Lyfe Changing (14 page)

“
I don’t owe you no damn
explanation… I make no apologies for what I have done or the
children that I have…everything is good on my side of the fence…and
whoever doesn’t like it aint my fucking problem.” I smirked at him
and leaned my elbows on the table.
Funny…
he actually believed that. I guess he has never heard of welfare,
food stamps, and whatever the hell else we taxpayers are probably
giving money to support his village of kids.
“Real mature answer…” I said shaking my head. Derrick once
again tilted back into his chair and shrugged. “It is what it
is.”

“
So you don’t think that by
having all these children in multiple households deprives them from
having a real family?” He shook his head and looked away from me; I
could tell he was aggravated by all my questions. “Look, all of my
kids and their money hungry mothers are well taken care of, they
want for nothing, I’m there for them every step of the way so all
this other shit you talking is crazy….why do you give a damn
anyway?” I couldn’t help but smile at his defensive attitude. He
was like a child throwing a tantrum because he got reprimanded. “I
don’t…I just think making a scatter plot of kids everywhere is a
little reckless…says a lot about your character.” I winked at him
taking another spoonful of my yogurt and putting into my mouth.
Derrick smiled cruelly and folded his arms across his chest. “Were
you thinking about my character a few minutes ago?” He said
smirking. I wanted to slap that damn smirk of his face. “Well thank
God for small favors…because this was clearly a mistake.” I reached
for my jacket ready to leave this asshole here alone because this
obviously was not going anywhere…no matter how sexy he
is.

Derrick just shook his head
while I got ready to leave. “Unbelievable…I go out of my way to
take you out tonight and just because I’m not some uncle tom with a
brief case you wanna walk out.” I looked at him and sighed. “I’m
not looking for an uncle tom… but I’m definitely not looking for a
hood polygamist either.” I got up from my seat. “Destiny sit down…”
He commanded. I sighed and stood at the table. “Look Derrick I wish
you the best, truly after everything that’s happened to you I want
you to be happy…but let’s stop kidding ourselves this is not going
to work. You are clearly having some issues that stem beyond my
ability to deal with.” He glared at me and for a second I could see
a bit of insecurity. He sat up in his chair and nodded. “So I have
issues? And what are your issues?” I looked at him crazy for trying
to go head to head in this battle with me. I decided to accept the
challenge and sat back down.

“
I don’t know… how about
you tell me?”

“
Gladly, first of all
you’re stuck up, argumentative, and you’re so fucking picky you
wouldn’t know what a good man was even if he was staring you in the
face.”

I nodded sarcastically.
“Ummm Hmmm….so knowing all of this you still asked me out.” A
wicked grin appeared on his face and it chilled me to the bone.
“Well honestly I knew I wouldn’t have to put in too much
work.”

“
Excuse me?”

Derrick leaned back against
his chair and smirked at me. “Baby you are so hard up you don’t
even realize it. I took a few dollars at nightclub and some frozen
yogurt and you were ready and willing. Hell I knew you would be an
easy hit…and thank God you didn’t disappoint…my ho radar is
perfect.” I couldn’t help but feel worthless right in that moment
and I regretted ever seeing his face again
. So that was all you wanted huh?
I
once again stood to my feet and gathered my things but not before
throwing my frozen yogurt right in his face. He stood up in shock
not believing I just did that. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
He yelled. I simply threw a twenty on a table and smiled. “Good
thing I didn’t disappoint right?”

“
I mean seriously can you
believe him…” I raged my frustrations to my friends. We were all at
my home again for an emergency meeting to discuss my horrific date
from last night. My girls came equipped with bottles of wine,
pizza, and a voodoo doll. Ok they didn’t bring the voodoo doll but
damn it I wish they had. I had been ranting and raving ever since I
came home. I couldn’t believe how Derrick and I’s date ended so
terribly. I felt so connected with him; I even connected with him
physically in the front seat of his car. The whole night started
off so great but it all shot to hell when we actually started
talking. It was my damn fault for letting him get to the goods
without really checking him out first.

