Mail Order Rose (Mail Order Brides #1) (3 page)

She kept David's letter hidden in her room and didn't share her plan with anyone. She knew her parents would not allow it if she told them and she didn't want to give them the opportunity to forbid her. She was to leave in two days on the train bound for Middleton, Iowa, a young farming town on the prairie.

Her plan was that she would pack in secret, as much as she could carry herself and instead of leaving from the station in her town, she would go all the way to Springfield and leave from there. No one would know her there so they wouldn't be able to tell her parents where she'd gone. She didn't want to cause her parents too much worry so she'd leave them a letter explaining to them that she'd gone off to get married and why she made the decision to do it. She would not give them the name of her new husband or the town that she was headed to right away, she'd wait for a few months at least, until she was settled and sure that they wouldn't be able to do a thing about it before she'd choose to let them know where her new home was. Hopefully by then, she'd be over the worst of the pain of losing Grant. She knew she could never be completely over him, ever, but that would be a burden she'd have to live with.

Rose stuffed the letter back in her drawer and sat in front of the mirror looking at the tear stained face that was reflecting back to her. Her father had always told her that she had the most beautiful, twinkling eyes, eyes that reflected the joy that she had for life. No one could say that about her now. That joy was long gone from her blue eyes that now appeared more gray. The twinkle, the innocent zest for life were ripped out of her. She brushed her dark hair one hundred strokes and then got into bed where once again she cried herself to sleep.

***

The two days before Rose left flew by in a blur, much faster than she thought they would. She was so preoccupied with trying to secretly pack and prepare for her trip, wondering about what her new husband and new home would be like and trying to act normal so that her family would not suspect that she had anything planned. She did her best to avoid Isabel, who was constantly addressing her stomach as “little Grant Jr.” try to spend time with Louisa, knowing it would probably be the hardest on her after Rose was gone.

Now the night was upon her. She ate with her family in the dining room, savoring the roast beef, mashed potatoes and fresh garden green beans-one of her favorite dinners that was topped off with her mother's famous cherry pie. Rose knew after that day, she would be the one doing all of the cooking for herself and her new husband. She wondered if she would ever be as good of a cook as her mother.

After dinner, she played some games and read with Louisa and after kissing everyone goodnight-except for Isabel-she retired to her room for the evening. She wanted to wait until just after dark and then set out for the Springfield station where she would stay until her train left the next morning. By the time her parents found her letter, she'd be halfway to Iowa.

Unfortunately, though, a summer thunderstorm was rolling through, so Rose was going to get off to a later start than she'd wanted to. She laid out the letter from David on her desk next to the one she'd written to her family. She had two bags packed full but not too heavy for her to carry. She wondered if she should bring more, but she could always come back for more or have it sent to her in the future, once she'd let her family know where she was. She looked at the carved cedar chest that stood at the end of her bed. Her hope chest. How she had loved the feeling of every object that she'd put into that chest over the last year, preparing for her future home with Grant. She wondered if there was anything in there that she should be taking with her but ended up deciding against it. She wanted a fresh start and everything in that hope chest was tainted with the memory of Grant. The embroidered linens with her and Grant's initials, the silver set that her mother had given her for her 18
th
birthday in anticipation of the engagement that was soon to come, each item, though possibly useful in her new home would not be worth the pain that came with it.

Rose suddenly remembered a book that was on a shelf in the parlor downstairs that she wanted to bring with her. It was a book of fairy tales, fables and poems that had been her favorite book ever since she was a little girl. She loved to reread it, especially the poetry, half of which she'd memorized by now. It brought her comfort and it was a little piece of home that she wanted to bring with her. She was kicking herself for letting it slip her mind earlier. She was so focused on saying her goodbyes, she'd completely forgotten about it.

She wondered if she should go get it or if she should just forget about it- she didn't want to wake anyone or bring any attention to herself. But after thinking about it for several minutes, she decided to go down and get it. She couldn't leave til the storm passed, anyways, and the task would give her something to distract herself in the meantime. She would just take extra precautions to be extremely quiet, hoping the pitter patter of rain hitting the roof and windows would help cover for any sound she'd make.

Rose successfully made her way to the bookshelves in the parlor without anyone hearing her. She fumbled with the books in the dark until she found the right one. She couldn't see it's burgundy spine but knew it's place on the shelf and the feel of it in her hands.

Just as she was about to leave, she heard something upstairs. What was it-footsteps, a door, perhaps? Her heart started beating faster and she spun around, knocking something over in the dark. A flash of lightning outside the window revealed that it was a picture frame holding a portrait of her parents on their wedding day. She carefully put it back in place as she wondered to herself if she would have a wedding portrait taken of her and David.

Her mother was only a year older than Rose was when she was married and became an instant mother as well. What an odd twist of fate, Rose pondered, that she owed her very existence to the death of Isabel's mother. If Isabel's mother would have lived, Rose's parents would have never met, let alone married and she would not have been born. She wondered if Isabel's mother would have survived would things have turned out differently; would Isabel still be the same cold, selfless creature she was now? Though it was impossible to know for sure, she imagined that Isabel would probably be just the same cruel person she was now, only using a different excuse for it.

She carefully made her way out of the parlor and back upstairs again. She hadn't heard any other sounds and nobody had ventured downstairs so she thought the coast was clear. That is, until she came upon the upstairs hallway where her bedroom door was open. Her heart skipped a beat and she held her breath. She was certain she had closed her door behind her when she'd left for the book. The light from the lamp on her desk was still on and poured out into the hallway.

Slowly, she stepped in the room and found Louisa, standing over her desk with a letter in her hand. 

“What are you doing in here?” Rose asked, startling Louisa.

“I, I ...I was coming in to sleep with you, there was a lot of thunder.”

