Major Karnage (39 page)

Karnage turned and walked down the tunnel. He heard Roach
raging behind him, his voice becoming more and more squiggly by
the second. “I’ll get you for this, Major. You hear me?!
I’ll get you for
this!”

The tunnel became brighter as more green energy flowed through
the pipes. The white wisps grew timid, darting furtively away from
the massive torrents of green. The slower pace suited Karnage just
fine. The pipes had thickened and twisted, becoming so gnarled and
ungainly that he had to crawl over them.

At last, the tunnel ended in a giant door. White threads of light
slowly spun themselves into the outer rim, and the door spiralled
open.

Karnage stepped through and found himself in an oval chamber.
The pipes formed a thick strand that tapered into a single tendril
in the centre of the room. The tendril coiled up and wrapped itself
around a dull grey sphere the size of a bowling ball.
That must be it,
Karnage thought.
The Nucleus.

He lined the sphere up in the sights of the rocket launcher. The
auto-targeting grid locked onto it with a flashing red cross-hair.

He heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Can I help you with something?”

Karnage turned around. Sydney stood behind him. Her pupils
were pulled out into long squiggly Ws. She grinned. “Oh, I’m sorry.
Were you looking for me?”

Karnage stared at Sydney, his mind a mix of emotions. The
Intelligence stared back at Karnage through Sydney’s squiggly eyes.
He could feel its cold, piercing gaze.
I’m sorry, Cookie,
he thought
. I
didn’t make it in time.

Karnage stared hard into Sydney’s eyes, trying to look past the
squiggles, hoping to catch a glimpse of her still inside. “Captain?” he
said. “Can you hear me?”

The Intelligence made Sydney laugh. “Of course she can hear you.
She is me. And I am her. We are the same.” The Intelligence forced
Sydney to look at the rocket launcher. “What’s that?”

Sydney launched into a cartwheel, and flew past Karnage. A set
of toes flew out and viciously jammed into his wrists. His hands
went numb, and the rocket launcher fell from his grasp. Deft fingers
whipped it up, and Sydney tumbled back in front of Karnage. She
held the rocket launcher in her hands. “Oh, I know what this is.
It’s an RPG-OX9, isn’t it?” The Intelligence slung the launcher over
Sydney’s shoulder. “Space combat gear, right? Like the suit. Great
for zero oxygen environments. Too bad you don’t need it in here.
The air’s quite breathable. At least for now. Please, Major. Take your
helmet off. Stay awhile.”

Sydney flipped up and over Karnage. Karnage heard a loud clickhiss, and his helmet twisted off. It flew across the floor, and rolled to
a stop beneath the Nucleus. The toxic smell of the alien infestation
assaulted his nostrils.

“There, that’s better.” The Intelligence made Sydney pace
around Karnage, casually rotating the rocket launcher in her
hands. “So what were you planning to do with this, hmm? Set off
some fireworks? Get in some target practice? Oh wait, I know.” The
Intelligence had Sydney pull the rocket out of the launch tube and
toss the tube aside. “You were going to destroy me with this, weren’t
you?” The Intelligence tapped the tip of the warhead with Sydney’s
fingers. “You thought you were going to just waltz in here, and blow
me to smithereens.” It casually dropped the rocket from Sydney’s
fingers where it clattered to the floor. Sydney’s eyes swivelled up to
Karnage, staring at him mockingly. “Did you really think it would be
that easy? That I wouldn’t know of your presence the moment you
entered those hatchways?”

Karnage shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

The Intelligence forced Sydney’s face into a derisive scorn. “Do
you know how many explosions I’ve had to endure over the years?
Too many to count. And many far more powerful than this. Frankly,
I’m a little insulted. I thought the great Major Karnage would be able
to hatch a far more clever plan than this.”

“Sorry to disappoint. I’ll try to do better next time.”

The Intelligence cocked Sydney’s head, staring at him like a cat
looking down at a cornered mouse. “Do you know what I am, Major?”

“You’re the Intelligence,” Karnage said, “behind the invasion.”

The Intelligence shook Sydney’s head. “Is that what you think
I am? Really? The Intelligence behind the invasion? You know so
little, Major. Even less than I had imagined. Take a close look at me,
Major. What do you see?”

