Lust and Other Drugs (12 page)

“It’s just so…
black
. You must be really pissed at me
for the closet thing.” Gin never had been one to tiptoe around something she
wanted to say.

“No. You asked me if it was okay.” Anne stroked the brush
down the canvas.

“Yeah, I did. But if I’d been a good friend, I wouldn’t have
done it.”

“You’re only apologizing because you didn’t like that I went
into the closet with Seth and you don’t want me to do it again.”

“Will you get off that?” Gin scowled. Then her face
softened. “Fine. You got me. I didn’t like it at all.”

Anne smiled. “I’m sorry too.” Then she scowled as well.
“Heartily.”

“Why? Was it like some religious experience or something?”

“Yeah. Kind of,” Anne admitted.

“Shut the fuck up.” She laughed. “Wait, really?”

“But I’m not ready to talk about it.” At the look on Gin’s
face, she rushed on. “It doesn’t have to do with Seth. It’s Chase.”

Gin hugged her. “Okay. Then I won’t tell you what kissing
him was like.”

“You slut,” Anne teased. “I already know what it’s like.”

“But you don’t. Not from my standpoint. I thought it would
be panty-drenching.”

“Wasn’t it?” Anne paused in her strokes and thought about
how very drenched she was every time he got near her.

“I have a confession. Nothing happened with Chase. I just
wanted to make you admit your feelings for him. I know you’re head over ass for
him. You need to acknowledge that, even if it’s just to yourself. You’re so
damn stubborn! I thought for sure you’d tell me no. I couldn’t believe it when
I was actually in the stupid closet with him. And worse? I was wishing I was in
there with Seth.”

“You could have just said that rather than—”

“Look, you know yourself. Are you telling me anything short
of drastic would have worked?”

“Gin, I already know I’m in love with him. But it’s
pointless. He doesn’t love me. Not like that.”

“Yes. He does.”

“So, you wanted to be in the closet with Seth? You’ve
finally admitted it?” Anne deflected.

“You’re lucky I want to talk about this, otherwise this
whole let’s-switch-subjects-because-I’m-uncomfortable thing wouldn’t be working
for you. You know that site you showed me?” Gin began softly.

“Yes?” Anne grinned in spite of herself. It occurred to her
that she shouldn’t be so amused. Gin was probably jilling off to Chase just as
Anne herself had been, but she knew she couldn’t let that bother her. There
were probably tons of girls doing that to Chase. Whether she wanted to or not,
she found the idea hot, all those women rubbing off to the guy she was fucking.

“Did you know it has a chat feature?” Gin asked, her tone
sounding as if she’d just discovered gold.

“I did,” Anne acknowledged and smoothed the brush over the
canvas again.

“Have you used it?”

“No, I was too busy thinking about Chase.”

“I don’t feel like I can eye-hump him now. I wanted to. But
it seemed wrong somehow, since I know you’re all…together.”

“Gin, I don’t care. Honestly.” Making out with him was in
the hell-no category. But jilling off to him? Anne truly didn’t care if Gin
rubbed her bean raw watching Chase. A thousand other women were doing it, so
what was one more?

“He doesn’t do the chat, does he?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Was he working last night?”

“No.”

“Thank God.”

“What happened? Are you going to tell me or make me play
twenty questions?” Anne demanded with a grin.

“The things this guy said to me, Anne. Oh. My. God.”

Anne was suddenly reminded of something she’d said to Chase
about the way he spoke. But no, it couldn’t have been Chase…could it?

“Do you know who else works on the site? I have to… I don’t
know.”

“The man is oftentimes different than the fantasy. You have
to know that.”

“I do.”

“I know Seth and Justin both work for the site. I don’t know
if there’s anyone else or not.” Anne shrugged.

“Seth?” she squeaked.

“Uh-huh,” Anne confirmed, a bit distracted as she covered
the last bit of white on the canvas.

“No, he could never say those things. Never
think
them. Of course, I’d never have expected him to be on the site either. No, it
couldn’t be Seth. Could it? No. No way,” Gin rambled to herself.

“What happened that night last week when you crashed at his
place?” Anne asked after she stepped back to survey her work.

“Absolutely nothing. I got hammered off my ass.” She paused.
“We may have made out a little bit. We didn’t, like, sleep all snuggled up in
each other’s arms or anything relationshippy like that.” Gin snorted.

