Luck of the Draw (A Betting on Romance Novel Book 1) (32 page)

He stooped to pull off a water-logged sneaker and stopped as his beeper dug into his side. He unclipped it from his waistband and held it in his palm.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“My beeper. I’m on call
—Fire Department.”

“Good to know. I sense things are beginning to heat up.” Her hand closed over his. “But don’t you think we could leave it here? I’d hate to be interrupted.”

She turned, and that’s when he realized she wasn’t wearing panties. The thin strap of her thong disappeared between two perfectly golden orbs.

No tan lines. No tan lines at all.

He sighed, knowing what he was about to do was probably going to make life difficult down the line, but screw it. To hell with what other people said he should or shouldn’t do.

He clipped the beeper back onto his waistband and reached for his shirt.

July 24
Goals. The simple ones are the easiest to accomplish. Get up. Brush teeth. Clean the kitchen. It’s the major goals I have trouble with. I have so many unfinished projects littering my past, I sometimes wonder why I start anything. I know life will interrupt. It ALWAYS does. And then what? So I ask you: Is drifting through life such a horrible, terrible thing?

CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
____________________

K
ATE SAT BACK ON HER HEELS and assessed the growing mound of weeds beside her. She’d slowly made her way around the cottage, weeding the old perennial beds, resetting the stone borders. It was tiresome work, but therapeutic. It felt good to put some order back into something lovely and neglected. At least, in one small way, she could make something right. Plus, it had the added benefit of allowing her to feel productive while ignoring the wall of terror that threatened to wash over her every time she thought about her future.

“Jim gived me a job!” Liam suddenly announced, running up the front path toward Kate.

“A job?” She stood and stretched from her crouch near her weeding bucket. The last she’d seen of Liam, he’d followed Jim to the tool shed, a small black cat trailing behind them. “What kind of job?”

“I feed Mudge!”

“What’s a mudge?”

“The cat. Smudge,” Jim clarified, strolling up behind Liam.

“Jim paid you for feeding his cat today?” she asked. “Wow. That was awfully nice of him.”

Liam shook his head. “No. Evewy day! I feed Mudge evewy day!”

Something of her confusion must have shown in her face, because Jim shrugged. “It’s fine with me. He knows where I keep the food bin in the shed. Smudge will appreciate the extra attention.”

“Wow,” Kate said, as much to Jim as Liam. “Are you sure? That’s a big responsibility.”

Liam nodded. “Jim says we should take care of wittle thins can’t take care of ‘emselves. An’ he give me money!”

“That’s nice, but I’m not sure Jim wants to pay you every day, honey...”

“We haven’t discussed terms,” Jim said. “But he seemed to want to help out with the family finances.”

Heat warmed Kate’s cheeks. It was true she’d told Liam they had to watch their pennies now, but she hoped he hadn’t given Jim the impression they were in need of a Widows and Orphans fund. “I see.” She crouched in front of her son. “Honey, you don’t have to earn money. It’s wonderful that you want to help take care of Smudge, but maybe we could do it as a favor to Jim. That’s what friends and neighbors do for one another. They help each other out.”

Liam’s face fell. “He not give me money?”

Jim crouched next to Liam. “Tell you what. How about you go wash up inside and I’ll talk to your mom in private for a minute or two. She and I will negotiate your contract, okay?”

Liam clearly didn’t know what that meant, but it must have sounded important given Jim’s tone, because he nodded and ran inside the house without further argument.

“You don’t have to
—”

“I know I don’t,” Jim said, standing again, “but that’s what friends and neighbors do. They help each other out. I’ll give him a nickel a day.”

“You don’t have to pay him—”

“Okay, ten cents.”

“Jim, he’s only three. He doesn’t—”

“Fine. You’ve worn me down. A quarter a day, and that’s my final offer.”

She couldn’t help but match his smile. “What’s he going to spend it on?”

“He’s only three. He’ll earn seventy-five cents, tops, before he loses interest. He can buy another toy car.” Of course, he was right. But being right only made him more charming.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Maybe I want to help him support the family. So what’s this I hear about you needing a job?”

She waved a hand dismissively and pretended to focus her entire attention on eradicating a dandelion. So that’s what this was about. “He must have misunderstood something he overheard.”

Jim held up a hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to get into it if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not—” She blew out a breath and stood up. “I’m not trying to hide anything. I just... I haven’t figured out my next step.” She gave a half-hearted chuckle as she dumped her weeding implements into a bucket. She glanced at the pile of books on the table near the porch swing. “That would require my knowing what I want to do with my life.”

Jim followed her gaze and she cursed the clearly visible spines.
What’s Your True Calling? Beyond Hobbies. Design Your Future. Careers, Jobs and Internships. Work as Play.

“Looks like you’re going through a bit of an identity crisis. You’re Kate, by the way.”

“That part I knew.”

He gestured towards the books. “That’s quite the stack. I mean, I understand you’re at something of a turning point in your life, but it seems like a heavy load
—literally—to carry around at this point. Why don’t you give yourself a break?”

“I wish I could, but for reasons I’d rather not get into, I feel it’s the right time to be assessing my options.”

He raised one eyebrow.

“I know, out loud it sounds like mumbo-jumbo. I’m sure it was a first chapter in one of those books, but they have a point. I’m thir
— Let’s just say I find myself at a certain age where I should know what I want to do when I grow up, don’t you think?”

