Made to Love: Carmen and Cooper's Story (17 page)

They join me to admire themselves as well. We
all chuckle about our conceitedness. These two are the closest to
me, and I’m delighted to have them here. I was missing Cooper
earlier when all the couples were here for dinner. Now I am
focusing on a much needed night on the town. We follow Giselle
there, as she lives in the same direction. We got lucky finding two
spots beside each other. Marcia and I use this time to give Giselle
her Christmas gifts.

“
Shall we go and shake our asses?”
Marcia amusingly asks.

We both nod, and are ready to make our grand
entrance. As we pass through the security check, Giselle flirts
discreetly with the bouncer.

“
Well that’s a way to go after
what you want,” I playfully say.

We all laugh, and head to the bar. Giselle’s
friend, Lincoln works on the bottom floor. After drinks are in
hand, we make our way to the top floor for plenty of
dancing.

“
Double fisting tonight, girls.
It’s too much to try and make it back down here once we’re at the
top,” Giselle says while handing us two vodkas and cranberry
each.

Reaching the elevator, we make our
way to the highest level. The colors red and white are everywhere.
Even the female bartenders are dressed in skimpy red velvet dresses
with white furry trim. They also wear black over the knee boots
that have naughty written all over them. Plastic tip jars in the
shape of Christmas trees and Santa can be found all the way around
the bar. We chat and people watch for a moment while we finish our
drinks.

Then we end up on the dance floor before it
gets too crowded. “Blurred Lines” comes on and the people go wild.
Its then I notice some handsome guys heading in our direction. They
begin to dance with us.

Marcia and Giselle are grinding all over the
men who have approached them. I slow my rhythm as the man behind me
tries to lead me further back so our bodies are touching one
another. The only man I can envision overtaking my body is Cooper.
For a minute I close my eyes and pretend it’s him. My fantasies
fade when a recent Kanye West song begins. It ruins the moment for
me and I extend my thanks to the gentleman for the dance. He wants
to exchange numbers but I tell him I’m involved so he doesn’t press
the issue further. Marcia and Giselle look to be having a great
time. I tell them I’m headed home for the evening, but insist they
stay and enjoy themselves. Marcia offers to come back with me, but
I decline. I will be just fine alone tonight; I have some needs
that have to be attended too. They walk me to my car and then go
back in to continue dancing.

Arriving back at the apartment, I begin to
de-bundle the multiple layers of protection from the cold air
outside. When I think about the dance earlier, I start to
reminiscence of my first dance with Cooper and what soon followed
shortly thereafter. I strip down to just my panties and slip under
the covers seeking warmth in all areas of my body. While the images
are still fresh in my mind I begin to rub myself to moistness. I
could never make myself as wet as Cooper does. I am capable of
making myself climax though in record times. With the skilled
movement of my fingers, I aim at my clit with determined rubs, slow
at first, then gradually picking up the velocity. I haven’t
masturbated since I met Cooper. Within a minute of my steady
strokes my right hand is gripping the sheet as an orgasm rips
through me like a thief in the night.

I fall sound asleep
afterwards.

Chapter
Twenty-Eight

Every year Zoe Christian Ministries host a
Christmas Cantata at the Verizon Center. Three of the largest
choirs in our area come together and their voices create the most
beautiful sounds. The program starts at 3 PM, but from past
experience I always arrive at 2 PM. People from all over come out
and they are dressed to impress. This year I am wearing a long
elegant red gown, the waist is secured with a belt made of jewels.
The sleeves flutter and the front comes down in a deep V-neck
design. You can see the crystals peeping out from the bottom of my
dress. I have on my favorite Christian Louboutin pumps for this
special occasion. I conclude it with my long black wool Cashmere
winter coat. If I hadn’t messed up my relationship with Cooper, I
would have asked him to come. But I am going solo and I don’t mind
because I love music.

The Verizon center looks exactly
like a Christmas musical. The ushers hand out gold programs that
list all the songs that will be performed:
Go Tell It on the Mountain, Angels We Have Heard on High, Joy
to the World, Away in the Manger, Silent Night, Oh Little Town of
Bethlehem, The First Noel, Jingle Bells and We Wish You A Merry
Christmas.

The program lasted an hour. It was wonderful
and a few songs brought tears to my eyes. When I arrive at home, I
work out longer than usual because on Christmas I am going to enjoy
all of my mother’s desserts. After my shower I have a cup of cocoa
with plenty of marshmallows.

Marcia walks in as I am preparing to wrap my
parents and Cooper’s gifts. “What are you doing?” she
asks.

“
About to wrap these gifts,” I
reply.

“
Without me?”

“
Marcia, I didn’t know when you
were coming home.” She recognizes Cooper’s gift and then
understands my mood.

“
Carmen, I know you miss him and
things will work out in time.”

“
I guess. I am going to stop by
his house on Christmas.”

Marcia already knows this. “You should and let
him know how you feel.” While walking down the hall, she says,
“Give me five minutes to change and get my stuff.”

I turn on the season’s channel, so we can
listen to Christmas music. I light the cinnamon candles and make
more cocoa. Wrapping paper is skewed all across the floor: red with
glitter snowflakes, white with green Christmas trees topped with a
gold star. Bows of all shapes and colors are in a plastic bag.
Ribbon is located by the scissors and tape. Marcia always buys what
she calls a “special roll” each Christmas. This year she went with
a silver paper decorated with different color balls. I actually
purchased my own “special roll” to wrap the gift for the man I
love. It’s a shiny royal blue with white markings that resemble
snow falling from the sky. I eye a silver bow in Marcia’s bag of
goodies that I will use for the top.

“
I hate wrapping
gifts.”

“
Carmen, it is a part of the
spirit of Christmas plus you get to spend time with me.”

