Luthecker (5 page)

Her mother died when she was just twelve years old, and it was at her mother’s funeral that she made up her mind that there would be more for her than this, that she would not live out her adult life in this manner. And neither would her younger brother, if she had her way. She would do whatever it took to escape Crown Point, and take Ben with her if she had to.

She worked extremely hard in school, not just in her studies, but in learning how the world of academia itself worked. Her efforts led to a scholarship at M.I.T. where she originally planned to make it big in the tech industry. Her original fantasies revolved around being the next Steve Jobs. What she hadn’t planned on was getting on Wall Street’s radar in a big way, and seeing exactly how much money could be made, and made quickly. She also hadn’t planned on meeting Michael Kittner.

At first, she politely declined to take a meeting. Kittner-Kusch was a small firm, and at the time energy trading didn’t appeal to her. Kittner was persistent, however, and after she completed a week of being wined and dined by the post-collapse Wall Street behemoths, she finally agreed to meet for coffee, and hear him out.

She found Kittner charming right away. Well groomed and distinguished, he had an easy confidence about him, and spun a good story in regards to his business. She was well aware of his past with Enrad, and his reputation as a skilled trader. He had never been accused of any crimes, but she wasn’t so naïve as to think when it came to Federal Regulations, the line of legality wasn’t always on the move. In Nikki’s mind it came down to simple character. He had been candid in what had happened at Enrad early on in their first meeting, and he showed what to her seemed like a clear moral delineation between right and wrong, regardless of what the law may allow. This meant a great deal to her. He discussed his views of the world, and the role energy management would take in the future, as well as his business model on how best to profit from it. And she saw it. How energy truly was the foundation of civilization. His trading philosophy- “We are arbiters of peace and prosperity through energy” – made sense to her. So did the potential for profit that that philosophy provided. She knew firsthand that there was no nobility in poverty, and that there was nothing wrong with high risk / reward ratios.

She was sold. At meeting’s end, there was only one question that remained for her.

He answered it by showing her a two hundred thousand dollar check with her name on it.

She wasn’t surprised at all when he showed romantic interest. Men always did. She made it clear she wanted no part of any relationship, despite the fact that she did in fact find him attractive, and he had been respectful of that. But over time, his confidence and persistence wore her down. The chemistry was unmistakable, and he had convinced her that she would succeed or fail on her own merit, and that the relationship would be kept separate from the business. He had kept his word, and she had done well, for both herself and the firm. So in her mind, she had been true to her word as well. Nothing was owed, she told herself. And she told herself this, because although she loved Michael, she was beginning to have doubts about their future. Michael was older, and had recently begun to make hints about family, something that she simply wasn’t ready to consider, which she made clear to him. But true to his nature, he was respectfully persistent. However this time his persistence was less charming and more cause for concern for her. And although it was promised otherwise, she began to wonder how it would affect their business relationship if their romantic one came to an end.

• • •

Kittner waited at their usual table. He had introduced Nikki to Daniel’s, and the restaurants’ four-star French cuisine had become their favorite. He preferred the Bellecour Room, a private dining room with newly revamped neo-classical architecture. The place buzzed with activity, but the north east corner table, his table, was far enough from the normal dining cacophony to provide the amount of intimacy he demanded, and was willing to pay for.

He looked at his watch. 8:15pm. Nikki had called him and told him she was running late, closing out a furious day of trading for their new futures strategy. Not surprising at all he thought, as Nikki was always fifteen minutes late. A small price he gladly paid considering how much she accomplished.

He reached into his coat pocket, felt for the ring box. He wanted to see it one more time before he gave it to her. He pulled the small black case free and opened it.

Wedged in the center of the black felt lining was a Cartier emerald-cut diamond baguette, an 8-carat fancy yellow jewel with white diamonds set in platinum. A beautiful three hundred and fifty thousand dollar piece that Kittner worked with the jeweler himself to help design, and had waited three months to be ready. He had been subtle with his questions for Nikki in regards to jewelry, taste and style-wise, to get an idea what she preferred. He had hoped that the questions had foreshadowed enough to her what his intentions were, without spoiling his desire for surprise.

He took one last look at the ring.

It was perfect.

He smiled to himself as he snapped the box shut, and put it back in his coat pocket. The waiter approached with a magnum of Krug Grande Cuvée just as Kittner saw Nikki enter the Bellecour Room.

She saw Kittner from across the room and smiled, approaching the table. She eyed the Magnum of Krug as she took off her coat, and sat across from him.

“Wow, we really are celebrating.” She responded.

“Indeed we are.”

“It went well today. Crude was down to Ninety-one fifty a barrel at the close. Ninety-one in after-hours. Word is getting out, and the street is following.”

The waiter carefully filled two crystal champagne flutes as she spoke.

“We are up forty-three million for the day.” She added.

Kittner smiled. The waiter handed him a champagne flute, and he held it still until Nikki held hers.

“To the greatest team ever.” He toasted.

“Amen. And one beautiful day in the not too distant future, maybe the signage will read Kittner, Kusch, Ellis.” She semi-joked.

They clinked glasses.

“To the future, then. And all the joy it brings.” He added.

They both sipped their champagne, and Nikki picked up her menu.

“I’m thinking of starting with the Lola duck and Daikon radish.” She shared as she scanned the menu, suddenly realizing she was very hungry.

“Nikki, there’s something I wanted to ask you.” He said softly.

His tone made her look up from the menu.

“And I can’t wait until after dinner.”

Her jaw dropped as she saw him holding the ring box.

“We’ve been together over a year now. You know I love you. You know I want no one else. We’re perfect together, and we’re going to do great things.”

In Michael’s mind, it was the perfect romantic moment. He dropped to one knee beside her, and took her hand.

“Will you marry me?”