“I thought you didn’t like him that way?” Anne teased.

“I don’t. I didn’t. I mean…I don’t know. It was just a kiss.
Or four.”

“A hot-and-heavy make-out session, huh?”

“It might have been more, but he said he didn’t want to take
advantage of me. Can you believe there are men still like that?”

“I can.” Anne nodded seriously.

“I haven’t really talked to him about it since. I crept out
early. I didn’t want there to be any early-morning weirdness.”

“What would you do if it was him? On the site, I mean. Or
worse, what if it’s not? What if it’s Justin?”

Gin’s blue eyes went round. “I don’t know. Maybe I should
just leave it alone.”

“Maybe,” Anne agreed with a nod.

“Maybe not?” Gin asked with a sly grin.

“I would go with ‘not’. I’ve always thought you and Seth
would be good together.” At Gin’s sardonic look, she continued. “No, not just
because you were pining after Chase. I didn’t know I wanted him then. I
genuinely want you to be happy, Gin. Even after last night’s fuckery.”

“I know that.” She sighed. “But Seth? Come on. He’s so,” she
paused fumbling for the right word, “proper. He’s not the kind of guy who would
be into a woman like me. I’m loud, obnoxious and I say ‘fuck’ a lot.”

“I don’t understand your recalcitrance.”

“It is too early in the morning to be using words like
that.” Gin screwed her face into a scowl. “And…like I said earlier. Some good
sex doesn’t mean there has to be a relationship.”

Anne was coming to hate that idea. If Gin said “fuck buddy”
she was going to slap her. “But there could be. He’s a good guy, Gin. He’d
treat you well, take you home to meet his grandmother.”

“Right. Which means it’s highly unlikely that it was him who
told me all the things he could do to me. Including—” She broke off and giggled
with a blush. “The, um, other.”

“Other? I don’t follow.” Anne shook her head.

“You know…” She made another face, her eyes so round Anne
thought they were going to pop out of her head.

“Look, you’re just going to have to say it.”

“We were talking about…about…” Gin puffed up with resolve.
“Analingus, okay?”

Anne giggled. “What’s wrong with that?”

“It wasn’t just that he said he’s good at it, but that’s
what he fantasizes about and it turned into a Q&A sort of thing.”

“Why were you grilling him like you were writing a research
paper? Isn’t the point of the chat feature to facilitate a, um…
culmination
and be done with it?”

“I guess, but the chat has moved to my phone. We’ve been
texting all day.” Gin hung her head.

“Wow. And did you pay for this?” Anne asked, trying to assess
the situation.

“The chat comes with site membership, but we talk about
everything. It’s not just sex. I know he’s just a fantasy, but whoever this guy
is, he gets me. It was instant connection.”

“Well, maybe this is good for you. There’s no expectation.
It’s safe.”

“I don’t even care what he looks like. He could be some fat
gamer living in his mother’s basement that only eats corn dogs and Mountain Dew
and I wouldn’t care. In fact, I’m sure he has to be a nerd type. The hot jocks
are never more concerned with their lovers’ pleasure than their own.” Gin
rolled her eyes.

Chase was hot and he was
always
concerned about her
pleasure.

Damn it, she had to stop thinking about him.

“Really? What if he had corn dog munchies stuck in his
moobs?” Anne teased.

“It wouldn’t matter. Because he gets me. I might have to
shove him in a shower and pull him away from Warcraft, but I don’t care.”

“Then there’s Seth. Imagine if it was him? Or Justin.
They’re both jock-hot and scary smart.”

“Seth and I don’t really talk. Not like I do with this guy.”

“People are different when they can be anonymous. They can
be more accepting, more understanding, and there’s less posturing. You paid him
to talk to you, Gin.”

“I’m not paying him now.”

“No, but I don’t want you to build him into something he’s
not,” Anne said, trying to be supportive and practical at the same time.

“Uh, were you listening to my earlier description? I’m
prepared for gamer boy.”

“What if it was Chase?” Anne was just being ornery now.

“Then I’d cry, seriously. Don’t mess with me.”

Gin’s phone chirped then and she fumbled, but didn’t check
it.

“Go on, I already know you’re obsessed. You might as well
see who it is.”