“People change. I don’t know that I thought about doing what I do now when I was younger. But I enjoy it. It just evolved. Sometimes you just have to let things happen.”

“But you’re still doing what you were always passionate about. You loved to make beautiful things out of wood when you were younger—and you still do. I— I don’t know
what
my passion is. Do you have any idea how inadequate that makes me feel?”

“Inadequate? How can you
— All you have to do is look around you to see the positive impact you’ve made on this place in the short time you’ve been here.”

“Anybody can pull weeds. Even Liam can.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s like you have a way of seeing what other people overlook. You have a vision of how things could be in your mind’s eye, and then you work your magic, and—poof!—it’s something new. I’ve seen what you did with the ice chest, Gram’s kitchen. And
here
.” His arm swept around the front yard. “I can’t believe you feel inadequate. You have a gift.”

“For cleaning up? Thanks.”  She swiped the sweat from her brow. “But weeding doesn’t pay the bills.”

“Have you thought about going back to school? You said you were only a few credits shy of finishing your degree.”

She chuckled humorously. “Yeah. That’s not going to happen.”

“Don’t cut yourself short. You could always apply…”

“I have.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” His face registered sympathy. “I’m sure there are other schools…”

“I was accepted.”

His brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. That’s good news, isn’t it?”

Kate shook her head. “I thought so. At the time. But going back to school hinges on so many things falling into place… there’s no way it can happen now. And, really, if I’m honest with myself, how impractical is an art history degree? I’m a widowed mother who has worked as a secretary for ten years. Who’s going to want me running their gallery or acquiring pieces for their collection? When I think about how naive and frivolous I was to have chosen
that
as my major, it makes me sick to my stomach.

“I don’t even know why I chose it. I could have been an accountant or computer programmer. Something
practical
.”

“Why did you choose it?”

Kate shrugged and looked out over the lake. Good question.
Because I was sheltered and privileged? Because my mother insisted it made me sound cultured? Because there was a time I didn’t know what it was to worry about money, because, like her, I had a husband to do that for me?

She turned to Jim. “Because I never thought I’d have to depend on myself.”

“You make it sound like you’re alone.”

“It’s the truth. No sense lying to myself about it.”

He stepped closer. “Maybe you wouldn’t be so alone if you stopped pushing people away.”

She stepped back. “I’m not
— I need to stand on my own two feet.”

“By throwing away the chance to go back to school? Sounds more like you’re intent on shooting yourself in the foot.”

“It’s not like that.”

“No? It’s a chance to get a degree so you can open up your options. You say your major is frivolous, but how frivolous is it to throw away a chance to finish what you started? How many people would kill to have a college degree to fall back on? And here you are throwing it away without even trying to see if it’ll work.”

“I don’t even know what I want yet—”

“
Christ!
” He made a sudden, impatient movement. “Maybe you should stop wringing your hands and worrying about your passion and just try moving forward for a change. All you do is throw up your hands and say how much things will never work!”

She stepped back in surprise at his outburst. “I don’t see how they can.”

“Newsflash, Kate, none of us has a crystal ball. That’s
life
. Just because things haven’t worked out in the past doesn’t mean you should stop trying.”

“Says the man who can’t say he loves a woman.”

His lips compressed. “This isn’t about me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” She grabbed her weeding bucket off the walkway. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go get cleaned up. I’m having dinner with my parents
—who also enjoy second-guessing my every decision in life. Thanks for the pep talk.”

He ran a weary hand through his hair. “I wasn’t second
—”

“You were,” she said. “But I’m done with people telling me what do to.”

“Kate…”

“
No
.” She shook his hand off her arm. “I’m not having this conversation with you. You don’t get it.
Nobody
gets it. Don’t you see? I’m
terrified
of moving forward. Terrified that I’m doomed to keep making the same impulsive, stupid choices in life.

“But when I think about going back… to a job I know is safe and secure… I can’t breathe.” She felt her arms grow cold despite the sunshine. “It’s like my future is closing in and there’s no way out. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that going back would mean I’m giving up hoping for something better. And… and I can’t bring myself to give up on me quite yet.”

She stared at him in the silence that followed, her chest rising and falling, feeling brittle and defiant all at once.

But then he took the bucket, set it down and tugged her hand until she sat beside him on the porch steps. He blew out a breath. “No one’s asking you to give up on yourself.”

“
You
think I’m giving up,” she said. “But I’m not. I’m not throwing my hands up in despair. I’m not trying to quit. I’m trying to let go of the handlebars to see if I can do this without help.”

“I don’t understand what that
—”

“I’m saying
I know you mean well, but you’ve got to let me figure this out on my own.”

After a long moment, he nodded.
“Okay,” he said, and he turned, the corners of his eyes crinkling in that warm, lovely way that always turned Kate’s insides to jelly. “You may not believe it, but I do believe there’s something better waiting for you.”

“You’re talking to a practically unemployed widow,” she sighed. “It’d be hard
not
to go uphill from here.”

“I
’LL HAVE DECAF TEA AND A SMALL milk for my son.” Liam was designing a rocket with his bread plate and butter knife. Kate hoped dinner arrived before he launched them into space. She could sense her mother’s disapproval even without making eye contact.

“Tea? When will you get over the fact it wasn’t
you
who had the drinking problem? Have a glass of wine. Enjoy today. You never know when your time may come. Besides, the flavinoids and antioxidants are extremely beneficial to your health. You’re looking wan.”