Lumberjack Werebear (Saw Bears Book 1) (4 page)

A slow smile stretched her face. “Something special?”

His Adam’s Apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “Yes.”

Something flashed, and she jerked the beam of light toward it. “What was that?”

Tagan’s warm palm pushed her hand down, and softly, he pressed her thumb against the button that turned the flashlight off. “Look,” he said, so close his chest pressed against her shoulder blades, and his breath tickled her ear.

A tiny glow shone then disappeared. Another followed, farther away and to the left. Then another and another.

“They’re fireflies,” Tagan explained in a hushed tone. “They stay active late into the night up here.”

She’d seen fireflies before, but not like this. As more and more lit up, she gasped. “They’re beautiful.”

Tagan looked down at her, holding her gaze in the soft moonlight. “Yeah. Beautiful.”

Her heart beat against her chest as his eyes dipped to her lips. Her breath froze in her chest as he leaned closer.

“You want me to kiss you, don’t you?” he asked low.

The fireflies illuminated the woods behind him with their twinkling lights. Her lips throbbed with wanting, and her chest stirred like she was just coming back to life after a long slumber. If he kissed her, she’d be changed from the inside out. From her cells to her muscle fibers to her pounding heart, everything would be different. She wanted that. She wanted to live again.

Searching his eyes, she nodded. “Yes.”

His chin tilted slightly, and he gave her a hard look. “You’re too good for this place. You shouldn’t be wanting things like that.”

He pulled away and turned his back on her. Not before she saw something dark in his eyes. Hurt, or perhaps regret, she wasn’t sure.

Angry and feeling tricked, she clenched her hands at her sides and glared at his receding back. “I shouldn’t want things like what? To kiss a man? I didn’t ask you to get that close to me. You leaned in, and now you’re shaming me for
feeling
?”

“No, Brooke,” he said, turning, “you should absolutely want to kiss a man. Try saving your affection for someone who returns it next time.”

Her mouth dropped open. How utterly confusing. She’d completely misread that moment with the fireflies, and now she’d angered him. Admittedly, she didn’t have that much experience with the opposite sex. Still, his abruptness stung. “I’m sorry I…” She didn’t know what she was supposed to apologize for. Clearly, she’d done something wrong, but she hadn’t a clue as to what.

He hiked up the trail, much faster than she could keep up with, and when he was nearly out of sight in her flashlight beam, he stopped and pointed to a clearing on the side of the mountain. “Here. This is where you’ll get the best cell phone reception.”

Confusion engulfed her as she paused beside him. “Thank you,” she murmured softly, trying to keep the tremble from her voice.

“Can you see the trail we came up?”

She pointed the flashlight down the steep embankment along a thin, worn path. “Yes.”

“Good. That’ll lead you right back to the park.”

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” But he didn’t go back down the trail. Instead, he disappeared into the woods.

“What did I do wrong?” she blurted out.

Tagan didn’t answer. Hell, from the way he’d torn out of there, he was probably too far away to hear her. A stupid, treacherous tear slipped down her cheek, and she dashed it away angrily. She’d trusted Meredith to rent a decent place for her. This trip hadn’t been her idea. It had been her mentor’s.
Let me take care of everything
, she’d said. Yeah, well look where that got her. Then she’d been stupid enough to trust Tagan, a complete stranger, and a man so hot and cold she couldn’t read his mood from one moment to the next. And now he’d abandoned her out here in the woods in the middle of the freaking night. She was pretty sick and tired of trusting others, only to be left on her ass.

Another tear came, and another. And just in case that jerk Tagan was watching her from the woods somewhere, she turned her back to the forest and looked out over the valley between this mountain and the next.

“Oh, my gosh,” she whispered as her gaze landed on the starry night before her.

A million specks of light pierced the dark veil above her. The mountains were only dark shadows, tinged in the blue moonlight, but the stars…the stars were resplendent.

Brooke sagged to her knees at the grandeur of it all. No city lights tainted the sky here. There was just wilderness as far as the eye could see, and millions upon millions of stars.

