Lucky Number Four (11 page)

“Yeah, let’s get this over with.”

Julie opens the passenger door as I open
mine.

The front door is flung open by my brother
Mike, whose tortured look says everything. “Where have you been?
It’s been hell in here. Mom says I can leave as soon as we eat, so
let’s get eating,” he says, accepting my hug.

“Hey, dude, lighten up. We’re here,” Kevin
replies, ruffling his hair. “It can’t be all that bad.”

“It’s more than bad. Grandma and Grandmother
are really at it today, and Dad is MIA. He went to the store more
than an hour ago. Wish I had gone with him.”

“Where’s Bridget?” I ask, not wanting to go
into the house now.

“She’s in her room, where else? Said she
won’t come down until the food is being served. I made the mistake
of being thirsty and snuck down for a drink and got caught up in
the mess,” Mike groans.

Julie giggles, grabs his arm and pulls him
into the house. I follow, closing the door, ready for the
battle.

“Oh, here they are!” My mom, Sarah Phillips,
is a vision of beauty, not a hair out of place on her blonde head
and her makeup is done up perfectly. She moves her slim form
forward and gives us all a hug. My mom is a major hugger and she
gives the best and warmest hugs.

“Pandora, have you put on a little weight?”
Grandma Alice looks me up and down and then envelops me in an
overpowering perfumed embrace. She is as short as I am, that’s
where I get my height. My siblings were blessed with the tallness
of my father’s side. Andersons have a slight weight problem,
whereas on the Phillips side, extra weight wouldn’t dare show up.
“You look better with a little more fluff around the middle. You
were too skinny a couple weeks ago. Your boobs even look a little
bigger. Don’t they, George?”

My poor granddad looks like a deer caught in
the headlights, obviously not knowing how to respond. You would
think after all these years, he’d be prepared.

“How crass, Alice, really?” Grandmother
Phillips, tall and willowy, has her say. “Is that any way to talk
to our granddaughter? Except for her wardrobe choice, she looks
fine.”

“Beatrice, don’t you think it’s time to get
that stick out of your high and mighty ass for once?” Grandma
chuckles, and we all cover our mouths to hide the smiles that
appear at her words.

“Now, Mom and Beatrice, we’ll be having
guests, so I want you to be on your best behavior, please!” Mom
interjects sternly, knowing it’s no use. They’ll behave the way
they want to and nobody will change that.

“Guests?” I ask, looking at my mom and then
past her to the dining room table, quickly counting the number of
plates and silverware laid out. Three extra?

Three?

Oh no. Tell me it’s not true.

The doorbell rings and my mom gives a sigh of
relief and pushes past us to open the door. Why am I not surprised?
There stand my drool-worthy, bodacious roommates, smiling as if
they know they’re giving me heart palpitations.

How could Mom do this to me? I mean, things
have been going just fine, and then my mother takes it upon herself
to invite them to Sunday’s Hell Table. Yes, I said “hell” on
Sunday. Sue me. I’m only speaking the truth. Just you wait and
see.

“Well, hello. It’s so nice to finally meet
you boys,” my mom gushes.

Boys?
Freakin’ hell, they are
definitely not boys.

Their grins get bigger and Drew pulls a
bouquet of red roses from behind his back, presenting them to my
Mom. She’s actually blushing, which I’ve never seen before.

We hear a car door shut, hailing my dad’s
return. The next few minutes are chaotic, and I can’t and won’t
begin to describe it. The introductions are finally over and we sit
at the dining room table, surrounded by my mom’s mouthwatering
food. Everyone is here except for Bridget, and when Mike is asked
to go and get her, he pulls out his cell and calls her. We laugh
and he just shrugs.

We hear the thud of feet on the stairs and
she finally appears. Bridget is tall and willowy with blonde hair,
just like Mom’s and Mike’s. No, I’m not adopted. In his youth, my
dad had red hair just like me, but in his twenties it went a
brownish color. Now the red only shows up in the sun.

As she walks to her seat, Bridget’s
fifteen-year-old mouth is hanging open and her eyes are wide. Her
cell, which is her whole world, falls to the carpet, taking a
bounce.

“Honey, close your mouth and come sit so we
can introduce you to Dora’s new roommates.”

Like a zombie, she moves and sits next to our
dad, mouth still open like a baby bird waiting to be fed. Dad
reaches over and pushes her lower jaw up, which seems to shock her
back to reality. She frantically looks down at her hand, and then
heaves a sigh of relief as Mike hands over her cell.

“Put that away. It’s rude. Now this is Drew,
Liam, and Colin. And guys, this is Bridget, our youngest,” Mom
explains as Bridget stares, but at least her mouth is closed.

I can tell she wants to call her “posse,” as
she refers to them, or at the very least film the three models in
front of her in order to post the video to her Vine account. I
thought only guys had possees, but she quickly informed me a few
years ago that I was wrong. The food starts to be passed around,
and I think maybe my family might actually behave for once.

“So, what’s it like to be queer nowadays?”
Grandma asks, plopping a mound of mashed potatoes on her plate. I
choke on the sip of water I’ve just taken and turn bright red as my
dad, who is sitting on my right-hand side, thumps me hard on the
back. I don’t want to raise my head. I wish a hole would just open
up in the floor and swallow me whole.

“Well, Mrs. Anderson, it’s better for us gays
in today’s world. We still can’t get married in every state, but I
see that happening one day soon,” Drew says smoothly with a
straight face. The straight face doesn’t work as well for Julie,
who’s laughing so hard she’s turning redder than I have ever
been.

