Magic Unchained (23 page)

One corner of his mouth twitched. “It started that last summer, even before we kissed. It wasn’t so bad when I stayed on the move, but when we wound up stuck here together at Skywatch, I couldn’t outrun it anymore. I had to send you away. And then when you came back… Shit. It hit me like a godsdamned sledgehammer seeing you get out of that Hummer, all slick and dangerous, like a badass version of the girl I used to know. But at the same time you’re still you—you’re tough, brave, resourceful, and you’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. I want that. I want you, Cara.” He kept his hands jammed against the stone slab as if afraid that if he moved he would reach for her, and he wasn’t sure what her reaction would be.

She wasn’t sure either. What was she supposed to think? To say? She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t string two words together, couldn’t do anything but stare at him. “Then why…” she began, then faltered. But although the question went unfinished, it vibrated in the air between them, just as sex magic had an hour before.
Why didn’t you say something? Why weren’t you ever around?

“Your father warned me off.”

“My…” She couldn’t keep going. The oxygen had suddenly been sucked from her lungs, and not because she didn’t believe him, but because she did. She could practically see it, could all but write the script.

Carlos never would’ve allowed anything to happen between her and Sven—a
winikin
and a mage. And not
just because of tradition, but because she’d never measured up.

Sven lowered his arms and turned to lean against the stone. He let his head fall back against the solid slab and looked up, though she didn’t know if he was seeing the animals or memories. “That was why I was all hell-bent on riding out without talking to you or your mom that day. He said he’d seen the direction I was looking, and told me to stay the hell away, that you were just a teenager and it was up to me to be the grown-up.”

And that too had the ring of truth, though she suspected there had been more to it than that. The breath whistled in her lungs as she tried to wrap her brain around this new information, tried to slot it into what she knew, or thought she’d known. Not about her father—she’d long ago stopped trying to fix things there—but about Sven. She’d spent big chunks of the past few years telling herself not to dwell on ancient history, but now it was there in her head, replaying that summer in such detail that she knew she hadn’t forgotten the past, after all. Now, though, the memories shifted and shivered, trying to realign themselves.

“That’s why you didn’t come back to visit after that summer?” she asked in a voice that didn’t sound much like her own.

He hesitated. “I wish I could say that was the only reason.”

Disappointment kicked, warning her that a small, stupid spark of hope had kindled inside her.
Don’t go there,
she chided, even though it was already too late. But at the same time it was ridiculous to think even for a second that she’d been the reason for his wandering. She
might have been a catalyst, but ranging free was bred into him, bone and soul.

“I haven’t been a teenager for a long time.” It came out sounding far more choked up than she wanted to admit to being. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Carlos is still your father. Even before I knew that he’d saved my life the night of the massacre, I knew I owed him for keeping me and raising me like he did. He’d never really asked me for anything before that day, so I did my damnedest to give it to him all those years, not realizing that it wasn’t just about you being his daughter; it was about me being a mage.”

“And me a
winikin
.” But it was more a question than a statement, because that had never seemed to bother Sven. If anything, he’d been the first one to ignore the traditions when it came to class and status at Skywatch.

He shook his head. “No, never. When we first got here, I kept things to myself because I was trying to cope with the what-the-fuck shock of becoming a Nightkeeper and dealing with the magic and everything that comes with it.” He paused. “And let’s face it… you hated it here.”

“I… Yeah.” Even now, her chest tightened when she thought back to those months. She had bitterly resented being indentured without permission, and to the one person who could pull strong emotions out of her without even trying—or seeming to notice. Except he
had
noticed… and he’d sent her away.

“Then, when you came back, there was no way in hell I could say anything. Jox was right when he chose you to lead the
winikin,
and I knew I couldn’t fuck with that.” He shifted, looked at her with eyes that reached inside her and kindled sparks of desire amid the confusion. His voice
roughened as he said, “I wanted to, though. Seeing you, being around you… Gods. So I took off. But I couldn’t get you out of my head. And when I got back here and saw you again… everything was suddenly right in the world, because I could talk to you, tell you some of what I had figured out. I couldn’t tell you how I really felt, though, because things were still so unsettled with the
winikin
.”

