Lullaby (28 page)

‘Who’s Louis?’ General poured the champagne. Tanya retrieved a small gold case that she lovingly flipped open.

‘Louis is my son. My missing son. The reason that I’m here.’ This was complete bollocks. I stood up, too fast, and immediately felt sick. ‘Look, there’s obviously been a misunderstanding. I thought Robbie said you could help; that you might, you know, know people who might be able to—’

His arm shot out and grabbed my wrist, clamped it vice-like and pulled me back down. Tanya was racking
out huge lines on the cover of
GQ
, curving them neatly between Angelina Jolie’s cleavage. I fell heavily on the sofa, and she tutted as tiny clouds of white powder flew up into the air.

‘There’s no misunderstanding, darling.’ Menace curled elegantly through his words. I took a huge swig of champagne, then another, brain racing. Where the hell was Robbie? Tanya snorted long and hard, leant back, eyes closed gratefully, holding her nose, her great golden breasts flopping from her top.

‘But—you—you didn’t know who Louis was,’ I mumbled desperately.

‘You want?’ General pointed at the coke. I shook my head vehemently. I wished to God he’d stop grinning like some crazed fool; like everything he said was some sort of tea-party pleasantry.

‘Louis-shmouis. I’m not good with names, yeah? I just need the money up front, darling—then we can talk names.’ Down into the coke, up again with an encrusted nose. I stood up quickly once more; edged away around the table.

‘Look, thanks for the drink. I need to get the money anyway, so I’ll sort that out and get back to you, okay?’

With a whoosh of pure relief, I saw he was about to agree. ‘Do you know what, Jessica?’ he said, looking at his hands. My name sounded sordid in his mouth. Fastidiously he dug a bit of dirt out of his thumbnail. ‘I’d love to say it was okay, darling, but the thing is, it really ain’t at all.’ He flicked his find towards my feet. ‘The thing is, your useless piece of shit brother promised you’d deliver.’

‘Deliver what? I thought it was you who was going to deliver?’

Tanya’s eyes snapped open in surprise at my raised voice. Her nose was running. General stood, and I took a quick step back.

‘Jessica,’ he sighed, ‘Jessica, Jessica, Jessica.’ His mad grin dripped with malice now. ‘This is starting to get on my tits, yeah?’

I clamped my hands behind me so he couldn’t see how much they shook.

‘Look,’ I played frantically for time, ‘can I just use your loo quickly? I’m busting. Then—then we can sort this out,’ I said. I hoped my voice was steadier than I felt. Somewhere, a phone began to ring. He stared at me then he shrugged idly. ‘I suppose. Tanya, take the lady to the toilet, yeah.’ He walked towards the steamy window that ran with sweat behind the blind. ‘What?’ he rapped into the receiver.

I followed an undulating Tanya through the debris to the door, my heart pounding in time with the dub music still echoing through the flat. I looked desperately for Robbie through each open door we passed, but he was nowhere to be seen. All I could think now was that I had to try to reach Silver. He might still be up in town, but I couldn’t think if I even had his bloody number on me.

‘I’ll wait out here, in case you get lost.’ Tanya stopped at the door of a filthy bathroom. Maroon paint peeled from the suppurating walls, the bath encrusted with God-knew-what. She leant against the wall outside, scarlet-tipped toes tapping frenetic time with the beat.

‘Thanks.’ The stupid lock was bust, so I leant heavily against the door, fished my phone from my bag and scrolled urgently through the numbers.
Just remember to keep breathing.
My hands were so clammy the mobile slid straight through my fingers and bounced off my foot, clattering to the floor. I froze, waited with baited breath for Tanya to knock, but the music must have saved me. Eventually I found what I prayed was Silver’s number stored in my call history—but I had hardly any signal. On the third go, the phone connected, but the signal bar kept flicking in and out. Finally, about to give up all hope, Silver answered. I was whispering frenziedly—but he couldn’t hear me anyway.

‘Hello, hello?’ he kept saying like a bloody parrot.

‘It’s me.’ I tried not to shout in desperation. ‘It’s Jess.’

‘Hello, hello? Jessica, is that you?’

‘Of course it’s bloody me.’ I was practically shrieking now, the music throbbing through the door.

‘Jessica, I can’t hear you. Call me back when you’ve got a proper signal.’ He hung up. I was nearly crying with frustration.
You stupid bloody fool, Silver, the one time I ask for your help…
I tried to ring again, but this time it didn’t connect at all. I started to text him a vague address, but the message wouldn’t send.