Her soul opened like the blossom of a spring flower as she relaxed under the dark blanket of the sky. She let the breeze have her neck as she stretched her head back to see everything above her.

One last tear streamed down her face, but this one wasn’t from anger or confusion. It was from reverence. Leaning backward until she lay on the ground, she spread her hands and ankles out and inhaled deeply.

Tagan had said this place was where the best reception was, but that wasn’t why he’d brought her up here. He’d brought her here to loosen her muse, because on some level, he’d known what she needed. And it was this, right here. Moments of silence with the thing she’d adored painting for so long.

“I think you should stay,” Tagan said from right behind her.

She should’ve been startled, but oddly enough, she was getting used to the silent way he and his crew moved.

“I thought you hated me.”

“I don’t hate you, Brooke,” he said, lowering himself until he lay beside her. “I just can’t get involved with you like that. I don’t do one night stands.”

“Me either. I’m sorry I pushed you too far. I just haven’t been around a man like you. I got lost in the moment.” She shook her head self-consciously and thanked the heavens above that Tagan couldn’t see the heat burning across her cheeks.

“I was going to leave, but I saw you. You dropped to your knees when you saw the stars. You cried.”

Embarrassment flooded her face with fire until the tips of her ears burned. That had been a private moment, not meant for his eyes. “I thought you left.”

“I know what you’re thinking. You think I’ll see you as weak for crying, but I don’t. I already told you that. You dropped to your knees, and that’s what I did when I saw this place three months ago. It touched you. I don’t know how to fix what’s been broken with your paintings, but I have a feeling this place is a start. I don’t want you to go in the morning. I think you owe it to yourself to see this thing through.” He turned his face until his eyes met hers. “I think you’re meant to be here.”

She dabbed moisture from the corner of her eye with her coat sleeve and dragged her gaze back up to the glittering sky above them. “Maybe you’re right. I do feel different here. I’ve been in a rut for so long, it’s nice to feel something new.”

“So you’ll stay?”

Stay in that tiny trailer in a park full of sweaty lumberjacks? She hadn’t considered it before, but she also hadn’t seen this place. And she hadn’t spent time with Tagan. Oh, she’d heard him loud and clear when he’d said he didn’t have affection for her like that. But there was something about him—something that called to her and told her that her life would be lacking if she didn’t get to know him better.

In one night with Tagan, her heart had been ripped opened and bled slowly with the awful memories of the man who’d hurt her. She’d been tossed this way and that on the tidal waves of her emotions. But at least she felt something. For months, she’d been numb, but tonight, she felt that spark in her chest again.

She shook her head in disbelief and sighed. “I’ll stay.”

Tagan couldn’t throw the truck into park fast enough.

“Don’t worry,” Kellen said from the passenger’s seat. “Your mate’s still here.”

Tagan graced his best friend with an exasperated look. “Would you stop calling her that, man? Rein in the heavy bear shifter shit. She’s not like us. You have to knock it off, at least until she leaves. She’s not my mate.”

“Your face just went all sad when you talked about her leaving.” Kellen shoved the door open and slid out of the work truck. “She’s your mate.”

“The fuck she is,” Connor called from his position leaning on the railing of his front porch.

Tagan stifled the growl that threatened to rattle his throat. Connor, that dick, had probably spent his entire day off pestering Brooke while Tagan was up in the mountains, cutting lumber, stripping logs, loading trucks, and going crazy with the thought of that rangy shifter anywhere near her.

“We’re just friends,” he muttered. The snarling animal inside of him thoroughly disagreed.

Brooke’s car wasn’t in front of her trailer, and a flood of panic constricted Tagan’s insides. He jogged toward 1010. “Where is she?” he asked Connor.

“Looks like you ran her off,” Connor said through a smirk.