“But—” She had to break off and swallow past the huge lump in her throat. “None of that has changed. If anything, it’s going to get worse.”

The corners of his mouth turned up in rueful acknowledgment, though his eyes stayed very serious. “You’re not kidding.”

“Then why…” In the end, she could only get out, “Why now?” She was floundering in emotional waters that were way over her head.

His expression softened, going almost sad. “It’s because of what you said about regrets… and what you did about it.”

“What, you mean jumping your bones?” The words came out fast and brittle.

“Don’t.” He reached toward her but stopped short of making contact. “The humor-as-defense thing doesn’t work on me. I’ve had way more practice at it. Besides, I’m not just talking about the sex, though that was fantastic. I’m talking about not letting moments get away from us.” He paused, looking over at the cave paintings. “You’re right, you know. We may not have all that many moments left, and we owe it to the gods to use the ones we’re given to the fullest, and live without regrets.”

“That’s not exactly what I said.” Her voice didn’t quite tremble, but it sure as hell wanted to, because suddenly this all felt very real and important.

A corner of his mouth kicked up, then flattened again. “Okay, so I’m interpreting a little. But here’s the thing. I don’t want to go into the last three months of the countdown without you knowing that I have feelings for you that go way beyond what happened here today. And maybe us having a chance to see what could happen between us for real.” He paused, his expression caught somewhere between wary and expectant.

If he had kissed her then, she thought she would’ve gone up in flames, thrown herself at him, and agreed to damn near anything. He didn’t so much as lean toward her, though, leaving it her decision. She nearly cursed him for it.

“I…” She swallowed and tried again. “I don’t think…
Damn it
.” She rubbed both hands across her face, trying to get herself centered enough to have a conversation, or even a logical thought process. But that wasn’t easy when one part of her was busy singing a happy chorus of hormones, while another part was sending up warning buzzers. As she lowered her hands, though, her eyes were caught by the new mark on her forearm.

Gods
. How was she supposed to deal with all that had happened in such a short time? Zane, Lora, Sven, the cave, the mark… it was all suddenly too much. Panic had her heart racing and sweat chilling her forehead; claustrophobia had her stomach knotting so tightly it hurt. “I can’t do this right now.” Her voice broke on the words. “I need some time, some space.” The last was nearly a whimper.

“Are you okay?” His face instantly falling into concerned lines, he reached for her.

She edged back, out of reach. “Yes. No. I need to get out of here.”

“You… Oh, right.” His disappointment was evident, but so was his understanding. He of all people would get what it meant to feel trapped and unable to deal, needing to run free.

Without another word, he nodded, palmed his knife, and called his magic with a few murmured words.

She didn’t feel anything this time, but there was a low rumbling sound and the stone slab began to move. Relief slashed through her, followed by a sharp twist of grief. She didn’t let herself dwell on either, though, as the doorway cracked open.

From outside, Mac gave a joyous bark. A burst of radio static erupted from Sven’s armband, followed by Dez’s voice, a low growl of, “Tell me that’s you, Sven, and that you’ve got Cara and you’re both okay.”

“It’s us,” she called. “We’re fine. I’m coming out.” Without waiting for Sven, she surged through the widening crack and back out into open air and into a whole new reality, with no idea of how she was going to deal with the changes… or what tomorrow was going to look like.

Skywatch

“Hang back here for a minute,” Sven said in an undertone, waving Cara into the shadows of the cacao grove beyond the
winikin
’s hall, where the celebration was still going strong even though it was nearly two in the morning. “I’ll check things out and give you the all-clear.”

In the starlight he could just see her spine stiffen and her head come up, but he couldn’t see her expression, and vice versa. Which was probably for the best.

