Make Me Soar (38 page)

“And another thing,” Dorian continued. “You mentioned you haven’t had a lot of luck with relationships. Maybe that was really down to you too. Maybe when you got close to someone, some part of you remembered the pain you’d felt when you lost Luke. Perhaps you never let anyone get
too
close, because that way, you could never be hurt again.”

Alan froze as the full force of Dorian’s words hit him. For a second or two he was floored by the simple logic. Luke
had
stayed with him, always in the background but there, nonetheless. He took a moment to take it all in. It all made sense, now that he saw it from Dorian’s perspective. Alan couldn’t hold back his smile.

“And you think you wouldn’t make a good counselor?” He straightened in his chair, his hands resting on Dorian’s shoulders, spearing the lad with an intense gaze. “I think Justin knows what he’s talking about.” A feeling of lightness spread throughout his body.

Dorian’s cheeks flushed, and he dipped his chin. “I’m sure, given time, you’d have come up with the same conclusions. After all, you studied psychology too, and you’re a smart man. I didn’t do anything special.”

Alan was having none of it.

“Thank you,” he breathed, the tightness around his chest easing once more. The intensity of his emotions dimmed, and a wave of fatigue rolled over him, his limbs suddenly heavy. He wasn’t about to push aside everything Dorian had said, but right then he needed to switch off his mind. He’d think on it when his body had rested. An image arose in his head, one that filled him with longing. “How about we both go back to bed and cuddle up under the duvet? We can have a lie-in for a change.” All he wanted to do was hold his boy, some more sleep, some touching, kissing, maybe even some slow lovemaking when the mood took them. That last thought sent warmth flooding through him, until even his toes felt it.

Dorian’s eyes shone. “I like the sound of that.” He rose gracefully to his feet and held out a hand. “Let’s go to bed, Sir.”

Alan grasped the outstretched hand and let his beautiful boy lead him up the stairs to their bed.

“T
HE
TAXI
will be here soon.”

“Okay,” Dorian said absently, wiping the breakfast bowls and putting them back into the cabinets. He jumped when he felt Alan’s hand on his lower back, coming to rest over the brand. Dorian couldn’t help his reaction. He shivered, pushing back against the gentle pressure.

“Stop it.” Alan’s calm, steady voice was in his ear. He slipped his arms around Dorian and held him close.

Dorian lifted his chin to look Alan in the eye, feigning ignorance. “Sir?”

Alan chuckled. “Yeah, like I’m fooled by
that
look anymore.” He kissed Dorian on the lips and then stared into his eyes. “You’re thinking about last night’s scene, aren’t you?”

He should have known by then that it was useless trying to hide things from Alan. The Dom saw
everything
. “Yeah,” he replied softly. “I know you said not to, but—”

“That’s not
exactly
what I said, is it?” Alan stroked his face. “If you remember, I said you weren’t to dwell on what
didn’t
happen but to reflect on what you’d need to do the next time.” He smiled and pecked Dorian on the lips. “Hmm?”

He sighed. “Yes, Sir. It’s just that I was so close….” The closest he’d gotten to achieving subspace since they’d started doing scenes.

Alan regarded him in silence for a moment, then glanced at his watch. He pushed Dorian to sit at the kitchen table and pulled out a chair to sit next to him. “Now listen.”

Dorian gave Alan his full attention. “Yes, Sir.”

“That scene was going really well, wasn’t it?”

He nodded. Alan had edged him over about an hour, using toys, electro play, and fingers, until he was desperate to come, and everything had gotten a little sparkly and fuzzy, all at the same time. It was then that Dorian had taken his eye off the ball.

“You know exactly what you did,” Alan said quietly. “You had subspace in your sights, and you focused on that, rather than on the sensations in your body. You stopped concentrating on what I was doing to you, how I was making you feel. All you could think about was reaching that plateau.”

“Yes, Sir.” Alan had him bang to rights. No excuses were acceptable.