‘You died in there or what?’

I jumped, whacking my head on the old cabinet above the scummy basin: Tanya, cross and bored, up close against the door. Oh please, just bloody send, I prayed silently to my mobile. I held it up as high as I could stretch while still holding the door shut, staggering on tiptoe, searching for a signal. Tanya began
to knock loudly. ‘Come on, mate. I don’t wanna stay up here all bleeding night.’

‘Yeah, yeah, all right,’ I called, ‘let me pull my knickers up, at least.’ I licked the sweat from my top lip, shoving the phone back in my bag without seeing if the message had sent, and opened the door.

‘Sorry,’ I lied shakily, ‘I’m not feeling too good. Too much booze, you know? This heat.’

She shrugged and wandered past me to reapply her dark lipstick in the flyspecked mirror. ‘Have a line then. Sober you up.’ I shook my head, leant nonchalantly against the filthy, saturated wall. I could feel my body shaking; Tanya’s eyes never off me in the mirror.

‘You know, one thing I’d say to you. Don’t fuck General off, okay? He’s got a nasty temper.’

‘Oh really?’ I said. ‘Thanks. I was just hoping—well, you know, my brother suggested he might know something, that’s all.’

‘Ah, yes, your brother.’ She smacked her lips against each other. ‘He’s a naughty boy, that one, ain’t he? You want some?’ She offered me her lipstick and I acquiesced this time. Anything to keep her on side. My hand shook as I traced my mouth with ‘Black Narcissus’. ‘Great colour,’ I enthused manically. It made me look like I was dead.

Back downstairs, Robbie was still nowhere to be seen. General was apparently glued to the football again. ‘Had a bit of time to think then, yeah?’ He didn’t look at me.

‘A little, I guess. The thing is…’ I smiled at him, racking my brains, ‘actually, can I have some more champagne first? It’s going down a treat.’

He topped up my glass with a meaty hand.

‘Thank you. You’re so generous. So,’ I sipped flirtatiously. The lipstick left a dirty mark as I drank. ‘How did you meet Robbie?’

He smirked. Tanya’s eyes were slit with suspicion.

‘I don’t think you really want to know, darling.’

‘Oh.’ I sipped again.
Come on, Jess. Think of Louis.
‘The thing is, I’m not really sure what you’re offering.’ I patted his knee; I felt as sexy as a dead fish. Tanya’s nose was properly running now as she opened the gold case again.

General shrugged. ‘If you want help, I’ll give it to you. At a price, yeah?’

‘Yes, but what kind of help? I mean, the police are helping. Do you really know things they can’t find out?’

He laughed without mirth. ‘What do you think, darling?’

Tanya was snorting straight from the case now. General swore and muttered something to her I didn’t catch, but she ignored him and carried on. Robbie appeared suddenly in the doorway, stumbled slightly on the small step into the room. He slumped beside me.

‘All right, Jess? Has General explained the deal?’ He was slurring now. With a sinking heart, I realised my brother was totally gone. He began to rock vaguely back and forth. General giggled, sensing my despair.

‘What do you expect? They’re as bad as each other.’ He nodded at his girlfriend, her eyes popping as she chewed on her lip. ‘Not like you and me, eh, girl? So, if you, like, give me the money, I’ll help him, yeah?’ He looked at Robbie with contempt.

‘What do you mean, “him”? I thought this was about me—about my baby?’ Finally,
finally
, I’d had enough. First Agnes, then this. Why was everyone playing me for a fool? My patience ran out.

‘Look, have you got any idea at all about Louis or is this all just pure bloody bullshit?’ I pushed away from him and stood up again.

‘This baby, you mean?’ General reached lazily into his jeans pocket, held something crumpled out, something I couldn’t quite see at first. I peered. A photo of a baby. A photo of Louis. ‘This little darling? He’s so like his mum, ain’t he?’

I sprang for him. My nails caught his jaw as I scrabbled for the photo.

‘Where the hell did you get that?’ I lunged for the arm that taunted me, that held Louis’s image just out of reach. Using his full force, General slapped me then, his ring catching the edge of my lipsticked mouth. As I went flying back, the photo fluttered in the stultifying air, landing face-down on the filthy floor. I fumbled for it, but General grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back, slammed me against the wall.

He wasn’t tall but he was much bigger than me, thick-set like a fighting dog. The air around him spoke of evil, and when the neon lights flicked through the window, they caught his piercing eyes and I saw that they were empty. He pressed up against me; I felt the heat emanating from his body, so near his chest hairs tickled my neck. I tried not to gag again.

