Maggie MacKeever (22 page)

Some moments passed in this fashion, as the travelers took their ease. The warmth of the sun was soothing, as were the country sounds, even the occasional distant clatter of traffic on the road. Tabby began to feel peaceful. Perry, with the additional inducement of consumed ale, drowsily closed his eyes.

The peace was shattered by a female voice. “There she is!” it cried. “I told you she had eloped!” Perry leaped up to find himself confronted by a wrathful vision, which stared at him in confusion. “Gracious! Who are
you?”

Tabby had jumped also, knocking the plate of muffins to the ground to the delight of the russet rooster, which promptly began to feast. “Ermyntrude!” gasped Tabby. “Whatever are you doing here?” Then she realized that Drusilla was also present, and Sir Geoffrey and Mr. Philpotts.

Sir Geoffrey took her hand. “M’dear, we couldn’t let you run off like that! Whatever nonsensical notion you may have taken into your head about sinking yourself quite below reproach. Which I don’t know how you could, considering that you’ve saved us from the clutches of that female.”

Tabby was touched by this kindness. “I cannot take advantage of you, sir!” she replied gruffly. “You see, Mrs. Quarles—”

Mr. Philpotts cleared his throat. “If I may interrupt—I fancy I understand your motives, Miss Minchin. And applaud you for them as well. You appreciate the delicacy of your position and fear that you will be looked upon as a person not fit for association with respectable people. You realize everyone must see your conduct in the most unfavorable light.
I
know your motives were the purest, but the way of the world is such that others will not credit your selflessness. I should have tried harder to dissuade you and feel very badly that I did not. I wish you will let me make it up to you. Give up this foolish journey and return to London as my wife.”

A brief silence followed this startling proposal. Not Tabby alone was stunned. Ermyntrude thought at first that Osbert was practicing making her his offer. She must tell him that a great deal more ardor was required and considerably less melancholy tones. Not that she could seriously consider his suit; her heart belonged to St. Erth.

Tabby interrupted Ermyntrude’s reflections. “Stuff!” she said. “You are making a great piece of work about nothing. As for your kind offer, I am very grateful to you for it, but you must see that it is impossible.”

He had not been practicing! Ermyntrude had expected Osbert to fling himself upon her coffin, and consequently felt betrayed. “If this don’t beat all!” she cried. “I am shocked, Osbert, that you would play fast and loose with me. It
is
me you was professing to be mad for, was it not, just the other day? As for you
you—”
she glared at Tabby. “So this is how you go on behind my back, you—you Jezebel! By inviting my suitors to make you the object of their gallantry.”

Osbert turned toward Ermyntrude. He was pale. “I didn’t—”

She cut him off. “I hope you will both be very happy! The pair of you deserve the other!” Ermyntrude turned and with immense dignity walked away. Behind her, she heard Osbert groan. This small satisfaction was marred by Tabby’s next remark. “Let her go,” said that traitress. “There’s no reasoning with her when she’s on her high ropes.”

Ermyntrude swept around the side of the building, cheeks aflame. How dared Tabby speak of her in that disrespectful manner? Tabby who was a mere employee in Ermyntrude’s own house? Blinded by her rage, Ermyntrude did not look where she was going. In the next instant, she bumped against a masculine chest.

The gentleman grasped her arm to prevent a nasty fall. “Oh!” said Ermyntrude, and glanced up to find herself in the possession of no less than St. Erth. He did not look glad to see her. Ermyntrude recalled that she had meant to impress him with her delicacy. Not a lass to miss an opportunity, she swooned.

St. Erth did not let her fall, of course; but he slung her unromantically over his shoulder, rather as if she were a sack of meal. He then carried her around the comer of the building and deposited her ungently on the picnic table. “I thought I heard your daughter’s voice!” he said to Sir Geoffrey. “Surely it was not with your connivance that she followed me here. I do not scruple to tell you that she is the most pushing, rag-mannered, cursedly
aggravating
piece of business I have ever met.” He scowled at the recumbent Ermyntrude. “Rather than bed her, I would prefer to remain celibate for the remainder of my days.”

Sir Geoffrey also regarded his daughter. “I can understand how you might feel that way!” he said. “The thing is, we didn’t follow you. It was Tabby here who—” He realized the imprudence of acquainting St. Erth with the truth. “Who thought this a splendid day for a jaunt!”

St. Erth scowled at Tabby. “You were in on it, too, were you? Again?”

“No, sir, I was not!” Tabby couldn’t blame the viscount for his suspicions, but wished that Ermyntrude were conscious to see him display himself in so unfavorable a light. “I assure you, sir, that we did not know you would be here today.”

