Maiden's Wolf (In Deception's Shadow Book 3) (15 page)

Silverblade
returned to their small camp to find the cook fire burning and the rest of the
supplies out and ready for use. A kettle already sat near the fire warming, and
next to it his spare cooking pot already had steam rolling from the top. At
least the small ball of soap hadn’t made Beatrice completely abandon all
reason.

His ears
pinpointed her location. She was at the river’s edge scrubbing her clothing in
the shallow water. While he used one of his spare knives from the satchel to
cube the meat for the stew—rabbit again—he cast about for something else to do
after he finished his present task.

Regrettably,
Beatrice was too efficient and had all the other small tasks completed.

Still, he held
back, poking at the fire and feeding it a few more twigs while he cast stealthy
glances in Beatrice’s direction. As it was, he should be joining her by the
river, for he certainly needed a bath and the fire did not need tending. The
stew would take a good candlemark or two before it was ready.

Curse it. So much
for hanging back and watching. It wasn’t modesty or cowardice; he was lupwyn.
He didn’t suffer from either of those afflictions. But after her earlier line
of questioning about the pack bonds and what would happen to him if they were
separated, he had a good idea that she planned to revisit that unfinished
conversation about what would happen to him if he got separated from her. He
didn’t want to be caught off-guard, so he studied her. At least that’s what he
kept telling himself.

‘I’m not
interested in her.’

His Larnkin
stirred awake for the first time in days and looked out through his eyes.
‘Then
why are you afraid?’

He jerked in
surprise and looked around.

Had he really
just heard his Larnkin? Apparently. He drew in a sharp breath at his Larnkin’s
thoughts as a new restlessness rose within him. This wasn’t caused solely by
his rising magic flowing through his body.

Silverblade
blinked in surprise to find himself now standing halfway between the campfire
and the river. Turning his thoughts inward, he sought out his Larnkin.
‘Old Man,
listen to me this one time: I’m not interested in a mate.’

The last thing he
needed was a second mate to betray him like his first.

He closed his
eyes for a moment, but his ears picked up the sound of splashing and his
Larnkin seemed to urge him toward it. Silverblade fought to stay rooted to the
spot, unwilling to trust either his own or his Larnkin’s wish to be near
Beatrice.

‘You chose
poorly last time. Your heart is safe with the Healer.’

His own heart had
been whispering that to him for days now, but he’d ignored it. Dare he trust
his Larnkin in this? Regardless if it was wise or not, he very much wanted to
believe his Larnkin’s words and act upon them.

Undecided, he
stood staring at the ground, looking at his own boot toes. He only had to
unlace them, take a few quick steps, and join Beatrice in the river and see
which way things progressed.

There was a great
splash, some thrashing followed by sputtering and then clear, high laughter.

“Blade!” Beatrice
called him by that shortened name she was fond of.

At first he’d
found it too personal, but now he liked it for that very reason. And she used
it almost like an endearment.

“Blade? Be
careful of the stones at the side of the falls. They’re very slippery.”

Curiosity, that
most insidious of emotions, once again overcame his better judgment. He cracked
open an eye and peered towards the river.

She wasn’t where
she’d been when he’d first returned. At some point she’d made her way over to
the left side of the falls where the water wasn’t such a torrent. She’d taken
the ball of soap with her and was working it into her hair while she sat on one
of the boulders at the bottom of the falls.

He tried to study
her with an indifferent eye. And failed. She was beautiful. While she did
appear small and delicate compared to him, her full breasts, trim waist that
flared out into a wide pelvis, and well-fleshed hips said she was in her prime.
And if that hadn’t been enough to judge by, her long legs and muscular thighs
also spoke of her good health. She was not sickly or starving. Clearly, even if
he’d been unable to provide for her, she had the skills to find what she needed
to survive. She’d been doing just that for years before he’d first met her.
Likely, she could do so again if something happened to him. Although it
saddened him to think she would be all alone. He didn’t like the idea of her
having to fend for herself. If he had his way, she’d never have to rely solely
on her own skills again.

