Make Believe (19 page)

“Hey, Mum.” I hug her back.

“Oh Jessica, it feels like it’s been ages. So much has happened in the last couple of months.”

“Tell me about it, Mum. I’ve been living it.” I smile.

Charlie appears at the door, thank God, before she has
time to ask. Charlie is my big brother who I relatively get on with. We have very similar opinions about stuff and everyone reckons it was because we look so alike, very much like our father!

“Well if it isn’t the Hollywood heartthrob’s latest girlfriend,” Charlie bellows.

I look at him with a death stare, trying to hint to him that Henry was within ear shot.

He only realises when Henry appears from the boot of the car.

“I’ll take this up,” Henry mutters. 

“Sorry mate, I didn’t see you there,” he says to Henry as he walks past, patting him on the back.

“Thanks, dumbass. As if this journey wasn’t awkward enough. And Mum, why the hell did you insist he should pick me up?”

“Because, Jessica, it’s my house and I will invite who I want to. You know how I feel about Henry and you. Just because you’re off mucking about with someone who’s totally inappropriate for you…there’s no future in it, Jessica. I know you’ll be in need of Henry when he’s finished using you,” she snaps.

“Thanks for those kind words, Mother. It’s nice to see you’re still so opinionated. And by the way, he’s not out of my league, thank you. I thought parents were supposed to support their children no matter what?

“No darling, I’m just honest, that’s all. I don’t want to fill your head with some foolish idea that what you’re doing will last or even work. I will be here for you when it all falls apart,”  she says, touching my hand.

“Enough, you two. It’s like you’ve never been away, Jess. At least now you’re here to take some of the heat off of me. I’ve been nothing but a sounding board for her since you’ve left.”

Poor Charlie, I knew exactly what he means.  Any opportunity my mother could get, she would let you know exactly how she felt about something. She thrived off of negativity.

“Where are the others?”

“They’ll be here tomorrow at 11:00, that’s when the car’s coming,” Charlie replies.

My phone vibrates again.

I reach for it as I shut the front door, desperately trying to see if it’s Elliott, but no, it’s Mia.

Hey Jess,

Hope you arrived OK and it’s not too weird for you.

Everything’s fine here. We’ve been given 2 days off.

Elliott has prior arrangements apparently??? Not sure what that’s supposed to mean.

Any ideas, hon?

Mia xxxx

I text back immediately.

No, no ideas. I hope he’s OK, especially after his fight.

Try and find out more. I haven’t heard from him either
.


Jess xxxx

The house smells exactly the same, a mixture of dinner and polish. I walk into the lounge and Mum has tea waiting for me. At least she’s a very good hostess.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow then?” I ask.

Charlie manages to speak before Mum does.

“We going by car to where he was born and scattering the ashes there. It’s all a bit weird really. I’ve been asked to say a few words. I think there’s going to be about twenty people coming. And then all back here for food.”

“Well, I’m glad it’s you having to say something and not me. I wouldn’t know where to start. I’d probably go along the lines of ‘We are all here to say goodbye to Drayton, the man who we called Daddy. I would like to thank him for not being in our lives and having several affairs and then buggering off seventeen years ago and never returning until now’.” I smile.

“Yep, I’m thinking of going with something similar.” He smiles. I love the fact he gets my sense of humour.

My phone vibrates again. I resist the urge to get it out in front of everyone.

I down my mug of tea even though it burns my mouth.

“Right, I’m shattered so I’m off to bed. Where am I sleeping, Mum?”

“You’re in your old room, darling.” She smiles. She’s up to something I can tell.

“Well, in that case, I bid you all goodnight.”

I climb the stairs counting each one as I go. I arrive at my bedroom door and see a light shining underneath it. I push it open and Henry’s in there and in my bed.

“What the hell are you doing, Henry?”

“Your mum told me to sleep in here.”

You have got to be kidding me, Mother!

I fly back down the stairs.

“Very funny, Mother. Where the hell am I sleeping?”

She smirks.

“Your room’s not to your liking, darling?”

“You know it isn’t. Why the hell is Henry in there? You know we are not together. I’m not sleeping in the same bed as him, got it?”

I am so cross with her.

“Well, sweetheart, the other rooms are all taken and I’m not letting Henry drive back to London tonight. So you have a choice - it’s either your room or you can sleep down here on the sofa if you like. But I’ve got a few things first I have to do before you can go to bed.” She smiles.

“God Mother, you are such an interfering cow!” I shout as I stomp up the stairs back to my bedroom. I won’t let her get the better of me.

I push the bedroom door open and slam it shut.

“Henry, this is my stupid mother’s fault. DO NOT GET THE WRONG IDEA!” 

I ferret around for my pyjamas and take them into the bathroom along with my phone. Trying to calm myself down, I click up Mia’s message.

Just asked Dan in production.

He said no one has seen him since the after-show party.

But not to worry, as he’s phoned in to say he needs a few days off.

Sorry not more help.

Xxxx

I text back.

Thanks, keep me updated. If I don’t hear anything I will ring him tomorrow.

My stupid mother has Henry and me sharing the same room. Bitch!

Xxxxx

She replies instantly.

Lol, poor you.

Watch out for wandering hands! ;)

Have fun

xxx

Well at least someone finds my life funny!

I climb into bed next to him and turn off the light. There’s a glow from the moon in the room as the curtains don’t fit properly.

