Magick (Book 3 in the Coven Series) (7 page)

“But you were so angry when you saw me earlier.”

“I didn’t know what to think,” he says. “I had as big of a tug of war going on inside of me as you did when you were fighting your darkness.” He runs his fingers back through his hair. “At the risk of sounding like a shrink, I guess I was protecting myself in case you weren’t you anymore. I didn’t want to care if there was nothing left of the real you.”

I bite my lip to stop it trembling. “I’m so sorry.” The words come out barely above a whisper. I clear my throat before pressing on. “It could have so easily been you or Toni. I could have probably killed even Egan with the amount of power that was flowing through me.”

Keller walks slowly toward me. “I don’t think so. You want to believe that hate is what sent you over the edge. But I know you, Jax. There was as much love behind what you did as hate. Love for Fiona, for me, all of your friends.”

I press my hand against my forehead and walk away from him, circling the room like Sarah has a tendency to do. “I don’t want you to forgive me so easily. What I did
 . . .
it’s a horrible thing to kill a person.”

Keller doesn’t let the distance between us stand and approaches me again. I fight against the part of me that wants to accept his forgiveness and forget about Barrow, to move on. But that feels too much like what a dark witch would do, kill with no remorse. My feet fail me this time, and I stand still as Keller draws closer.

“You’re right,” he says. “It’s not a small thing. The fact that you’re so upset over the demise of someone as rotten as Barrow should tell you all you need to know about yourself.” He stops close to me and lifts his hand to push a lock of my hair away from my forehead. His touch nearly brings tears to my eyes again.

“I’ve been trained my entire life to value human life above all else,” he says. “But, God forgive me, I don’t mourn Barrow’s loss in the least. He was a murderer, and he would have killed again.” Keller cups my jaw with his warm palm. “I value your life a million times more than his. You might be a supernatural being, but you’re the better person.”

I try to pull away, but he doesn’t let me. When I can’t hold it back, a single tear trickles out of my eye.

Keller wipes it away. “There’s no going back, Jax. No undoing what has been done. And no good will come of you dwelling on what you can’t change when it’s way more important that you focus on what you can.”

I look up at him and realize there’s no way I could ever love someone more than I love him. “I don’t deserve you.”

He shrugs and smiles. “Probably not. I am quite a catch.”

His unexpected words draw a laugh from me. Only hours ago I’d thought I would never have a reason to laugh again. I lift my hand to his cheek. “I love you, Keller Dawes, and I’m going to do everything within my power to make up for everything wrong I’ve ever done. Not just killing Barrow, but also manipulating people, leaving you without a word.” I take a breath and let it out slowly. “Not believing you’re strong enough to take part in whatever battle is coming. I won’t stand here and say that I’m not going to worry about you or that I wouldn’t lay down my life for you, because I will. But I also know you’re stronger than I’ve ever given you credit for. Toni, too.”

He smiles as he pulls me close. “It’s about time you realized that. Who’s to say that we can’t create our own type of coven, one with witches and hunters and blond girl drummers?”

I smile, widely this time. “I like that idea.”

Keller lowers his lips toward mine. “For the record, I love you, too, Jaxina Pherson.” His lips meet mine, and I sink into him.

I stand on top of a hill,
my hair whipping in the wind off the coming storm. It feels so good to be outside, to be free. I flex my fingers and smile when I feel the power crackling at my fingertips. Yes, this is right.

I open my eyes to see the thick, dark clouds racing by in the distance, heading out to sea to churn some waves. I track them and see a boat far out on an ocean that wasn’t there a moment ago. Such a tiny little speck with tiny little people on board. I wonder what would happen if their boat disappeared beneath them. Would they scream, or would the waves swallow them too quickly for them to draw breath? I cock my head to the side and lift my hand, electricity arcing between my fingers. I realize I’m the one creating this storm, and I inhale the scent of fear-tinged rain.

“Jax, no!”

I spin, my hair flying out in all directions. I stare hard at the darkened woods behind me. Whose voice is that? Who dares to interrupt me? I head for the woods, but my feet don’t touch the ground. Instead, I drift quickly toward the line of trees.

“Don’t do this,” says the voice again. A man’s voice. No, a boy’s. Something in between.

Suddenly, I’m standing next to an old cemetery. A figure walks out of the shadows, someone I recognize but can’t name.

“You don’t want to hurt people,” he says as he comes closer.

Curiosity piqued, I look at him like you do when you see an exotic animal at the zoo. “You don’t know me very well.”

“I do,” he says. “I know you better than anyone.”

I lift my hand to let him see my personal supply of lightning. “I wouldn’t come any closer if I were you, little boy.”

He ignores me. I’m surprised by the pained look on his face. I haven’t even done anything to him yet.

“Stop!”

Still he continues walking toward me. Now he’s making me angry. I’m going to have to show him, show everyone what happens when I’m angry. I jab my hands forward, sending the full force of my power into him. He bends backward, screaming in agony. I smile then laugh as his body begins to smoke and shrivel. The sight only fuels my desire to show how powerful I am. I don’t stop until he’s nothing more than a little lump of coal. I watch, detached as that black lump hangs in the air for a moment then falls in slow motion.

