Make Me (26 page)

As gently as I can, I slide out from beneath her and tuck the blanket around her body, smothering the temptation for both of us. She pouts, but I distract her with a soft stroke to the rope mark just above her breasts. Her eyes close and I cup her cheek and trace her lip with my thumb. “It’s too much for right now, Sloane.”

“Pussy. You just can’t handle all of this.”

That draws a laugh through the throbbing in my body. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” Sitting at a safe distance. In a chair.

When she falls asleep a moment later, I take my phone into the bathroom and close the door.

Tessa answers on the second ring.

The article is due in three days, and I’m no closer to finishing it than I was a week ago. Time’s running out, but the outside world has a delightful habit of disappearing when I’m with Darko.

He insisted on making me wait until I was no longer ‘drunk on endorphins,’ which just made me more insatiable when I finally came down. The day after he gave me Shibari, I sucked him dry twice, waited for him to recover, and then fucked him until my hips locked up and he had to take over. The rope marks on my skin were still sensitive the day after, driving sensations higher, making them more intense.

I wanted him to know my thanks.

My heart and body bitch-slap any feeble rationalizations my brain attempts. For someone whose first line of defense was control and logic, I’m nearly unrecognizable to the woman I was a few weeks ago.

And I love it.

He stands before me, mouth-watering in a pair of dark jeans and a t-shirt. I’m naked beneath my robe. “You’ve got no oil-based lotions or any perfume on?”

“No, neither.” Nudity doesn’t bother me like it did a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s because this man has literally seen it all when it comes to me. This lack of self-consciousness is going to be wonderful when I’m back in the real world. With no Darko. I stamp that thought and the accompanying pang down. He hasn’t said he wants more from me outside of this, and I have to get a story. Though the urgency to get Tessa away from The Underground has all but been obliterated, I still have to do this.

I can make it work. I need to focus on salvaging the article and doing what I can to make something spectacular without taking Darko down with it.

He walks closer and the air thickens. “Come to me.”

My body grows heavy and I close the space between us, wind my way into his arms and kiss him. At the press of his lips, the way he clutches my lower back, pushing his hips to mine, I can finally breathe again. When he’s in the room, there’s nothing else. He steals my focus and I don’t ever want it back. He pulls back, cradling me against his chest. I want to build a life with him. How is it that inspired by something so ugly, I’ve managed to find the most beautiful thing in the world: the best version of myself and a future with this man?

He leads me to my bedroom, transformed. The room is ablaze with candles, fat ones, thin ones, tall and short, but they’re all a rich white with a hint of yellow.

“Remove your robe, please.”

I drop my robe, skin tingling in anticipation of what’s to come.

“Rub a thin layer of this all over the front of your torso, arms, and thighs.” I take it and do as he says, adding a liberal amount to my crotch when he indicates to do so, bracing for it to heat up like the oil he massaged on my back days ago, but this time nothing happens. It’s just oil. After touching up a couple places I’ve missed, he nods his approval.

“Lie face-up on the bed.”

He helps me lie back and lifts my feet, spreading my legs and tying the ankles wide open, fastening the ends to ties he’s rigged up on the posts.

Selecting a fat candle, he tips it, dripping a few drops to his own wrist, nodding as it hardens nearly instantly.

He leans close and cradles my head with his free hand after stroking my hair affectionately. I appreciate his calming touch and the softness in his eyes. “I am not tying you down, but you will move only when I tell you to do so. Nod if you understand.”

I nod.

“You may make any sounds of pain or pleasure or tell me if the wax is too hot. Other than that, I do not wish to hear you speak. Nod if you understand.”

I nod.

“Good.” He reaches out and tilts the candle over my chest.

The wax doesn’t have much weight to it, but oh, I feel it when it makes contact. It hurts, but...the droplets harden, creating small, stiff dots, sealed to my skin. The pain is quick and fades almost before I have time to react to it. Hot wax lands, and the pain is gone before my brain can make me flinch away.

He told me to stay still.

A drip here. A droplet there. He moves over my torso, kissing me with heat, between my breasts, inside my belly button, which is strangely responsive to warmth. He lets the candle burn a little longer over the less sensitive skin on my forearm, so the wax that falls there is hotter, fatter drops decorating the flesh.

By the time the first drop hits my thighs, I’m ready for it, curious as to how it will feel. Because my ankles are suspended, the melted wax follows gravity, heading down toward my crotch after he drips it onto my legs. I enjoy it when it does. What would it be like to be covered in a blanket of hot wax? My eyelids grow heavy, and I moan at the thought of all that delicious heat seeping into my skin.

He moves his hand and tiny rivers of heat caress my thighs, trickling down to lick my pussy. Any hotter and it would be unbearable, but the sensations are perfect. More wax falls, more covers me, sealing me in, hiding me inside with only my pleasure for company. I nearly move my arms, catching myself just in time.

With a new candle, he slowly, deliberately connects the dots he left on my belly earlier before coating my breasts until I’m wearing a white wax bikini, only my nipples still exposed. I’m dying to squirm, to tear the film away from my crotch and pleasure myself, to beg him to make love to me. Will my skin hurt from the heat when I’m finally allowed to touch it? Make me come faster because of the sensitivity, or hurt? Both?

“Shall I complete it?” His voice is rough, hypnotic. He gets off on this as much as I do.

Moistening my lips with my tongue, I long to shout
yes
, remembering he ordered me to be silent just in time. I close my mouth and nod assent. His eyes shine with approval that I remembered, and he bites his grin and drizzles the melted pleasure down the candle, torturing me with the slowness of the drops until finally my nipples are treated to the same sizzle as the rest of my torso.

