Maggie Malone Gets the Royal Treatment (8 page)

When I Find Out the MMBs Come with a Catch

“You look to be one thirsty princess,” Henry says, handing me the ice water, which I immediately put to my forehead because this big fat baby dress is made of the kind of silk that traps in all the heat. It's like an EasyDoesIt Oven under these bajillion buttons. I can't believe my knickers aren't sliding right off.

“Would you care to get some fresh air, Mimi?” he asks. Without having to think about it at all, I float up from my chair and take his arm.

We walk just outside the tent, and I swear it feels about a hundred degrees cooler out here. It really is a beautiful night—like one of those nights you see in a movie where there's not a cloud in the sky, the stars are blinking, and a big white moon looks like a spotlight on the pond until a swan swims by and leaves little waves in his wake. Seriously? It's like I'm in a fairy tale. And
hello
, I
am
chatting with a handsome prince out here so…

“Mimi?” Henry says, leaning forward to get my attention.

“Huh?” I say.

“You look like you're a hundred miles away,” he says with a smile.

“Oh, I just…I…I was just thinking it's such a pretty night,” I say, shaking my head a little.
Wake
up, Malone! Be royal!

“Can I ask you a question, Mimi?” Henry says, strolling as we talk.

“Yeah, I mean, of course, Henry,” I say, remembering to talk like a princess. “What is it?”

“It's just…I just…well, I wanted to say that you've seemed quite different today. More…I don't know…and please don't take this the wrong way, but more fun?” he says with a grin, tilting his head to the side as we walk. “Perhaps, more real? I don't know what I'm trying to get at. I guess I wanted to say that I've really enjoyed your company today.”

“Awww, Henry,” I say, hitting him hard in the arm. “That's so sweet!” I don't know why I do that—punch a guy in the arm after he says something nice to me. It's like a twitch or a nervous habit or something, sort of like the way I chew the inside of my cheek when I talk to a cute boy, which I'm trying really
really
hard not to do right now.

“Wow!” Henry says, rubbing his shoulder. “That's quite a left hook you've got there, Princess!”

“Sorry!” I say.
Really, Malone? Did you have to punch the prince?
I sure know how to mess up a fairy-tale moment.

“Shouldn't you be saving the punches for your sweet cousin?” Henry asks, laughing. “You two have been what I would
almost
call civil all day long—at least
you
have been. It's like she's not getting to you today, no matter what she does. You're a true princess, Mimi, through and through. And an incredible person on top of that. And today you proved it.”

“Oh, well, I…thanks, Henry,” I stammer.
I'm totally tongue-tied because first of all, a REAL-LIFE PRINCE just called me incredible. Me! And second of all, I can't believe that Mimi has a part in this crazy cousin-feud too! And here I was, turning my cheek—over and over—thinking the problem was all Penelope.
I must look as flustered as I feel, because Prince Henry reaches for my hand, and when he does, I chomp down hard on my cheek. This time I get my tongue too. I've really got to work on that.

“Are you all right, Mimi?” Prince Henry asks, adorably concerned.

“Um, yeah, I'll be right back, okay?” I say through a close-lipped smile, hoping no blood is seeping out. I grab the sides of my puffy dress and run across the lawn behind the tent where a bunch of servers are shuffling back and forth. I find a parked linen truck and twist the little side mirror around so I can stick out my tongue and survey the damage.

“ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!” I scream when I see Frank's face in there. He's laughing and sticking his tongue right back out at me.

“Frank, what are you
doing
here?” I whisper, looking around to see if my little explosion attracted any attention. Fortunately, the party sounds drowned me out.

“Just checking in, Malone,” Frank says with a sly grin. “Everything going okay?”

“Well, obviously Penelope and Mimi have this serious rivalry thing going on. But guess WHAT? Turns out, the meanness goes both ways. Only I've been all
give
Penelope
another
chance, she'll come around, don't make any waves.
And she's just getting worse by the second. It's like the more I let her get away with, the more evil she becomes!”

“You hit the nail on the head with that one, Malone,” Frank says, pulling a nail from the side of his mouth and hammering it into a board with three hard whacks. “Get it? Hit the nail? I crack myself up, honestly.”