I poured another glass of
wine and steamed with fury. Cat looked at me with pitying eyes and
shook her head. “Girl he is a parole-e what did you expect…an
actual intelligent conversation? My goodness I can’t even believe
you went out with him… aint he on probation? Don’t he have a
curfew?” They all chuckled but I was not amused, for some reason I
really liked Derrick and I was mad at myself because I didn’t see
him for what he really was…not worth my damn time. Cat nudged my
shoulder trying to get me to cheer up. “C’mon Destiny were just
playing… but you kind of set yourself up.”

I looked at her like she
was crazy. “What do you mean I set myself up?” “Des we see guys
like Derrick out on the street all the time. The high rollers
sitting on 24’s, all blinged out, running game on these young
girls, giving them a few dollars, a baby, and nonstop bullshit…”
Cat looked at me boldly as if I should have known better. “Little
boys like Derrick see woman as play things and they play until they
see something more shiny to play with…Good thing you cut him loose
before it was too late.” I looked sideways at the wall avoiding eye
contact trying to hide my guilt. “Destiny you didn’t?” Meg looked
at me in shock. I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything…much.” The
all groaned and shook their head in disapproval unable to believe
that I was intimate with this man on the first date. “Damn Des even
I’m shocked.” Alayah said looking at me in awe…knowing she was as
wild and free as they come. “I’m mean not that I blame you or
anything. It’s just an unlikely move coming from you.” I stood up
over all of them to defend myself.

“
Look we didn’t have sex,
it was just kissing, give or take a little touching, but no sex
ok…and your right I had no business going out with him in the first
place…I mean my God the man was convicted of gun charges. What they
hell was I thinking dating somebody like that?” I said plopping
back on the couch.

“
Don’t you think you guys
are being a little harsh?” Lucy finally spoke up looking at us all
peculiarly. She had been unusually quiet all throughout the
conversations and looked as if something was on her mind. She
cleared her throat as she began to explain herself. “I mean clearly
this guy is not an angel but c’mon he is not some mass murderer
either…” We all looked at her strangely with an awkward silence
wondering where the hell this was coming from. Lucy picked up on
our thoughts and sighed. “Listen, I’m not saying this guy doesn’t
have his faults but he doesn’t seem like a bad dude…I think you
jumped the gun too soon, you probably offended him with your
judgmental rants.”

I scoffed at her not
believing what I was hearing from my own friend. “I offended
him…why because I told him the truth….because I didn’t give him a
free pass like most of these naïve girls would have done. No…I gave
him what was real I told him that he was irresponsible and childish
for his actions and I’m sorry if the truth hurts.” I relaxed back
on the couch and sipped more wine while Lucy just shook her head
and stared at me. “Look Lucy I know what I want from a man and it
doesn’t include court herrings and baby mamas.” The rest of the
girls nodded and agreed but Lucy still seemed adamant about her
stance.

“
Listen just cause a man
makes some mistakes in the past doesn’t mean that he is
automatically trash. You don’t even realize the potential he could
have because you’re so focus on where he was instead of where he is
now. There is so much you could do for him, show him a different
way, and show him how to be a better man.” We all grew silent when
realized what this conversation was really about. We sat quietly
for a minute till Cat decided to speak up. “Oh relax Luce, just
because Grant has been in and out of lock up doesn’t mean we don’t
love him.” We burst out laughing unable to deny the obvious. Lucy
was damn near in tears laughing up a storm. After I finally caught
my breathe I decided to speak on the situation.

“
Ok…ok Luce Grant is a
great guy despite his past and he was willing to better himself to
be with you, but every guy is not like Grant and I’m not willing to
bet my future on it.” “Also Luce with all the work you put into
making Grant who he is today, what do you have to show for it?”
Alayah asked sadly knowing their current situation. Lucy looked
down at her feet not wanting to face the facts about her separation
from her husband. Grant and Lucy had been together since their teen
years and had now things had fallen apart and Lucy couldn’t deny
she was hurting bad.