Beatrice tossed
her wet hair out of her face and glanced up at him. “The water’s not going to
get any warmer and neither is the evening. You’re welcome to join me. Unless
it’s taboo or you’d prefer to stare at your boots for the rest of the night.”

He huffed at her
humorous jab and stomped over to the river’s bank. “That’s actually funny
coming from a human.”

Reaching down, he
unlaced his boots and kicked them off. His belt came next and then he freed his
tail as he shimmied out of his pants. Being able to shapeshift again one day
soon would be nice, too.

But he merely
shook out his tail to fluff it up and waded into the river. This close to the
small waterfall the bank was lined with round river stones instead of mud. They
were slippery and he didn’t relish the thought of slipping in with one great
splash, since the water was as cold as she’d promised. He gingerly made his way
deeper.

So he couldn’t
possibly betray his confusion more than he already had, he dunked under the
surface and swam the rest of the way to the ledge where Beatrice sat. Once he
reached her side, he hauled himself up through the falling water and copious
spray onto the ledge next to her.

“It’s a bit loud,
but I figured it would get me clean,” she shouted over the roar of the water.
She pointed and grinned to reinforce her meaning as she handed him the soap and
rag. He took them without comment, since he’d been so addled as to forget his
own bit of cloth.

“Thank you,” he
mouthed back and began to wash vigorously.

Getting truly
clean for the first time in days did border on the divine. After several
soapings, he turned his face up into the water and then quickly choked and
sputtered.

“Are you all
right?” she asked between bouts of laughter and strong thumps to his back.

“Yes,” he said,
chagrinned by the mishap.

Beatrice slapped
his shoulder. “Turn around and I’ll scrub your back for you. It’ll be faster
and easier for me to reach.”

Un-uh.

But unable to
resist, he turned and knelt down in front of her, presenting his back. She was
all business at first, which surprised him. He’d thought for sure she was
angling to make this an intimate time between them. Perhaps he’d been reading
her wrong all evening. He sighed and began to relax.

It was rather
nice.

“I’m curious,”
Beatrice said and her voice was suddenly in his mind.
“Can you
hear me when I speak this way?”

“
Yes
,” he
replied in kind, surprised he could. He hadn’t had the ability since that first
acolyte attack and Beatrice had spoken to him across the distance. It meant his
Larnkin was recovering and that was a cause for celebration.
“We call it
mind speech.”

“That’s an
accurate name. I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to hear me yet. It’s good. I had
hoped this might help.”

“This?”

“Yes. I
figured there had to be some middle ground between feeding your Larnkin the
power he needs and me becoming your mate. After studying what remained of your
pack bonds, I came up with a theory I wanted to test.”
She reached around in front of him, grasping the ball of soap where
he’d dropped it when he nearly drowned himself in the spray from the waterfall.
His senses sharpened, honing in on her every move, the way her every breath caressed
his wet skin.

“You said you
had a theory?”
he prompted.

“
Yes, I don’t
think the actual physical act of mating is what forges the pack bonds. I think
it’s the intimacy. I think intimacy without the actual physical joining might
work just as well.”
Her voice dropped.
“I’d like to test my theory, if
you’ll allow.”

What she said
might be true. But he wasn’t sure if it mattered. One way sounded as dangerous
to his heart as the other.

Ah. By the Light,
he was certain he was already falling in love with the healer. And if he let
this progress as both his Larnkin and phoenix heart wanted?

Likely complete
and total devastation of his wellbeing.

Still, he wasn’t
strong enough to leave. Closing his eyes, he tucked his chin to his chest and
simply enjoyed her touch as she slowly worked out the knots of tension. And, in
a small part of his heart where he allowed himself to dream, he wondered how
different his life would have been had he met Beatrice first.

His Larnkin must
have liked his line of thinking, for suddenly he saw Beatrice with his child at
her breast, the rest of his pack arrayed around them. In his Larnkin’s fantasy,
Beatrice was the alpha female, the rest of the pack’s young gathered around
her, growing strong off her magic.

He’d always
wanted young and Beatrice would be a good mother. His Larnkin knew his heart
all too well.

‘Nice try, Old
Man. However, your ancient wisdom would be put to better use figuring out how
to destroy the acolytes.’