“What are you
doing
, Frank?” I ask. I swear I don't think I've seen that guy in the same place twice.

“Oh, just a little home repair work for my cousin, Ishmael,” Frank explains. “He's not very handy with a hammer, but if you want a magic carpet ride, he's your guy. Anyway, you know what you have to do, and it'll be good practice too…
Handmaiden
.”

“Oh, yeah,
that
,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Thanks for reminding me, Frank. And yeah, I'll have to deal with that when I get home, but if these girls want to fight like two cats in a bag, it's not like there's anything I can do to stop them. Besides, my day as Mimi is almost over, so she'll just have to figure this mess out herself!”

“Actually,” Frank says, putting his hammer down. “That's not how it works.”

“What is
that
supposed to mean?” I demand.

“Here's the thing, Malone, and I feel a little bad about not mentioning this sooner, but in order for you to keep taking the MMBs for a spin, you have to affect each life you try on in some positive way. Magic has a price.”

“Wait,
what
?” I ask. “You didn't tell me that! I could lose my MMBs?!”

“Well, yeah, that's sort of the point of all of this. And you did that, no problem, when you were in Becca Starr's shoes,” Frank says, looking guilty. “So you need to figure out a way to bring Mimi and Penny together, help them see eye to eye. These girls have been at each other since they were in nappies—that's British for diapers. They sure do have some funny words, don't they? Anyway, they'll probably keep going at it till they're knocking wheelchairs unless they learn to get along. And somebody's got to be the bigger person to make that happen. I believe that person is you, Maggie Malone.”

“So I need to patch things up between these two princesses or it's bye-bye MMBs? In the next
hour
? How am I supposed to do
that
? I don't want to lose them—you know I don't—but that's a pretty tall order, Frank!”

“You'll figure something out,” Frank says. “I don't doubt it for one second.” Before I can tell him he's officially nuts, somebody cranks the linen truck's engine and I barely have time to jump out of the way before it pulls away, the tailgate flapping in the breeze.

When I Stick to What I Know

I make my way back toward the tent, but I don't see Henry outside anymore. He must have gone back in—or maybe he's hiding somewhere. I wouldn't blame him. I did act a little freaky when he touched my hand. Inside the tent, the orchestra has switched back to some more wedding-type music. Couples are swishing across the dance floor, and since I don't have a dance partner, I trot over to the cake table.

The woman working the cake table is a serious grump. When I walk up, she acts like she doesn't see me even though I know she totally does. And here's the thing: there are THREE CAKES and none of them are peanut butter flavor. There's a giant, rose-covered, ten-tier white cake for the bride, a big, velvety chocolate airplane for the groom, and a red and blue and brown ice cream cake in the shape of a pheasant (as in, the hunting bird). That one's in honor of the groom's springer spaniel, Seymour.

I stand in front of the big white cake and hold out my plate. The lady hands over a slice. Then I move on to the airplane. When I hold up my plate, she looks at me with these giant bug eyes but finally cuts me off a sliver.
Gee
thanks.
Honestly, how many times in my life am I going to get to eat a piece of a cake shaped like an airplane?

“And a slice of the pheasant,
por
favor
,” I say with a smile to the tight-lipped cake lady. She takes her knife, slices off the bird's butt and plops it onto my plate. I can tell she thinks she's giving me a terrible piece, but it's mostly icing so I couldn't be happier.

I happily clutch my cake trio and scan the room, finally locking eyes with Henry. He's back at our table and he's waving me over. I want to cry happy tears. With the way I ran away from him like that, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd found a way to switch seats. I wave back and start making my way back to the table when somebody starts clinking their spoon on their water glass. It must be time for speeches.

This
should
be
as
fun
as
watching
Granny
Malone
and
her
friends
play
a
game
of canasta
, I think to myself as I lower myself into the seat Prince Henry has thoughtfully pulled out for me. The Archduke of Wincastle, who is at least a hundred years old, goes first. He mumbles something about tradition and prosperity and I don't know what else because, well, it's really boring and I am very busy trying to balance my fork on my water glass. The second he finishes, Penelope bolts out of her seat. She races toward the stage and snatches the mic right out of the archduke's hand.