After the briefest hesitation, she nodded. “Roger.”

The two syllables were about all she’d said directly to him since they left the cave and reunited with Mac and a dozen very worried teammates. And for the thousandth time since then, Sven wished he’d kept his damn mouth shut.

In the middle of the cave, the magic, and the aftermath of the kind of sex that was guaranteed to make a guy say too much, too soon—telling her had seemed like the right thing to do. Hell, it’d seemed like the only thing
he could do, because deep down inside, he’d known that if he didn’t tell her then, he might not ever do it.

That probably would’ve been better, though. It’d been bad enough when he had been the only one running from his feelings. He was an old pro at it, after all. For him to add that onto her plate now… Shit, bad timing.

So much for the whole “no regrets” thing. He didn’t regret the sex—that would be like saying, “No, thanks,” to breathing, especially when it had been just the one time, no harm, no foul—but he badly regretted bringing the other stuff into it. Because what was he offering her, really? He was the same guy he’d always been, and that guy wasn’t good for anything more than a short-term fling. Dozens of women could attest to that, and Cara knew him better than all of them put together.

Go? Stay
? The thought-glyphs appeared in his mind at the same time a warm, furry body pressed against his leg, almost hard enough to knock him off balance, in the canine version of,
Get your shit together and let’s do this
.

“Stay,” he told Mac. “Protect.” Actually, he would’ve liked to have the coyote with him for the recon, but he had a feeling it’d take some doing to peel his familiar away from Cara. He wasn’t sure how much Mac understood about what had happened, but the coyote had been practically glued to her since they got out of the cave, bristling when anyone so much as got too close to her.

Then again, so was Sven.

He had managed to hold his frustration in check through their debriefing on the
winikin
’s treason, the coyote cave, his and Cara’s shared vision, and the
nahwal
’s message. He hadn’t let on to the others that anything sexual had happened between them, hadn’t even
let himself look too long at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking. Instead, he’d done his damnedest to focus on helping come up with a plan to deal with the traitors.

In the end, it had circled back around to the two of them anyway: Cara needed to be in on their arrest for the obvious reasons; Dez had wanted only one mage involved, so the
winikin
wouldn’t feel like they’d been ganged up on; and Sven had volunteered with enough of a back-off glare to keep the others from chiming in.

Yeah, they could both probably use some distance, but he’d be damned if he took it at her expense this time. Besides, he wanted to get his hands on Zane.

Moving quietly, he crossed the packed-dirt open space between the grove and the training hall, then eased up the stairs for the second time that night, which brought a flash of disbelief at how much had changed in… what, six hours? Less? Christ, that was a mind-fuck.

The porch was deserted, the noise level muted compared to what it had been before, and when Sven eased to a window and took a look inside, he was unsurprised to find that there were only twenty or so
winikin
left. Those twenty were the hard cores, though: hard-core drinkers, hard-core rebels. And they were sitting at a central table, riveted to whatever Zane was saying.

The bastard’s body language was animated, but his eyes were cool and hard, like part of him was standing back and watching his own performance, weighing it. Was he trashing Cara’s leadership style and making a full-on argument for his own, or was he manipulating things more subtly, pointing out flaws in a seemingly positive way and trusting the others to reach the conclusion he wanted? Or, hell, maybe he was singing her
praises, planning to play the bereaved suitor and friend when her body was discovered, and only then letting the others convince him to take command.

Lora was there too, sitting on the other side of the table, looking as rapt as the rest of them. Cara said she’d acted like she’d been brainwashed, as if Zane had found a way to give her the certainty and security she craved, albeit his own twisted version of them. As far as Sven was concerned, though, a weak character was no excuse for attempted murder.

Fuckers
. Anger burned his veins at seeing them there, acting like it was nothing to have left Cara tied up in a flooding cave. If he hadn’t gone looking for her, or Mac hadn’t been able to track her…
Shit.
Forget Dez’s plan to question them; he should just fireball their asses where they sat.