Before his
meddling Larnkin could get other ideas, Silverblade stood suddenly and then
leapt from the rocky ledge and started to swim toward the bank.

*****

Earlier Beatrice
had felt when Silverblade relaxed at last, the tension flowing out from under
her hands as she’d worked. She’d thought she was making some headway when he’d
suddenly bolted from her side and made for shore. She would have been insulted,
except his Larnkin had shared the vision with her. Surprise had stolen her
voice and she could only stare at Silverblade in mute silence as he emerged
onshore and walked to the fire and attended to the stew cooking over the
embers.

The vision didn’t
clarify what was going on in his mind, but she was certain he’d been greatly
conflicted by what he’d seen.

She didn’t want
to force him into a situation he was uncomfortable with, but he also meant too
much to her. She couldn’t
not
try to heal him. Mind, body, heart, and
Larnkin, he’d sustained injuries. And she needed to help him heal.

But first, she’d
need to get him to open up, to trust her.

Brave. Really
brave,
Silverblade berated himself. He’d just
tucked his tail between his ass cheeks and run from a female for the first time
in his life. Well, he hadn’t actually tucked his tail, it was too waterlogged
and heavy. It had hung straight like a drowned squirrel’s as he’d fled. He
huffed unhappily, disgruntled by his clear showing of cowardice.

Sitting with his
back to the fire, he used its heat to dry the thick ruff that grew from his
scalp and cascaded over his shoulders. Beatrice had emerged from the river
shortly after he’d fled. She hadn’t said anything, but he didn’t miss the look
of sympathy she cast his way.

Now Beatrice sat
with the blanket pulled tightly around her shoulders and leaned forward closer
to the fire while she squeezed the excess water out of her thick mass of hair.

 To keep his tail
out of the fire, he’d curled it around in front. The fire’s proximity gave him
an excuse to keep his tail across his lap and hide what Beatrice’s touch or his
damned meddling Larnkin had done to his body.

“I think the stew
is almost ready,” he said, needing to say something to break the uncomfortable
silence.

Once Beatrice had
the majority of the water wrung out of her hair, she glanced sideways at him.
He met her gaze and then quickly looked away.

Gods. I’m such
a coward.

But he didn’t
want to contemplate even half the number of questions he saw hovering in their
gray-blue depths.

If she asked
them, he would answer them truthfully. But he was in no mood to expose his soul
to another if it wasn’t required. He was tired and hungry.

“We should share
the blanket, there’s only one. I don’t mind.”

Silverblade hid a
grin. Well, that was obvious. Clearly she was still thinking of a way to reopen
the topic of his severed pack bonds.

“Keep it for
now,” he said, gesturing at the blanket. “The fur along my spine is still damp,
no point getting the blanket damp as well.”

Beatrice only
nodded, not seeming upset or put off by his answer.

He scooped out a
bowl of stew and handed it to her. She took it with a soft “thank you” and then
settled next to him. Nibbling at his own too-hot bowlful, he studied her and
still, her next words caught him by surprise.

“Are you going to
tell me what had you bolting away back there at the waterfall? I know it wasn’t
some misguided attempt to protect my modesty.”

“Yes. No.” He
didn’t elaborate. Instead he leaned forward and grabbed his satchel. After
digging around for a moment, he pulled out his grooming brush and patted the
ground directly in front of him. Sighing, he said, “I’ll groom your hair while
I explain.”

Beatrice studied
him in silence for a moment, but in the end crawled over and sat cross-legged
before him, presenting him with her back.

He ran the brush
through the same section of her hair several times before he started to speak.
“You are aware that I am both phoenix and lupwyn, but you may not know that
those two sides do not always live in harmony.”

He hit a snag in
her hair and gently teased it out before continuing. “Lupwyns are very much
bound to the pack, and live and love freely within it. Because of that, some
lupwyns will take different mates over the course of their lives. That is
natural, normal and accepted. However, I’m also half-phoenix, and that race
mates but once. And normally only after years of courtship.”

Beatrice glanced
over her shoulder at him. “No wonder you are conflicted.”