Rolling my eyes, I say, “I rather pay someone
to do this.”

Marcia bought her parents matching robes and
gift certificates to two of their favorite restaurants. For my dad,
who is obsessed with guns, he is getting a wooden gun cleaning tool
chest, a Gunvault (the deluxe series) and a $500 gift card to Guns
‘R Us. My mother, who doesn’t take proper care of her apple
products, will receive Louis Vuitton iPad case, Louis Vuitton
iPhone case, Louis Vuitton notebook cover and a Louis Vuitton
“Neverfall MM,” which is a large bag. It may seem like I go
overboard, but this is the only time of year that my parents allow
me to purchase items for them. For Cooper, I really hope he likes
his gift. It is a Reed and Barton Hamilton Decanter set. The
decanter is a crystal that holds 26oz of Scotch with four matching
12oz glasses. It is personalized with his initials CNJ, which stand
for Cooper Nathaniel Jackson.

Later that evening Marcia and I
exchange gifts. I give her a bath caddy that holds her wine glass,
bar of soap and one of her nasty books. I also give her a gift set
of Gucci Guilty, her favorite scent. Marcia knows me so well and
she gives me a red Dooney and Bourke purse filled with all my
favorite fragrances from Victoria’s Secret. Before Marcia leaves to
go to Chesterfield, we have our traditional pre-Christmas meal. All
we eat is junk food and top it off with a bowl of Rocky Road ice
cream.

Chapter
Twenty-Nine

Nausea has hit me when I pull into Cooper’s
driveway. I am so nervous walking towards the door. Beverly opens
the screen and smiles at me. It has been so long since I have seen
or spoken to Cooper. Seeing his mother oddly comforts
me.

Beverly reaches for me and I hug her. “I am so
glad that you are here, Carmen.”

Mr. Jackson walks towards us. “Carmen, it is
so good to see you.” I smile weakly.

We walk inside. There is a seven foot pine
tree in the far corner of the living room. The only embellishment
is the white lights wrapped around it.

“Where is Cooper?”

“He is in his study. Everything
will be okay,” Beverly says. Timothy gives me an encouraging
smile.

Walking into Cooper’s study, I feel like I am
going to faint, but he isn’t in here. The dark brown leather Kubus
sofa on the back wall is empty, so is the matching chair beside it.
A large mirror trimmed in gold is hung above the couch. Bookcases
align the wall behind his desk, all jam-packed with reading
material. His degrees are framed and hung where the bookcases end.
I decide to place his gift on his huge oak wood desk. The desk lamp
is on, computer screen is black. I notice a collage of pictures
with me being the only subject. I never knew he took my picture,
especially not when I was asleep. Picking up the silver picture
frame, I smile. It appears that the glass has recent smudges on it.
I wonder if he strokes the pictures the way he used to stroke my
cheek. Maybe he doesn’t hate me.

“
Put that down,” commands
Cooper.

Startled I quickly turn around. Cooper is
standing in front of me drying his hands. Instantly I place the
frame down.

I whisper, “Cooper.” God, how I have missed
him and now he is within reach. I fight the urge to run to him and
observe his face, which is blank with cold eyes.

“
Why are you here?”

Pointing to the gift, I say, “I
wanted to bring your gift and see you.”

He crosses his arms, “You have
seen me, now leave.”

This is so much harder than I
thought it would be.
Be brave,
Carmen
.

“
I also wanted to talk to you,” I
say. He looks livid. “I miss you and I am sorry for
everything.”

He interrupts me, “It’s Christmas,
a time you spend with people you care about, and they are down
stairs.”

What have I done to this man? Tears fall.
“Cooper I know you are angry with me, but please hear me out.” He
walks past me and sits in his chair. I continue, “You are the best
thing that has ever happened to me and I pushed you away. You loved
me and I was too scared and dumb to embrace it. I don’t want to
live without you. Please give us another chance.” He stares at me.
“I love you. I am in love with you. If you take me back I promise I
will never hurt you again,” I say.

Cooper stands up, I think he is going to hug
me and we will make up. I am wrong. He walks past me and opens the
door. “Are you finished?” he asks.

Am I finished?
Speechless, I just nod.

He replies, “Then show yourself
out.”

Beverly and Timothy are waiting for me at the
end of the stairs. My tears let them know things did not go well.
They look sad, but that’s nothing compared to how I
feel.

“
I am sorry Carmen, I thought
everything would work out,” says Beverly unhappily.

“
He is hurt and that’s my fault. I
am not giving up. I will fight for him, for us.”

Timothy tells me not to give up
and I reassure them that I won’t. We say our goodbyes and I drive
to Chesterfield to spend Christmas with my parents.

Chapter
Thirty

It is New Year’s Eve and the girls
and I decide to stay in. We are in our pajamas, drinking white
Russians, watching the count down. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two, one. “Happy New Year” we say to each other.
Starting the New Year with my friends is delightful, but I can’t
help but wonder what Cooper is doing. There hasn’t been any
communication between us since Christmas. I get my phone and reach
out.
Me:
Happy
New Year
Cooper:
Same to you
Me:
I love you

He never responds to the last
text.

A new year brings new beginnings, so they say.
My only resolution is to get Cooper back. But how? I need
assistance, so I call Beverly.

She answers, “Hi, Carmen. Happy New Year, how
are you?”

“
I am okay. Happy New Year.”
Silence. “I need your help with Cooper. He wasn’t pleased to see me
on Christmas and we haven’t had any contact.”

“
Of course I will help you,
sweetie.”

Did she just call me sweetie? This is beyond
bizarre.

“
Carmen, don’t let my son’s
stubbornness get you down. What do you want me to do?”

Who would have thought we would be working
together? It still blows my mind.