“You know, Jess, it was only a couple of months ago you would have jumped on me if we shared the same bed. It’s funny how life changes,” His tone so remorseful.

“I’m sorry, Henry. It’s not you. I just hate the way she interferes. I don’t mean to take it out on you. You shouldn’t even have to be here dealing with all this crap. I had hoped that by the time I had come back from the States I would have had a better idea what I wanted from us but now it all feels so forced.”

“Do you care about him?” he asks.

Oh God, that question, the one I have been dreading.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Henry, more than I am. But yes, I care for him.”

“Have you slept with him?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that, honestly? How’s that going to help you by knowing?”

“You just answered it, Jess. Were you ever going to tell me or hide it away until it’s blasted on the front of my newspaper?” He sits up to put the light on and just watches me. The hurt is written all over his face.

“I don’t know what to say to you, Henry. I’m sorry.”

“How can you be so callous, Jess? Do you not feel anything for me at all?”

“Of course I do, but not like I used to.”

“Well that’s the difference between us, Jessica. I still love you very, very, much. My feelings for you haven’t changed; I don’t think they ever will. I can’t lay here in this bed with you without wanting to reach out and touch you. I crave for you, to be intimate with you again. I miss you so much.” He holds his head in his hands.

“I’m going to go to the B&B down the road.”

“Oh Henry, you don’t need to do that, please.”

“Yes I do. How dare you start telling me how I should be feeling.  You don’t give a shit about me or my feelings, you are only interested in your new life with your perfect man.” He throws back the duvet and clambers out of bed and heads over to the window where he starts to get dressed. I stand up and follow him, trying to convince him not to leave.

“I do care very much, Henry. I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you,” I sob, trying to reassure him. He pushes me away and walks to the door.

“Yeah, of course you do! That must be the reason you went off and fucked some other guy then. Thanks for that, Jess!” He shouts as he slams the bedroom door shut.

I feel the uncontrollable whelm of my emotions exploding. I sink onto the bed and pull a pillow on top of my face and sob into it.  I feel so guilty about hurting Henry and screwing everything up for Elliott. God, I have made such a mess of it all for everyone. The tears are irrepressible. I cry so much I force myself to sleep, not sure if it’s the jetlag or the on-going emotional crisis I’m stuck in.

I wake with a sudden jump. I check the clock and it’s 6:00 a.m. God, I hate jetlag. I try and force my eyes shut again, but my body’s awake.  I’m dreading today. One, because it’s going to be very odd, meeting my dad’s entire family and friends, people I didn’t know even existed. Two, what is Henry going to be like? And I fully deserved his rant last night. I have hurt him so badly.  Oh God, and then there’s poor Elliott. I wonder what he’s up to or where the hell he is. I decide to text him not thinking about the harsh consequences of it.

Hey Babe,

I hope you are OK and the Hudson situation isn’t too out of hand. I’m worried. Text me when you have 5 mins please.

Jess xxxxx

I re-read it and then push the Send button. Within seconds my phone beeps.

I open it instantly, anticipating it’s from him.

Message undelivered. Fatal error.

Huh? I try and send it again but the exact same thing happens.

I decide to ring him.

I scroll through my contacts and find his number and push the green button and wait. It doesn’t ring it just goes straight to his answer machine. What the hell? I try again several times, but constantly get the same response. Oh my God, I hope he’s ok.

I decide to phone Mia to see if she’s heard anything, but she doesn’t answer. I then realise she’s probably out to dinner or something so I text her instead.

Mia,

Any news on Elliott? I’m worried.

Xx

It bleeps instantly.

No, sorry.

Someone said they saw him in a rush yesterday but that’s it.

Xxxxx

PS: How was ur night
?
x

Terrible.

He left…. I cried, etc.

Usual shit. xxx

I convince myself that at least if someone’s seen him then he must be OK. He’s obviously really shitty with me and doesn’t want to talk, but he’s safe. The realisation that he doesn’t want me hits me hard and the tears start to fall.

I collect my stuff for the shower and head into the bathroom, hoping to wash my hurt away.

“Jessica, breakfast’s ready, you need to come down,” Mum calls.

I dry myself and throw on my dressing gown.

I arrive at the kitchen and it’s extremely busy. Both Charlie and Louise are there with their partners.  For once I’m the only one without one. Oh my God, I’m turning into my mum!  Louise flies at me with her arms wide open and hugs me. We discuss how weird it’s all going to be today.

Charlie butts in the conversation.

“Hey little sis, have you missed our mad world?” He laughs.

“No, not really. I have enough madness in my own life without all Dad’s crap.” I smile.

Louise interjects.

“Quickly before Henry arrives, what’s he like?”

“What’s who like?” I reply, knowing full well what she means.

“Elliott Tate, of course. Is he as gorgeous as he looks?” She giggles.

“Oh God, yes. Better, in fact.” The memory of our last night together and how amazing the sex was pops into my head.

She comes over and hugs me again and whispers in my ear, “Don’t listen to what Mum has to say. I think you’re perfect for him and if it was me, I wouldn’t let him out my sight, or my bedroom for that fact.” She giggles.

“Thanks Lou, it means a lot,” I whisper back, kissing her on the cheek.

I can’t help but keep glancing at my phone…but nothing. Shit, he must be really pissed at me.

Henry arrives ten minutes before the funeral cars. He’s lost all his angst and is working his professional mode. My mother drapes herself all over him - it’s embarrassing really! Maybe she should date him? I try and catch him on his own, before my mother notices.