“Yes. Your words
are true.” He started to laugh and tension melted away. “Never has there been
born a creature more conflicted than I.” Laughter bubbled up within him,
catching him by surprise. “My body’s natural rhythms are like those of any
lupwyn and I share a fertility cycle with my pack. So yes, my body is all too
willing. But my heart is solely phoenix.”

“Ah.”

It was one single
word. Yet he heard a world of understanding within it.

“Blade, I’m so
sorry. I’ve been making things worse not better, haven’t I?”

“No. Everything
you’ve done has helped me in some way. And while I find your touch pleasant,
I’m not ready to risk my heart again.” His words weren’t entirely true. He
wanted to give his heart to Beatrice. If there was some certainty she would
remain loyal…

“Again?” she
prompted gently.

He sighed, but
decided to tell her what she needed to know if she was going to remain in his
life after the current crisis was over.

“We call the
complete turning of the seasons a cycle. Four seasons in each cycle.”

Beatrice nodded.
“A cycle equals a year. I understand.”

“My pack enters
its fertility time every twenty-five years. Each fertility period lasts three
years. Those are the times the unmated most often find their mates. Being
half-phoenix, I would usually return to Grey Spires to study during that time
to avoid any regrettable complications. Being farther from my pack and surrounded
by a city of prudish phoenix always doused a case of lust pretty quickly.”

Beatrice giggled
and then slapped her hand over her mouth.

“Afterward, I
would return to the pack. This suited me well enough for many, many years.
Eventually, a female from a neighboring pack who had been visiting with mine
for several years expressed interest in joining. Her name was Autumn Shadow.”
He paused and was somewhat surprised to see he’d discarded the brush and was
running his fingers through Beatrice’s hair instead. “A friendship had grown up
between us and we got on well together. Also, we were both alphas, and I knew I
would one day have to lead my pack during my father’s absences. I thought she’d
make a good co-leader. Fifty years ago, when the pack entered its fertility
cycle, she convinced me to stay. I did.”

Silverblade
stopped brushing her hair with his fingers and looked down at his hands. “I
can’t tell you how much I wish I had gone to Grey Spires instead.”

Beatrice turned
around and reached for his hands. She entwined their fingers together. “I don’t
know what happened, but I can feel your pain. If you don’t wish to say more,
I’ll understand. I know nothing I say can soothe that old pain, but for what
it’s worth, I value you. I value our friendship and I’ll never compromise you
now that I know.”

“I believe you.”
And he realized he did. Something within him eased and telling the rest became
easier. “We were happy that first year and then the humans landed on our
shores. Because of my phoenix heritage, I was a skilled shapeshifter able to
take full bird form or the human-looking hybrid form many phoenix prefer. I
could fly vast distances quickly in either shape. The elders asked that I
become a scout. I did and soon learned I loved it.”

Deciding Beatrice
wasn’t close enough, he tightened his grip on her hand and tugged her closer.

Resisting, she
raised her eyebrow in question.

“I’m cold,” he
said with a shrug. It was true, even if that wasn’t what first made him tug
Beatrice closer. “And we should bed down for the night. Tomorrow will be here
before we know it.”

“Ah,” she said
with an unreadable look. “Of course.”

She started to
unwind the blanket to make a poor man’s sleeping pallet. He’d forgotten she was
naked underneath, but he honestly didn’t mind that oversight. Shared body heat would
keep them both warmer.

Arranging the
blanket, she draped a large part on the ground and then crawled in, tucking a
bit of excess under her feet. Once she was situated, she held up the open edge
and motioned him in. Talk of his ex-mate had killed any lust he was feeling, so
at least when he joined her, he didn’t worry about making Beatrice feel any
more awkward than necessary.

He settled next
to her, close enough that their thighs were touching and looked up into the
star filled sky. With an artful flip, she draped the other half of the blanket up
around his neck.

While she was
still folding and fussing with the blanket, he reached an arm around her
shoulders and drew her into his side. Tentatively, she rested one arm across
his chest and when he made no move to shift it away, she tucked her head
against his shoulder.

Warm, full, and
with Beatrice tucked against him, he felt sleep creeping up on him, but it
would be better to just finish the story and put it all behind him. He rolled
onto his side, facing her.