“
Well I think is not a bad
thing to look past a man’s faults but it is also not a bad thing to
choose men who you know are going to be better suited for you.” Meg
chimed in. I nodded in agreement. “And that’s what I’m doing…I’m
choosing right so I’ll know what to expect…I’ll know what I’m
getting myself into. That’s all I’m saying.” We all eased back on
the sofa reflecting on our conversation and moving on to new
topics. Although I believed what I was saying was right… in my
heart I still ached for Derrick.

Derrick

BAM! I plopped down some
piles of bricks so the boys and I could get started working on the
church expansion. It had been a long morning and I needed to
relieve some tension. Last night’s date with Destiny had started
off great. It had been a minute since I had such a good time in the
company of a female and on top of that got some much needed TLC…but
damn did things go south from there. She started asking me all
these damn questions, what do you do? Where you from? Where you
work? Felt like I was being interrogated by the damn police. When I
told her what the deal was she completely flipped. I knew what time
it was when I saw that disappointed look on her face…the look that
said I was no good and was a waste a time.

I had gotten that look from
a multitude of people and it burned me to the core. I slammed down
the hammer on one of the boards I was replacing in frustration. I
was so damn tired of people looking down on me because I wasn’t a
fake imitation of who they thought a black man should be.
Who cares?
I
thought.
I’m doing what I got to
do
. My thoughts traveled to Destiny and how
beautiful she was and how I wanted her so bad. She was so elegant,
proper and different from any girl I ever had…I should have seen
this coming. Strays and house cats never co mingle…that’s was my
fault for trying.

I slammed my hammer down
again trying to force any thoughts of her away from me. I must have
startled the fellows because they came over appearing a little
worried. “Everything ok Boss?” Clay asked wiping sweat from his
face. The boys started calling me boss for some reason; I guess it
was because I was the main one telling them what to do. I shook my
head. “I’m good y’all…trust me.” “You should be good…” Lil Luther
said making his way around swinging his hammer. “Especially when I
saw you talking to that fine ass piece across the street from the
store…that bitch was bad.” They all started laughing as lil Luther
curved his hands in the air to form the shape of Destiny’s body. I
shot him a stern look. “You don’t know nothing about that lil boy
and watch mouth your on church ground.” Lil Luther covered his
mouth. “Ooops sorry God….”

“
I saw her too, she was
pretty fine. Y’all dating or something?” Clay asked seeming
interested. I stood up to get swig of water and sighed. “Grown
folks business.” They chuckled. “Awww you got shut down?” Clay
asked. I looked at him like he was crazy. “For your information we
went out last night.” “Oooooh!” they smiled and goofed around.
“Then why you so grumpy this morning? She didn’t give you
none?”

Lil Luther asked wanting to
know. I couldn’t do nothing but laugh at this little joker…he
really thought he was grown. “Let’s just say it turned out I was
not her type.” I sat my water jug down and continued on my job not
wanting to think about last night any more. “Well that’s how it is
when you’re on papers boss…people look at you like you aint worth
nothing.” Clay said sourly. I could hear venom in his voice and it
reminded me of my own feelings. “That’s truth man…after coming out
of lock up people always talk about second chances in life but who
really willing to give you that…” Montoya spoke up. He was a Puerto
Rican kid who did two years in juvie for robbery. “Even my own
family act like they have given up on me some time...The way people
act on these streets, we might as well have stayed in jail.” As all
the other guys nodded and agreed I felt something spewing inside of
me, something that was getting tired of wallowing in self misery. I
stood up and made sure I had their attention. “Listen up…I don’t
care what anybody says to y’all whether it’s your friends, your
mamas, or whoever. Don’t let anybody talk down to you or make fell
less than. People real quick to judge and talk about you rather
than help you do better and that’s all right. You do what you got
to do. Whether it’s working, going to school, or whatever…You keep
pushing, you keep moving, and doing better for yourself. Cause
those same people that’s looking down on you are going to be
kissing your behinds when they see you doing better than
them.”