Thunder. Rose had planned everything down to the last detail but had forgot about Louisa's fear of thunder. Though she was twelve, she'd had a fear of thunderstorms ever since she was a toddler and always found comfort by the company of her big sister, who had given her an open invitation to spend the night in her room if she should ever feel afraid. And of all the nights for there to be a thunderstorm...

Louisa stood there, letters in hand, eyes glancing from Rose to the packed bags on the rug in front of her bed.

“What's going on, Rose, what is this?” Her voice had a touch of fear in it. Rose knew that her sister had read the letter.

“I can explain, Lulu, just give me a chance to explain to you,” Rose said as she stepped forward, taking the letter from Rose's hand. It was the one she'd written for her family, the one from David was still on the desk. She hoped that Louisa hadn't read that one yet, as she quickly grabbed if off the desk as well.

“You wrote this letter, is it true? Are you running away to marry someone?”

Rose felt cornered and didn't know if there was a way out. Her only hope was to be able to convince Louisa to be on her side and share her secret.

“I did write the letter. And I am leaving tonight.”

“Without saying goodbye to me?” Louisa's voice was shaking even more, Rose could tell she was trying to hold back tears.

“Sit down on the bed with me, Lulu, let me explain.”

She took her sister's hand and sat with her on the bed, perfectly made and covered with a yellow and white lace-edged quilt. She thought for a minute about what exactly she was going to say to make Louisa understand.

“You're not a baby anymore, Louisa, and I think you understand how my heart is broken after Isabel and Grant...well, you know. I feel if I stay here, I will wither away and die of heartbreak, to be forced to endure this pain, having to face Grant and the way Isabel taunts me, I can't stay.”

“But, Papa is wealthy, you can go away to college, you could go out to stay with Aunt Katherine, why get married? And to someone you've never met?” Louisa asked with pleading eyes, squeezing Rose's hand as if she never wanted to let go.

“I've really thought this through. And I did think of both of those options, but I don't want to go to college. I want to be a mother, to have a family of my own someday, that's always been my dream. But after the pain I've suffered from loving Grant, well, I don't want to ever experience that again. I wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on anyone. I've learned my lesson and I decided to answer the mail-order bride ad because to me it was the perfect way for me to be able to have my dream of a family but I don't have to fall in love to do it.”

Louisa scrunched her face in confusion. “Rose, have you gone mad? How can you just give yourself away like that? What if he's cruel? Or ugly? Or..”

“Well, I don't care what he looks like, to be honest.”

“What? You will have to kiss him, you know! And well, the other stuff, that mother told me I'll find out about on my wedding night but that I already know what she's talking about-that kind of stuff. He's a stranger, Rose! How could you be with a stranger?”

“Well, I will meet him soon enough and then he won't be a stranger, will he? And I know he's not cruel. I'm a pretty good judge of character and just from ad and letter I can sense what a kind man he is. He's a good man.”

“You're a good judge of character? What about Grant's character?”

“That's different, Lulu, Grant was a good man, but Isabel got to him. I will be far away from Isabel, thank heavens.”

“Please don't leave me, Rose.” She said it with so much emotion in her voice, Rose could feel her love, her fear, her desperation all piercing her heart. Leaving her sweet sister was the hardest part of her plan.

“I'm not leaving forever, my dear Lulu. But I need your help. As soon as the rain passes, I'm going to leave, and after I do, I want you to go back to your bed and forget that you saw me tonight. Just wake up and let Papa and Mother find the letter. And, as you've read it, you know that I will let you know exactly where I am when the time is right. Then you can come out and stay with me anytime you want.” Rose smiled at her sister lovingly but her sister still looked scared and concerned.

“And if you are ever feeling sad or missing me, sit down and write me a letter. I feel writing has always helped me feel more at peace and calms my mind to let my feelings out. Write to me as often as you want and keep the letters. Then, once I let you know where I am, you can send them to me. Or better yet, you can give me them in person. I just need time, Louisa. I want to do this, I
need
to do this. It's the only thing that has been getting me through these past weeks. Do you understand?”

Louisa shook her head. “No, I don't understand. I mean, I know that you've been hurt, but I think what you're doing is too drastic. But, I love you, and if this is what you want, then I will help you. I love you, sister.” She opened her arms and embraced Rose. Rose fought back tears as she hugged her back.

“I love you, too, Lulu. And I always will. If Isabel gives you any trouble, go to Aunt Gertie, she will help you. I look forward to when we can be together again and to the stack of letters I know you'll have waiting for me. Good-bye dear sister.”

Rose gave her sister one more hug, this time, not being able to stop the tears that were overflowing in her eyes. She watched her sister leave quietly for her bedroom down the hall. She hoped Louisa wouldn't change her mind. Thankfully the rain was nearly stopped, so she would get out now just in case Louisa did alert her parents, so she could get a head start and even if Louisa had said something, she didn't know that Rose had planned to go all the way to Springfield to catch her train. She was sorry that she had to involve Louisa in her plan and felt bad that her little sister carried the burden of her secret to bed with her but it was the only way for her plan to work. She looked around one more time at the bedroom that she had grown up in, grabbed her bags and left for her new life.

***

After an adrenaline filled night of traipsing through the dark with her bags in tow, making her way to Springfield and making she sure she found the right train, Rose was exhausted. She tried napping on the train but would soon be jolted awake by the bumpy ride and the chattering of the other passengers. When she'd come up with the plan of sneaking out in the dead of night she didn't take into account the sight she'd be upon meeting her husband for the first time-muddy, disheveled, exhausted. On top of it all, she had a nervousness in the pit of her stomach that was making her nauseous. It was too late to turn back now, and she had to picture Isabel and Grant in her mind to help her remember why this was the best choice for her.