“What
is
she doing?” Prince Henry whispers to me.

“Thank you, Your Imperial and Royal Highness, for those ever so lovely and inspiring words of wisdom,” Penelope gushes. The archduke sits down looking confused. I'm guessing this is not the official order of how things usually go around here.

“Maybe she has a toast for the bride and groom?” I whisper back to Prince Henry. Just as I say this, Penelope glares in my direction and I know she's devised another plan to throw me under a stampede of royal horses.

Penelope clears her throat. “I'd love to offer my best wishes to the bride and groom,” she says, looking in their direction. “But I feel it's only right that the next speech be given by the one who wears the Crown Cape. Without further ado, please welcome Princess Wilhelmina of Wincastle!” Penelope smiles, looking oh-so-pleased with herself.

Oh
no
she
didn't!

Every eyeball in the room is on me, including the two that belong to Prince Henry, who looks totally terrified for me. He can't believe I'm actually going to do this and honestly, neither can I. But it's not like I can just run out of the tent or click my heels together and disappear, which would certainly come in handy right about now. I stand up slowly and give Prince Henry a little shrug as I push back my chair. The room starts to spin a little as I walk toward the stage. When I pass Penelope, she bumps me hard in the shoulder and mumbles something I can't make out, thankfully.

I pick up the microphone and scan the crowd of unsmiling, unfamiliar faces. This is almost as bad as the time in third grade when I made it all the way to the Math Olympics and then I froze on the stage and couldn't answer a single question. Actually, it's worse. At least then I didn't have mean old Princess Penelope in the audience, snickering at me and enjoying every second of my humiliation.

“Umm, cheerio everyone,” I say, my voice shaking. “I'm sorry, I don't really have anything prepared…” I look over to see Penelope grinning ear to ear, pleased as punch to see me looking like a raccoon caught in headlights.
Not
gonna
happen, Princess Penny!
I give myself a quick pep talk.
It's now or never, Malone. You've made it this far. You can do this!

“But I too would like to offer my best wishes to the bride and groom,” I start. “Let's give them a nice round of applause!”

Even though I'm clapping like a lunatic, nobody joins in. This is not going well. What can I say about two people I don't even know?
Ooh, I know. Compliments! People love compliments!

“They sure look fancy today, don't they? I mean, they look perfect—just like a teeny, tiny bride and groom on top of a wedding cake!” I gush, but the crowd just looks confused. I figure that was the wrong thing to say so I try to backpedal. “Except they're not made of cheap plastic and they're definitely not miniature people. In fact they're
huge
!” I say, opening my arms wide.
Hello, they are royalty!
But when I say this, the groom's table lets out a big gasp. Now I realize this is probably because the groom is a little on the hefty side, to say the least.
I'm dead meat.
I seriously want to pick up a fork and dig myself a hole in the grass and climb down into it.
Take
a
deep
breath
,
Malone.
Think
, I tell myself.
Wait,
don't
think! Just stick to what you know
.

“Starting a brand-new life is a big deal—because you never know what that life is going to be like,” I say, and I get a few nods. Man, this is not an easy crowd.

“Princess Clementine and Prince Clayton have it all,” I add, and there's lots more nodding and even a few polite grins out there. “But the truth is, their life together won't be perfect. Because no life ever is, even if you're royalty—no disrespect, Your Majesty.” I give a quick curtsy toward the queen, who twists her lips into the tiniest of smiles. I kind of expected a little more out of her, after we booty scooted together and all, but whatever. I start to relax a little.

“I'm just a kid, but there's one thing I do know: Life is like a grab bag from the candy store,” I say. “It might be full of the best lollipops you ever tasted, but there's also going to be some horrid, sour jellyfruit in there too.” The crowd is chuckling and actually looking happy now, and I'm starting to feel like at least half a million royal bucks.

“So to the bride and groom, I would like to say: May your life together be a lot more sweet than sour, and may every day together be an exciting new adventure!”

I raise my water glass and the whole room goes crazy clapping and cheering. Except for Penelope, who stands and rushes from her seat in a red-faced fury.