‘Robbie,’ I gasped out, but my brother wasn’t there. I thought about a time a bit like this ten years ago,
about how my little brother had leapt to my defence then. Now, though, now he just sat swaying on the sofa, eyes closed, gouching out. Tanya too was in her own world, filing her scarlet talons. Just biding time; waiting for her bloke to do whatever it was he had to. General shot her a look, and she got up and left.

‘Please,’ I wheezed, but in response he rammed an insistent knee between my legs, forcing them open. He ran a hand down my arm and then grabbed my breast, the other hand manacling my wrist. I was in real pain now, but I was damned if I’d let him see.

Coming in still closer, he whispered, ‘There are ways to make me help you, you little tart, and we both know what they are, yeah?’

I read the vicious lust in his look. His breath was warm and sour as he moved the hand from my breast, and it lingered cobra-like—until he shoved it between my legs. For Christ’s sake, was he going to rape me here before my doped-up brother; rape me while his girlfriend waited patiently outside?

I struggled frantically, panting with the effort, but with every move I made his cock got harder, digging into my hip. The more I fought, the more turned-on he was. So I stopped fighting and stayed very still. I could feel my chest tightening, closing; I must try not to panic. I looked him in the eye and licked my lips; Black Narcissus tasted like crap. I could hear my wheezing loudly now.

He thought this was his moment. He reached to my mouth, and I tried not to flinch. He brought my blood away on his finger, licked it lingeringly like a lover
would. My stomach lurched queasily but he read my stillness as a signal, and he lunged down. I summoned every bit of hatred I felt for everyone involved, every person trying to hurt me and my son, and I kneed the filthy bastard where it’d hurt him most. With a yelp, he let go.

Free of his weight, I fell forward onto my knees, spilling my bag across the floor. All I wanted was that photo of Louis. I scrabbled in the champagne sputum and the fag-butts for it, but General was back on his feet now, grunting, grabbing for me, and so I left the photo, I left Louis there, and I made a run for it. Vaguely, I thought I heard knocking downstairs and I ran towards the noise, gulping in air, praying I could keep breathing without having an attack. Rat’s-tail pushed past me on the stairs. ‘Oi, Gen! The fucking pigs are outside.’

Silver—a little too late for me. I went flying down, taking two steps at a time. Robbie hadn’t even opened his eyes as I’d gone. I resisted the urge to shout into my brother’s face; instead, with a sob, I pummelled my way through the clothes standing sentinel to the madness going on above, sent a rack of trousers flying, grazing both knees as I fell. I was up again; the door was locked but I scrabbled with the bolts, the keys that Rat’s-tail had left swinging there, and I let myself out into that stinking alley, came out flying like a bat from a literal hell.

Silver and DS Kelly were outside, a couple of uniformed men behind them. Silver, barking out orders to the others, tried to grab me as I passed but I slithered through his grasp, I couldn’t bear the thought of
any touch right now. I thought I saw Deb sitting in an unmarked car on the road; in my confusion and my shame, I turned back the other way. I passed some middle-aged couple grunting in a doorway, his trousers round his knees, his arse pearly in the moonlight; I was halfway down the murky little alley before Silver caught me up. God alone knew where I was headed.

‘Jess, wait!’ he called, and his hand came down on my shoulder.

‘Get off me, please,’ I whispered, sliding away. I was seventeen again; I was locked in my old living room with that sweating rabid policeman. I needed my inhaler.

‘Jessica! Just wait a minute. What happened? Are you all right?’

‘I’m fine, I’m fine,’ I intoned. I found my puffer, stopped to use it with blessed relief.

‘I must say that lipstick doesn’t do much for you, kiddo.’ He’d caught up with me. Then he peered closer in the half-light. ‘Is that blood?’

I smeared the lipstick across my face with my hand; I was quite delirious with fear. ‘That bloke in there nearly—’ I heaved ‘—he nearly raped me and you’re making jokes.’

Silver’s face went very still. ‘What happened?’

‘He had a photo of my son and he’s just—he mauled me. He wanted money,’ I sobbed, dry-eyed. ‘He’s an evil bastard. It’s him you need to get, not me. I’m fine.’

‘You’re not fine, you’re hurt.’ His face was still inscrutable, but his fingers tightened on my shoulders. ‘Let’s get you checked out now.’

‘Don’t worry about me. Please, Silver, you need to find him. He might—I think he knows where Louis is.’