“It’s him!”

“Duh,” Anne said. She took her brush to the kitchen to wash
it while Gin read her text and her fingers flew over the mini keyboard, typing
a response.

Anne had a feeling it was Seth. She kept trying to steer Gin
toward him, but she seemed determined to go in the opposite direction.

“Can you imagine telling your children that you met through
an erotic website?” Anne snickered when Gin joined her in the kitchen.

“Whoa! Hold on, I haven’t even met this guy in person and
you’ve got me spitting out babies.”

“Exactly,” Anne said pointedly.

“Hey, I wasn’t talking picket fence and man cave or
anything. I’m not even done with school.”

“Right again. But there were stars in your eyes. Slow down.
Enjoy it, but slow down.”

“Look, just because it took you and Chase, what, fifteen
years to decide to go out doesn’t mean everyone else needs that long.” Gin
smirked and flipped her phone closed. “Speaking of…” There was a question in
the way she let the sentence hang.

“You can be really intuitive sometimes and then others—like
the hot tub—not so much.”

“Yes, I’d realized my blunder after we were already hip-deep
in the water. He grabbed you like he owned you when we got in.” Gin opened the
fridge and rummaged around inside before popping back up with a mouthful of
grapes.

“Didn’t he just?” Anne sighed.

“Seth was convinced there was something illicit going on
under the bubbles. He couldn’t get us out of there fast enough.”

“Oh, there was,” Anne confessed. So much for not sharing
that bit of info.

“You’re both horrible.” She giggled.

“No, I’m repressed.”

“That’s worse than being outright horrible,” Gin said.

“We’re not together though. We’re just fucking.”

“Oh lord,” Gin exclaimed. “That’s not you, though. And
that’s not Chase.” Anne gave her a pointed look. “That’s not Chase
with you
.
He cares about you, Anne.”

“Right, but he doesn’t want a relationship. We’ve both got
careers to worry about and he’s still trying to get through medical school.
There’s no room for commitment to anything but our futures.”

“What a line of bullshit.”

“What?” Anne put her hands on her hips.

“You didn’t say
we
don’t want a relationship. You
said Chase doesn’t. That was your epiphany, huh? You love him. It took you long
enough.”

“We’re just friends, Gin. That’s all we can be. The sex is
great.” Her words sounded hollow even to her own ears. So she switched tactics,
hoping Gin would follow suit. “The hot-tubbing is great too.” She smirked.

“I’m never getting in that hot tub with you again,” Gin
stated. “Now I’m scarred. Forever.”

“Good. That means no more
pseudo-coitus interruptus
.”

“Hey, I already said I was sorry about that.” Gin looked
back to the canvas. “So back to the black space. What is it, if it’s not some
angsty, the-world-is-all-darkness etc. and so forth?”

“How soon you forget Women’s Studies. It’s rebirth. The
darkness of the womb?”

“Really? You’re just going to hang that up and call it
Vagina
?”

“No, shut up.” Anne laughed. “It’s like space, too, or
midnight. I was actually thinking midnight when I started. There will be gold
and pink streaking through the darkness like the first tentative fingers of
dawn.”

“What a description. Maybe you should have been a writer
instead.”

“Oh please. You weren’t subjected to the heinously and
criminally bad poetry I wrote in high school. Awful stuff.”

“I bet Chase read it.”

“He did. And he told me it was bad. Not outright, of course,
he wasn’t trying to be mean. Chase told me painting was where my muse was
happiest.”

“And he was right, I guess.” She looked thoughtful for a
moment. “So, do you think if it was Seth, he’d tell me? I mean, he knows what
my phone number is. So does Justin, for that matter. Wouldn’t they…” Gin
trailed off and shrugged.

“You don’t recognize the number he’s texting from?” Anne
followed the subject change easily.

“No, but it could be a throwaway phone.”

“It could be, and no one memorizes phone numbers anymore.
They’re always stored in the phone.” Anne shrugged. “Here’s what you do. Bring
up something in conversation with Justin and Seth that you talked about with
this guy. See what they say. You may be surprised.”

“You keep saying that like you know something I don’t.”

“I know plenty you don’t.” Anne smirked. “But no. I have no
more information about the website than you do. I just have my hopes.”

“That you’re beating me about the head and face with,” Gin
replied.