“My first
scouting missions kept me away from the pack for seasons on end and one spring,
I was late returning to my pack. The second year of the pack’s three-year
fertility cycle had begun a moon before, so I was very much looking forward to
seeing Autumn Shadow again.”

He felt Beatrice
stiffen and when he looked down it was to see her gazing back at him with a
fierce expression. Yes, he’d bet she’d figured out where his tale was going.

“I flew back in
phoenix form. It was faster. However, the pack also wouldn’t have sensed me
coming in that form. So I didn’t think it strange that Autumn Shadow didn’t
come to greet me. If I’d been thinking with my head instead of another body
part, I might have figured out sooner she was preoccupied with another male.”

“Oh, Blade, I am
so sorry.” The fire cast her features in its warm light, and he could see the
glimmering of unshed tears.

“Not half as
sorry as that other male. When I found Autumn Shadow rutting with her beta, I
snapped and shifted back to phoenix form. It was the first and only time fire
magic came to me easily.” He sighed and glanced up at the sky, remembering all
his mother’s lessons and warnings about the most temperamental of elements. “I
didn’t actually mean to harm them, but my fire magic slipped my control.”

He felt a soft
touch along his jaw as Beatrice turned his head toward her. Softly, she asked,
“Did you kill them?”

“No. However, the
beta still bears the scars from my rage. You’ll find him the easiest to
recognize. He’s now missing the tip of his tail.”

Beatrice’s one
eyebrow had vanished into her bangs. “He’s still part of your pack?”

“Yes. When I came
to my senses, I realized he was merely trying to…serve his alpha.” Silverblade shifted
closer so he could rub his face along the elegant curve of her neck. Strange
how telling someone what happened took the old ache away. “I was alpha back
then, too, and it was my right to kill a beta that challenged me, but I’d
always been fond of him so I just stripped him of his name for a season.
Strangely, he kept the name Beta as his own and Autumn Shadow kept her Beta.”

Beatrice opened her
mouth and then snapped it closed again.

But he could
still see her unvoiced question written upon her face. “Autumn Shadow either
thought to make me jealous enough to start a dominance fight, or, now that I
can look back with clarity, I think she hoped I would accept Beta as our
third.”

“Third?” Beatrice
blurted out and then snapped her teeth together and flushed with embarrassment.

He chuckled as
her creamy skin continued to darken in what he could only assume was a becoming
shade of pink. Almost, he wished for daylight. “You can snuggle up next to me
naked as the day you were born, but the mention of a third mate makes you turn
redder than the fire’s embers? Did I not tell you about lupwyns living and
loving freely? Sometimes that means more than one mate. Yet Autumn Shadow
overlooked that a phoenix mates for life. One mate.”

A sudden flash of
pain crossed her expression and she hastily looked down.

“Beatrice? What
did I say?” Ah. But a moment later, he thought he knew.

Her next softly
spoken words confirmed it. “So that’s why you bolted from me at the waterfalls.
You’re already mated. Even if she was unfaithful, you’re half-phoenix and
you’re not free to love again. I should have realized sooner that you may have
had a mate.”

Hmmm, if that
realization caused her pain, it could only mean his delightful little healer
did have feelings for him. That thought pleased him far more than it should.

“If someone had
said that to me even last winter, I probably would have agreed with it without
much thought. But now I know it isn’t true.” He nuzzled the side of her neck,
inhaling her scent.

“I don’t
understand.”

It took him a
moment to formulate a reply. “While Autumn Shadow and I did mate, I’m now
coming to think we weren’t true mates as a phoenix would judge things. What I
felt for her was lust. Nothing compared to the depths of my feelings for you
already. That’s why I fled from you earlier. While I do not think my phoenix
heart was involved when I first mated as a lupwyn, I think it’s waking now, for
you.”

Beatrice’s look,
equal parts uncertain and hopeful, did something to his heart and he wanted to
reassure her. “I know my Larnkin never did like my first choice.”

“He was probably
trying to protect you.”

“Yes.” Silverblade
stroked a finger along her parted lips. “Whereas you, he likes a great deal. As
do I. He also said I could trust you.”