“Something short, blonde, and squiggly.”

“Take a closer look, Major.” The Intelligence stepped forward, the
light around it twitched with excitement. “I am energy. I am infinite.
I am God.”

“Which god?”

“All of them! Take your pick. Search through their teachings, and
you’ll find me at the core of it all. Your feeble little minds have been
picking up on my ultra-violent transmissions for a long time now.
Oh, you’ve tried to make sense of them, but you’ve failed. You’ve
all failed so miserably! It’s embarrassing! How can you live with
yourselves? You’ve all been subconsciously anticipating my arrival
for so long, and yet none of you—not one—was able to even remotely
understand what was going to happen. I’ve never seen such levels of
ignorance in any species anywhere in the universe!

“It’s sad, Major. Truly sad. If you’d only known what gifts I would
bring. The knowledge that I would share.”

“Maybe you should have asked first,” Karnage said. “See if we
even wanted any of it.”

The Intelligence forced Sydney’s features into a scowl. “Excuse
me? I never ask for anything. I see what I want, and I take it.”

“Why do you want our world? What’s so special about it?”

The Intelligence made Sydney shrug. “Nothing. My world was
dying, and I needed a new one. So I came here. That’s all.”

“But why here? Why not somewhere else?”

“Why not here? It was available, so I took it.”

“But it wasn’t available! We were already here! This is our world!”

The Intelligence drew Sydney’s lips up in a smirk. “Your world?
Really? You think just because you happened to be here when I
arrived that it somehow makes you the legitimate owners? I chose
this world long before your kind could even think of rising up out
of the primordial ooze. Just because it took a few million years to
get to this planet, that doesn’t grant you the right to claim it in the
meantime. The fact you were stupid enough to evolve here isn’t my
problem. You’re like a bunch of fleas jumping up and down on a dog’s
back, proclaiming, ‘Hey, this dog is ours! We were here first! No one
can take it from us!’ And while you’re all jumping up and down and
talking about what great owners you are and what a great dog this
is, the real owner is just above you, getting ready to slap on a new
flea collar. This planet isn’t ‘yours.’ Jump up and down all you like.
You’ve no rightful claim. You’re squatters. Nothing more. And I will
dispose of you as I wish.”

“If you think so little of us, then why are you savin’ everything?
Preserving it in all the spheres?”

The Intelligence shrugged. “It’s my hobby. Some collect insects.
Others collect butterflies. I collect biospheres.”

“Why?”

“Why not? I enjoy seeing how the universe works. How each
species has learned to adapt and survive. It also helps me to
understand how best to adapt a planet to suit my needs.

“This world wasn’t perfectly suited to my needs in the beginning.
No planet ever is, so don’t bother to start whining to me about
finding another planet that’s a better fit. I’ve heard it all before and
I’m sick of answering that question. This planet had to be carefully
transformed. Its atmosphere altered. Global temperatures raised.
Thankfully, your beloved Dabney Corporation was very eager to
help me in my efforts.”

“They’re no friend of mine,” Karnage spat.

“So I’ve heard. You’ve been quite a thorn in their side. Practically
the bane of their existence. Do you know how stupid you’ve been,
Major? I’m not talking slightly stupid here. I mean bone-headed,
drool-running-down-the-chin level of stupid. Nobody was ever out
to hurt you, you know. They were never trying to harm you. They
were acting as my agents. You were to be the vessel from which I
would rule. My intellect would have been yours, as yours would have
been mine. Our minds would have become one. It is the ultimate
gift the universe can bestow upon anyone, and you threw it away.
‘Thanks but no thanks, fellas. I’d rather just run around yelling
at things while I pretend that I’m saving the world.’ It has been
embarrassing to watch, Major. Beyond embarrassing. To think, I was
supposed to be bonded to you. I get nauseated at the very thought.

“Fortunately, I was able to find something a little more to my
liking. Do you like it?” The Intelligence forced Sydney to arch her
back and place an arm suggestively on her hip. “It’s a bit of a tighter
fit than I would have liked, but I’m sure it will stretch a bit with
wear. Like an old shoe.”

Karnage lunged forward, his teeth bared. “Leave her the fuck
alone, you squidbug freak!”

