Lying and Kissing (23 page)

“Trying to calm you down,” I said into his chest.

He took a long, strangled breath. “
Why?!”

I gently moved back so that I could look up into those big, beautiful, pain-filled eyes. “Because I like you,” I told him. And the knowledge that it was true was like a bomb going off in my chest.

“You know what I am, now,” he said. “I told you at the party that I’m a monster. Now you know what sort.”

I took a deep breath. “You told me the truth for a reason,” I said slowly.

He broke away from me and twisted, staring out to sea. Those massive shoulders were like a wall between us, but I kept talking. “You could have left me in Moscow and I’d never have known. You
wanted
to tell me what you were.”

His shoulders set even tighter, even harder. He gripped the rail so hard his knuckles went white.

“At dinner...you said I was your
spaseniye
,” I said. “What does that mean?”

I knew damn well what it meant, but I couldn’t tell him that. And part of me needed to hear him say it.

He shook his head. “I was being weak.”

I pressed close to him and slid my arms around his waist from behind. I could feel the tension in his body again. I molded myself to him, my breasts crushed against his back. “Tell me.”

He let out a long sigh. “Salvation,” he said. “It means salvation.”

I didn’t say anything; I just stood there holding him. When he spoke, his voice was bitter. “When I saw you in New York, so innocent…” He let out a long sigh, his big hands squeezing and releasing the rail. “I am not good with words like you.”

I just waited and let him speak.

“I thought...I thought that maybe you could save me,” he said. And then he snarled and kicked a folding chair someone had left on the deck. It flew thirty feet and splashed into the ocean.

“Maybe I can,” I said softly.

He shook his head and it reminded me of a bull, about to charge. “
Eblan!”
he cursed savagely.
“Eblan Mudak!” Dumbass bastard,
he was calling himself. “
Stupid!”
he snarled in English.

“No,” I said. “Brave, to say what you feel!” His anger scared me, but I stepped closer. “I
like
you, Luka.”

“Even now you know?” he muttered.

I stepped right up close to him. “Even now I know.”

He gradually calmed and became still. I leaned forward and we touched foreheads. He had to lean down to me to do it, hulking over me like a monster.

“You should not get involved with me,” he said at last. “This is
not
wise, Arianna.”

“I know,” I whispered. “But I don’t think I can be apart from you.”

He cursed in Russian and then said, “I hurt many people.”

The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up. “Would you hurt me?” I asked.

“No.” And he said it with such stony certainty that I believed it. “But I might get you hurt.”

Cold fear welled up inside me, ice water that merged with the ice that was already there. He wasn’t a
bad boy
as in he might cheat on me or break my heart. He lived in a whole different world to me, one where people who got in the way just disappeared and loved ones were nothing more than leverage.

I felt sick. Another reason he’d always kept his relationships short-term. Being with him would be dangerous as hell, even if I
wasn’t
secretly spying on him.

The smart thing to do would be to walk away.

Yet I was getting closer and closer to him and the most worrying thing wasn’t that I was doing it, it was that it felt so right. Every time he touched me, every time he kissed me, it felt as if the ice inside me cracked just a little. It was a slender thread, a stupid, childish wish that I could be fixed. But it was one that I didn’t want to give up on.

“I’m not scared,” I said.

A tiny smile touched his lips. “You said that before. And you still are.”

I still was. But I wanted him anyway. I tilted my face up and reached for him, pulling him down to me. We kissed and it was soft and slow, his size only making his gentleness more shocking. A slow-motion bomb went off in my chest. In the warm glow that followed, it felt as if each of us was drawing life from the other. I was filling in the missing parts in him, and he in me.

We’d taken a step. He was opening up to me in a way he hadn’t with any of his other girlfriends. This wasn’t a fling, anymore.

His hand came down to brush my cheek and suddenly he recoiled. “You’re freezing!” he said. He shook his head at his own stupidity. “You’re out here in a dress!”

I’d been so focused on helping him, I hadn’t noticed the cold creeping in. I realized my arms and legs were growing numb. As soon as I thought about it, I gave a violent shiver.

“We need to get you inside and warmed up,” he told me.

“We—” I shivered again. Now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop. “We need to t—talk about this.”

He shook his head. “Later.” And he scooped me up in his arms, cradled me to his chest and carried me below deck.

***

The stateroom had an attached bathroom and there was a huge corner bath. Luka started it running and then undressed me. I was shivering too much to do anything but stand there as he peeled my clothes off. It was very different to how he’d ripped and yanked at things before, in order to fuck me. This was like watching a giant undress a china doll.

When I was naked, he lifted me and slid me gently into the tub. I gasped as the water covered me, numb skin prickling painfully. But it worked—I could feel the cold receding and I stopped shivering.

We sat there looking at each other and the weirdness of the scene, of him sitting there watching me naked in the bath, made both of us smile.