I could almost feel it
.
I was
that
close….

There were those gentle fingers on his cheek again, bringing him back into the moment. Alan’s breath tickled his ear. “I promised you, boy. I will make you fly. And I never break my promises, okay?” He leaned closer and kissed Dorian’s forehead.

The sound of a car horn outside broke the moment.

Alan sighed and rose to his feet. “And there’s my taxi.” He walked out of the kitchen, Dorian following behind. Alan’s bag was already sitting by the front door, his overcoat draped over it. Alan paused at the door and turned to face Dorian. To his surprise he pushed Dorian against the wall, his body covering him. Dorian’s gasp was swallowed up in a long kiss, tongue probing his mouth, exploring him slowly. Dorian didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arms around Alan’s neck and returned the kiss with equal passion, moaning into it, hips pushing forward to grind against Alan’s dick. When Alan broke the kiss, breathless and grinning, Dorian couldn’t hold back his tiny whine of frustration.

Alan chuckled and nuzzled into his neck. “Well, I have to make sure you’ll be thinking of me while I’m away, don’t I?”

Dorian snorted. “You’re just evil.” He closed his eyes and savored the sensations: Alan’s warm, spicy scent, the feel of that hard body against his, the smooth, just-shaved cheek rubbing against his neck.

Alan straightened, reaching down to stroke Dorian’s hard-on through his jeans. “And no playing with this while I’m gone.” He squeezed gently, causing Dorian to stifle a groan. “This is mine, remember?” That wicked little chuckle sounded once more.

The car horn gave a loud blast, making them both jump.

Alan darted a glance toward the door before letting out another sigh. “I’ve got to go.” He gave Dorian one last kiss on the lips. “I’ll ring you tonight from the hotel, okay?”

“Okay.” Dorian gave him a push. “Now go, before he leaves without you.” He handed Alan the bag and coat and watched him go down the path to the taxi. Alan got into the back and gave him a wave of his hand before the taxi took off down the road, taking him to Piccadilly train station. Dorian closed the front door, aware of the heaviness that settled on him.

No Alan until Sunday evening
. God, it was going to be a long weekend.

Then he remembered—he had a job to do.

Dorian got his phone out of his pocket and called Justin.

“Hey! You just caught me getting out of the shower. What’s up?”

“What time are you due at work today?” Dorian kept his phone against his ear while he went upstairs to fetch his laptop.

“Not until this afternoon. I’m working the late shift.” Justin was a machinist in a clothing factory just outside the city center. “Why? You got something in mind?”

“How’d you like to meet me at that café near Nell Lane? I’m on a mission, and I could use another pair of eyes.” Dorian booted up the laptop and searched for the folder containing the results of his research of the last two weeks. He had a rough idea of the layout and where he should be looking, but it would be quicker if Justin helped.

“Oh, a mission!” He could hear the edge of amusement in Justin’s voice. “Count me in!”

Dorian chuckled. “I’ll see you there in an hour’s time. That okay?”

Justin assured him it was fine and hung up. Dorian pocketed his phone and then scribbled down the details on a slip of paper. At least it would give him something else to think about for a while. Alan going away for his author workshop hadn’t seemed such an awful prospect until the moment had arrived to say good-bye. Two weeks had passed since Alan had told him about Luke, and since then Dorian had noticed a change in him. There was more touching, more intimate caresses, more kisses…. Not that Dorian was complaining, far from it.

Really going to miss him
.

A
LAN
LAY
on the bed in the hotel room, phone on the pillow beside him. The Saturday night cocktail party had been fun, but he hadn’t stayed long. Much as he’d enjoyed meeting his fellow Trinity MM authors, he was impatient for it to be over. There was only the brunch the following morning, and then he would be on his way back to his Dorian.

The thought gave him pause.
Funny that I should think of it in those terms, rather than going back home
. It wasn’t the first time this weekend that such a thought had crossed his mind. He smiled to himself as he anticipated Dorian’s first words when their call connected. He dialed and then put the phone on loudspeaker while he got up from the bed and undressed, carefully hanging up his suit.