“Ah yes. Squidbug. What a completely inappropriate name for my
followers. Still, it does do a good job of degrading them, doesn’t it?
‘They’re not intelligent creatures. They’re nothing like us. They’re
squidbugs
.’ It always helps to dehumanize your enemy, doesn’t it?

“Tell me, Major, how will it make you feel once I ‘dehumanize’
the entire human race? What then? Will you attack them as quickly
as you’ve attacked my people? Would you gleefully destroy your own
kind in some ill-conceived desire for racial purity? There’s a part of
me that’s curious to know the answer. And it’s that part that has
brought you here.”

The Intelligence forced Sydney to step back and spread her arms
wide. “Here you are: faced with your own kind. One who holds a
certain amount of affection for you. But she’s no longer your kind
anymore. She’s a squidbug now. One of us. The Enemy. She may not
look much like it now, but give me some more time. I’ll make her
beautiful. Like Flaherty. Or maybe more like Captain Riggs. Oh, I
love that look in your eye. You really want to do something about
it, don’t you? Tell me, Major: do you have it in you? Would you kill
her? I’m thinking no. You couldn’t bring yourself to kill Flaherty or
Riggs. And if ever there were two men on this planet who you would
want dead, it would be those two. So what about Sydney, Major?
What about someone you truly care about? Will you have an easier
time killing her? Let’s find out, shall we?”

The Intelligence stuck out Sydney’s pinky fingers and raised her
up on her toes. “I’ve been dying to put her martial arts skills to the
test. Her knowledge of human anatomy is surprisingly extensive. I
look forward to absorbing this ‘Uncle’ character. He should prove to
be an interesting conquest. But first . . .”

Green energy shot from the tips of Sydney’s hair. It ran up the
walls and around the myriad hatchways lining the walls. The hatches
sealed over with a translucent grey film. The floor shuddered, and
the tunnels beyond the hatches whisked away in a blur of motion,
replaced with misty grey, then brilliant blue sky.

Karnage felt himself thrown to the ground by powerful G-forces.
Sydney stood above him, completely unaffected. The sky outside
quickly faded from blue to dark purple, then finally worked into a
rich, deep black. Tiny points of white dotted the sky. A curve of blue
earth emerged through the hatchways, rapidly shrinking until it
was just another tiny dot of light in a sea of sparkling black.

The Intelligence looked out the window approvingly. “There
you are, Major. We are finally alone. No one around for millions of
kilometres. It’s just the two of us now.
Mano a mano,
as they say.”
The Intelligence raised Sydney up onto her tiptoes. “I look forward
to thrusting you harshly into that good night.”

At the Intelligence’s insistence, Sydney leaped forward.

Karnage recognized the familiar attack pattern of fingers and
toes flying at him from all directions. He tried to dodge, tried to
defend himself, but the spacesuit slowed him down.

He felt a touch to the small of his back, and his legs buckled.
A second touch to his shoulder shot pain up and down his spine,
temporarily paralyzing him as he fell hard to the ground. He quickly
rolled onto his back, his entire body screaming in agony. The
Intelligence as Sydney sprang up onto his body, and perched on her
pinky toes on his chest. Karnage could barely gasp and wheeze as
she stood over him, her squiggly eyes glinting.

“Well, that wasn’t exactly fair, now was it, Major? Those touches
should have killed you. And yet, you live. Your spacesuit turned out
to be of use to you after all. Oh well. Live and learn. I’ll be sure to
apply a bit firmer pressure this time. Say goodbye, Major.”

Karnage looked up into those squiggly eyes. He was overwhelmed
by their malevolence, their sheer self-assured arrogance.

“You’ve got to use your head, Major.”

Karnage took in what breath he could, and he laughed. It was
barely a wheezy chuckle, but he laughed. The Intelligence cocked
Sydney’s head to one side. “You find this all funny, do you? I’ll be
interested to see how much you laugh with my next blow. It should
be quite excruciating. A real scream.”

Karnage shook his head. “Go ahead. Do your worst, cuz the joke’s
gonna be on you. You’re so cocksure. So goddamn full of yourself.
So sure of your own infallibility. Oh, go ahead and kill me and make
sure I’m in agony. Make it last a long, long time. Cuz I want to savour
this moment, you little fuckmonkey.