God, it’s good. Coated by his work, tangible evidence of the pleasure we made together. Savoring the remnants of the warmth in the wax, now more my own body heat than anything from the candle, I close my eyes.

And doze.

Warm hands shake my shoulders, and Darko cups my face when I open my eyes again. “Scene. You may speak freely while I remove the wax.”

“Already?”

He smiles at my disappointed tone. “Thank you. And yes. I allowed you to sleep for ten minutes.”

The removal of the wax is less fun, more clinical, but not unpleasant. I see now why he had me rub oil on myself—it makes the removal a lot easier for all that I felt like the wax had been sealed to me. Most of it comes off quickly with very little pulling. When he removes the section from between my legs, he shows it to me after untying my ankles and helping me sit up.

“And now, we have a mold of your pussy. Would you like to keep it as a souvenir?”

“Maybe next time.” The biggest surprise? I’d honestly love to do this again sometime.

Giving up control isn’t just sexy; it’s relaxing. Who knew? The newfound knowledge brings a grin to my face that won’t be denied. I’ve done things that I’d have shuddered at the mere thought of a few weeks ago and loved them. I’ve pushed and made new limits and honored them. I’ve discovered strength inside that I never imagined I had.

I was so relaxed, I fell asleep while someone had me tied up and was dripping hot wax all over me.

Darko helps me stand and slip my robe back on. My skin is almost as sensitive as it was after Shibari—maybe more so but without the intense endorphin rush that made me feel high. I can’t decide which I like better.

“Sit for a minute while I wash my hands.” He heads down the hall, and I turn and stretch, my sleeve slipping as I do so.

A particularly pink row of dots on my forearm slams a memory into me. Tessa. Tessa used to do this, burn herself when she wanted to hurt but didn’t want to cut through scabs.

‘The burns make me feel better, Sloane. They take the pain away by giving me a newer, sharper, purely physical pain to focus on instead. Hurting myself makes it better. Don’t look at me like that, it’s better than cutting.’

But it’s different. I found pleasure in this. And I’m not doing it to erase an emotional pain. I don’t like pain.

I’m trying the lifestyle to get to talk to her and...take her away from all this. Wasn’t that why I asked Darko to train me? Because I thought these people are sick and being at The Underground only hurts Tessa more? Even if I don’t believe that like I did at the start, it wasn’t long ago I feared for her life.

And here I am jumping in, doing well, hell, even liking it.

Making love to the man who got me mixed up in all this.

Falling in love with that man.

What the hell is wrong with me? Tessa and I are very different because our motivations are different, and I think intention is everything, but my intentions changed somewhere along the way.

When’s the last time I worried about Tessa?

Nothing’s changed, she could still be in danger of harming herself, and here I am enjoying myself way too much.

It’s gone from protecting my twin to protecting Darko’s feelings from my article so I don’t lose him. I didn’t know I was capable of such selfishness. But I can’t talk myself out of loving him, of unlearning everything I thought I knew about kink, and seeing the truth: that it’s not innately bad.

Maybe it’s bad for some people, or when the crop is in the wrong hands. But if Tessa is in danger, it’s not because of kink. It’s because of her issues. Knowing that doesn’t change things. She still needs help, and I have no idea how to make her listen.

“Sloane, are you alright?”

“Yes.” No. I think I like who I’ve become. But I need to get the article out first. If I’m going to help my sister, I need to figure out a way to do it without betraying this gorgeous man, and I can’t do that when he’s here. Darko eclipses the rest of the world, but I need to think, to figure out a way to help my sister. Can I even do it without the article? My fingers worry the sleeves of my robe as my ankle taps my foot against the floor. I fidget my way to the kitchen.

Darko follows after a moment. “I have extinguished the candles.”

“Thanks.”

“Check in. How are you physically?”

I stride to the table when he takes a step toward me. “A little sensitive, but not as bad as after Shibari. It’s a different feeling, and I don’t have that same high.”

“With Shibari you experienced subspace, an overload of endorphins. You were literally high from the chemicals your brain released to get your body through the scene.”

“Ah.” I can’t think when he’s here, but I don’t want him to leave.

“Which might make it hurt a little more now, since you won’t have that same rush, but you’re experiencing the same level of sensitivity. Let me see your skin.”

“No, it’s okay.” I don’t sound calm even to me.

“Come. Let me see.”

I remain seated on the stool. “I liked it.”

“But?”

“No, nothing. It was fine. I almost lost it in the end, forgetting your instruction not to speak, but caught myself in time.”

He smiles. “Good. I wanted to make you forget everything except the pleasure, but you were safe and remembered instructions. I am proud of you.”

“I know.” The heat of the wax was nothing compared to his eyes, but I need him to leave so I can concentrate.

“So? Come show me your back. Let me see what you need.”

I shake my head. “I’m okay.”

“Sloane.”

“No! No.” I cross my arms. “A cool shower and some aloe lotion and I’ll be fine, honestly.”

“What’s wrong?” His voice is soft but insistent.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Then why haven’t you looked at me since the scene ended?”

“I’ve looked at you.” My gaze reaches only to his feet before returning to my hands. I have to figure out a way to keep him in my life and do the right thing for Tessa. And not lose my fucking job.

He moves to my side despite my resolve to keep him at a distance. At last I look up, and the sincere concern in his eyes undoes me. I melt into his embrace for a moment.

“You are okay?”

I breathe in his cold forest scent. “Yes.”