Pain hits me in the chest along with his name a split second before the coal hits the ground.

“Keller!”

The coal lands and explodes into nothing more than black dust.

I wake gasping great gulps
of air, as if I’ve run for days without stopping. Keller’s screams still echo in my mind.

“Jax, it’s okay.”

I jerk when someone approaches me, but then I realize it’s Toni. She kneels beside my bed and grips my hand in hers.

“I killed Keller,” I say, the horror inescapable.

“No.” Toni seats herself beside me on the bed. “It was just a dream.”

I shake my head and leap from the bed. “I killed him. Just like I did Barrow.”

Toni stands and grips my shoulders hard. “Jax, stop it. You had a nightmare, nothing more.”

Her words sink in, pushing sleep farther away, causing me to realize I am indeed in the little room barely big enough for the two twin beds. Still, I look down at my hands, expecting to see evidence of recent use of my power. But they look normal. Maybe they’re a little warm, but nothing like what they would be if I’d discharged magical energy. If not for the bracelet I’m wearing, would I have caught my bed on fire the way I did when Egan and I were staying at the cottage in Salem, endangering Toni too?

“God, why can’t these nightmares go away?” I’d scour the inside of my brain with a wire brush if it would give me a night’s peace, free of images of the horrors I know I can make reality. Slowly, I bring my breathing under control, but I can’t get the picture of Keller turning to dust out of my head. “I’ve got to see him.”

Toni nods. “Okay.”

When I reach for the door, I jerk it open and hurry through before it closes me inside the claustrophobic little room again. I hurry down the hallway toward the door I’d seen Keller and Egan go through a few hours ago.

With panic still clinging to me despite common sense and Toni assuring me the scene in my head was just a dream, I bang on the door. I wait anxiously as I hear grumbling from inside. When Keller opens the door with a sleep-drugged look on his face, I’ve never seen anything so wonderful. And I instantly feel stupid.

“What’s wrong?” he asks when he finally focuses on me.

“Nothing,” I say, suddenly feeling like I’m losing a grip on my sanity.

“She had a nightmare, a really bad one,” Toni says.

Keller opens the door wider and gestures for us to come in.

“Dude, you’re blinding me here.” Egan holds up a hand to block the light streaming in from the hallway.

Keller flicks on the lamp on the wall over his bed and turns to me. “What happened?”

I shake my head. “I’m sorry I woke you both up. I just
 . . .
I woke up so panicked.” I open my mouth to explain but can’t say the words.

Keller pulls me to him, and the solid feel of his body against me pushes more of the dream away. He plants a kiss on my forehead. “It’s okay.”

“I dreamed I killed you like I did Barrow,” I say next to his warm chest. His well-worn T-shirt is soft against my cheek. “It felt so real that even after I woke up I would have sworn I’d done it.”

Keller pulls back and places my palms against his chest. “It wasn’t real, no matter how it felt. I’m right here, alive and well.”

“Annoyingly awake,” Egan says.

Keller smiles. “Besides, do you honestly think Egan would be sporting that kind of bad bed head if this was a dream?”

“He has a point,” Toni says.

Egan grabs Toni and pulls her down onto the bed with him, making her giggle.

I know they’re all trying to help me, but I can’t get rid of the feeling that this dream wasn’t just a nightmare. It feels more like a premonition.

Keller takes my hand and leads me to the bed. We sit with our backs against the wall facing Egan and Toni, Keller’s arm around my shoulders. “You’re just scared of facing your power again. And that’s understandable. I’d worry more if you weren’t concerned.”

“What if I can’t control it? I feel like whatever ability I had to keep that darkness in check broke the night I killed Barrow.”

“That’s just fear talking,” Toni says. “You’ve never seen yourself from the outside looking in. You’re stronger than you know. What Keller said at dinner, about stress and grief leading to what happened, I agree with that one hundred percent. You only did what the rest of us wanted to. What hundreds, thousands of people feel whenever someone murders a person they love.”

“It doesn’t make it right,” I insist.

“No, but I personally think the world is a better place without that bastard in it,” Toni says. “And no, I’m not just saying that to make you feel better.”

I shift my gaze to Egan.

“Don’t look at me,” he says. “It took every inch of willpower I had not to help you kill the guy.”

I squeeze Keller’s hand in my lap. “What will happen when the other hunters figure out Barrow’s dead?”

“I won’t lie. They’ll be angry. Even if some of them thought he was too extreme, he was still one of them.”

“What I want to know is how the guy found us,” Egan says.

“He was very good at what he did,” Keller says. “You don’t get his kind of reputation by failing.”

“Do you really think we’re safe here?” Toni asks.

Egan pulls her close to his side. “I think so. I believe we’re well hidden. I mean, the Bane have stayed hidden for three centuries.”

“You think they all live down here?” Toni asks. “That seems weird.”

Egan lifts his arm with the bracelet. “I guess we’re going to be here for a while, so I guess we have time for several more games of twenty questions.”

Toni looks at Egan, then me. “How long do you think it will take?”

I shake my head. “I have no idea, but we can ask for them to let you and Keller go. Your family will be worried when they don’t hear from you.”