“Perhaps not.” St. Erth was obliged to concede that he didn’t know how anyone could have anticipated his movements. He glared at Ermyntrude. “But I wouldn’t put anything past the little jade!”

“Little jade!” echoed Osbert, who was white with rage. “How dare you speak so, St. Erth? Perhaps Miss Elphinstone has been a trifle imprudent, but her recklessness stemmed only from a genuine devotion to you. Ermy is little more than a child, after all!”

“Ermy, is it?” sneered the viscount. “What other familiarities has she accorded you, Philpotts? Bad enough the chit is as bold as a brass-faced monkey. Now it also seems she may well be spoiled goods.”

This insult was too great for anyone to swallow, save Drusilla, who had gone to look about for her missing pet and therefore did not hear. “Sir!” gasped Tabby, even as Sir Geoffrey cried, “I say!” Ermyntrude sat up, pink with indignation, and Perry wished himself miles away. But it was Osbert who took action. He drew back his fist and drove it into the viscount’s face.

“Planted him a facer!” remarked Perry, in case anyone had failed to notice. “And drew his cork as well!”

Ermyntrude watched with satisfaction as St. Erth fumbled for handkerchief with which to staunch the blood flowing from his nose. “Oh, Osbert!” she breathed. “That was very brave! How foolish I am. I did not realize the sort of man St. Erth is! The scales have quite fallen from my eyes.”

“Thank God,” muttered the viscount into his bloody handkerchief.

Ermyntrude ignored this untimely interruption. She gazed soulfully at Osbert and sighed. “How very brave you were. Because now, of course, St. Erth will call you out.”

Sir Geoffrey deemed it time to exercise parental authority. “Oh, no, St. Erth will not. There’ll be no duels fought over you, miss!” he decreed. “Gus was right; you have been allowed to run wild. It’s time someone took you in hand.”

Took her in hand? This was very bad. Ermyntrude glanced at Osbert for support. Mr. Philpotts, however, had turned back to Tabby, “Pray reconsider my offer,” he said. “Allow me to protect you from slanders such as these. I know you do not love me—I do not expect it— nor will I insult you by saying you have taken my fancy to an alarming degree. More important, I believe we would deal well together. Miss Minchin. And I would do my utmost to make you happy.’’

Ermyntrude could not believe what she was hearing. “Tabby! You aren’t going to accept? If you do, I’ll never speak to you again!”

Sir Geoffrey wished, in a somewhat unpaternal manner, that his elder daughter might succumb to another swoon. “Hush, puss. Tabby must do as she thinks best.” He glanced at Perry. “Unless it’s true that she’s already eloping with someone else!”

“No, no!” gasped Tabby, as Perry chocked on the remainder of his ale. “Perry is an old friend, who was kind enough to bear me company on my trip.”

“Thereby compromising you!” Osbert said sternly. “You must curb this tendency toward unconventional behavior, Miss Minchin, or you will truly find yourself in the suds. I beg you to reconsider. As my wife—”

“No!” Ermyntrude leaped up from the picnic table and clutched Osbert’s arm. “She shan’t have you! I know I’ve been very foolish, but in my heart I’ve always been yours!” Osbert stared at her, clearly at a loss for words. Viscount St. Erth, who had been trying to determine whether or not a duel was called for, so much enjoyed the sight of Mr. Philpotts’s discomfiture that he sat down beside Perry, prepared to be further entertained.

Sir Geoffrey was more concerned with Tabby. “What you didn’t say was why you thought you must go away. I thought you was happy with us, puss! We thought you quite one of the family, you know.’’

Tabby could not bear to think she’d hurt her kindly employer’s feelings. “I
was
happy! You don’t understand. Mrs. Quarles—”

“The devil with Mrs. Quarles!” said Sir Geoffrey. “She’s no threat to us now—and for that, m’dear, we’re in your debt. Allow us to repay you. Come along now and forget this nonsense!”

“Yes, but she’s not to marry Osbert!” put in Ermyntrude, taking firmer grip on her bemused swain. “Pa, say she’s not!”

“Tabby will marry whomever she wishes.” Sir Geoffrey frowned at his daughter. “To my way of thinking, Philpotts would do better to have her than you.”

“Yes, but he shan’t!” said Tabby, before Ermyntrude could erupt into further protest. “I very solemnly assure you that I don’t wish to marry anyone.”

“Then that’s settled.” Ermyntrude sighed. A dreadful thought struck her. “Osbert, you don’t
mind?”