If anyone ran her off, it was that asshole, and if he did, Tagan was going to bleed him. He needed more time with her. Not to claim her. Just to…aw fuck, who was he kidding? He wanted her bad. His bear wanted her worse. She was all long blond hair, eyes the color of honey, and petit—the perfect size for protecting. He could make every excuse in the book to kick her out of here, but after last night, he hadn’t been able to stand the thought of her leaving and not learning more about her.

He bounded up her stairs two at a time and threw open the front door.
Please, please let her stuff still be in here.
He bolted for the bedroom and gripped the door frame until it creaked. Rolling his eyes back in his head, he sighed with relief at the sight of her suitcase and unmade bed. He didn’t know her that well, but Brooke didn’t strike him as a person who’d leave without making the bed.

Paper fluttered from somewhere in the trailer, brushing soft noises against his oversensitive eardrums. What was that?

He strode back across the living room to the second bedroom on the other side and stopped short when he reached the open door.

Sheets of oversize paper littered the floor, each painted with an image of the same man’s face. One sat half-finished and clipped to an easel. Tagan knelt down and raised the closest of the discarded pieces to the window light.

Cold, empty eyes, staring straight ahead…no…straight through him. It was painted in dark colors, and the only highlights were where she’d left the cream-colored paper raw and untouched. The only color other than black was the gray in his eyes.

He looked around. She had used the same gray in all of the paintings. Some were of the man snarling his lip or looking down. In one, he was laughing, but the smile looked cruel.

Slow rage built inside of Tagan, small and unassuming at first, then bigger and brighter, until the animal inside of him threatened to shred him from the inside out.

He hunched forward, crumpling the man’s picture in his fists.

He’d hurt Brooke, this monster.

“Not here,” Kellen said softly from behind. “You can’t tear up her home, Tagan. She feels safe here, but she won’t if she sees an animal has ripped up her place.”

Kellen was right. Dammit, he was always right. Right and levelheaded, and it was Kellen who should’ve been Second in the clan. He just hadn’t been interested. Not like Tagan and Connor had been. Chest heaving against the urge to Change, Tagan loosened his grip on the painting. Seconds dragged on as he fought his animal for his skin. His muscles were so tight, it was hard to move, hard to think. Teeth gritted, he forced his hands open and rested his palms on the cool, laminate flooring.

Breath. Just breathe. She’s not gone. She’s here. Away from that asshole who hurt her. She’s safe…with me.

Safe with him? He was losing his mind.

“Where is she?” Tagan’s voice came out low and gravelly, inhuman.

“Connor said she went into town for groceries,” Kellen said. “She probably got tired of him harassing her all day.” Kellen cleared his throat and knelt down to run his finger across an angry looking red slash mark across one of Brooke’s paintings. “Connor is going to cause trouble for you. And for her. You realize that, right?”

“I can handle Connor.”

“Mmm,” Kellen said, noncommittally.

Heaving a sigh, Tagan leaned back on his heels and stared helplessly across the room of paintings. Paintings Brooke had created out of the pain churning inside of her. She was scared of being seen as weak—ridiculous woman. She was hiding all of this from the world. His stomach clenched in on itself just thinking about the monumental effort she must put forth everyday just to appear normal. He’d give anything to take this pain away from her, to have saved her from that experience in the stairwell—the one that made her run into the wilderness to try to feel safe and whole again.

His mate was fierce. His mate was stronger than anyone he’d ever met. She was still getting up every day, trying to fight her fear and heal her scars, and if it was the last thing he did, he was going to show her just how powerful she was.

His mate?
Shit.

A long, contented rumble left Tagan’s throat, and Kellen smiled like he knew everything that ever was. Tagan needed out of this place. He needed to see Brooke, to reassure his bear that she wasn’t gone forever, just for now.

He needed to make sure she was safe and whole, not just for her, but for selfish reasons. He had to convince himself she was okay so he could calm the rage that had ignited in his gut, then settled into a discomfort that wouldn’t go away.