Nikki froze. She eyed the enormous jewel, and looked back to Michael in shock. Her heart began to race, and she felt a bit faint. Caught off guard, she had no idea how to respond. The silence was deafening as it was awkward, and she frantically searched for the right words.

“Michael, I…this is a bit unexpected…I…please, sit.”

She felt eyes from everyone in the restaurant. Including Michael’s.

After a forever-lasting awkward moment, he finally let her hand go, and got off of one knee.

Face red, he snapped the ring box shut, and slowly got back to his seat.

“Well that was embarrassing. You should have at least let me put it on your finger.” He said as he put the ring box on the table between them. He tried to sound amused but his annoyance was palpable.

“Can you honestly say this is a complete surprise?” He asked.

“Michael, I, no…I’m sorry, but we…we discussed this. I’m not ready for this. For family.”

“I told you, we don’t have to start right away. We’ll wait a year.” He replied, his voice with a hint of brewing frustration.

“A year? I’m not even close to wanting that. I’m only twenty-five…”

“Okay, so family is off the table for the moment. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get married.”

““Off the table for the moment?” Michael, this isn’t a deal you’re negotiating.”

“Aren’t all relationships negotiations to some degree? I mean if you’re being honest with yourself?”

“They’re also about timing.”

Kittner carefully gathered his thoughts. He did not want to sound angry.

“I thought everything was right. I thought everything was perfect. You do want to be with me, right? I mean, what have we been doing here?”

She chose not to answer. Not to engage any further. She new if she did it would risk escalating the conversation into an argument. She struggled to hold his gaze, but she held.

She couldn’t take it anymore, and she finally spoke.

“Michael…”

“Don’t you love me?” He cut her off before she could finish.

“Of course I do, that’s not-- “

“There’s nothing you could want, that I couldn’t give you.”

She was on her heels. She took a deep breath, and gathered her thoughts before responding.

“I don’t want to be “given” anything; you know that about me already.”

“Nikki, we have the world. What more are you looking for? It’s not going to get any better than this.”

“It’s not about that; it’s just, you’re in a different place than I am, and I--”

“You’ll get past that. We’re meant to be together.”

“Michael…”

“I’ve given you opportunity, I’ve backed you in every decision you’ve made. Hell, I made you. “

He regretted those last four words the second after he spoke them. He swore to himself for letting his frustration get the better of him.

“You always told me the business would be kept separate from the personal. And it’s not like you didn’t profit from my ‘decisions’.”

Nikki’s voice hinted of defiance.

That defiance meant to Kittner that he had given her an out. The conversation had spiraled out of his control and he new it. He had blown it. Had stepped over the line. He wanted to scream. He quickly backpedaled.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. And I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. But I love you. And I know this is right.”

“I love you too, but, I told you, I am not ready for this.”

“Just take the ring. And promise me you’ll think about it.”

Nikki’s hand unexpectedly shook as she reached for her champagne glass. She took a large gulp before she replied.

“Michael…”

“Just take it. And promise me you’ll think about it. Fair?”

“Keep the ring. And I’ll think about it.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me- “

“Michael.”

The tone in her voice when she spoke his name was firm and final.

Visibly upset, he knew her well enough to know that to press her further only meant she would dig in her heels that much harder. He acknowledged to himself that he had lost this round. He took a deep breath, briefly held up his hands in mock surrender. Picked the ring box off the table and placed it back in his pocket.

“Okay. Fine. Let’s just eat.”

The waiter timidly approached.

“Would you like to order?”

“Yes. Please. I’m starved.” Nikki replied, face back in her menu, relieved for the opportunity to change the subject.

• • •

Nikki got home, shortly before midnight, exhausted, and a bit lightheaded from both the alcohol and the adrenaline rush caused by the evenings’ unexpected events. After his proposal, dinner with Michael had been awkward, to say the least. Her appetite all but gone, she had hardly touched her food. His anger and disappointment dissipated somewhat during the meal, and the strained and icy conversation turned strictly to business. They both agreed without saying so that it was best they spend the night in separate beds.

Although she came across as strong-willed, it was moments like this that made her doubt herself, and she felt sick to her stomach. She knew that in a single moment her reality with Michael had been forever altered, and she wondered what the future held. She hated to disappoint him, to hurt him in any way, but it was not in her to lie about her feelings, or commit to something like marriage without absolute certainty. She had also seen many of her friends a few years her senior get married at the age of twenty-five, only to watch their ambitions turn to perceived captivity once family arrived. The thought of it terrified her, and as much as she loved Michael, she would not make that mistake for anyone. It was her life, her rules. Why didn’t men ever believe her when she made this clear? Why was it that men with the ego necessary to fuel success existed in a behavioral vacuum that only allowed them to see their own needs? Why was it impossible for them to view her, when it came down to it, as anything but a missing piece in their lives instead of a true partner?

She hadn’t truly acknowledged it to herself until now, but in the back of her mind, she had always known she would never marry Michael, and that this day would eventually come. She just hadn’t expected that day to be today.

She cleaned off her make up, put on a large T-shirt, and went to bed. The office was going to be interesting tomorrow, she thought. But if anything, they were both professionals, and there would be enough money in play to keep them busy and out of each other’s way the entire day. And when there was enough time and distance from this evening’s experience, perhaps they could talk.

At least this is what she hoped.

She turned out the light, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty and selfish, and at the same time mad at herself for feeling that way. She had always been honest, did her job well, and owed him nothing, she reminded herself. She had made him a richer man, in more ways than one. This would all blow over, she kept thinking. Over time, they could become close friends. And although she felt saddened by what looked to be the end of her relationship, she was honest enough with herself to recognize that behind all her feelings of self-doubt and whether or not a future at Kittner-Kusch still in fact existed, there was an undercurrent of relief.