Dorian’s chuckle was loud in the quiet room. “You again? I only spoke with you two hours ago. I thought you were at a party.”

“Yeah, well, I had enough.” It wasn’t the whole truth. All the time he’d been walking around the room set aside for the party, peering at name badges, sipping his cocktail and chatting with the staff of Trinity Publishing, he’d been looking forward to calling Dorian.

He glanced at his watch. “What are you doing now?”

“I’m already in bed.” Alan caught the sound of sheets sliding against each other as Dorian shifted position.

“
Whose
bed?”

A wry chuckle. “Ours.” There was a pause. “Your side of the bed.”

Oh
. “Should I ask why?” Alan knew he was fishing, but damn it, he wanted to hear Dorian say it. That one word,
ours
, was music to his ears.

“Because it smells of you” came back the softly spoken reply.

Alan palmed his cock through his pants as it filled.

Another chuckle. “Do I need to put the phone on hands free again?”

Alan laughed. “Not tonight.”

“Aww.”

The plaintive note made him smile. “You’ll have to wait now until I get home tomorrow night. Besides, I let you come
last
night, remember?” Alan could still hear Dorian’s loud cry, the sound forcing his own climax from him. “Don’t be greedy. No more orgasms’til I get there.” A thought arose in his mind, and he couldn’t resist. “Because the next time you come, I’ll be inside you.”

“Ungh.”

Dorian’s grunt of dissatisfaction widened Alan’s smile. He could still be evil from hundreds of miles away. “Now go to sleep, boy. I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”

Dorian laughed. “But I’m betting there’ll be a few phone calls between now and then, if the last couple of days are anything to go by.” A pause. “Can’t wait ’til you’re home, Sir.”

The softly spoken words were uttered in a tone so far removed from the lighthearted preceding remark that Alan’s chest tightened. “Me too, Dorian. Good night.”

“’Night, Sir.” The call disconnected.

Alan placed the phone on the cabinet beside the bed and finished undressing. His dick was hard, balls heavy. He pumped his shaft a couple of times and gazed longingly at the phone. The idea of calling Dorian back and making him listen while Alan brought himself to orgasm was really tempting. He got as far as stretching out his hand toward the phone before he stopped himself.

What are you doing?
This was so far from his usual habits with a submissive that it gave him pause. He climbed into the bed and slipped between the soft sheets, arms folded under his head, eyes closed as he analyzed his behavior. He couldn’t put his finger on what seemed…
different
about the way he was feeling. His head was full of Dorian: seeing him in his mind; wanting to hear his voice. It took a moment or two for his thoughts to become clearer, and when realization came, it rocked him to the core.

He feels more like my lover than my submissive
.

What came next had an even greater impact.

Why can’t he be both?

Heat surged through Alan, and he sat upright, his heartbeat quickening. The urge to call Dorian was there, pulling him,
tugging
him, but he forced himself to resist it, repeating silently in his head that he was not an impulsive man. Then he reconsidered. What was wanting to go running off to Berlin to find Dorian, if not impulsive? Or how about bringing Dorian to his home, when they hadn’t shared a single scene?

Alan took a moment to regain his composure. Amid the clamor in his head, one thought stood out like a beacon. He was still Dorian’s Dom. He wasn’t about to barge into the house the following evening and tell Dorian how he felt, what he wanted. Okay, so his sub
wasn’t
the same bruised young man he’d found in that hotel room, but that didn’t mean he saw Alan as a lover either, much as Alan might desire it to be so.

And it’s only been two months
.

As soon as the logical thought occurred to him, Alan pushed it aside. The intensity of emotions during those weeks, spending so much time with Dorian, seeing him at his weakest—
and
strongest—made the length of time irrelevant. It had taken this separation from Dorian to make him see things as they really were, and now it was time to face the truth.