“That was a rude question, Alice. As usual,
you have completely lost your manners, what little you started
with,” Grandmother says, sticking her nose in the air.

“Oh, come on. You wanted to ask them
yourself. You know you did, but that
stick
prevents
you.”

“Mom and Beatrice that’s enough. You’re
embarrassing our guests, and I won’t have it. Now shush and let’s
say grace.” My poor mom, I bet she wants a hole to open up beneath
her too.

“We might offend the q—gays if we do that. Do
you guys say grace?”

At least she said “gays” this time. Drew,
Liam, and Colin look at each other and then, as always, the other
two leave it up to Drew to answer.

“We’re fine with grace. In fact, we go to
church every Sunday and say our prayers at night.”

Julie has tears freely flowing down her now
purple-looking face, which she quickly hides in her hands. Kevin is
trying hard to keep a straight face—get it?
Straight.
Mike
is grinning. The other men, my dad and granddad, are looking at the
two grandmothers like they can’t believe their ears.

“Well then, Dora, please say grace.” My mom
looks at me and mouths the word “help.” Feeling sorry for her, I
comply.

The prayer seems to calm the table. At least
Julie is getting her old color back and has quit her silent,
laughing fit. Bridget hasn’t said a word and is still in her
star-struck world. Mike is grinning and shoveling in his food, and
the rest of us are just eating.

“It must be exciting being models and
traveling all over the world,” my mom says to the three across from
me.

“It’s a lot of hard work and not as glamorous
as everyone thinks,” Colin replies. I so love his voice. “Sometimes
we’re on set for hours at a time. We’re all lucky to be free until
after the first of the year. This is the first break we’ve had in
more than a year. It’s nice to relax and do what we want.”

I’m surprised at his revelation that they’re
all going to be hanging around for the next few months. My classes
end the second week of December, and I was hoping I would have the
whole apartment to myself. They’ll probably have wild parties every
night, and though I like parties just as much as the next person,
there’s no way I’ll fit in. Yes, I enjoyed the first night at the
apartment and was shocked at the normal people they had over, but a
party … I’m sure that will be different.

“Earth to Dora,” Grandma says loudly, and I
cringe at being in the spotlight, knowing anything could come out
of her mouth. “Great, now that I have your attention. I was a
little upset when I heard you’d moved in with three men. I don’t
believe in single people of the opposite sex sharing a space
together. But when I realized they were, how do you say? I heard it
on a talk show the other day. Batter up? No, that’s not it. It has
something to do with bats though. Now, what was it?”

“There you go again. Do you even think before
you talk, Alice? I swear. I, for one, don’t approve of her living
with these…men. Even though they’re different. It’s not what a
proper young lady should do.” Grandmother is on a roll.

“I know what it was!” Grandma yells, ignoring
Grandmother. “It’s called ‘bat for the other team,’” she says
smugly, as if she’s just answered the final
Jeopardy
question and won all the money.

Mike and the three hot stuffs can’t hold back
their laughter. Suddenly, we’re all laughing, except for Mom and
the Grands’. Poor Mom. What did she expect? Having the minister
from our church over wasn’t even enough to stop the Grands’, so why
would she think this time would be any different?

“Okay, that’s enough, Mom and Beatrice. Let’s
eat,” my mom demands, and of course the two elders act so innocent.
The food is delicious, and I finally start relaxing, hoping the
worst is over.

I spend most of my time after dinner doing
the dishes. I don’t want to hear the conversation in our living
room. God only knows what’s being discussed. A reluctant Bridget
and Julie join me—after I grab their arms and drag them into the
kitchen.

“Gosh, D, how the heck did you end up with
them? I mean, really, do you know who they are? They’re famous!”
Bridget takes the dish from my hand and absently begins drying it,
a dreamy look on her face. “They’re not gay, are they? Tell the
truth. I swear I won’t tell.” She rambles on and Julie just stands
there smiling.

“No, they’re not,” I say, handing Julie a
dish to dry.

“Oh, wow. Wait until I tell the posse. It’s
not fair Dad took my phone. I mean, geez, did he think I’d call all
of them and have them come over and share this with me? Well, I
might have. I mean, who’s going to believe they were here? I need a
phone, D, please?” Bridget’s blue eyes plead with mine.

“We don’t need any more drama, but maybe I
can take a picture of you with them. Okay?” I say, taking pity on
my poor sis.

“OMG that would be so awesome!” Bridget’s
smile can’t get any larger.

“I wish I smoked or drank,” my mom’s voice
startles us.

“Mom, is that appropriate to say to your
daughters?” I say, including Julie because she is my sister in
every way, but in blood.

“Those two would make anyone go over to the
dark side, I swear. I can’t believe your dad and I are so normal,”
she says, opening the fridge and grabbing a soda and gulping it
down like it’s a shot. “Dora, I almost forgot. Henry wants me to
tell you something about Jeff. His grandmother says he needs to
study more for his exams. He’s not prepared,” Mom says before
belching loudly.

“He knows, Mom. We’re going to be study
buddies for the next few weeks, but I’ll tell him anyway.”

Jeff is a guy I met the first week of school,
and we hit it off. No, not that way. He’s gay, not that you’d know
it unless you really got to know him. He’s been there for me
through troubled times, especially when Brian and I broke up after
I found the jerk in bed with that bimbo.

Oh, and remember Henry is Mom’s spirit guide.
He’s her channel to the other side. Medium stuff.

We finally finish the dishes and join the
others. The rest of the evening is fairly uneventful. Bridget got
her picture, Mike stayed and hung out instead of trying to escape,
and the ‘three’ captivated everyone. Even Grandmother and Grandma
behaved for once.