He was sweaty and filthy from working the landing all day, but that didn’t stop him from jumping behind the wheel of his truck and blasting out of the trailer park. Connor watched him go with narrowed, accusing eyes, but Tagan didn’t give a shit. Brooke was his, but he’d be damned if he hurt her more by claiming her. He cared about her enough to be her friend and let her go. Oh, he’d pine for her always after she left, but he’d be justified in his decision. She’d go back to her life, and he’d hope she looked back on her time here fondly. His bear had chosen her, and she’d always stick. It was how it was with shifters. He’d give her up, though, because he refused to hurt her. Not like that man in the stairwell.

As soon as he was in range of good reception, he pressed the only speed dial he had programmed into his cell phone.

“I was wondering when you were going to call,” Meredith said into the phone. Even from hundreds of miles away, he could tell she was smiling as she spoke. He could hear it in her voice.

“It’s been a long time, Mom.”

“Too long. I hear you have been taking good care of my girl. She called me an hour ago. Gave me an earful about my rental mistake but admitted she is going to stay for a while. You must have charmed her well.”

Tagan gripped the steering wheel and glared at the gravel road that was disappearing under his tires. “Why did you send her here?”

His mother’s answer was simple. “Because you need each other.”

He bit back a curse because she had always been a right proper lady and hated when his foul mouth ran away with him. His knuckles were turning white from his strangle hold on the wheel. “Right. And when she leaves me, and I feel like my life isn’t fulfilling anymore, like I can’t be happy anymore and my bear is out of control, what then?”

“I don’t know, son,” she said softly. “I just know that I’ve watched her for years. Seen her grow up as an artist, and everything she does compliments who you are.”

Tagan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed a long, steadying breath. “The man who hurt her…”

“You don’t have to worry about him.”

“Brooke said he got out of jail—”

“Tagan,” his mom said carefully, then repeated slowly, “You don’t have to worry about him.”

Tagan nodded. He knew exactly what she was saying. She’d probably killed the man in some back alley, claws out as she let him see his doom before it came. That she had avenged Brooke said everything about how important she was to Mom.

“Okay,” he drawled, his bear settling by a fraction. The threat to Brooke was over, and he wouldn’t have to travel to kill her attacker.

“I knew he was getting out,” she said, “but couldn’t make a move until Brooke was out of the city and away from it all. His death couldn’t blow back on her, you understand?”

He did. His mother was a momma bear and protector, down to the core, and an intelligent hunter. That man had conjured the wrath of an apex predator the second he marked Brooke’s neck. Jail had only prolonged his life.

“Has she painted anything yet?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, but I think she’s worse off than ever. There are two dozen paintings of her attacker’s face she must’ve done this morning.”

“Good.”

“Good? They aren’t exactly the pretty star paintings she talks about wanting to get back to. They’re full of pain and grit and…” Fuck, his bear was doubling him over the wheel just thinking about it.

“But she’s painting. She hasn’t been able to do that in three months. When someone like Brooke loses their creative outlet, all of that energy doesn’t just leave her. It’s still there, trapped and turning poisonous by the day. If she needs to paint her anger, fine. At least it’s a start. This is something she needs. She needs to work through this, or it could ruin her, Tagan. Not just her ability to make a living, but it could ruin her creativity. Turn it black and untrustworthy. Even from his grave, that criminal could take away her livelihood. Tagan,” she said, voice stony. “Don’t let that happen.”

The line went dead.

Tagan flipped the phone onto the passenger’s seat and scrubbed his free hand over his two-day stubble. He could barely keep his crew from tearing each other’s throats out when Jed was away, and now Brooke’s happiness rested on his shoulders? What if he screwed this up? What if she ended up hating him because of it? What if he pushed too hard, and she lost her love of painting completely?

He knew exactly how important muses were. He’d been raised by an artist, after all. The urge that lived inside of Brooke, the one that told her she must
create
, was just as important as her talent to do so.

He hit the gas as he blasted past a green sign that informed him Saratoga was twenty-five miles away.

Whatever he had to do to help Brooke get her life back, he’d do it.