I glanced down at myself—at my hair, bedraggled and damp from the sex and the sea air and now the bath; at my imperfect body; at all the broken parts he
couldn’t
see, the nightmares and the fears and the insecurities.
What the hell does he see in me?
I wondered. And yet I’d glimpsed that need in him and now he’d admitted it. This wasn’t just about sex, anymore. This was definitely turning into something deeper. Maybe, in time—

I suddenly caught myself. I’d completely forgotten who I was and why I was there. The moment we’d had out on the deck had let me get lost in a cozy little fantasy where I was a genuine girlfriend, and not doing all this in order to stab him in the back.

Luka frowned, concerned. “Are you okay? You look worried.”

It felt as if my heart was being wrenched out. The one guy I’d connected with, the one guy who’d made me feel alive again, and I was going to have to betray him.

“Fine,” I said with a smile. “I’m fine.”

I woke to the sound of a hard, heavy thumping that I couldn’t identify.

As I sat up groggily, I saw that I was in the bed in the stateroom. I blushed as I realized I was totally naked. Things were hazy after the bath, but I dimly remembered crawling between the sheets, exhausted.

I focused on where the sound was coming from and gasped.

Luka was stripped to the waist and hitting a punching bag that hung from the ceiling. He was barefoot, wearing only a pair of loose drawstring pants, and his muscles were gleaming with sweat.

I’d seen guys hitting bags at the gym, on the rare occasions I managed to work up the energy to go. But they hadn’t looked like this. They’d danced around the bag, hitting it in different places: nifty little crosses and uppercuts.

Luka just
hit.

The bag was old and worn and, now that I looked, it swung from a hook. That explained why it hadn’t been there before—he must have had it stashed in a closet and only brought it out that morning. He was wearing hand wraps, but the material was worn, too, and they weren’t even the same color, one red and one black.

I knelt up on the bed for a better look. Each blow was a powerful sweep of arm, terminating in a brutal impact that lifted the bag as if it weighed nothing. It looked as if he’d punch clear through a brick wall, given the chance. He wasn’t showy or fast. He was just
strong.
And he looked as if he could keep going all day. From the sweat shining on him, he’d already been at it for hours.

I was embarrassed to feel a flicker of heat twist down to my groin. I squeezed my thighs together self-consciously, but couldn’t stop looking at his muscles. There was just something about that brutal strength, that danger. I shifted and the bed creaked.

He turned suddenly and saw me. “Sorry,” he said. “Did I wake you?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t know you boxed.”

“I don’t box.” He looked at the bag as if embarrassed. “I hit things.” He walked towards me and began unwrapping the hand wraps. I saw his eyes flick over my body.

I realized that the sheets that I’d hurriedly wrapped around me when I knelt up had slid down. He was staring at my breasts. A hot tremor went through me.

“We will be docking soon,” he said, without taking his eyes from my chest. He must have known I’d caught him looking, but he didn’t try to hide it. That was the thing with Luka: he did what he damn well pleased. “We should shower.”

I nodded. “Who goes first?”

He just smiled.

***

I gasped as my naked back hit the tiles. My legs were already around Luka’s waist because he’d carried me all the way there. He turned the water on and the spray lashed down on us, plastering my hair to my head and racing down my body in a thousand hot rivulets.

Luka hadn’t bothered to take off his drawstring pants and they were soaked through in seconds. He kicked them off. Underneath, he was naked, hard and ready. I hadn’t even seen him grab a condom, but he had one in his hand and was rolling it in. Had he had that in his pocket, the whole time he was working out? Had he been planning this? The idea sent a wave of heat rolling down inside me.

I reached for him, intending to put my arms around him, but he grabbed them with one big hand and pinned my wrists above my head. His cock nudged between my slickened lips but didn’t enter me yet. I groaned, my ass grinding against the wall in anticipation. I was already addicted to this man. Through the water running down my face, I stared at the tattoos on his chest, the smooth curves of his bulging shoulders and biceps. I wanted to touch them. I wanted to stroke him all over, but the feeling of being held, of just having to watch and wait and throb with need...that was even better, in some ways.

What has he turned me into?

He lowered his head and licked at my breast, running his tongue over it in hungry strokes, licking away the water only for it to be instantly replaced with more. The combination of his rough licking and then the water flowing over my nipple had me panting in seconds.

Then he enveloped my breast with his mouth, surrounding my nipple with hot suction, and started to nibble on it just a little, letting me feel his teeth but not hurting me. I tried to climb the wall, the heat churning and roiling inside me, my wrists pressing hard against the hand that held them trapped.
God, I can’t escape.
The idea had me breathless.
He has me pinned and he’s going to—

He moved back enough to look into my eyes and he must have been able to see the desperate need there. I felt the head of him parting my lips and this time he slammed up into me. I panted as he slid deep....
deeper.
Filling me until I gasped and groaned and leaned forward to bite at his shoulder with my teeth.

And then he fucked me.

My legs tightened around his waist, my ankles hooking behind him as he began to stroke in and out. Clouds of steam were rising around us, caressing our bodies and leaving them glistening. Every slow, hard thrust made me hiss air between gritted teeth, delighting at the liquid friction. The feel of him right up inside me was perfect, like we’d been made to fit together, like I wasn’t complete without him there. I arched my back, heaving against the hand that held my wrists, turning my face up to the spray and letting it blast me. Luka’s free hand slid over my cheek and then his thumb pressed into my mouth.