroom. Kerris saw Ardis, Rivermont’s mayor’s daughter and Sofie’s friend, as soon as she entered. Both she and Sofie were freshening their makeup in the mirror, and again Kerris felt like this night was a do-over cosmic joke. This had happened before. Only it had been Kristeene Bennett’s birthday. Kerris had huddled in a stall, hiding from her feelings for Walsh and wrestling with her answer to Cam’s proposal. And these girls had talked about her like she was not much of anything. Sofie had said Walsh would marry her.