Mind that the seemingly unattainable object of his affections was snuggled in his arms? Osbert thought not. But Ermyntrude must learn that he would not dwell under the hen’s foot. “Well,” he said, “we’ll see!.

“Good!” said Sir Geoffrey, in response not to Mr. Philpotts but to Tabby’s disavowal of any matrimonial plans. “Then Tabby may come along home with me.”

Tabby wished she might. She regarded Sir Geoffrey’s hand. Before she could shatter his hopes. Perry started as if he’d seen a ghost. “Viv!”

Vivien Sanders had indeed come round the corner of the inn some moments past, had stood observing the group gathered around the rustic little table set beneath the gnarled oak. What he had just witnessed had in no way altered certain notions that he’d taken into his mind. He had not expected to discover that Perry was a traitor, true; but Perry’s perfidy could be dealt with at another time. He strode toward the table until he was face-to-face with the gentleman who had just made Tabby an improper offer. “Elphinstone?” he asked.

Sir Geoffrey had no idea who this angry-looking stranger was. Yes, and he felt a little angry himself at being interrupted in the midst of his impassioned plea. “Yes, I’m Elphinstone!” he retorted. “What of it? Who the deuce are you, and what do you want?”

Vivien allowed his actions to speak for him. He stripped off his glove and slapped Sir Geoffrey across the cheek.

Drusilla came around the table. “Tabby! What have you done with Lambchop?” she cried. Then she became aware of the shocked silence. Tabby, for all her fits and starts, still seemed the most sensible person present now that Ermyntrude had Mr. Philpotts acting like a mooncalf. Drusilla hurried to Tabby’s side. “What’s happened, Tabby? What’s amiss?”

Tabby reached out, drew Drusilla closer. “I’m afraid,” she said faintly, “that Mr. Sanders has just challenged your papa to a duel.”

Chapter Twenty-four

A spirited discussion then ensued, concerning the finer points of etiquette involved in the fighting of a duel. Such was Mr. Sanders’s temper that he wished the event to take place immediately. Sir Geoffrey, on his mettle, was inclined to agree. Mr. Philpotts, however, gave it as his opinion that to act so precipitously was not at all the thing. Seconds must be chosen, and certain important points settled, such as weapons, place, and time—that is, if the seconds could not effect a reconciliation, as they were required to try.

“Reconciliation? Never.” A muscle clenched in Vivien’s jaw. “Perry! You’ll stand up for me.”

Perry squirmed. “Glad to, Viv. Thing is, old fellow, wouldn’t do you much good. Can’t stand the sight of blood—invariably cast up my accounts!”

“Never mind!” put in St. Erth, who was finding the proceedings as entertaining as a play. “I’ll stand up for you, Sanders. And Philpotts here can second Elphinstone.”

“Very well,” said Osbert sternly. “But you must swear to utter no more slanders about Ermyntrude.”

The viscount gingerly touched his injured nose. “I’ll never so much as say her name again. You have my word on it, Philpotts.”

Ermyntrude had been eyeing Mr. Sanders with interest. So this was Tabby’s rakehell. “Oh!” she cried, at the realization that she was to be parted from her newly discovered true love, females having no place on the field of honor, as everyone knew. “This is very bad of you, Pa. You wouldn’t allow a duel to be fought over me, and now here you are dueling yourself!”

So, apparently, he was. Sir Geoffrey was not entirely certain how this circumstance had come about. Nor, it appeared, were any of the other parties to the business. Mr. Philpotts and Viscount St. Erth were finding it difficult to agree on who had given the first offense. Granted, Mr. Sanders had struck Sir Geoffrey, which was a grave matter; a blow was strictly prohibited under any circumstances among gentlemen, and no verbal apology could be acceptable for such an insult. Still, one could not but think he’d had some cause.

Mr. Sanders offered them no enlightenment, but spoke scornfully to Perry. “So you are off to butter up your wealthy aunt. How right you were not to let
my
petty business interfere.”

Perry flushed as this barbed comment found its mark. “Dash it, Viv!” he cried. “I think you must have a head full of bees. First you accuse poor Tabby of being no better than she should be, which I knew she couldn’t be on account of being old Tolly’s niece, and now
this
—
”

Mr. Sanders’s brows drew together. “And who was old Tolly?” he inquired.

It wasn’t often that Perry had the opportunity to put his friend out of countenance. Savoring the moment, he brushed muffin crumbs from his spotted sleeve. Impatiently, Vivien closed his fingers around that same sleeve. “My tutor at Cambridge!” Perry said hastily.